


Asylum

by Spooks



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-04-01
Updated: 2001-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-24 00:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 132,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spooks/pseuds/Spooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative Universe---"Just because you can't see or hear something doesn't mean it isn't there, and just because you don't believe something doesn't mean it's not true."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue and Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was finished in early 2001. I'm posting it here by request, since I let my site go down last year. Please enjoy, and forgive me if there's some decade-old mistakes or if (when) there's some bad writing in here.

Prologue

Let me tell you something I've learned in my time here. Just because you can't see or hear something doesn't mean it isn't there, and just because you don't believe something doesn't mean it's not true. Maybe you're the one who needs to open their eyes and to really listen, to open your heart and just believe. It's no reason to condemn those of us that **can** see and hear those things. Just because people are different does not mean that they are worthless or less human. Sometimes those of us that appear to be the most insane are in reality the most balanced.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I should start at the beginning of this year, when I was moved from my private room into a larger, shared room. It was quite a change, but for some reason They thought it would be a good idea, something to do with personality evaluations and such. I suppose They had been right. My new room didn't get any bloodstains on the floors.

My new roommates quickly became a reason for me to try and stave off the Darkness. Maybe if I could help myself, I could in turn help them. Turns out that none of us really needed help. At least, not the kind of help that They thought we needed, anyway. One day I had hoped we'd all leave this place and just be **normal**. Not freaks, not weirdos, not "special," not crazy. Oh, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Anyway, I was the only long-termer of the bunch. My other four new roomies were either fresh outcasts of the psych ward or were just shipped in by their oh-so-loving families. It makes me sick to think that some people would throw away their child just because the poor thing has a disease, something that may be considered "shameful." Makes me glad I don't have a family. At least when you're a ward of the colony no one pretends to love you. But I digress again. I'm new at this journal writing thing. Guess I better get better pretty damn fast, huh? I don't have that long left to write this. Something needs to remain after we are gone, and our time is rapidly running out.

My main hope became that maybe someday we could all "graduate" and get out of here. Oh, bloody hell, how stupid of me to hope such a thing, especially now.

Guess you're wondering where "here" is, huh? Well, look outside, peer through the bars on our windows, you might be able to see the electrified, razor wire topped fence surrounding the yard. They've got to keep us confined, you see. The nearest neighbors are ten miles away, but we still manage to make them nervous just by existing. I'm student at the Bryce School for Youths with Special Needs. Long and impressive name, huh? Pretty nice for a glorified insane asylum.

My name is Duo Maxwell. I see demons. I am not insane.

~ ~ ~ ~

 

****

Part 1

So, I guess I should tell you a little bit about us. You know, how we got acquainted with each other and our little oddities and such. During the last week of the summer break I was allowed to move my meager possessions to my new larger room. Oh, let me tell you, the best benefit of being moved to a big, shared room is the attached bathroom. Bliss. As for the room, it was actually a rather diminutive space, barely containing its two bunk beds, single bed, two old bureaus, and one small mirror that was glued to the wall. Looks like it wouldn't take much to cover it up. That was a relief. Nothing like waking up at night to find a dream demon peering out from the mirror at you, malevolent purple eyes shining in the darkness. 

I immediately took it upon myself to claim the top bunk nearest to the window. Some thoughtful Drone (my all-purpose slang for the vast majority of idiot staff, nurses, and doctors) had put a small shelf up at the bed's level. It was slightly loose and had a convenient little crack in the wall above it. How nice, I remember thinking as I stuffed my ratty school issued plain gray clothing (no pockets, long sleeves, drawstring pants) into a drawer and vaulted up on the bed to have a look. 

I remember thinking, 'I'll keep my blades up here.' Oh, yeah, don't give me that. Of course I managed to steal some blades from the infirmary. I've been here long enough that I know the shifts like the back of my hand. For "professionals" the Drones are way too careless. You know what, though? It's funny, someone thought they were being clever with that shelf, and they were really just helping the Darkness keep me a little while longer. Irony. How amusing in a dark sort of way.

So anyway, I ghosted around the room for the rest of the day, wondering when the other occupants were going to get here. In the four years I've been here, I've had extremely bad luck with roommates. One was scared to death of me and tried to bash my skull in with his toothbrush. 

The next one was, well, let's just say that my experience with that guy was weird. The Drones would sometimes come for him in the middle of the day, pulling him out of class, out of our room, wherever he happened to be. Guy never said a word to me, but one day I came back to our room and his stuff was gone. It was weird. 

The last guy I roomed with I found dead, he had managed to bite his wrists open with his teeth sometime in the middle of the night. What a pleasant sight to wake up to in the morning, huh? At least when I cut I use something nice and sharp. I can't stand sloppy suicides. But you know, the worst part of the whole experience was the tiny scavenger spawnlings tearing at his aura's residual afterglow. Gruesome little beasts gave me the heebie-jeebies, just so damn quiet and so damn creepy at the same time. Ugh. I don't want to think about them right now.

Would these new guys be schizos, splits, paranoids, or, maybe even hallucinators, like me? Yeah, that's back when I thought the demons and visions weren't real. But, hold on, I'll get to that, k? So here I was wondering about the little variety (aka freak) show I would probably soon be witnessing, lying on my bed, and staring out the window. 

I believe in multi-tasking my laziness. 

After a while I was deep in what some people call environmental withdrawal, and what I call meditation. I was so gone in my thoughts that when the first guy finally walked in, he scared the holy bejeezes out of me. So badly, in fact, that I rolled right of the bunk.

Let me tell you, that hurt like hell. I had a bruise on my side for damn near forever afterwards.

So I'm lying there on the floor, right? I'm clutching my braid in both hands as I tried to recover both my breath and my pride. I had my eyes shut tightly so I wouldn't have to look at the new guy and all I could think was, 'What a wonderful first impression...'

~ ~ ~ ~

"Uh, hi. Are you okay?"

I slowly creaked open an eye to look up at the three blond guys standing above me. They were looking at me and sorta blending together...Oops, wait, scratch that, I was just dizzy. Standing over me was a boy about my age with light blond hair, sea colored eyes, and a worried look on his pale face. He had a bag over his shoulder and was wearing brand new issued clothes, the long sleeved version.

"Um, yeah, I guess," I managed to say as he helped me up from the floor. "You gonna be in this room?"

"Yeah," the guy replied quietly, glancing down at his feet, fiddling with the tail of his shirt, and biting his lip. Evidently he believed in multitasking his nervousness.

"Let me guess, you're new to this aren't you?" I grinned cheerfully and clapped him lightly on the back. He nodded and didn't say anything else, so I led him to the barred window and gestured around wildly with my arms for show, "I'm Duo Maxwell! I've been here for years, so I'm sure that whatever reason you're here for is something that I've either seen, heard, or even experienced before. And if it isn't, well, spill, because I'm nosy as hell and will find out eventually."

He smiled sadly and raised his gaze to mine. His aquamarine stare was intense and deep, and I could immediately tell there was more to this guy than any mind-numbing madness or simple psychosis. "I'm Quatre Winner. Thanks for being nice to me." He looked around shyly at the rest of the meager room. "Do I get to pick which bed I get?"

"Sure, Quatre, feel free to. I already did," I bounded up and landed on my bunk. "Hey, why don't you take the other top bunk? That way if the other guys who show up suck, then we can be confident that we will always end up on top. Oh, God! That was a terrible, simply awful pun, wasn't it?" I groaned loudly and hopped back down to the floor with a light thud.

Quatre just laughed softly and tossed his bag up onto the other top bunk. "Sounds alright to me. We'll always have friends in high places," He quirked a small grin at me and I burst out laughing. Looks like we'd get along just fine. I couldn't believe my good fortune. I just hoped that he wouldn't think I was a total freak when he found out my Problems.

~ ~ ~ ~

Lights out found Quatre and I laying in our respective bunks and talking quietly. We had spent the rest of the day getting to know each other, exchanging little stories and small tidbits of personal information, but nothing involving our Problems. It's kind of an unspoken type deal, definitely a trust issue. We had both been feeling each other out to see if we could talk about those important things that we crazies love to talk about. Like whether I would blab his Problems or whether I'd report to the Drones. Vice versa with him, I suppose. Last person I tried to be friends ratted me out to the psyches. Fuckin' bitch.

As I was saying, though, we were laying there, talking in the darkness to each other about this and that. Throughout our conversations earlier I had learned that Quatre was from a very large, very wealthy family. Evidently he was considered a disgrace, so he was sent away to our lovely little special school for crazy kids to get better. He was understandably bitter about this, and it was plain to see. I had a feeling that there was more to the situation than he let on, but I was willing to wait until he was ready to tell me for himself. Even though he didn't come right out and say it, I know the signs of depression when I see them. I already suspected that funny, smart, rich Quatre had the despair in the worst way.

After a while we both fell silent, and for a few minutes I thought Quatre had fallen asleep. Suddenly, however, his soft voice cut through the gloom. "Duo, I don't mean to pry, but why are you here? You seem to be totally normal to me..." His voice trailed off as though he was unsure of himself.

I didn't say anything. Maybe he would think I was asleep.

"Duo? I know you're awake. I can feel your consciousness."

What the hell?

I could hear him shift under the light covers of his bed. "I know I haven't told you why I'm here, so I guess to earn the right to here your reason, I should tell you mine," Quatre paused, and I could hear him take a deep breath and hold it for a few long moments before continuing. "See, the thing is, I have depression. I've tried to...to...go away so many times..." his voice cracked and he swallowed hard before going on. "Ones of the reasons I have it is because I sometimes can tap into other people, well, their pain, their minds, their hearts, their emotions. But no one believes me! So I'm treated like a freak. Heck, I **am** a freak!" His voice echoed softly in the still room, but his last words were bit out harshly in a tone of terrible self-loathing.

I thought about that for a second. "Well, Q, I don't think you're a freak. You seem like a nice guy to me," I paused and gathered my thoughts. "I'm not going to judge you, mainly because I already consider you a friend and that would be wrong anyway. As a fellow victim of depression, I know how it badly it hurts. I'm truly sorry that you are going through it. As for the other thing, well, to tell you the truth, I need to roll that around in my head a little while. But no, I'm you friend and I won't hold anything you say about your problems against you." Wow, looking back on that, I realize how sentimental I sounded.

"A--a friend?" Quatre's sorrowful voice came softly as he sat up in his bed, dangling his feet off the side to swing in the gloom.

I sat up too. Why the hell not, it wasn't like we really needed to sleep anyway. No rest for the weary. "Yeah, is that okay?"

In the pale moonlight peeking in through our window, I could just make out Quatre's little smile of wonder in the darkness. "Yes, thank you," he responded in a voice choked with sincerity. "I've never had a friend before." I didn't doubt his words for a second.

I toyed with the end of my braid absently. Maybe I could tell him, maybe if he felt other people's emotions like he said, then maybe he would know I wasn't fucking with him. Most people think I'm lying or looking for attention, trying to justify the pain or something stupid like that.

I am many things, but I am **not** a liar.

So I took a deep breath, and I told him about myself. I told him about the things and creatures that I saw, the demons that silently cried and jumped on me and tormented me. I told him about my bouts with depression, the big suicide attempt (a rope made out of socks, I thought it was creative), and I even told him about my dirty little secret about why I always wore long sleeves. 

That last part was a huge leap of faith, the cutting was still my little private thing, my little method of having some sort of aspect of control in my life. I finally stopped, not believing that I had told him all the things that I had, and not completely aware that I was sobbing with relief and fear over how he'd take it. I had bared my soul and it would either be the cement or the ruin of our tentative new friendship.

I'm telling you, there is nothing like sharing with a fellow sufferer, someone who can truly understand what it's like to be tormented by your thoughts. One of the side effects of my depression is an intense desire to help those that I know are going through the same hell that I go through every day. It helps me not feel so helpless. And there was something about Quatre, something about his demeanor and his personality that drew me to him. I felt an immediate bond with him, an uncanny sense of family that I had never experienced since my real family died. It was like we were long lost brothers or something.

It felt good not to be alone.

After I finished spilling out my Problems, Quatre hopped lightly down from his bunk and climbed up to sit next to me on mine. Wordlessly, he hugged me tightly, his thin arms encircling my quaking form as I sobbed onto his shoulder. After a few minutes of rocking quietly, I noticed that he was crying softly too. I could hardly believe it, I hadn't cried in **years**.

Eventually we broke our embrace and just looked at each other in the darkness, wiping our eyes and noses on our sleeves and laughing in quiet relief. In the pale shining moonlight, I took the final step that would show just how much trust I had put in my new friend. I rolled up my sleeves.

The tiny, faded scars crisscrossed my wrists like a macabre roadmap, very faint in the dim light. Quatre stared at them for a long few seconds before he gently took one of my arms in his hands. He lightly traced one of the larger, jagged scars with his index finger. I whimpered, feeling extremely vulnerable as he bore witness to my mutilations.

Wordlessly, Quatre rolled up his own sleeves and held his arms out for me to see. 

They matched mine. 

Oh, God. 

He turned his misery-laden eyes up to mine and smiled ruefully. We sat there, just talking, for hours and hours about the Pain, how it felt when the world just started to get darker and darker and the sky came tumbling down. How it felt when your heart started racing and all you wanted to do was scream until your throat bled. How it felt when the Pain in your heart was so bad that you just wanted to just stop breathing.

Even though we didn't get any real rest that night, the next morning I felt more refreshed and alive than I had in years. It's amazing what a little understanding and friendship can do for a soul.

Quatre understood and believed me. I understood and believed Quatre.

It was a revelation.

~ ~ ~ ~

Late the next afternoon, after a day chock full of showing Quatre around some more and basically doing nothing important at all, our next roomie showed up. I swear, even though the new guy was quieter than a shadow in a pitch-black room, I could've known he was coming a mile away. Evidently Quatre picked up on him too, because both of us looked up at each other at the same moment.

It was uncanny how quickly we had come to trust each other and each other's so-called delusion. Looking back on it, I can't believe we didn't realize that too much of our stories lined up logically for it all to be mere psychosis, or even group dementia. Of course, hindsight is always twenty-twenty, ne?

Like I said, though, I could sense the guy coming the second he entered the grounds. Immediately a few shadows coalesced into shapes and started laughing silently at me. Damn little buggers never made a noise, not now or ever. Annoying. Anyway, besides the shadowlings showing up and bothering me, I could also sense the new guy's aura. It was powerful, and something inside me told me that the new presence I felt was definitely one of my new roommates. Call it instinct, call it insanity, but I don't care what you think. I just **knew**.

Later Quatre would tell me that his empathic senses had felt a profoundly heavy presence entering the vicinity. He didn't know who it was, just that something about the person would somehow be very important in the future. It was strange, he said, but he knew the same as I did, that this person would affect his life.

Well, enough with the damn melodramatics, before I knew it our door was opened. A Chinese guy about my age with shoulder length hair, little glasses, and a serious look on his face was lead into the room by a Drone. He also had a companion soul riding on his back, along with a few angry red rage demons circling his head, silently spewing fire from their tiny little sharp snouts. No wonder I had felt him coming. Jeez, poor guy.

"Wufei, this is your room. These boys are Duo and Quatre, they'll show you around," the Drone said her speech in an efficient monotone as though she'd said it a thousand times before. She probably had. "Classes will start Monday, make yourself at home." Without another word she turned on her sharp white heels and clicked out the room, closing the door with a quick, efficient not-quite slam.

All three of us just stared dumbly at the closed door for a few seconds. Blinking away the mild shock and filtering out the peripherals the guy was lugging around, I decided to break the ice. I hopped down from my perch up on my bed and walked over to our new roommate.

"Hi, how ya doing? I hope your introduction into our humble asylum wasn't too harsh," I grinned at the newcomer. "By the way, I'm Duo Maxwell, this is Quatre Winner. Hope you're not an asshole or anything, and I hope you don't think we are either."

Quatre rolled his eyes at that and smiled at the new guy. "Hi. Did the nurse say your name was Wufei?"

"Yes, my name is Chang Wufei," the new guy, Wufei, responded solemnly, nodding his head slightly.

"Chang Wufei, huh? Is your last name first?" I asked, curious.

"Yes, it is," he responded, face still set in to a well-practiced blank.

"Oh. Cool," I said, genuinely thinking that was pretty interesting. "Well, Wufei, pick a bed, or one that's left, anyway. We'll help you put your stuff away, and then we can give you the grand tour. Or, well, the tour of where in this pit we're allowed to go."

"Alright," he responded, finally allowing a small smile grace his features. For a second I lost control of my talent and I saw the companion soul appear to cry silently, futilely trying to hug the serious Asian boy. He tensed up for a second, seemingly in response, even though I knew that to be impossible. Hm. This guy was going to be interesting.

~ ~ ~ ~

After Wufei had stowed his brand new issued clothes away in an ungodly tidy fashion in the bureau and claimed the single bed, it was time for dinner. I, of course, was overjoyed at this prospect. During the summer here, we loonies only have meals and TV time to look forward to. And since I'm not a huge fan of the idiot box, I usually spend most of my time in my room, day dreaming, sketching, or sometimes I even sneak into the places we patients aren't supposed to go. Would you believe that the Bryce School for Youths with Special Needs is so damn old that it is made of wood? Yeah, shock, horror, and total coolness, it had secret passages too. I don't think anyone else knew about them either. 'Course, very few people, even Drones, ever stayed here for four years. Usually people "graduated" or were sent to the all-out loony bin (like that toothbrush assassin I mentioned earlier).

On a side note, wouldn't it be fun to live in a padded room? Just think about it, you could run around and never worry about stubbing your toe. You could run full-steam into the wall and just bounce right off.

On second thought, maybe I am crazy. Crazy, but not insane, you understand. There is quite a large difference. And yes, I'm grinning like a true lunatic as I write this.

Anyway, before I go totally and completely off on a tangent, we went to dinner, with me bravely leading the way to the cafeteria. Our fancy cafeteria, for all it's new renovations from this summer, and despite the fresh layers of paint and new tables, smelled like ass. I don't know why, 'tis a great mystery of humankind. Despite the decidedly unappetizing aroma lingering in the air, however, my appetite was undeterred. Mainly that was because the cooks here are simply put, awesome.

Quatre, who had only had one dinner, one breakfast, and one lunch here, already had managed to filter out the terrible smell and, like me, was trailing a determined path straight for the tray line. Glancing over to gauge Wufei's reaction to our glorious, new, shiny, stinky as hell dining accommodations, I saw that the dark eyed boy had stopped at the door and was looking downright horrified. Rolling my eyes, I jogged back to him and dragged him with me to the food line.

"Maxwell, this place reeks!" He said, looking aghast. "How can you eat in such a foul place?"

Raising an eyebrow, I handed him a tray. "Like we have a choice. Listen, man, the food is damn good here. No one knows why this place smells so bad, but that's the beauty of it. The Administration knows too. Therefore, we're allowed to get our food and take it either outside to eat or we can sit in one of the designated lounge areas."

Quatre turned around. "Yeah, just don't breath through your nose. The food is really quite good." He smiled widely at Wufei, who just looked back and forth between us with a slightly disbelieving expression.

"It better be damn good," he replied, smirking slightly.

Three trays and three platters of food later, we left the ass-tastic cafeteria in search of less odorous dining areas. Wufei and Quatre just followed me, since I was the only person who had been in this place more than twenty-four hours. I eventually brought us to an empty, half-darkened corridor near the meager library. Setting my tray down on the floor carefully, I plopped down on the shiny linoleum, sitting cross-legged and leaning my back against the wall. My two companions soon joined me, and we sat there, munching our respective dinners in silence.

After a few minutes of quiet dining, I started to pick up on a nagging sensation coming from Wufei's direction. Pretending to be drinking, I glanced over at him, allowing anything that I could possibly see come into focus. The companion soul I had glimpsed earlier was more discernable now, and I could make out that it was a girl. She was floating in the air beside Wufei, swatting at the rage demons that were jousting about his head. Ever so often she would stop and place a soft hand on his shoulder. I noticed that every time she touched him, a slight tensing sensation would pass over Wufei's serious face.

I continued to eat and glanced over at Quatre, well, just because. He was also focused on Wufei, but his eyes were half-closed in concentration. As I looked over at him, though, his bright aqua eyes sparked completely open, and I could plainly read the concern in his gaze. Silently we exchanged a silent conversation with only our eyes and subtle facial expressions. Coming to a mutual decision, we nodded.

Quatre smiled gently in Wufei's direction as I discretely cleared my throat. Wufei looked up at me, onyx eyes glittering in query. "Wufei, who is she?" I asked softly, nodding in the direction of the companion soul.

Unadulterated, poorly concealed shock flooded Wufei's noble features as the boy tried not to react to my softly spoken question. His gaze, however, wandered in the direction of the soul, who was shimmering with pleasure at being noticed.

"Pardon?" The Chinese boy finally managed to squeak out, his pensive gaze darting from Quatre's smile, to my serious expression, and to the soul's presence floating before him.

"You have a presence with you, don't you?" Quatre spoke up, questioning shyly. "I can feel her, she's hovering right beside you, plain as day."

All the tension suddenly drained from Wufei's posture and expression. "You know she's there? How could you possibly tell? I'm the only one that can see her. Please," he paused, a note of hope in his voice bordering on desperate pleading, "Tell me how."

"For starters, I can see her too," I responded, a grin cracking my serious expression as I waved at Wufei's companion. She shimmered and waved back, sending me a smile. She also mouthed something at me, but as always, all I ever pick up is sight, not sound.

"Please, describe how she appears to you," Wufei asked, obviously struggling with this concept.

"Shoulder length, dark hair, dark eyes, wearing a light blue robe with what looks like a dragon on the shoulder, shimmering at the moment, and she kept touching your shoulder as you were eating," I rattled off, raising my eyebrows.

Wufei's jaw about hit the floor. If the situation weren't so serious then it would have been pretty funny. He shook his head back and forth a few times, his hair lightly brushing his shoulders from the movement. For a few seconds he sat in stunned silence, burying his face in his hands. Finally composing himself somewhat, he raised his head and stared intensely first at Quatre, then at me.

"I can tell you are telling the truth, that's something else I do. I apologize for my skepticism, but I had to be sure that your sincerity wasn't based on a mere hallucination," he spoke carefully, obviously choosing his words in an attempt not to show too much emotion. "And since she died, I thought I was insane because I keep seeing her, speaking with her. I suppose that I'm not crazy if you two can pick up on her presence, too."

He took a deep breath before continuing, finally his façade breaking completely as a huge grin spread across his features, lighting his up face. "Wow, what an unbelievably huge relief!" Now floating beside him, the girl lightly smacked him on the side of the head and mouthed to him. Since I was now considered a friendly entity, I suppose, she was allowing herself to become more and more clear to me.

Wufei grinned at her and said, "Hold on, I'm sorry! I'll tell them." He turned his attention back to us, "By the way, her name is Meiran, and she was--" he paused as the girl smacked him lightly again, "--er, is my wife. She says hello, and wants to know, as do I, why you guys are here. I mean, hell, if you can see spirits and sense things and whatever, why are you here?"

"Well, actually, I see more than just spirits. I usually see demons, just like the little rage ones that happen to be circling your head at the moment," I looked at the little assholes waving their tiny little fists at me. "Sometimes I can see auras, too. But, well, I've learned how to basically filter out most of the stuff. Up until right now, though, I gotta tell you, I wasn't completely convinced that I wasn't just really insane."

Quatre laughed lightly. "Well, actually, having this little experience happen convinced me that what I pick up is real. Wufei, I can sense emotions, like empathy. I know what you mean, Duo. It's one thing to think that what you see or feel or whatever is real, it's a whole different ball game when you've got some sort of proof." The blond smiled brightly at us, taking a deep breath and stretching his arms above his head.

"Well, I can certainly relate to that," Wufei responded. "Damn. And here I thought I was just cuckoo."

I grinned and playfully punched his arm. "Well, you can be crazy all you want, but you're not insane. None of us are! Wow, I am soooo glad I met you guys." Meiran raised an eyebrow at me. "And girl, er, spirit, too." Imagine, talking to a ghost.

"Have you seen anyone besides Meiran?" Quatre asked Wufei. What a novel question, I remember thinking.

"No, but I never really had that much of an opportunity. After we were in the accident that claimed her life, my clan basically kept me away from the world when I started talking about Meiran again. Eventually they sent me to an intense therapy camp to try and cure me," Wufei shrugged his slender shoulders. Meiran rolled her eyes. "I guess they gave up on me, and that's why I'm here." Meiran leaned forward and mouthed something at Wufei. "Oh, and Meiran wants me to tell you that I also have a very bad temper. Which I do not!" He stuck his tongue out at the spirit and she laughed, silently sending off little peals of light, some of which dispelled a couple of the rage demons.

Glancing up at a wire-encased wall clock, I realized that dinnertime was over and we probably needed to get our empty trays and plates back to the cafeteria. Otherwise we might get reprimanded. That was never good because the Drones usually thought that acting up was a symptom of a new complex. Which meant new psych sessions. Which meant more pills. Which meant basically no fun at all.

"I hate to break up our conversation, but let's finish this talk back in our room. We might get in trouble if we don't get back soon," I said, standing up and picking up my tray.

The others agreed and we made our way back to the smelly cafeteria. I made Quatre lead the way, so he'd get a feel for navigating around this dump without my help. Of course, I had to stop us several times from walking into broom closets.

~ ~ ~ ~

Several wrong turns and much confusion later, we were safely back in our room. After Wufei's admission and our little conversation, he had loosened up a whole hell of a lot. He was no longer tensing up when Meiran touched his shoulder or whatever, and he wasn't completely closed faced either. As for Quatre and I, well, I can't speak for blondie, but I felt a ton better than I had before. Even though Quatre and I had spoken so candidly the night before about what we experienced and our supposed ailments, it was just wonderful to have someone basically confirm that we weren't just seeing things or making shit up. I suspect that Wufei felt the same way.

We all knew that we had more to discuss, but by unspoken decision we didn't talk about those things until we had made it back to the haven of our room. The walls have ears, you know. Even back in the room, we didn't discuss anything until we were all showered and basically ready for bed. Ever the polite young spirit, Meiran popped out for a few minutes while we changed.

Hey, give me a break here, I'm allowed to be modest, aren't I?

Anyway, we settled into a small circle on the lower bunk underneath Quatre's bed. And before you ask, yes, we left a spot for Meiran to occupy. To the casual observer it would appear we were sitting in a triangle, I guess.

Once we were seated, the three of us, four if you count Meiran's soul (although Quatre couldn't really see her), we just sort of looked at each other. As if on cue, we all burst out laughing. I can vaguely remember clutching my stomach and resting my head on Wufei's shoulder, trying to figure out why the hell we were laughing. I suppose it was years of doubt and pent-up feelings of loneliness we were laughing out of our systems. Bah, whatever.

It was odd that the three of us, or four, I suppose, had so quickly bonded. I felt like I had known Quatre and Wufei all of my life, like we were brothers. The connection was like nothing I had ever felt with anyone before, and I was reasonably sure that my two living compatriots felt the same.

After we finally got a hold of ourselves, we stayed up talking about our Problems, besides the ones that we had just discovered weren't just hallucinations. Quatre rolled up his sleeves, as did I. Wufei told us about how his parents had shunned him for his so-called insanity and how much it hurt when those he loved most wouldn't believe him. We also discussed what I saw and what it could all mean. 

Then Quatre spoke of his father's intense disappointment in him, how most of his family treated him like a weak little disturbed child. Somehow it came up that his father also disapproved of him for another "sickness." Quatre was bisexual. After this admission, he immediately closed up and withdrew into his shell, looking for the entire world like he was afraid of our reactions. Which I guess he was.

Now that was a little bit of a bombshell in and of itself. Sure, I had met a couple homosexuals in the past, but I had never actually talked in depth to one of them. Wufei was only mildly surprised, and he was completely okay with it. He would later tell me that he had suspected it from the first time he clapped eyes on the blond boy. I, however, was taken completely by surprise, it wasn't really that big of a deal. Personally, I haven't really had the opportunity to have any, ahem, experience in those types of matters at all. Reasonably speaking, I had never really thought too much about it before. One doesn't exactly have a lot of romantic possibilities when one goes through puberty in an asylum/boarding school.

Man, you should have seen Quatre's face when we told him we didn't care about his preferences. I remember telling him that he'd still be the same friend no matter what, which was **extremely** sappy of me. 

Eventually, we got tired and decided to go to sleep, so I covered up the mirror. We then climbed into our respective beds and made valiant efforts to fall asleep without snoring or sounding too undignified.

Just before I fell asleep I leaned my head off the side of the bed to glance down at Wufei. He was fast asleep already, all curled into a tight little ball under the covers. Meiran's spirit was curled around him, snuggling the covers against his back. Now that was just too damn cute.

Despite my happiness for my new friends (and the tragic little pang at them being separated), I couldn't help wishing that I had someone of my own. Of course, I'd probably never get that opportunity, stuck in this pit. 'Course, I never really thought about it before. Argh. Nothing like being forced to realize that you're lonely as hell. At least I had friends now, and for a while I knew that that would make me content. But still...oh well, maybe Quatre could find someone here, he deserves it. With his preferences, maybe he'd have a chance.

Yawning sleepily, I rolled over and stared out the half-curtained window. I felt better than I had in years of therapy and sessions, but I still felt so empty. Sighing, I finally fell into a nightmarish sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning I felt like someone had dragged me around by the braid and then poured sand under my eyelids. I always feel like that when I wake up. Ugh. I hate mornings so very, very much.

Wufei and Quatre were already up and dressed, sitting on Wufei's bed talking quietly when I half hopped, well, half fell off my bunk. Looking at their amused faces, I scowled and went to the bathroom to wash my face, rebraid my hair, and change into some decent clothes. My knees popped loudly when I crouched down to retrieve my clothes from my drawer. Ouch. Damn mornings. As I walked by the mirror I removed the cloth draped over it.

A few minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom as a human being instead of a morning fuzzy moron. Flashing a grin at the guys, I said, "Okay, now that I'm awake, I'm starving. Let's go eat, mmmkay?"

So we did. Breakfast was uneventful, besides the wonderfully fluffy biscuits. Yummy were they. Anyhow, after eating we had nothing too terribly compelling to do, so we returned to the room to hang out. Might as well enjoy the last few days before classes started, ya know?

Wufei was the first to enter the room, since I made him lead the way back this morning. Quatre was next, and I brought up the rear. Well, when Wufei entered the room and saw the guy sitting on the lower bunk of Quatre's bed, he came to a skidding halt, Meiran's spirit hanging slightly to the side. Quatre wasn't paying attention and walked right into Wufei, and I, being the ever-observant person I am, didn't notice and walked right into Quatre. Okay, so another roommate had shown up. I felt immediate hope rise in my chest. So far we were batting a thousand on the roommate deal, maybe this guy would be cool, too.

So basically the three of us were piled on top of each other, gaping at the new guy who was sitting calmly on the bunk with his small duffel bag. He was wearing an older set of issued clothing, but not as ratty as mine by any stretch of the imagination. Seeing us standing there he just nodded his head in a silent gesture of hello.

Untangling ourselves from each other, Quatre was the first to speak. "Hi, are you going to be rooming with us?" Glancing over at my blond friend, I noticed he was smiling brilliantly at the new guy. How cute.

The brown haired boy stood up, and I immediately noticed he was taller than the rest of us. "Yes," he answered quietly. His eyes flickered around for a few seconds and then glazing over. After a few more seconds he nodded slightly. Weird.

"Well, uh, hi, and stuff," I said, leaning on Wufei's shoulder. "I'm Duo, this is Wufei, and that's Quatre," I paused for a second, "So, what's your name?"

The boy blinked at me for a moment from his spot by the bureau, where he was carefully putting his clothing. "My name is Trowa Barton," he responded after a few silent moments, he then turned back to the task at hand, basically retreating back into his own little world.

Wufei and I exchanged a glance. That was odd, it was like the guy wasn't all there or something. Which, considering our surroundings, wouldn't have been too farfetched. I couldn't help thinking there might have been more to it. Exchanging glances with the other two, I could tell they felt like something was slightly off, too. 

So I did the only thing I could think to do. Tuning into my other senses, I let my filters drop. Meiran immediately came into clearer view, as did the few rage demons still circling Wufei's head. And with my vision fully turned on, I could suddenly see the hundreds of tiny worry demons surrounding Trowa. Holy shit, I had never seen anything like this before. They were literally clustered around him, constantly poking at him with little bitty swords, flying around madly, swarming especially around the sides of his head.

Eyes wide, I noticed that when the little spawn were mouthing things, Trowa's eyes would go slightly out of focus. Ever so often, he would stop in his quiet actions, as though...well, as though he could hear them. No way!

Curiosity got the better of me, and before I knew it I had crossed the room and was laying my hand on Trowa's shoulder. He looked up at me, not startled, just surprised that I was touching him, I guess.

"Yes?"

"Trowa, can I ask you an important question?" I asked, and I'm sure my eyes were as wide as frickin' saucers.

"You may ask, but I might not answer," he replied, emerald eyes flickering in quiet amusement.

"Can you hear them?"

The eye that wasn't obscured by his long bang widened considerably. "What?!" Shock rippled through his voice in a subtle wave.

"It's like this. I can see them, but I can't hear them. Can you?" I asked, staring deep into his eyes, searching them for an answer.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Wufei looking rather astonished, and Quatre was smiling widely, one hand ghosting up to cover his heart with his right hand.

Trowa blinked and took a deep breath, glancing at the other guys, then back at me. "Yes, I hear them. You really do see them?" His voice was calm, but it carried a slight undertone of hope.

"Yes, I do. And," I guided the taller boy to Wufei and Quatre, "That means none of us are crazy, doesn't it?"

Meiran smiled, floating from Wufei's side and over in front of Trowa. She mouthed something at him. Well, evidently she said something, because his eyes got that glazed over look again and he nodded his head.

"Meiran says that you should believe it, Wufei," Trowa said, a slight smirk only hinted on his face.

Wufei's eyes widened. "Well, I do now."

"Well, it seems that the three of you share some sort of understanding. Would you share it with me?" Trowa asked.

"Sure!" Quatre positively chirped. "Wow, you know, this only cements the fact that none of us is crazy. See, Trowa," he paused long enough to pull the tall boy over to sit on the lower bunk of one of the beds. Wufei and I followed. 

Quatre continued when we were all seated, "The rest of us just assumed we really were crazy and that the things we saw or felt weren't real. But meeting each other, we've found out that they are real, and therefore, we aren't insane. Which is very good." He smiled at Trowa, and to my surprise he actually smiled back.

"Well, I must say, it's quite a relief," the tall boy said, running a hand through his hair carefully. "The psychiatrists said the voices were just fabrications of my subconscious mind, and when the voices wouldn't go away, well, they decided to send me here."

"This isn't the first place you've been, right?" I asked, looking critically at his slightly worn issued clothing.

"No, this place was the last resort for my sister. She's the one that's paying for all this," Trowa smiled sadly. "A waste of money, now, I guess."

So the four of us sat there talking, basically catching Trowa up on what the rest of us had talked about. The more I talked about the Problems, the better I felt. It was ten times better than any stupid fucking group sessions or one-on-ones with a Head Drone. Maybe it was because these people actually cared, or maybe it was because we shared a common thread. Looking back, I think it was a combination of the two. After all, we were all indefinitely stuck here, forced to stay until we denied the truth about our abilities and ourselves. And I know you're sitting there thinking, "Oh, just fake it!" Well let me tell you something, buddy, those damn Drones run so many tests once you get to this level that you'd have to be a genius to beat 'em.

Besides, where would we go? Would Wufei go back to his family, and what if they forced him to remarry? And even if they didn't make him do that, then how would it feel to spend the rest of your life with everyone remembering your "crazy days" and just constantly waiting for you to slip? Living with a black mark over your head for the rest of your days? It would be especially bad if you knew you never were insane to begin with. My God, that would suck **so** much ass. And that counted for Trowa and Quatre, too. It's much easier in here in some aspects. 

As for myself, well, I have no where else to go. No orphanage wants some kid from an insane asylum. Yeah, sure, I'd fit right in. If only my parents hadn't been killed. You see, they were working for the government and had some sort of "mysterious accident." So because of the government's fuck up, I became an orphan. At least the bastard bureaucrats paid for my fees here, otherwise I'd never be able to afford them. I'd probably be either dead or stuck in a rubber room playing with my own feces. Gross.

Later on, though, we'd be trying everything under the sun to get away from the hell that would be happening to us in this place.

Oh, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Anyway, we spent the last couple of days before classes would start touring around the grounds, picking up schedules, and getting to know each other. In a few short days the bond between us grew exponentially stronger. I truly felt like I had found the family that I hadn't known since the accident.

Oh, and let me tell you! Turns out that Trowa shared Quatre's preference. Heheheehe....they are so damn cute, trying not to be too obvious without flirting outright. Of course, Wufei and I tease them mercilessly. It's just too easy.

Two days before we were to start classes, the bunk underneath mine was still empty. Wufei said if the final guy didn't show up by the second day of classes, he wanted to take the bunk and get his bed moved out of the room, which would give us a hell of a lot more space.

Looking forward to having the room less cramped, and not believing that the last roommate could possibly be as great as the other three, I started to hope that the guy would never show up at all. We had the perfect little family, and I didn't see how anyone else could come in and fit in with us. Not to sound snobby, but we had grown **tight**. It wouldn't be pleasant for him, and it could be awkward for us.

Quatre, on the other hand, had the definite opinion that the more, the merrier. He was eagerly anticipating the final roomie, so I just shut up and let him be happy. He needed to be happy.

Someone in heaven must have been listening to the blond boy's prayers, because the morning before we had to start classes (the last morning we had to sleep in), we were woken by a loud knock on our door. 

At 6 in the fuckin' morning. 

~ ~ ~ ~

So anyway, we were woken up at six a.m. to a loud knock at the door. Before anyone could get up and answer it, the door creaked open, courtesy of the early morning Drone patrol. Sitting up, my bangs pasted to my forehead, I pried one of my eyes open to take a gander at the new arrival.

To my complete and utter early morning dismay, the first person to enter the room wasn't our new roomie. Instead it was a Drone. Assistant to the head nurse herself, it was Nurse Peacecraft. Joy, really. See, Nurse Peacecraft was the type that genuinely wanted to help people, and I think she genuinely cared, but at the same time she was just so damn condescending. Like we were dogs to be groomed and cared for instead of human beings. Of course, that's just my take on it.

Alright, so in walked Peacecraft, followed by my personal favorite Drone, Nurse Catalonia (or Dorothy, whatever worked for you), and lo and behold, she's half dragging someone into our room. That is **so** Dorothy. Damn, she's cool. I mean, she doesn't take shit from anyone, and she treats us patients like people, not cattle. Sure, she understands we're supposed to be loony, but she's always straight with us, a real take-no-prisoners-bad-ass with a dose of compassion (although, admittedly, you usually have to search for it). Some people hate her, I think she's damn hilarious. One of the few Drones I actually respect. And that in and of itself should say a lot.

So, anyway. Here comes Dorothy, dragging a thin, sullen boy behind her. He was glaring at her with steely dark blue eyes under an unruly mop of dark hair, and he was somehow managing to sneer without changing the stoic expression on his face. As soon as he was in the room, he shook Dorothy's arm off and crossed his arms, eyes darting everywhere. I was reminded of a machine, the way he was taking everything in, as though he was storing it all away for later use.

Dorothy brushed her hands off on her white uniform skirt and glared at the new guy. She looked grumpy, like she hadn't had her morning coffee yet. Trying to come to some semblance of normalcy, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and sat up to greet the new guy. Oi, sometimes it sucks to be friendly. Especially at SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING! Er, sorry.

So I stumbled down from my bunk and checked on the status of the other guys. Trowa was peeking one sleepy emerald eye out of a small hole he had made under his gigantic pile of blankets. I don't know how that guy kept from spontaneously combusting, he slept with so many covers. Of course, if my hair was as freaky as his, I'd probably want to hide my morning hair too. Quatre was sitting up, his blond hair sticking up in funny places, his pillow clutched to him like a legless, armless, headless teddy bear. He smiled at me, blinking in that fuzzy way only possibly at 6 a.m. Wufei had propped up on his elbows, his hair hanging in his face. He was also fumbling around for his glasses. He couldn't see a damn thing without them.

Noticing I was the only one coherent enough to be of any use, I waved and yawned in the new arrival's general direction. "Hi, welcome to the room, top two drawers are free, the only bed left is the one under mine. I'd say more but I'm sleepy and want to go back to bed. Good night," I mumbled in a muffled version of my normal voice. There's nothing like morning voice, you know, the way your mouth and tongue don't really work together to form sentences and words correctly. It's like your mouth wakes up ten minutes after the rest of you. Of course, I wasn't too concerned about my morning voice at the moment. I was basically thanking the Lord that I didn't have morning wood. Now **that** would have made a really wonderful first impression.

I can see it now. 'Hi, Duo Maxwell, nice to meet you. Sorry about the boner.'

Right, that would have went over really well.

But before I could hop back in bed, Dorothy caught my eye and nodded towards the hallway. Great. She wanted to talk to me.

So I followed her and Nurse Peacecraft out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me. I yawned and stretched my arms, managing to pop my back in the process. Ah, that felt nice. I looked at the two nurses expectantly.

"Duo, there is a few things you and your roommates need to know about the guy we just brought in," Dorothy said in her usual no nonsense voice. "His name is Heero Yuy. Plain and simple, the guy is a paranoid schizophrenic. The psyches think he was abused as a child, he never talks, and he thinks that some great conspiracy is out to get him or something to that effect." She finished briskly, folding her arms over her chest.

"Okay, that's nice. So what else?" I replied, attempting (unsuccessfully) to stifle another yawn. Well, at least we could talk freely around Heero. You can tell a paranoid just about anything, because they are to damn paranoid to tell anyone else. It's beautiful.

"Well, Mr. Maxwell," Nurse Peacecraft broke in, much to Dorothy's supreme annoyance. "They placed him with you and your roommates because they thought you'd have a chance at helping him come out of his shell. See if you can get him to talk, at least."

"So, you're basically assigning one so-called insane person to help another insane person? Talk about the blind leading the blind," I said skeptically. What the hell was up with that? Couldn't the psyches do their own damn dirty work?

"Of, for God's sakes, Duo," Dorothy rolled her eyes at me. "You're no more insane than I am and you know it. Anyway, what you basically need to do is humor him a little bit on the paranoia stuff, but not to the extreme. Do not deny his paranoia, because that will make you an enemy in his eyes, and that would not be a good idea."

"What, is he dangerous or something?" I didn't want some lunatic to attack me with a toothbrush again, you understand. Once was quite enough, thank you very much.

"He might be," Nurse Peacecraft said, chewing on her lower lip.

"Well, so am I if I don't have my morning cigarette!" Dorothy exclaimed before turning to me again. "Look, we're not asking much, just help him out a little, okay?"

I nodded. "Sure, I guess I can do that. Any reason why you had to bring him in at 6 in the morning?"

"Well..." Dorothy grinned. "He didn't want to move in with full daylight. It's part of his paranoia." She checked her watch. "Well, that's all, and it's time for my coffee and cigarette. Oh, and maybe a donut later. Yum. Have a good morning, Duo. Hope you can get back to sleep." With that she waved, pulling Nurse Peacecraft down the hall in the direction of the nurses' station.

Watching them go down the hall for a second, I raked my fingers through my bangs. Well, at least this Heero would be...interesting. He was pretty damn cute, at any rate. Oh, oops, did I write that? Hehe.

Then I remembered that it was way too early for me to be awake, never mind standing in the hallway in my ratty, faded pj's. So, doing the only thing I could think to do, I retreated back into the room.

When I opened the door, I immediately found myself on the receiving end of one set of intense Prussian eyes. Damn, I felt like I needed sunglasses to withstand that glare. Ouch. 

Heero was sitting on his new bed, the bunk underneath mine. Evidently he had put away his stuff and made his bed in the short time I was out of the room. He had somehow managed to make himself some sort of curtain around his bed with a couple of sheets tucked under the mattress of my bed. He was now sitting, ramrod straight, in the little space between where the edges of the sheets met. It was like a little cave, and he was guarding the entrance.

"What?" I asked, yawning and hoping up, landing solidly on my bed. I leaned my head over the side, upside down, my braid brushing against the guy's knees. My face was only a few inches in front of his face. Staring into his intense eyes, I could tell this guy was extremely intelligent, but there was something in his eyes that made everything in me want to run far far away, very very quickly. It was danger, pure and simple.

Of course, I wasn't going anywhere. I happen to kinda like danger. Suicidal people generally are not afraid of such things. Once your fear of death is gone, you feel so free. It's liberating in a terribly morbid sense.

He blinked and leaned back, putting some distance between us. I just grinned and continued speaking. "So, you're Heero Yuy and you don't talk, am I right?" He nodded. "Well, nice to meet you. I am Duo, and I am sleepy. Why don't you take a nap until the rest of us are coherent enough the not sound like total morons?"

He nodded again, immediately lying down and drawing his little curtain closed in my face. Of course, I was still hanging upside down, smiling like an idiot at a bed sheet pretending to be a curtain. Well, fine. I didn't expect a paranoid to even acknowledge my presence, and here he was responding to my suggestion. I could live with that.

So hoisted myself back up onto my bed, yawning and letting my eyelids droop closed. I'd deal with the world later, but right now it's too early to do anything. Today we had to show Heero around, and tomorrow classes started.

After a few minutes, I promptly fell back to sleep. Thank God it was dreamless, I had enough to deal with at the moment.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	2. Chapter 2

And so there were five of us.

After Heero's wonderful 6 a.m. arrival, I fell back asleep till about noon. Ah, blessed sleep. I'm telling you, there is nothing quite like the day-before-something-starts sleep. It's great because you know it's the last unadulterated rest you're going to get for a while, but it always feels like it doesn't last long enough, leaving you feeling vaguely unsettled. So it's good and bad at the same time, overall, though, I have to say that sleep is always a wonderful thing. But now it was time to get my butt out of bed and enjoy my last day before classes as an awake and reasonably coherent person.

I rolled nimbly off my bunk, landing lightly on the balls of my bare feet with a light thud. I felt so proud of myself for not half falling out of the bed for the first time ever that I tripped over my own feet. I somehow managed to land ungracefully on my ass with a nice thump. Good afternoon, Duo, this is your punishment for sleeping late.

The loud noise of my ass colliding with the hard floor drew the attention of my still-pretending-to-sleep roomies. Quatre poked his tousled blond head off the side of his bunk and blinked down at me blearily.

"Duo? What time is it?" He asked, trying to blink the sleep out of eyes.

"I think it's about noon," I answered, gathering myself up off of the floor, rubbing my poor offended butt. "And guess what? I'm hungry! We should eat," I paused for a second as I grabbed a change of clothes and my hairbrush. "Oh, and the new guy's name is Heero. He's in the mysteriously curtained lower bunk of my bed." I waved my brush in the general direction of the bunk as I wandered into the bathroom. Bwha! I got to the bathroom first. I felt so proud.

Emerging ten minutes later, hair suitably rebraided and fresh issued clothes on me, I noticed that Wufei was sitting on his bed, talking to Trowa and Meiran. Quatre was blinking and staring furiously at Heero's lower bunk, which was still obscured from view by two sheets tucked under the mattress of my bed, thus creating an effective curtain.

I waved at the two boys and one spirit girl sitting on Wufei's bed. Meiran waved back cheerfully, and Wufei nodded sleepy hello. Trowa immediately got up and went into the bathroom, carrying his stuff. Wufei and Quatre were already dressed. I hopped up to sit by Quatre on his bed, wondering what the hell he was doing.

I waved my hand in front of his glazed over, staring eyes. "Yo, Earth to the Q? Come in Quatre?" I asked in my best mission control voice.

His aqua eyes came into focus and he looked at me with a slightly confused expression. "Oh, yeah. I'm here," He leaned closer to me, whispering in my ear. "What's up with the new guy? Heero, right? I can't pick up much from him, just a bit of pain, everything else seems to be shielded. I've heard movement from him, but he hasn't come out of his little, uh, cave thingy yet."

I turned and looked at the curtained bunk. I could hear slight movement every now and then, but nothing else. Tuning into my other senses, I let my filters drop. Lately I had started to use my senses a lot more than I ever had before. I guess because now I knew they were real and not just a product of madness. Focusing in, I couldn't see anything obvious, not like with Meiran, or the worry demons surrounding Trowa. All I could pick up was little twinges of pain. It was almost as though Heero's spiritual aura were being dampened. 

Of all the people I had known, no one had ever looked quite like this. Not even the few autistic people I've met were this vacant. Usually paranoids, like Heero, were absolutely **brimming** with things floating around them, and their auras shone brightly with all sorts of strange things. It was weird, to say the least, that Heero wasn't showing anything.

I shrugged and whispered back to Quatre, "I can't tell anything outright. It's weird, never seen anything like it before. Let me see if he's up yet." With that I hopped back down from the bunk and walked quietly over to stand in front of the closed entrance to Heero's little haven.

I stood there wondering how one goes about knocking on sheets when the curtains suddenly parted and I found myself on the receiving end of laser intense blue eyes. Blinking in surprise, I grinned out of instinct. "Uh, Heero? We're going to get something to eat in a few minutes. You going to come with us?" I asked, trying to sound friendly and nonthreatening. I leaned forward, putting my hands on the upper part of the bunk frame, and peered into the little curtained area.

Heero was fully dressed in brand new issued clothes, arms crossed over his chest as he sat with his legs tucked underneath him. In the corner of the bed were his other clothes, neatly folded, and his small bag that he had carried in with him this morning. Underneath him, his sheets were tucked perfectly under the mattress, making me wonder how in the world he could make his bed so impeccably without standing up. I was impressed.

Noticing that I was now the subject of another, harsher, glare, I blinked and quirked my eyebrows at the serious boy. His glare softened slightly and he gave me one sharp nod before standing up, brushing past me in the process. I pushed away from my leaning position and stood next to him, feeling very uncertain all of a sudden.

Quatre finally hopped down from his bed and stood in front of Heero. My cute little blond friend smiled angelically at Heero, holding out his hand, "Hi, Heero, is it?" Heero nodded once sharply and stared at Quatre's outstretched hand. Undaunted, Quatre drew his hand back and continued, "I'm Quatre Winner, glad you're in our room. I hope we can be friends."

Wufei came to stand with us, Meiran's spirit trailing behind, a curious look on her face as she stared at Heero. "Greetings. I am Chang Wufei," Wufei said succinctly. Heero just stared at the Chinese boy. Wufei continued, "I don't care if you talk or not, as long as you don't communicate with anyone what we speak of in our group."

I was shocked that Wufei just came right out and said that. I mean, sure the rest of us were probably thinking it (I know I was), but damn, to be so blunt. My already high respect for Wufei went up another notch. Quatre just stared open mouthed for a moment. I believe the Chinese boy completely stunned him. Meiran was just sending off little bright peels of silent laughter, and she floated over to give Heero a good once over to satisfy her curiosity before returning to float near Wufei again. She rested a hang on her husband's shoulder lightly.

A few moments later, Trowa re-entered the room, clothes changed and ready to go. He padded over to us, and looked at Heero calmly. "Trowa," he said, giving a slight nod. And that was **all** he said. You've got to hand it to the guy, all those years of listening to various voices made him a very efficient conversationalist. Enough said to get his point across without distracting him for too long.

For a few seconds, we stood there in silence. Well, enough with that, I was hungry. "Let's eat!"

This broke the mild tension that had settled over the room. As we were leaving, I noticed that no one had uncovered the mirror yet. Reaching out a hand as I walked by, I yanked the cloth off the shiny surface. Within seconds, I found myself lying on my back on the floor, a pair of legs straddling my chest and a firm hand pinning my arms above my head. A surprisingly strong Heero was trying to yank the cloth out of my grip. Since I was completely unprepared for such an assault, I immediately let go of the cloth. Heero jumped up and away from me, taking the cloth and re-covering the mirror.

He then looked down at me, not glaring, but with almost an apology shining from the depths of his dark eyes. Momentarily speechless, I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I could find my voice. "If you wanted to leave the mirror covered, you didn't have to do that. Please don't tackle me again. There is always less violent means to solve a problem, okay?"

Looking down impassively at me, he seemed to be weighing my words carefully. The other guys were just standing there, slightly agape and waiting for Heero to do something. After a few moments, he finally moved.

Heero silently held out a hand and helped me up off the floor.

He then nodded once, just looked at me for a moment, and turned his gaze to look blankly at the door, then looked back at me. And so we learned about the first of Heero's many quirks. Shrugging, I led the way out the door and to the cafeteria. I was too preoccupied to deal with Trowa trying to find the way and end up being accidentally locked in the basement (again).

~ ~ ~ ~

For a while the day went as well as could be expected. We ate lunch and then went to pick up our class schedules. I looked mine over with a grimace. I really hate home economics, and here I was enrolled in it again. I failed last year because I kept falling asleep in class out of sheer boredom. They won't let us do anything in there but look at pictures. I suppose you can't have a bunch of loonies playing with scissors, needles, or hot objects. I remember we used to be allowed to learn how to clean, but some guy thought the vacuum was an alien brain sucker and decided to violently attack our poor, innocent little Hoover with a big chair. He killed it. 

Looking back on the whole incident, it really was pretty damn funny. Too bad it killed our last bit of hands-on experience in that class. (Not that vacuuming was fun, but it sure as hell beat staring at pictures of people demonstrating various techniques for using attachments to clean curtains.)

Besides home economics, I also had chemistry (No, we don't get to play with acid. Don't be stupid.), Calculus I, and a literature class. Oh, good, we get to read some regurgitated bullshit that supposed to be tailored for good mental health as well as being a positive learning experience. What wonder and excitement would await us, seriously. 

Finally, I had Art III. I love art classes, it's the only classes with a teacher that isn't completely brainwashed into trying to reform us crazies with every carefully worded, manipulative, propaganda laden lesson.

Oh, and of course, right after my scheduled lunch was the mandatory psych sessions. Looking on the back of my therapy sheet, I gave the days a good once over. Twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had group sessions with my roommates. Wow, never been in a group with such varied "illnesses" before. Usually I was either with fellow hallucinators or fellow suicidals. Hm, that should be interesting.

On one of the other days, Monday, I had the one-on-one sessions with a Drone. Oh, goody, staring at inkblots, talking about my childhood, and maybe even hypnotherapy. Joy.

Happily, I had free periods on Friday and Wednesday after lunch, which was wonderful. Even though we are fenced in this place, during the day we are given free rein of the grounds. I love being outside, even if we are stuck on a damn colony. See, since we are such a well-funded shithole, they planted honest-to-God **trees** around the yards. Of course, they have all been specially engineered to live on the colony, so they're a bit different than normal trees, but hey, they're pretty and they smell nice. Oh, kiss my ass, I happen to like our trees. There was this little arbor that I particularly like to go to, but I'll get to that later.

On the way back to the room, I pointed out most of the important places in the building to the ever silent Heero. He just took in everything with his intense gaze, processing it all for later use. The entire time we were eating and while we were picking up our schedules, he still hadn't broken his silence. I was beginning to wonder if he could speak at all, and if not, what could have happened that was traumatic to cause him to go completely mute. I mean, hell, Quatre even had to give his name to the Drones so he could get his class sheet. But I suppose we all have our reasons, so I didn't hold his silence against him.

After eventually arriving back at the room, we settled in a circle on the floor and proceeded to compare our schedules. Right off the bat we all noticed that we were scheduled the same for our one-on-one sessions, so all of us had free periods after lunch on Fridays and Wednesdays. That would be great, it meant we could go hang out somewhere and have fun. 

We also compared our classes. Wufei was in home economics with me, much to his embarrassment at having to take such a "feminine" subject. Meiran promptly swatted the back of his head good-naturedly. Trowa and Quatre were in the same math class, trigonometry, and I was in chemistry with both of them. Wufei and I also had literature class together, which would be great.

Noticing that Heero hadn't shown us his schedule, not that this was surprising, I tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at the piece of paper clutched tightly in his hand. He stared and me, blinked once and handed it over. Wow, I couldn't believe he was so cooperative. After he handed over his schedule he got up and walked in the direction of his curtained bunk.

On first glance at his schedule, I noticed that he was in **very** advanced classes. He and I were in the same Cal I class, and on my first look, it appeared that it was the only class he shared with any of us. Before I could look further, Wufei nudged me in the ribs with his elbow and pointed to Heero.

The dark haired boy had climbed up on my bunk and was leaning off of it, straining all the muscles in his slight frame in an effort not to fall from his perch. He was concentrating, pushing the lever on the ceiling vent, attempting to close it. His reach wasn't long enough, however, and he could only get the slats half closed. After a few seconds of straining, he leaned even further out. I guess he knew he had leaned too far out, because his eyes widened and his face actually showed a slight bit of fear as he started to tumble, face first, off the high bunk bed.

Before I could blink, Trowa had leapt up and caught the falling Heero, pushing him back enough to catch his balance back onto the bunk. Dark blue eyes wide, Heero turned his gaze at Trowa, a slightly confused expression gracing his features. It was as though he couldn't believe someone had helped him.

Finally getting up, the rest of us made our way over to the bed, gathering to stare up at the mildly shocked Heero perched there. I was the first to speak, "Hey, you want some help? We could move the bed over so you can reach or something."

Oh, let me tell you, this earned me some weird looks from the other guys. I explained to them later that it would have been much easier to humor Heero than to argue with him. Little did I know, as Trowa and I pushed the bunk the distance needed for Heero to reach the vent, that by making my suggestion I had earned a tiny bit of trust from the stoic paranoid.

As soon as he had completely closed the vent, he jumped down from the bunk and single-handedly moved it back. Wow, Trowa and I had really been straining with its weight, too. Heero was one strong guy.

Immediately after pushing the bunk back into place, Heero turned and inspected the one set of wall plugs beside one of the bureaus. Apparently, the wall outlet did not pass inspection, because Heero started to try and push the nearest bureau in front of it. Strong as he may be, he couldn't even make it budge.

Shrugging at each other, the rest of us got behind him and helped him push. Heero looked at us with obvious surprise this time, confusion managing to clearly make its way past his impassive mask. After moving the bureau in front of the plug, he strode to the center of the room, put his hands on his hips, and glared around the room. He zoned in on the curtain and shut it tightly, blocking out all the light from the outside, darkening the room considerably. He then turned his back to the curtains and gave the room another once over, fists clenched tightly and on his hips in a no-nonsense posture if I ever saw one.

Apparently satisfied for the moment, he dropped his balled up fists from his hips and relaxed. Then he glanced at us, looked down at his schedule still in my hand and then looked up at me expectantly. Remembering that I didn't finish looking at it, I flipped on the light switch and went back to my place on the floor. The other guys followed, settling back where they had been sitting. Even Heero sat cross-legged beside me again.

Now you might be thinking that just dismissing Heero's odd behavior so quickly is unusual. On the contrary, once you've spent a reasonable amount of time thinking you yourself were insane, or spent any time around other people with mental problems, you learn very fast to adapt to and forget about harmlessly bizarre behavior. If it helped Heero's paranoia to have the windows, vent, mirror, plugs, and bed covered, thus making him feel safer and more comfortable, who the hell were we to question it?

Once we were settled again, the conversation started back up of its own accord, taking the direction it normally did before Heero had arrived. The others started discussing their own topics, and Wufei would occasionally speak to Meiran, as would Trowa. I glanced over at Heero, to see how he would react to our relaxation around him. He was focusing on each person in the room one by one, staring silently, studying, before moving his gaze focus on the next person.

But for the moment, I was out of the conversation and I was till curious about Heero's classes, so I looked down at the schedule still in my grip. Sliding my gaze down the paper, I noticed the advanced classes again, and also noted that he had much more free periods that the rest of us. That was odd. And for his last class of the day...Art III. Heero was taking art? Never mind that it was also an advanced class, but hell, I didn't think the Drones would let a paranoid take such a creative class. But then, they might have thought they could analyze his work to determine his state of mind.

The thought made me sick to my stomach. That was supposed to be one of the classes they left you alone in, contrary to what you'd normally think. Our teacher is a firm believer in art being meaningful, sure, but she also realizes that not everything has some deep hidden meaning. Some things are just for fun, just because, and with no deep intentions. Our teacher wanted to make sure that we were concentrating on our expression, not worrying what the psyches would say. Of course, if the Drones wanted to change the rules, then who could stop them? They made the rules.

Quirking an eyebrow at Heero, I asked him, "Art III? We have that together, as well as Cal I."

Eyes widening slightly, he wordlessly took his paper from my hand. He blinked at me and nodded, once, slowly. Well, I suppose it was better than the quick, curt nods he had been giving us earlier.

After a few minutes of our normal chatter, Heero quietly still observing, Quatre brought up a question that had been nagging on the back of my mind all day. "What are we going to do about these group sessions together? Do you think it would be good for them to know how close we've gotten and why we've gotten so close?"

A novel question.

"Well, I don't know how it could hurt for them to know we're friends," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "Honestly I don't think knowing the other stuff would be conducive to their opinions of us. I mean, what are we going to say? They won't believe that our so-called hallucinations are not hallucinations, never mind the way we all back each other up on that little fact. They'd split us up for sure, or worse, commit us to the big loony bin of no return."

Heero's eyes widened slightly, but his expression remained otherwise blank. This was the first time we had really come right out so bluntly and said anything about our shared experiences. Also the first time he heard about how we knew that we were not just hallucinating, but were seeing/hearing/feeling real things. We hadn't been acting any differently, certainly not hiding anything, but it's a whole different thing to have it said just like that.

Before anything else could happen, however, a knock sounded at our door, causing us all to jump. I remember hoping to God that whoever was on the other side of the door hadn't overheard anything. Guess we'd find out in a second.

"Come in," Wufei called out, glancing at me nervously. Meiran's spirit hovered protectively over her living husband, arms encircling his neck as she shined nervous energy out to shield him.

A few moments later, one of the Thugs walked into the room. By Thugs I mean one of the male orderlies that look like they eat raw meat and kill small furry animals with their bare hands for giggles. The types that probably jerk off watching snuff films. And no, I am not being spiteful or unfair. The Thugs are huge, nasty, and like to torment us patients when other members of the Drone squad aren't looking. 

I can understand why you need big, burly guys to help out around here, some of the more violent head cases need major muscle to stop them. But there are a few of these big guys that you know weren't allowed to sleep with teddy bears when they were little kids, if you know what I mean. The type of guys that when they were kids pulled little girls' pigtails, stepped on toes, and beat up the smart kids who wore glasses. I don't know who hired the Thugs, but most of them must have connections in high places to keep their jobs.

Don't get me wrong, not all male orderlies or male nurses are like these guys. Just a few of them actually earn their disgusting place in the Thug category. I've had a couple run-ins with them, and let me tell you something, never talk back to them or piss them off, or you'll be very sorry. I did once, and I found myself not only getting beat up in a janitor's closet, but also being reported to the psyches for being disorderly. I tried to tell them what those damn Thugs had done to me in the closet, but they had only hit me hard enough to hurt, not hard enough to bruise. Of course I was just being "delusional" again. Who'd believe a smart-ass kid who says he sees demons?

And one last thing about those damn Thugs...well, let's just say I'm glad I'm not one of the female patients or one of the weaker attractive males around here. Some Thugs like to have fun with the girls (or even a couple of the boys) that can't fight back. I've seen 'em looking at me lately, which makes me nervous. If they really wanted to do something, there would be nothing I could do to stop them. And they know it. I think I make them nervous, though, can't imagine why. But anyway, let's just leave it at that, okay?

Back to the Thug that had just walked over the threshold of our humble room. He was so big that his ugly hulking mass almost took up the entire doorframe. And my God, he had bad hair. Black, weird shaggy cut on the top, shaved on the sides, Thug Mueller was one ugly mother fucker.

The brute stood there for a second, making sure we noticing how he big he was and how physically loomed over us, a malicious smile pasted on his face. "Heero Yuy is scheduled for a session, I have been sent to escort him," Mueller said in a polite voice belayed with menace, gesturing with one large hand in Heero's direction. Well, this was unusual, normally Thugs didn't lower themselves to such menial, ordinary work.

Glancing over to check out Heero's reaction, I almost recoiled in shock at what I picked up. Despite his stoic face and steely glare, I could sense the fear and pain literally wafting off of his aura. This was more than anything I had ever picked up from him before. Wondering if Quatre was getting any of this, a mere sideways glance told me that he was. Quatre's face was twisted in sympathy for our silent roommate, his hand painfully clutching Trowa's for support.

For a few long seconds, Heero did nothing but stare at the Thug in the doorway, not moving from his position on the floor. Every muscle in his thin body appeared to be tensed and straining, ready for some sort of action. Mueller frowned impatiently, all semblance of decorum flooding quickly from his expression. "Move it, or you'll be sorry later," the ugly Thug spat out, eyes glaring pure contempt.

Without softening his expression or gaze, Heero gracefully picked himself up off the floor and stalked over to the waiting orderly. Coming to a halt in front of Mueller, I could see just how petite our new roomie really was, his head didn't even reach the height of Mueller's hulking shoulders.

"How nice of you to cooperate," the Thug said sardonically, encircling one of Heero's thin arms with one meaty hand and forcibly pulling him out the door.

Wufei stood up in anger at this rough gesture. "Hey! Don't yank him around like that! All he did was hesitate, he doesn't deserved to be treated like a dog!" 

Mueller turned slowly, still gripping Heero's arm. Heero's arm below the Thug's grip was already turning a scarlet, bruised hue. Above the grip the skin was turning a whitish color. It was a wonder the silent boy was still expressionless. I know I would be showing some pain.

"Are you questioning my treatment of this patient?" Mueller hissed back, menace clouding his features. I could see the muscles in his arm tense as he tightened his grip on Heero's arm even more. A flash of pain arched up in Heero's aura, but his glare and expression remained stony.

Knowing that Wufei had no idea what he was messing with, I jumped up from my seat on the floor and laid a hand on my Chinese friend's shoulder. "No, he's not. He was just confused. Please, sir," I paused, "He's new here."

"Well, little Maxwell, he had better learn quickly," the Thug snarled before stalking away, literally dragging Heero with him. Watching him go, I noticed him relax his grip as he passed the nurses' station, only to retighten when he was past it.

After slamming the door angrily to block my view of poor Heero and that bastard Mueller, I leaned against the cool wood and slid down to slump on the floor.

"Duo!? Why did you stop me? That bastard was hurting Heero!" Wufei asked me, anger flashing in his dark eyes as he stood over me with his hands on his hips. Surveying the others' reactions, I could see the confusion and anger in their auras and postures, too.

"Do you know what will happen to Heero, to **you** if you argue with one of those guys?" I asked quietly, resting my head in my hands. I spoke softly, letting my words be the focus of what I was about to say, "Mueller is one of those big guys around here that you don't fuck with if you want to stay safe. I once talked back to his brother, another Thug named Alex, last year. I ended up getting the shit kicked out of me in a broom closet and then got reported to the psyches. No one believed my side of the story. Not all the male orderlies are like that, but there are enough that makes it dangerous to act up with them."

Wufei looked momentarily stunned, plopping back down to the floor with a light thump.

Aqua eyes wide, Quatre asked, "That's terrible. Would he have done that to Wufei?"

"Without a doubt, and maybe more," I replied, my eyes boring holes into the floor beside my feet. "You also don't want to get caught alone with one of those damn Thugs. They've been known to have a little bit of...recreation...with some of the more attractive girls...and a couple of guys, too."

"And of course, no one will believe the crazies," Trowa said, a dark tone of sarcasm entering his voice.

"Of course not," I replied in an equally dark tone.

We sat there on the floor a few more minutes in silence, contemplating our own thoughts. Meiran hovered right behind Wufei, pressing against his back and placing a glowing hand on each of his shoulders protectively. The rage demons circling his head had multiplied with the confrontation with Mueller, angrily spitting little orange flames. Meiran kept trying to flick them away, but they were managing to escape her swats.

"Do they normally come and take us to sessions like that? I don't want one of those big guys having to be anywhere near me," Quatre said quietly with an almost imperceptible shudder.

I shook my head, my braid coming free of where it was trapped between the door and my back. "No, those damn Thugs usually come for the violent ones or guys that finally just snap. They usually have straight jackets with them. The only other time I've seen one of those bastards come to escort anyone to a session was this one roommate I had a while back..." my voice trailed off as I remembered the Thugs coming for my second roommate at unexpected times. Judging from Heero's reaction, I don't think he knew he had a session today. Odd.

"What happened to him?" Wufei asked, leaned forward, his chin on his folded hands.

"Well, he was a few years older than me, about 17 when they started to come and get him at weird times. I was stuck living with him, me, a few years younger than him, because they were renovating and didn't have the space for single rooms. Thugs just kept coming and getting him during the day, sometimes taking him out of classes...that was when we had shared classes between grades, by the way. We've came a long way these past few years in terms of funding. I guess we got extra money from somewhere, I don't know," I paused thoughtfully.

"When was this?" Trowa asked this time.

"Well, I'm 17 now, so about four years ago, very soon after I first came in here. My first roommate, incidentally, decided to attack me with a toothbrush, very interesting story," I winked at my friends, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"What happened to him?" Quatre asked, eyes shining now with curiosity instead of fear.

I frowned, looking back down to fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "Well, the guy's name was Milliardo. God, he **hated** that name. He's actually Nurse Peacecraft's baby brother, by the way. Anyway, for a couple of months the Thugs started to come and get him at weird times. He never said anything about those sessions. Well, actually, he stopped talking altogether after a little while. He always came back from those surprise sessions just oozing pain. Then one day, I came back to the room after dinner and his stuff was gone. I never saw him again," I shrugged again, for lack of anything better to do.

"He was just...gone?" Wufei asked, his dark eyes wide.

"Yeah, I asked about him a few times, but, well, that's what got me in trouble with the Thugs, and I told you about that," I sighed, toying with a loose string on the edge of my shirt. "I stopped asking after a while. Next roommate I got killed himself while I slept, and I always sort of felt like it was karma coming back and biting me in the ass for not finding out what happened to Milliardo. And then I got you guys, so I guess it evened out." I smiled at my new friends woefully.

"Wow, that sucks, Duo," Quatre said, patting my shoulder sympathetically. "Did you say that this guy was Nurse Peacecraft's little brother?"

I nodded. "Yeah, they both come from an obscenely rich family. I think she went into the mental health field because of her brother. If ages go right, she was probably in college while he was here. It would explain why someone so rich decided to go into such an unpleasant job."

"Maybe she hoped to be able to help her brother," Trowa mused, almost too quiet to hear. I bet he was thinking about his own sister, the one who had sent him to this place.

"No doubt," Wufei said softly.

For a while we were lost in our thoughts, sitting around and just not talking, like only truly good friends can do. As much as I love talking, silence can be blessed around the right people.

~ ~ ~ ~

Time passed, as it has a habit of doing. After a while my butt fell asleep from sitting on the floor for so long. Having nothing else to do, I decided to take a nap. Oh, what? Come on, I had got woken up at six in the frickin' morning, and tomorrow I'd have to get up for classes at eight!

Besides, Quatre and Trowa left as soon as I had stood up and moved away from where I was leaning against the closed door. I had a feeling they were going to go exploring more than just the school grounds, if you catch my drift. Wufei was talking quietly with Meiran, so softly that I could only make out bits and pieces of his side of the conversation. They looked so cute that I didn't want to disturb them. And hell, I just didn't feel like doing anything, so I decided on my favorite hobby of napping.

Climbing up on my bunk, I stretched out on top of the covers and tucked my hands behind my head, feet crossed at the ankles. I toed off the slippers I was wearing and stretched my bare toes (we aren't allowed real shoes, by the way, they're too heavy and might be able to be used as weapons). Staring up at the ceiling, blinking sleepily, I almost immediately drifted off into sleep.

God, I wish I hadn't been able to fall asleep so quickly, maybe this whole damn mess might have been avoided. Or maybe not, I don't know. Looking back on all this, I don't think I'd have not wanted to know...But anyway, as soon as my eyes drooped closed I started to dream...

~ ~ ~ ~

I was standing in a dark room, and everything was out of focus. Turning around, I noticed that I kept getting waves of vertigo every time I moved my head. So this must be a dream. Damn dream demons must be messing with me again. Little fuckers.

Looking around, I waited for whatever demon it was that had brought me here to come out and show himself. Instead of spying a violet-eyed dream walker, I saw a door melting into existence out of the wall in front of me. Knowing a definite hint when I saw one, I walked up to the door, bare feet almost gliding in the nether realm.

I opened the door and peered through it cautiously, intending to look before taking the proverbial leap. Unfortunately someone had other plans, because I suddenly felt a sharp kick connect solidly with my ass. I went tumbling face first into the gloom on the other side of the doorway, but instead of falling I was drawn quickly up and forward. It was almost as though I were flying, directed through the chasm of the dream into places unknown.

I found myself landing gently on my feet in the center of a grassy, flowered field. I looked around with interest. Dream demons usually weren't this nice to me. Any second I expected the grass to sprout acid-dripping tentacles, the flowers to grow sharp teeth, or the sky start to pour blood. The quiet reigned for a moment as I let my nervousness build. When I heard footsteps behind me, I whirled around, causing my head to spin and my heart to leap up in my chest.

It wasn't some dream demon standing in front of me, it was Heero. Wow, that was unexpected. His eyes were actually expressive, and a relaxed expression was gracing his usually blank face. Best of all, his aura was sparkling, lively even, and although I couldn't really read it very well, at least I was picking it up.

__

Duo.

I turned around, looking for the source of the voice. It couldn't have been Heero, his lips didn't move, and besides, he didn't talk.

__

Duo, look at me.

There it was again! I turned to see if Heero had heard it too. To my complete and utter shock Heero was smirking at me, arms folded across his chest. He nodded once at me, his smirk getting wider.

__

Yes, it's me.

Holy shit.

"Um, okay, hi," I said nervously, not really knowing what to make of all this.

__

I need to show you something...

The voice broke off abruptly. Heero's smirk disappeared and his eyes clouded with pain, and in front of me he dropped to his knees, his face now contorting in obviously excruciating pain. The sky above us darkened, and bruised swollen clouds rushed to cover the brilliant blue sky. All of a sudden the air felt **heavy** and it was hard to breath. The wind began to pick up, and I could hear an ominous shriek in the distance that positively made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I ran over to where Heero had fallen, kneeling in front of him and gently lifting his head up with my hands so I could look at his face. He was crying, but his tears weren't clear, they were a bloody crimson red. The shrieking came closer, almost close enough to vibrate the heavy air around us. 

I looked down at Heero again, and almost recoiled away in shock. The haunted, lost look in his eyes, the utter pain betrayed in those deep blue pools actually caused me physical pain. I didn't move, though, because I wouldn't desert anyone in so much agony. I had been through enough of my own hell, and I never want anyone to experience anything like that all alone. For a moment, the wind and darkness abated, and the pain momentarily left Heero's eyes.

__

Duo...help...

Without warning, the shriek was all around us, shattering the momentary calm that had bubbled around us. I blinked, and found myself hurtling back through the darkness again, flying at break neck speed on wings I couldn't see, guided somewhere I did not know.

I felt myself being drawn back to reality after only a few seconds of flying, wildly looking around in the dreamscape, I blinked again and caught a glimpse of Heero, bathed in red light and screaming silently...

~ ~ ~ ~

My eyes snapped open.

"Duo! WAKE UP!" Wufei was shaking me, a panicked look on his face, his hair mused up and rising around his head like a dark halo. Meiran was on the other side of the bunk, concern shimmering out in light silver waves.

I wheezed, trying to catch my breath. That was one intense experience. I sat up and weakly smiled at my two concerned Chinese friends. "Did I scream or anything?" I asked, struggling to keep a smile on my face.

"No, but I saw a flash of something beside your bed, then Meiran told me that you were having a bad dream. She said she could sense it somehow," Wufei said, concern still etched on his features.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and cradled my head in my hands. "Yeah, it was one hell of a nightmare," I said from the sanctuary of my bangs and concealing fingers. "It was basically Heero, speaking without moving his mouth, and then there was...pain. Terribly intense pain, and then you woke me up. He was trying to tell me something, I think."

The door opened and Quatre walked in, supported heavily by Trowa. The small blond boy was panting slightly. As soon as the pair was in the room, Quatre stumbled forward quickly, barely catching himself from falling in his haste. He gripped my hanging legs to catch his balance, looking up at me with concerned wavering eyes.

"Duo, what happened?" He asked, voice thick with worry. "I felt pain from you, and then I picked up on just plain **agony** but I couldn't figure out who it was coming from, it was muffled and I couldn't pick up on it until I felt your pain! Duo, it was just awful, terrible, are you okay?" Quatre finished in a rush, gasping from his panicked outburst.

Trowa ghosted up silently behind him and led Quatre to sit down on his own bed. I hopped down and sat on the other side of Quatre, and Wufei perched opposite us on the curtained edge of Heero's bunk, careful not to pull down the sheets, Meiran floating at his side. I filled the two new arrivals on what I had already told Wufei and Meiran.

The four of us just sat there, blinking at each other in silence. Before another word could be spoken, a loud knock sounded on the door, causing us to jump (again). Meiran floated up and poked her head through the door, then brought her head back in again and spoke. Once again I wished I could hear as well as see, but if wishes were dollars, I'd be a millionaire.

Trowa nodded, as did Wufei, both standing and going to the door. Wufei carefully opened the door, Trowa standing ready at the doorway. Quatre and I exchanged a confused glance, standing up to see what our friends were doing. As Wufei eased the door open, Trowa prepared himself, and suddenly found himself catching an armful of shaking, semiconscious Heero Yuy.

As Trowa helped support Heero's weight, I quickly went and took Heero's other arm, throwing it over my shoulder to help Trowa. Together we walked the sweat soaked boy to his bed, Quatre drawing the curtains open so we could sit him down on it. Meanwhile Wufei stood at the door, glaring at someone on the other side of the threshold. Not wanting to move from my spot by Heero, I sat there looking quizzically at Wufei.

"What have you done to him?" Wufei asked the person in hot anger, the rage demons once again spewing fire everywhere.

"I didn't do anything, I just escorted him back, okay? I almost had to carry the little bastard," the gruff voice said.

"Hey, who is it?" I called to Wufei. He shrugged and opened the door more so that I could see the Thug standing on the other side. It was Thug Alex.

"Hi, Alex. He came out of his session like this?" I looked directly at him, trying to gauge if he was lying to me or not.

"Yeah, Maxwell." Well, he sounded like he was telling the truth.

Wufei gave a curt nod, "Fine. Get out."

Alex just shrugged and left, muttering something about stupid little runts (or something just as intelligent, I'm sure).

The Chinese boy shut the door firmly. "He was telling the truth, I could tell. I can always tell."

Quatre nodded in agreement with Wufei and sat down on Trowa's bed opposite where Trowa and I were still supporting Heero. Or more accurately, Heero was leaning almost completely on me, his face pressed against my shoulder, his dark sweaty hair plastering itself onto the skin of my neck. Pain was literally rolling off his previously blanked aura in dark red waves, rippling through the air in all directions and eventually dissipating into the surrounding air.

Wufei came and sat by Quatre, looking downright furious. I could feel my own anger bubbling up, what the hell had the psyches done to Heero? They weren't supposed to hurt the patients, on the contrary, they were supposed to advocate a calm, peaceful solution to our mental problems. Such brutal treatment is something our lovely facility is supposed to be opposing. It sure as hell looked like someone had put Heero through the ringer, though. If it wasn't the Thugs, then who could it be?

After a few minutes, Heero managed to gather himself back together. The pain started to ebb, and his aura eventually voided out again. He sat up away from me, face blank, but eyes sparkling with something I couldn't identify. He looked at each of us in turn, then focused in on me. He reached under his pillow and withdrew a small pad of paper and black ink pen. He wrote something on the paper and handed it to me.

"Outside," I read it out loud, reading the single word written in small neat capital letters.

I just looked at him for a few long moments. He took the little notebook back from me and wrote on it again. Handing it back, I looked down again.

"Onegai," the word was, again written in the machine efficient handwriting, and then crossed through. Beside it was the word's English meaning, "Please." Hm, our mute roomie knew Japanese? 

I'd have to ask him about it later so he could stare at me and blink.

I focused my eyes on Heero's dark blue gaze, reading their depths. Something in them flickered, and I knew that I couldn't deny the silent boy. Maybe I was imagining that flicker, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Coming to a decision, I stood up carefully. Without speaking another word, I flicked my eyes at the door and nodded my head in that direction, braid swinging behind me. Understanding, Quatre stood up, nudging Trowa's arm. Wufei nodded and stood up, too. Finally, Heero stood shakily to his feet. I held out a hand and grabbed his arm, steadying him carefully. That bastard Mueller had bruised Heero's arm pretty badly. It was already turning a sickly purplish blue.

Helping to support Heero as we walked, I led our group silently outside to my favorite place in the yard. I couldn't help but wonder what had made Heero decide to breach his communication void and write out those few simple words, but hopefully once his request was fulfilled, he would open up again, and maybe more.

~ ~ ~ ~

On the way outside, I asked Heero about the Japanese word he had first written. He looked as surprised as I could imagine him looking. Through a few little questions and answering curt nods, I found out that blue-eyed, brown-haired Heero was Japanese. Go figure. Quatre actually overheard our conversation and commented on it. Who would have thought blond little Quatre was Arabian? Well, learn something new everyday, huh? Good thing Trowa didn't tell me he was an Eskimo or something. I might have seriously doubted my sanity all over again.

Eventually we made it outside to the small grove of genetically engineered trees that stood near the fence surrounding our humble little compound. The trees were supposed to be there for cosmetics, meant to help conceal the deadly wire topped fence from our poor, delicate eyes. Everything about the trees contributed to this end, from their insanely thick trunks to the multitudes of small, sprawling limbs forking out randomly like hair on a frightened cat.

Anyway, by the time we got to where I wanted us to go, Heero had mostly recovered and was almost walking under his own power. Almost. I still had his arm over my shoulders, and my arm hung loosely around his waist. I wasn't used to being so close to someone like this, but I didn't mind. It felt nice. In fact, I was almost disappointed when we reached the little arbor.

Like I mentioned before, these trees are special, they were specially engineered to grow quickly on colony soil under colonial weather control. They were also specially designed in a lab to grow hollow so they would need less water to live. A wonder of modern science, the gardeners only have to have a gallon of water to supply ten of our trees with enough moisture to last a month. Something about hybrids, I'm not too sure how they managed such a thing. The dark irony is that they spend so much time and money developing trees for cosmetic decoration at a nut house while multitudes starved to death and died on the streets. Science confuses me sometimes.

I should mention that the limbs of the trees do not extend near enough to the fence for escape to be possible by climbing up onto the thin, sprawling branches, not to mention the low weight tolerance designed into the wood. Yes, folks, another wonder of modern science, these trees wouldn't support a hangman's noose. Gotta hand it to the Drones, they have their rubber duckies in a neat little zigzagging rows.

The whole reason I had brought us so far out here was because the biggest tree on the yard was located in this arbor, and best of all, it had a hole in its base that faced the fence. A person could crawl through the hole and into the very hollow of the tree's trunk. It was dark, but it was private, cozy, and had been my secret hiding place over the years, my private escape. Milliardo had shown it to me when I first moved in with him, before his strange sessions started.

Anyway, we reached the tree and I eased myself away from Heero so I could show everyone why the hell I had dragged them out to this particular spot. Grinning madly, I dashed into the tree, retrieving the flashlight I had stolen last year and turning it on. I shined it up on my face and grinned out of the darkness of the hollow.

"Come on in, guys," I invited cheerfully.

"Duo, are you sure there is enough room in there for all of us?" Wufei asked skeptically.

"Well, it'll probably be a little tight, but these trees are completely hollow," I informed him. "What, you think we've got cooties?" I teased for good measure.

Wufei rolled his eyes and dropped to his knees, crawling into the hollow of the tree with me. Quatre and Trowa shrugged at each other, then looked expectantly at Heero, still silently leaning against the trunk. The mute boy dropped to his knees and crawled in after Wufei, dark eyes darting around in the gloom before he settled down beside me. Quatre came in next, closely followed by Trowa. (While they were crawling in, I caught Trowa checking out Quatre's butt, by the way! Mwaha, I raised my eyebrows at him and he actually **blushed**! It was so cute.)

Setting the flashlight down on its base in the middle of our tight circle, the beam shone up, illuminating the weird tunneling of the branches above us. I hadn't been here in a few months, and I wrinkled my nose at the slightly musty, pulpy damp smell of our little wooden cave. Remembering the whole reason we came out here in the first place, I reached into my waistband and retrieved Heero's little notebook and pen he had handed me earlier and gave them back to him.

He blinked at me and took back his things, setting them down on the ground in front of his crossed legs. He didn't move. I looked around at my friends, faces only barely visibly in the backwash glow from the flashlight's beam.

"Well, why did you want us to come out here?" I asked. After I had came all the way out here and showed off my little haven, I wanted some return, damnit.

With a silent sigh, Heero rolled his shoulders, stretching his muscles. His opened his mouth, face tensed, and he looked to be in a state of intense concentration. We waited, staring at our silent compatriot in anticipation while he silently opened and closed his mouth.

After a few minutes, he slumped forward, seemingly exhausted. Reaching forward, I gently grabbed his shoulder. He looked up at me in response, dark eyes wide with an expression I can only describe as haunted. For a few seconds time stood still, and I remembered the way he had looked up at me in my dream. After a moment he leaned back against the smooth inner wall of the trunk, pen and pad in hand.

Heero wrote for a few minutes, and then handed me his paper.

Grabbing the flashlight, I read the little capital lettered writing quickly, curiosity rising within me parallel to disbelief and sorrow. Here is what Heero wrote:

"I do not have paranoia. There are things being done to me that I cannot tell you about. I wish I could, but if I try, an intense pain stops me. I believe it is a programmed reaction to protect those that do things to me. I know I can trust you four, and the spirit girl, because I have been observing you today. I have abilities that aided me in my evaluation of you. I cannot outline these abilities, again, because of the fail-safe programmed into me. This fail-safe is also why I cannot speak. I suspect that the correlations between your abilities are no mere accident, and will one day be exploited in the manner of which I am being exploited. I do not want that. Please, help me."

I stared at the paper for a moment, totally speechless. Noticing the concerned looks the others were giving me, I handed the light and the paper over for them to read. Heero was looking at me, eyebrows raised, eyes expressive.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

He shook his head solemnly, still slumped weakly, back leaning against the inner trunk.

"You tried to talk to tell us this, didn't you?" Wufei suddenly spoke up. Meiran had her ethereal arms wrapped around him, hugging onto him and reading over his shoulder. The fear and concern were fluxing off of her and oozing out of the wooden trunk surrounding us.

Heero nodded again.

"Do they do...things to you in these surprise sessions, like the one today? Experiments?" Quatre asked quietly, eyes shining in the darkness.

A dark look of pain crossed Heero's face again and he clutched his sides, mouth open in a silent groan. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me, letting him clutch onto me as the waves of agony wracked his frame.

"I'll take that as a yes," Trowa muttered angrily, glaring down at the piece of paper and its neat black writing.

"What can we do?" Quatre asked, edging closer to Trowa in the gloom of the tree's hollow.

I looked up from where Heero was still shaking, wrapped tightly in my arms. 

"I don't know."

~ ~ ~ ~ 


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually Heero's pain subsided and he was able to sit up under his own power. Then we shared a few minutes of silent contemplation about just what in the holy hell we were going to do about Heero's situation before we finally started to talk about it. The conversation just went around in circles, however, because when it came right down to it, we were pretty damn powerless. All we could really hope to do was to try and slowly unravel the barriers on Heero's subconscious. Maybe eventually he could be allowed to talk and perhaps communicate exactly what was happening to him. Or talk at all.

Soon the big guy upstairs (in the environmental control department) looked at their clocks and decided to turn off the "sun." It was quickly approaching dinnertime anyway, and if we weren't at the med station for our pills before we ate, someone would come looking for us. Crawling out of our hollow tree, we brushed any of the telltale artificial dirt off of our clothing and took a roundabout way back to the building. Heero was **not** just being paranoid. We knew bad things were actually happening to him, and he suspected that we might be involved in it later because of our "lunacies." Well, let's just say I suddenly felt a healthy dose of my own paranoia kick in.

As we ate our dinners the conversation started up again, this time with a bit more direction and intelligence. Maybe all we needed was time to think things over. Probably not, I bet it was the great pasta we had been served for dinner. Pasta power.

"So, basically we've narrowed this down to the following," Wufei stated, mopping up some errant sauce with his bread. "We really can do nothing to stop these sessions of Yuy's, but maybe try and hide him when one of those delightful...Thugs...comes to take him away. Meanwhile, we try and find a way to uncover exactly what is happening and maybe find a way, once we have more information on the matter, to stop it indefinitely. Like informing someone we trust on the outside."

Quatre nodded, discreetly wiping his chin with his neatly folded napkin. "Yeah, that's about the sum and substance of it."

Trowa nodded slightly, then added, "Perhaps we can ask questions casually about his treatments, or if it comes right down to it, spy."

"Yeah, I told you guys about the little hallways and secret passages in this place, didn't I?" I added, taking another forkful of noodles. "If we find out exactly where they are taking you," I looked at Heero, who nodded, "Then maybe I can figure out what passages might lead to that area or something."

Heero took out his pad of paper and wrote on it, wincing slightly at one point, then handed me the note. 

\--I will show you later what wing of the asylum it is in, but we cannot go specifically into the area. It is restricted.--

"Alright, so after we finish eating, we'll take another tour of the grounds. You know, just to make sure you guys have seen all the sights," I grinned wickedly and winked. 

Heero snorted in response, but I caught the ghost of a smirk on his face before it blanked out again. Wufei just rolled his eyes, and Trowa didn't react. 

Quatre laughed and stood up. "Well, what are we waiting for? Everyone is done eating...well, except for you, Duo." He looked down at my still half-full plate of pasta.

Okay, fine, I admit it. I sometimes talk too much. Bite me.

~ ~ ~ ~

After returning our trays and plates (and I finished my dinner under the impatient scrutiny of the others) Heero led to where his session that afternoon had taken place. He was right, there was no way we'd get too deep into the area of the building that he had been, I had only been in this wing of the building very few times in my years in this place. Heero was leading us straight to the seldom used (or so I thought) and supposedly being remodeled wing of the asylum.

You know I never really thought about it, but they had been working on remodeling that wing as long as I can remember. I don't know why I never realized it before. All the other remodeling projects (like the smelly cafeteria) had taken less than six months, never mind four years. Just the same, I had only been on this side of the building on the random occasion. There are places that just don't feel right, you know what I mean? And considering the little shadow demons that I'd always glimpsed around this wing, I generally avoided coming here just so I wouldn't have to deal with the little bastards. Also, to tell the God's honest truth, I had almost forgotten it had existed at all. Weird.

Heero stopped abruptly at a scratched and pitted wooden door near the first hallway of the wing. He silently pointed at the door, then backed away quickly. Tuning into my other senses, I let my full vision take in the seemingly innocent door before me.

Around the edges of the door oozed a bile black slime, the likes of which I have seen only in my worst nightmares. I immediately stepped away from the door. Glancing over at Meiran's spirit, I noticed that she was hovering more faintly than I had ever seen her, and she was almost **hiding** behind Wufei, both her arms hugged around his neck. Ever so often a dark wave would emanate from the door's oozing dark mire, and Meiran would actually evade it as though it would hurt her if it touched her.

Trowa stepped forward and rapped his knuckles lightly on the door, producing a solid, metallic echo to ring along the door and its frame. So, we had a cleverly disguised, thick metal door that was posing as just another innocent wooden door, discreetly hidden in plain sight. How quaint.

Yet another in a long line of new discoveries, another oddity in what I had once thought was a world I knew everything about. First I find out I'm not crazy, then I find out that I'm not the only one who isn't, then I find out that one of my new friends is involved in a vast conspiracy, then I find out that my other new friends might be involved in it soon, then I find out that a formerly inoffensive wooden door is actually made of thick steel and in all likelihood heavily fortified.

Just fuckin' peachy.

And classes started tomorrow.

Understandably, the small discovery that the door was made of steel unsettled me enough to wonder what other measures they had taken. Namely, hidden cameras to catch snooping patients. Like us. Motion sensors. Maybe even weight sensors built into the floor. Eep. My internal senses just started screaming in a phony British accent, "Run away! Run away!" 

Since I try to follow my instincts if at all possible, I looked frantically, finding a clock so I'd have an excuse for wanting to get that hell out of there. I caught a glancing look of a wire encased wall clock on the opposite wall of the door. I did a double take. Someone had went to all the trouble of concealing the steel door in plain sight, but they didn't think about having a shiny, brand new, dust free wall clock in the abandoned wing of the asylum.

Hmm. Maybe my instincts could wait. Curious, I waved the guys over and went to stand in front of the clock, pointing out my observations to them.

"Okay, I want to have a look around here for a few more minutes," Quatre said, a look of concentration gracing his pale face. I could tell he was sensing something and wanted to see if he could trace it. He tentatively walked up to the metal door and laid his hand on its surface. I could read the shock and pain clear across the hallway as they hit him. Not moving for a moment, he gathered himself together and began to walk parallel to the wall, deeper into the wing, his hand trailing across the flaking paint, causing little flurries of it to fall to the dirty floor in his wake.

Wufei stood with Meiran at the entrance to the wing, making sure his body was between her and the doorway. Judging from the protective look on his serious face, he had evidently picked up on her discomfort and was making concessions for it. Heero was sitting on the opposite side of the hallway from where Wufei was standing, his head bowed down and his shoulders hunched over. When I looked in his direction, I could see the flash of blue from his eyes as he watched us.

Trowa trailed silently behind Quatre as the blond boy made his silent walk deeper into the wing. His actions fairly screamed that he was there if Quatre needed him, but not trying to get in his way. Not really knowing what to do with myself, I was still damn jumpy. Something about this whole area just felt off, and I'm not just talking about the sinister waves of ethereal energy wafting away from the doorway. I decided to check and see if any of the other doors were more than they initially appeared, so I did what any dumbass would do.

I opened one of them.

The loud creak echoed in the still quiet of the hallway, reverberating loudly. Feeling myself break out in a nervous sweat, I decided to follow through on my venture and stepped into the doorway. Inside the dark room, I could barely make out sheet covered furniture. A faint smell of fresh paint was evident as I crept carefully into the room, and I forgot about my nervousness and replaced it with curiosity. Good thing I'm not a cat, or I'd have been dead years ago, ne?

Before I could get any further in my investigation, I heard voices back out in the hallway. Oh, shit, we had been caught. I poked my head out the doorway, trying to appear innocent and curious, just like a good little harmless lunatic should.

Oh, double shit. Of all the damn people to catch us, why did it have to be Mueller? The ugly brute was making a point of towering over Quatre, his big meaty hands on his hips as he leaned slightly forward, looming. Trowa had his arm wrapped protectively around the blond boy's shoulders and was glaring for all he was worth up at the Thug. Wufei was standing immediately behind the pair, Meiran risking the dark waves to protectively guard her living husband. Several feet behind them, Heero stood, his dark eyes were wide and glaring angrily, his features otherwise blanked out.

Moving tentatively forward, I crept up to where Mueller had my friends backed up against the wall at the entrance to the wing. Right as I passed by the steel doorway, I heard a harsh scraping noise radiate from the other side, like nails on glass. So sue me, I was startled. I yelped. Good for me.

Mueller turned and looked at me in obvious surprise. "Well, little Maxwell, I should have known you'd be here with your pretty little roommates. I'm surprised you're causing all this trouble," he leered at me, almost causing me to shudder. Yuck.

"Well, I won't tell anyone about this just yet, but if I catch you five again in this area, I will report you. Now, do exactly as I say," the ugly brute smirked. "You, Yuy, go back to the room."

Heero raised one eyebrow and didn't move.

"Go on. I will send the others after you," Mueller made shooing motions with his hands.

Heero gave each of us a long look before turning on his heel and stalking angrily away.

Mueller looked down at his watch, then at each of us. After a few minutes, he looked at Wufei. "Go, Chinaman."

Wufei scowled and adjusted his little glasses, glaring with all his might up at the damn Thug. He turned and left, shooting glances back at the rest of us in obvious concern. No doubt what I had told him earlier about the Thugs was running through his mind. I gotta say, though, despite the severity of the situation and my mounting fear, I almost laughed out loud when Meiran flipped Mueller off.

After a few more minutes of standing there, Mueller gestured at Trowa and Quatre. "Go, you little fags," he sneered, not bothering to suppress a taunting laugh.

Trowa glared, his eyes blazing emerald fire as the pair turned and left. Quatre shot me a fearful glance. Later he told me that he was picking up some repulsive emotions rolling off of Mueller. I can only imagine. When the pair had finally turned the corner, out of sight, Mueller turned towards me with a positively frightening leer on his face.

The Thug backed me up against the wall, looming his hulking mass over me, forcing me to try and edge away against the peeling wall, tiny paint flakes digging into the backs of my arms as I moved. I tried to slide sideways, but he put both his hands on either side of me against the wall, essentially trapping me. Looking up into his maliciously glittering eyes, I caught the sight of a lust demon popping up on his shoulder. Oh God, please, not that.

Leaning his large body forward, Mueller pressed himself up against me, bowing his head to hiss in my ear as he harshly ground himself against me. "Oh, little Maxwell, how long I've watched you. That hair of yours, those eyes, that face, you look so lovely sometimes. And now you've given me an excuse..." His voice morphed into a near purr and he groaned obscenely, pinning me even harder against the wall.

"No one will come and save you, pretty," he hissed, and I felt his wet tongue crudely invading the delicate shell of my ear. With a growl, he bit down on my earlobe lightly, sucking on it. I shuddered, trying in vain to move, straining every muscle in hopes that I could just get away from the Thug's revolting touch.

What made it worse was what I saw when I managed to glance over Mueller's head as he traveled lower, his hands starting to wander places they shouldn't go. I almost screamed in fear when I felt his hand cup my crouch, and I squirmed, trying to just melt into the wall. Over Mueller's head I could see my friends, expressions a cross between shock, horror, and anger as they peeked around the far corner of the hallway. Behind them Alex, Mueller's brother, stood with a wide grin cracking his wide face. Wufei told me later that Alex had both his hands on Quatre's shoulders, fingers hooking almost around his neck. He also said if they moved that Alex would have squeezed his hands, in all probability breaking Quatre's collarbone. We were all trapped in our own little hells by those damn Thugs.

How humiliating. I was going to be raped in plain view of the only people I had really ever cared about. Am I worth nothing at all? Why does things like this happen? Why me?

Swallowing the sour bile that was rising in the back of my throat, I tried to control my frantic breathing. I did try to scream when Mueller took one of my hands and pressed it to his clothed erection, but only a choked, pathetic gurgle managed to squeak past my lips. Looking up at my face, Mueller smirked at me, and then took advantage of my momentary horror to kiss me full on the lips, thrusting his hot, disgusting tongue into my mouth, invading it obscenely and roughly, biting on my lips and sucking harshly. My first kiss. I wish that I had bit his tongue, but I wasn't thinking that clearly at the moment.

I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut, calling out with all my mind and all my soul for help. Horror flashed red hot behind my eyes as full comprehension of what was about to happen truly hit me. With Mueller's mouth over mine and the pressure he was exerting on my body, I couldn't catch my breath. My vision began to darken around the edges, and I was slowly fading away, as though I were viewing the whole experience through a long tunnel. Faintly I could hear the words, "Oh God, no, please, stop, no, stop, stop, no..." With a detached feeling of shock, I realized that it was me whining pathetically, and that hot tears were streaming down my face as I sobbed faintly, still weakly struggling to escape. My vision almost faded completely out, and I began to retreat within my body, feeling a blessed darkness start to settle over the backs of my eyes...

Suddenly the heavy pressure of Mueller's sweaty mass was gone. I immediately slumped feebly to the floor, knees completely weak, my heart still beating a frantic beat within my chest as I tried to catch my breath. I looked up to see what had happened, who had saved me.

Standing above me, glaring crystal blue bullets at Mueller, was a tall blond man wearing a white lab coat and scrubs, no nametag. "What do you think you were doing?" He asked the Thug in a clipped voice. I noticed he had a hold of Mueller's arm, and the Thug was wincing in visible pain. Huh, see how the bastard likes it when he's the one being pushed around.

The blond man violently shoved Mueller away. "Go, do something useful," he commanded, power radiating in the air around him.

Mueller stammered, then turned on his heel and walked swiftly in the opposite direction that my roommates had taken. Around the blond man, I could see Meiran floating just around the corner. She was watching for the others, probably reporting to Wufei and Trowa what was happening, and they were translating for Heero and Quatre. Pretty smart, if you ask me. They later told me that as soon as the blond man appeared, Alex had literally run away and left them alone. What a pussy.

Focusing back on my lab-coated savior, I blinked the salty tears out of my eyes and wiped my steaming face on the back of my sleeve. Ewwww...snot. Gross.

The man smiled down at me, then offered me a hand to help me up from the floor. "Sorry about that, I'd report him if I though it would do any good."

I looked at him incredulously. It was one thing for me to know that, it was another to have someone in some sort of power realize it too. Noticing my shock, the man laughed gently.

"Well, get going, you're not supposed to be in this area," he said as he gave me a gentle push down the hallway. Something niggled at the back of my mind. There was something about this man...I couldn't put my finger on it, though, and now he was looking at me strangely. Better go before he decides to get medieval on my ass.

As I walked away, I kept glancing back at the man. He waved once, then brushed out of his face a stray lock of hair that had escaped his low ponytail. I quickly turned back around, continuing on my way. Next time I looked back, I saw the steel door close.

My mysteriously familiar savior was involved in Heero's sessions.

I had a feeling that things were not going to be as simple as I first thought. Not that I expected this to be a walk in the park, but this was turning out to be a walk in a minefield.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

When I caught up with the others around the corner of the corridor, I received another shock. Nurse Peacecraft was talking to the guys, and she was fussing over Heero. My poor silent friend looked like just wanted to run away.

"Oh, there he is!" She said when I rounded the corner. "Duo, you know you're not supposed to be in this part of the building. They're doing renovations."

"Uh, yeah," I paused, looking to the other guys for help. I had no clue what they had already told her.

Fortunately, Wufei picked up on my blatantly panicked expression. "We're sorry, Nurse, but we just wanted to see what it was. It was our faults, not Duo's." He grinned nervously, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Meiran was giggling silently over his shoulder at his unease.

"Can we go back to our rooms now?" Quatre asked suddenly.

Nurse Peacecraft looked surprised. "Well, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you. Would you mind if I saw you back there for my peace of mind? I saw Alex a little while ago going the other way, and you know how...disagreeable he can be." The blond woman wrinkled her nose as though she smelled something disgusting.

So we started walking in the direction of our room, Wufei striding forward, leading the way boldly as though he was on an important mission. Next Heero walked, staring straight ahead and ignoring the funny looks that Nurse Peacecraft was giving him out of the corners of her eyes. Trowa and Quatre were next, and I brought up the rear. Hurray for the human caboose.

After a few steps Nurse Peacecraft dropped back and got in step with me. Sensing that she had done this for a reason, and still pretty freaked out by what had happened to me only a few minutes ago, I was not in the mood for her simpering. She'd forgive me for being an asshole.

"What?" I growled wearily, glaring at her.

She raised one blond eyebrow at my tone of voice before speaking. "Well, I'll make this concise then. Does Heero remind you of someone?" She nodded her head in Heero's direction, as though I wouldn't know whom she meant.

"No, why?" I answered, my curiosity starting to get the better of my crankiness (but not quite).

"Well, he reminds me of my brother. You remember Milliardo, don't you Duo?" She looked at me with sad blue eyes. Damn, now I felt sorry for her. "I know you were roommates right when he was close to... her voice trailed off softly, and she quietly cleared her throat.

"Well, maybe just a little," I conceded, to make her happy. Actually, there was something vaguely reminiscent of Milliardo in Heero's temperament. I just hadn't been able to put my finger on it before. I then realized that Nurse Peacecraft had given me a perfect opportunity to finally find out what happened to Milliardo.

"Did Milliardo die, then? What exactly did he die of? I hate to ask so bluntly, Nurse Peacecraft, but they never told me. One day I just came into our room and all his stuff was gone. I never saw him again," I blurted out in one breath, before I lost my nerve. I felt like a heel, asking the poor woman about what was obviously a delicate subject for her.

Her expression clouded over in sadness. "I remember sitting in my dorm room when the call came the he was gone. They never told me how he died, and I couldn't come home in time for the cremation. It was weird, I loved my little brother so much, and suddenly he was a faceless pile of ashes. I wish they had waited so I could have seen his face one more time, he was the only living family I had left...I'm sorry," She wiped the corner of her eye quickly. "I can't believe they didn't tell you he was gone."

By this time we had reached our room, and the others had started to go in, glancing back at the Nurse and I. I nodded them to go ahead and go in, which they did. I then turned back to Nurse Peacecraft.

"Look, it's okay. Milliardo was a pretty cool guy. I'm sure he's watching you now," I said, even though I knew that if he was then I'd probably see him. Give me a break, I was trying to be comforting. "I've got to get in the room now, you know you're probably supposed to start room checks right about now anyway." I wiggled my eyebrows at the woman. She smiled woefully at me and laughed.

"You're right, Duo," she patted my arm. "Go on, sleep well, and good luck tomorrow in classes."

"Oh, don't remind me!" I groaned over my shoulder as I entered the room.

Nurse Peacecraft waved and walked away. Heero came up behind me and stood beside me as I watched the young woman go in the direction of the nurses' station. I looked at him in surprise, my heart secretly freaking out.

"What, you got a crush or something?" I teased, trying to joke the away the dull pain that had knotted up in my chest.

He glared at me and nodded in the opposite direction that Nurse Peacecraft had gone. Standing together, leaning casually against the corner of the hallway, were Alex and Mueller. I felt my eyes widen and my heart start to pump widely in my chest. And here I thought I had managed to recover. Mueller smiled at me, waved once, and blew me a kiss. Alex snickered and winked luridly. 

I almost threw up. I almost started crying out of sheer helpless frustration. I almost screamed out in pure rage and anger. Instead I stood there, shaking and staring silently at the two Thugs standing nonchalantly just fifty feet away.

Abruptly I felt a gentle pressure circle around my waist and felt myself being pulled into the room, out of the view of the two grinning Neanderthals. Heero was glaring daggers of hatred over my shoulder at the pair as he carefully dragged me backward into the room. I felt myself sag into his arms, the shock of what Mueller had done to me suddenly catching up with me. It was though I had pushed it to the back of my mind, and now it was threatening to overwhelm me. I let myself be guided over to Heero's bunk, and he sat me down on it, drawing aside the curtained sheets so I could sit comfortably. He then sat beside me, wrapping an arm around my back to stop me from lolling forward off the edge of the bed into a pathetic little puddle. I leaned heavily onto to him, exhaustion humbling me enough that I didn't mind showing such a weakness.

Wufei shut the door soundly, glaring at the two orderlies as he did so. Meiran stuck her head through the wall and reappeared a few seconds later, apparently telling Wufei that the Thugs had left. Satisfied, Wufei left his post by the door and sat down on his bed. Therefore he was sitting in the area between where Trowa and Heero's respective beds that made a little hallway of sorts. Quatre and Trowa, meanwhile, had taken their customary seat opposite Heero and I on Trowa's bunk. We sat there silently for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts.

In a little while, Heero dug out his little notepad and pen, careful not to let me fall aside as he did so. How sweet. I had started to gather my thoughts and wits about me again, but sitting so close to my silent roommate, never mind with his arm wrapped around me, my head resting on his shoulder was very nice. So sue, me, I have depression, I don't feel nice very often. I wanted to prolong this feeling of comfort, warmth, and kindness just a little while longer. Therefore I took my time gathering my wits. Well, it makes sense to me.

Sorry, I rambled about that, didn't I? Well, honestly, can you blame me?

Anyway, Heero wrote something on his little pad of paper and handed it to me. 

\--Are you okay?--

I nodded mutely as Heero's arm tightened around my back. The feeling of it around me changed from supportive to, well, like he was just holding me. I snaked my arm back and slipped it around him, returning the gesture. He stiffened for a minute before relaxing, and then laid his head on mine.

Across from us, Quatre and Trowa were sitting very close together. Trowa had a hold of both of Quatre's hands tightly, and Quatre was leaning on the taller boy slightly. They were so damn cute. On his bed, Wufei sat perched on the edge, his elbows resting on his knees and his head cradled in his hands. Meiran was seated beside him (not disturbing the covers, being a ghost and all) and had one arm around his back and the other one around the front of his waist. She seemed to be whispering in his ear, concern blazing off of her in careless billows.

We must have sat like that for half an hour, all lost in our own thoughts, trying to comprehend all the events of the day. Not an easy task when you get woken up at six in the morning by your new roommate who just happens to be some sort of target of an evil conspiracy that just might have a base in the very place you've been living four years of your life. Not to mention the fact that I had almost been raped, but saved just in the nick of time by some mysterious stranger that might be one of Heero's torturers, and I finally found out what happened to Milliardo after years of speculation.

And to top it all off, I had to go to classes tomorrow. Hello, reality, you are such a bitch.

I suppose at some point someone had to break the quiet that had settled over the room, and I know we had some things we needed to talk about before we went to sleep. With this in mind, I opened my mouth, intending to shatter the silence with some off-color or stupid joke, but alas, we were spared from such entertainment. Quatre spoke up first.

Damn. Oh well.

"Well, where should we start?" Quatre asked, sitting up and looking around the room at all of us. 

"How about we start at the big reinforced steel door," Wufei answered promptly with a note of sarcasm, simultaneously shooting me a sympathetic glance. I guess he thought I'd get upset if we started with or the run-in with Mueller. Or rather, **my** run-in with him.

Trowa refocused his gaze back on the present, no longer listening to the little worry demons that had multiplied tenfold since the day started. "Duo said that part of the compound has been under renovation--" He made quote signs with his fingers, and seeing the quiet boy make such a flippant gesture almost made me laugh. "--since he arrived here. It stands to reason that his former roommate, Milliardo, might have been under the same experimentation as Heero is undergoing."

I chewed on that for a moment. It made sense. "Yeah, now that I think on it, they actually did have stuff being moved into that wing for a while, so no one questioned the renovations. I'll bet they were installing and fixing up whatever is behind that steel door. After a while, most of us either forgot it was there or were moved out," I shrugged lightly, not disturbing the little embrace in which I was still captured. "Come to think of it, I never go near that wing. Until Heero showed us that it was where he was taken this afternoon, I had actually almost forgotten it was there. That's really weird, because I make it a habit to explore this damn place. I even know about those secret...uh, never mind, but you know what I'm talking about, right?"

I had just remembered that Heero didn't want to talk about some of this stuff in our room earlier today. In light of what we had discovered this evening, I suddenly didn't want to talk about stuff I wasn't sure I had mentioned before. We'd have to save that for when we could go to the tree or a random hallway.

Wufei nodded, understanding. "Don't want to say too much, right?"

I nodded in return.

"Why did you go walking down the hallway back there, Quatre?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"I was seeing what I could pick up," he replied, obviously trying now not to give too much away.

Heero raised his eyebrows, moved his arm from around me, and wrote something down. After handing the pad to Quatre he immediately resumed his position. (And nope, I did not mind at all.)

\--What did you pick up? Write it down, we can destroy it later. --

Quatre took the paper, read it, and wrote something down quickly. Wufei got up and sat beside the blond boy so he could read what was going on, too.

\--Pain, sorrow, hatred, amusement --

Quatre had written in a neat cursive writing. He paused for a minute and wrote down one more word in all capitals.

\--EVIL--

"Well, that just about sums it up, doesn't it?" I commented dryly, trying to keep down the note of hysteria that was threatening to invade my voice.

I felt Heero nod his head slowly, his chin brushing lightly against my hair, and his arm around my back tightened slightly. Quatre handed him back that pad, which he rested on his lap. After a few moments, he wrote on it, using his other hand. Seems that our dear Heero was ambidextrous. For some reason I wasn't surprised at all.

\--What about Mueller? He may try to repeat his earlier actions.--

Well, straight to the point, aren't we?

I tensed up, still embarrassed at what had happened. I had gotten careless, and I couldn't help feeling that the whole incident was my fault. How could I have been so stupid? In retrospect, I now realize that rationally I could have done nothing. This does not make me feel better.

"We cannot under any circumstances let Duo be alone in an area where that bastard can get him," Wufei said heatedly.

"I agree," Quatre said, turning his gaze to me. "Duo, are you going to be okay? Please, don't hold this in, I can tell you're trying to blame yourself for this."

Sometimes it is very annoying to have an empathic friend.

I turned and buried my face in Heero's neck before sitting up and away from him, breaking our semi-hug. "Look, I've been antagonizing that guy for a while. I had it coming to me. It doesn't make it any better... I just wish that if that had to happen, you guys hadn't seen it. That was so humiliating. I can't even say how degrading that was. I still feel disgusting. I want to burn this clothes and rub my skin raw to get rid of this damn feeling." I hugged one of my arms around myself, and I brought my braid over my shoulder so I could play with it with my other hand.

"That feeling probably won't go away for a while," Trowa said softly.

"I know," I nodded miserably, tugging at my braid hard enough to hurt. The physical pain distracted me from my emotional pain. It was only slight compared to what cutting would do for me, but it was all I could do at the moment. I would cut when the others weren't around, probably tomorrow after classes at some point. Yes. It was good to have a plan.

"We have to prevent this from happening again. In light of how powerless we are in this place, the only thing we can really do is stay together and in places where we would be unlikely to encounter those two Thugs," Quatre said sensibly, trying to move the conversation in a more healthy direction.

"Yes, since there are no locks on our door, and we have no weapons, not to mention the fact that no one would believe us, I'd say that would be our only option," Wufei added, rubbing his temples lightly with his fingertips.

"Groovy," I said, determining not to let all that get to me right now. Later, yes, I'd deal with this later. "Well, I hate to break this to you guys, but we've got class tomorrow."

Three groans (and one silent sigh) filled the room. We got ready for bed, making sure that we had our stuff ready for tomorrow so we could sleep as late as possible (and still catch breakfast, of course). Eight o'clock is early, and we all were emotionally exhausted, so I guess it's not strange that we were going to bed so early. Normally I'd be staying up till midnight, at least.

Usually, that's because I have those dream demons tagging me all night, and even though I love sleeping, it also makes me a bit nervous. And lord knows that after Mueller tried to use me as a cheap blow-up doll they would have some great ammunition to throw at me. Hopefully I'd be able to get enough rest that I wouldn't be a total zombie tomorrow, but I really didn't bet on it.

We turned out the lights, Heero crawled in his little cavern of a bed, and the rest of us got in our beds and attempted to fall asleep gracefully. As soon as my eyes closed and I started to drift off, I knew right away that I was not going to have a restful night.

~ ~ ~ ~

Surprise, surprise, as soon as I hit unconsciousness I was sucked into a dream.

This one started out at the flying stage the other one from earlier today had started. Hurtling through the darkness, I wondered if this was the product of some dream demon picking my mind from the events of the last dream or if it was another one that would relate to Heero. Suddenly feeling myself slow down, and my feet gently touch ground, I realized that I'd find out soon enough and that I should stop worrying because it really wouldn't help matters.

So of course, I continued to worry.

As I stood there, the blindness gradually began to lift from my eyes, and I found myself standing in the middle of a barren desert, all alone save for a blazing fire and a few sticks of wood. Deciding not to question how the wood or the fire came to be in such a barren place, I sat down and began to poke at the flames. I've rarely seen fire in the past few years, and even if this was just a dream, it was still interesting. Besides, it was starting to get cold, and the fire (as fires tend to be) was warm and soothing. 

I sat there for a few minutes, hugging myself against the increasingly chilling wind, wondering what was going to happen, when a particularly hard gust of wind caused me to look up from my contemplation of the flames. Directly across the fire from me, bathed in the orange and crimson glow, sat Heero. (Hey, that rhymed! Damn I'm good.)

As before in the dream from this afternoon, his eyes were expressive, and lo and behold, he was **smiling**! He had a beautiful smile, not too toothy, but just enough movement to bring a measure of warmth to his chiseled features.

I raised my hand up and waved tentatively, for lack of anything else to do. Heero waved back, then walked around the fire and sat down beside me, close enough that our knees brushed, but far enough away that looking at each other would not be uncomfortable.

__

Hello, Duo. Thank you for coming back.

"Well, you sort of brought me here, so I didn't really choose to come back on my own. But I'm glad I was...invited," I stammered out, a bit unsure of what to say.

__

Don't be unsure.

'He can read my mine?!' I thought, my eyes widening.

Heero grimaced slightly, and his neck muscles tensed up.

__

Ye-ye-yes.

'Let me guess, you're not supposed to admit that, are you? Wait, don't answer if it'll hurt,' I though back, amazed that I was already used to this new form of communication.

Heero smiled sadly, his eyes getting that haunted look again.

Suddenly, in the distance, a horrendous shrieking noise sounded. At the same instant, the twilight sky above us rapidly began to gather up into dark purple thunderheads. The wind picked up, blowing the baked sand in our eyes, causing us to squint against their burning stabs. The shrieking noise was getting louder by the second. It was getting closer.

Heero's eyes gained a desperately terrified look in their dark blue depths. He quickly reached forward and pressed his hand to my forehead.

I was immediately assaulted with images flashing across my vision.

A table bathed in scarlet light, restraints clearly visible along its edges, and various painful looking instruments lining the shelves of the nearest wall.

Another flash and I saw Heero strapped down to the table, screaming silently, his thin back arched up in agony as he fought against the restraints, blood trickling from where they cut into his skin.

The next vision was of a younger Heero, about fourteen, almost drowning in a hospital gown that was three sizes too big for him as he walked beside a blond boy that was a few years older than him.

Another, closer flash of the pair's stoic faces as they stalked forward, and I received a healthy shock as I recognized the blond man. It was Milliardo.

Now, another vision, a shadowy form inserting a needle into a very young, very upset little Heero. I hear a harsh scraping of metal on metal that sets my teeth on edge. Little Heero's crying, and he's asking what he did wrong. It's heartbreaking, and as the tiny boy falls unconscious, he is slapped so hard that his head snaps around violently. He was hit just for asking the question.

The next flash is the table again, empty save the bloodstains gracing its smooth metallic surface.

And finally, a flash of Quatre's face captured in an expression of pure agony.

Heero removed his cool hand from my heated forehead, a look of sincere apology on his face, tears of blood leaking from his dark eyes. The shrieking reached us, and the violent wind had tossed up enough sand that my vision was obscured as it buffeted me harshly. I tried to cover my ears to block out the horrendous screaming, but I felt blood seep out between my clenched fingers as my eardrums burst.

Cracking my eyes open, I saw Heero huddled up, hugging his knees, screaming silently in agony. I felt myself being lifted and carried away by the wind, and before long I was once again flying in the blind darkness. I could hear the rustle of leathery wings as I was carried faster and faster through the pitch black, and suddenly the noise of the wings stopped.

I fell.

~ ~ ~ ~

My eyes snapped open, and I found myself staring straight into a pair of pained, dark eyes that were only a foot away from me. Gasping from shock and left over fear from the dream, I clutched my light covers up in front of me, almost like a shield.

Before long, however, I slowly started to calm down. It was just Heero, standing on the edge of his bed and looking at me. It was only a dream, and while it was intensely and completely freaky as hell, it was over. As I gathered my scattered senses back into a neat little pile, I became aware that Heero had also laid one hand on my trembling shoulder.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything at all, but Heero shook his head minutely. He smiled a tiny little smile and held up a piece of paper in front of my face.

\--Do you remember?--

I read Heero's neat handwriting, and I felt like crying out of shock. So it had happened, Heero had caused it? I whispered this question softly as I nodded, my hair mussing itself against the rough fibers of my pillowcase.

Heero only nodded, a look of pain crossing his face as he did so. Damn, they had tight programming on the poor guy if just a simple nod could cause such a grimace. He held up another piece of paper to me, and I squinted at the writing in the gloom. He had prepared the notes in advance.

\--Are you okay?--

I blinked and considered this question. Was I okay? I was still very freaked out at the moment, not only from the dream that Heero had evidently caused, but also because of the repercussions caused by it. I guessed that it was Heero's way of communicating around the blocks on his subconscious. 

Those visions had thoroughly disturbed me, and if there was any truth to them, then the pain that Heero went through was unspeakable (pardon the pun). Not only that, but seeing Milliardo meant that they were linked, and it the ages were right, then maybe Milliardo hadn't died right when Nurse Peacecraft had been told he had died. Also to figure into the answer to Heero's question was the simple fact that I was still mildly (okay, totally) distressed over the other events of the day.

I was jolted from my rambling internal musing by a pair of strong arms easing under me and picking me up. Heero effortlessly stepped off his perch with me, and before I could react, had dumped me carefully onto his own mattress. I blinked in shock as he lay down beside me, drawing his curtain closed. He looked at me, a faint flicker of amusement in his eyes at my shock. Without preamble, he held up another note.

\--I will help.--

I glanced at the boy beside me. He eased himself closer to me, and tentatively snaked an arm around me, searching my face for a reaction. I considered for a second, briefly wondering where this would go before deciding that I didn't care too much at the moment. Acting on my instincts, I carefully slid my arm around my friend in return. He blinked sleepily at me, and as we snuggled closer in a comforting hug, I could feel his warm breath tickling my bangs against my forehead. It felt familiar. I felt safe and warm.

I drifted into a sleep full of peaceful dreams.

~ ~ ~ ~

Now, let us discuss the only bad thing about sleep: when you wake up, it as though it never happened. You rarely get to enjoy being completely and utterly relaxed, and most of the time your dreams seem like fading glimpses into another world that you'd really rather not devote the brain cells to remember. What's worst is that the dreams you'd wish you could forget stick in your mind like the taste in your mouth after you eat pretzels. All this occurred to me in a split second as I woke up the next morning.

Let me tell you, I don't think I've ever felt so nice in all my years in this place. Wrapped in a friendly embrace, limbs entangled in comfortable knots with each other, Heero and I had slept the rest of the night. I got the feeling that he was the entire reason the dream demons had left me alone, and with a rush, I remembered that he had sent me a dream of his own creation earlier. Shuddering at the revelations contained in that dream, I snuggled myself closer into the warm embrace of my friend, and I nuzzled my face into the sweet soapy smell of the skin of his neck. I smiled slightly as I felt his strong arms tighten around me, and his chin gently nuzzled the top of my head. Ah, bliss.

But all good things end, that's why they're mostly only found in memories. Quatre chose that exact moment to poke his head in the curtained bunk.

"Morning, Heero! Have you seen..." the blond Arabian's voice trailed off as he got a glimpse of the two of us, his cheeks turning a splendidly cute pink. "Um, sorry." His head left the domain of the bunk, but I could hear him giggling.

Next thing I knew, Trowa had stuck his head in the curtain, and below his chin, Wufei. Meiran just stuck her head through the sheets shrouding the foot of the bunk. Trowa just blinked, smiled very subtly, and left. Wufei grinned cheesily, and was suddenly yanked back by Meiran. She stuck her head back through the sheet curtains again and grinned at me, and mouthed one word at me slowly so I could pick it up. "Cute."

Heero blinked his eyes open blearily at me a few times before becoming fully awake in an instant. He still didn't move, but now he was staring at me, his dark hair sticking up in strange directions. I didn't really know what to do at this point, so I just lay there and stared back. For a split second his eyes softened just a little, and he placed a chaste kiss on my forehead.

I almost passed out.

'Okay, okay, okay, that was nice,' I remember thinking in a rush. 'Does this mean he wasn't just being a pal by helping me sleep last night? Of course he's glomping onto to me like I'm his favorite teddy bear. Oh, and just look at that, I'm hugging onto him the same way. This isn't like friendship, is it? Up until just a second ago, I'm pretty sure that I could have imagined any of the others doing the same, but that little kiss, maybe it means something? Oh God, do I want it to mean something? Does this make me gay? Does that make him gay? Does that really matter? I only met the guy yesterday and I feel like I've known him forever...well, that was the same way with the other guys, too. Oh, wow, this is too much information. Brain threatening to overload! Eep.'

I decided to look up at Heero and smile. There, that was safe. Oh God, I was treading water in the uncharted territory of a deep ocean of stuff I never even thought about before. 

I said before that I have no fear of danger, that thing about suicidal people rarely being afraid to die. Well, I never said that we didn't get nervous.

With a silent sigh, he squeezed his arms around me tighter for just a second, then untangled himself from me. We both sat up, and I'm sure my bangs were doing very strange things, considering that this was the worst time for them to do such embarrassing things. I smoothed them down quickly, grimacing slightly as I tasted my nasty, rank, smelly morning breath. Good thing Heero had morning breath, too. Mutual morning breath, I decided, was okay.

So we got up, leaving the bunk and getting ready for our lovely, evil first day of classes. Damn. And here I had almost forgotten.

As I brushed my teeth in our bathroom, I considered my reflection. A worry demon was sitting on my shoulder, poking at my ear with a tiny little dagger. I flicked him off, and he disappeared into thin air in his downward descent. Rolling my eyes, I returned my gaze to watch myself clean my teeth.

Yesterday felt like a distant memory. Heero's early arrival, our little conversation in the hollow tree, Heero being taken away, the dream I had while napping, the exploration of the "renovated" wing, my little encounter ('Yuck,' I thought, brushing my teeth more vigorously.), and even last night's dream seemed like ancient, long gone history. It was as though I had always known about those things, as though they had always been a part of my life. I had adjusted so quickly, it was unnerving when considering all this with a detached, rational mindset.

Never one to stay in such a rational state of mind, I dismissed these thoughts as I spit the toothpaste into the sink basin. I'd worry about it later, preferably when I should be paying attention to sewing patterns in home economics or something.

Blah.

~ ~ ~ ~

We left the room early enough that we had time to grab some breakfast from the asstastic smelling cafeteria. As a special "Back to Class Breakfast!" (do note the exclamation point, evidently it's very important) the cooks had made biscuits, artificially grown eggs, and synthetic bacon. It was wonderful, and we took our food to a semi-distant hallway to eat it, noting the higher than usual numbers of patients crowding the nearest halls. Ah, yes, like a swarm of locusts the last of the new students had finally descended upon us. 

Realistically speaking, most of them would be gone inside a month, either determined to not be "manageable" as students in our facility or just not compatible with the curriculum. Those kids that fall under these categories either go to the more permanent asylum on the other side of the colony or, if they're very rich, are transferred to another similar facility on another colony for another try. Even though this place is just an asylum offering a formal education, it really is hard to find people that are considered compatible with this environment. Some loonies just can't be with other people, don't do well with authority, or are just too damn miserable to learn anything at all. Looking around as we walked through the hallways lined with new students, it was sobering to know that half of them would soon be doomed into a world filled with ignorance and padded walls. This place really is a last resort for many of us young patients. In light of what we were discovering lately, it really was something to be depressed about.

When we finally found a relatively deserted hallway we plopped down in a circle on the floor and started to dig into our gloriously scrumptious food. We only had about thirty minutes to eat before class started, but that really was plenty of time, considering our entire world was contained in this one (big) building.

As we munched, I noticed that Quatre would frequently glance at me, then over at Heero, then down at his food. It was getting to be a habit. Soon, Trowa was following Quatre's gaze, a curious light shining in his eyes. After a few more times, Wufei had caught on, and was looking strangely at Trowa. Heero sat oblivious, efficiently eating his food, chewing neatly and precisely. After a few minutes in this circle of strange looks, I couldn't take it any longer. Besides, they deserved to know.

"Okay, let me guess, Quatre, you want to know why I was in Heero's bunk this morning, don't you? I swear all you have to do is ask. Well, unless of course you were thinking dirty thoughts about it our something," I grinned, letting the blond know I was just joking. Heero looked up at us, snorted silently, and went back to eating. I took this as his consent to talk about the dreams.

"Well, the question had crossed my mind," he replied.

"Mine too, actually," Wufei added, Meiran nodding behind him. I noticed little waves of curiosity fanning off of her in smooth blue waves.

"Well, to make a really long, complicated story as short as possible," I paused to wipe my mouth. "Okay. Remember when I took that nap yesterday and had a nightmare, Wufei? You know, when Heero was gone at his session? I told you that Heero was in it, trying to tell me something and there was lots of pain?"

Wufei nodded, his hair coming loose from where he had tucked it behind his ears. He pushed the dark strands back in mild annoyance.

"Well, I had another version of that dream last night, and quite frankly it scared the shit out of me. It turns out, Heero **was** trying to tell me something. Evidently he can somehow manipulate my dreams. It's a great way to communicate, he showed me lots of important memories involving his sessions and stuff. The only problem is that the mental blocks catch up with us far too quickly," I said, glancing over at Heero occasionally to make sure he had no objections to what I was saying. I didn't want to say anything untrue or anything that he might be uncomfortable with the others knowing.

"When I woke up, I was really freaked out. Heero was standing there, asking me if I remembered and if I was okay. I did remember, and that's when I made the connect that he was controlling the dream, and I realized that I was really and truly not okay at all," I grinned at my silent friend. He nodded once in agreement, then shrugged lightly before taking a small bite of egg.

"So I slept beside him for comfort for the rest of the night. And if my guess is correct, he also made sure that I didn't have any dream demons bother me with any nightmares. Am I right, Mr. Yuy?" I quirked my eyebrows at Heero. He nodded once, without looking up. I got the feeling he was avoiding my eyes. Huh, maybe he was embarrassed or something.

"Well, that would explain that," Trowa stated simply. He then considered for a second before continuing. I got the feeling he was listening to a particular worry demon that was hovering over his left ear. "What were the important things you mentioned seeing in this dream?"

I wiped my mouth with my napkin as I finished my food. I glanced over at Heero to see if it was all right if I went ahead and told the others what he had shown me. He nodded sharply before focusing his gaze on the others to gauge their reactions. "Well, several things, such as a younger Heero with Milliardo, my dead roommate."

"So is the guy not dead or what?" Wufei asked, his brow knit into a thin line of concentration on his forehead.

I shrugged and pointed to Heero. He mimicked my shrug and waved his hand over his head vaguely. So he either didn't know or couldn't say. Damn those mental blocks, they are such a pain in the ass (or in this case, the head).

"Anything else?" Quatre asked, checking the wall clock. We had fifteen minutes before classes would start, so we'd need to wrap this up quickly.

"Well, there was this metal table with straps on it. I'm pretty sure it's where a lot of this stuff happens," I said, deliberating on how to say the next unpleasant part. "And there was something else, too." 

I chewed my lower lip anxiously. How the hell was I supposed to tell them about seeing Quatre screaming in pain? Was it the future, the past, a fear, or what? How would Heero know? Maybe that was why they experimented on him. Hell, maybe that was a side effect. It was all very intriguing and scary.

"Just say it," Trowa stated. Leave it to Trowa to want things said as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"Heero showed me a vision of Quatre screaming in what looked to be terribly excruciating pain. Cheerful, I know," I stared down at the floor for a few seconds before looking up to gauge the others' reactions for myself.

Quatre looked nervous, and who could blame him? Wufei looked thoughtful but slightly shocked at what I had said. Trowa had edged closer to Quatre in a gesture of comfort. Heero was watching me.

"Well, when I was first diagnosed, my father's surgeon recommended electricity as a treatment," Quatre said quietly. "The guy said it was used in the pre-colony days. What he didn't say was that it was made illegal because it not only didn't work, but it was very, very painful," He shuddered at the memory before continuing. "I don't know how Heero could have known that, but it hurt terribly. Maybe he picked up on the memory in my mind or something. Perhaps in a nightmare?"

We all looked in unison at Heero. He just shook his head. The blue-eyed Japanese boy pulled out his little notepad and wrote on it for a second.

\--I can't read minds.--

Okay, so shoot that idea down like a satellite on fire. So Heero wasn't psychic. God, I could only hope that he wasn't able to see the future. That would **not** be cool.

Wufei glanced up at the wall clock, "I hate to break this conversation up, but we have five minutes to get to our first class."

Well, isn't it wonderful how time flies when you're worrying about possible psychic phenomenon and torture?

And now for a fate worse than any sort of death, the worst torture I could conceive of taking place in my immediate future...

Home EC.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	4. Chapter 4

Ah yes, because we had gotten carried away with our conversation at breakfast, Wufei and I managed to make it to the Home EC classroom mere moments before we would have been counted tardy. In fact, the minute hand on the clock clicked onto eight the same second that we dashed into the room. I felt all dramatic and daring as we hurried to the back row of the classroom to claim our desks. Well, okay, I actually felt stupid and was completely out of breath. I hate being late.

As soon as we had slumped down in our seats, frantically trying to catch our breath without panting too loudly, I noticed that the teacher was looking curiously at us. Well, at least it wasn't the same teacher I'd had last year. I don't think she liked me after the apron incident. Trust me, you don't want to know.

After a few moments of silence, the dark-haired young woman shrugged her shoulders, apparently deciding to let our harried entrance slide for the moment. She brushed her short hair out of her face and gathered her thoughts. I glanced over at Wufei, and he raised his eyebrows at me and smiled slightly. I think he was mildly amused and embarrassed at the same time. I guess he didn't like being late, either. Meiran, of course, was sitting on top of the empty desk beside him, laughing lightly at our discomfort. Little ripples of amusement floated off of her and filled the room with a golden glow before dissipating completely.

I looked around the room to see if there was anyone I knew in the class. I recognized a few faces, but the majority of the class was made up of new patients. I expected that half of them would be gone within a month. Such is the nature of this place, you either sink or swim in your first couple of weeks, and if you sink, well…you get tossed into the proverbial ocean. If you're not compatible, then you're wasting their time. Warm and fuzzy, I know.

I was jarred out of my cynical musings when our teacher cleared her throat and started talking, "Hello, class. My name is Ms. Hilde Schbeiker, which is German, before you ask. You can just call me Hilde, because if you call me Ms. Schbeiker, you'll make me feel old." She wrinkled her nose at that, then smiled brightly at the class, "So, welcome to Home EC."

She then proceeded to go over the safety procedures and material we'd be covering this year. Immediately I found my mind wandering into far away places. I let my gaze slide away from the chattering Hilde as she started to talk about how not to microwave body parts. That actually brought me back to reality for a moment, until I noticed she was reading verbatim from a sheet of papers that fairly screamed, "Official documents to read out loud unless you want to be sued!"

First I looked around the room again, noting who among the newbies was paying attention, who was doodling in their notebooks (not wire bound, by the way), and who was just staring off into space and drooling. I glanced over at Wufei, who was also looking around the room. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and glanced from me to the door. I looked over at where he was looking, and I almost felt my eyes pop out of my head, roll across my desk, and fall onto the floor with wet plopping noises. Two of the biggest orderlies had just walked into the room and stood at either side of the doorway, large arms crossed over their chests.

Hilde glanced at the two, nodded slightly, then continued to talk. What was going on? Why were these orderlies here? Where they supposed to be watching our class or what? Maybe it was a new rule, extra insurance and protection for everyone. Another thought occurred to me, if these two orderlies were here, then the Thug faction was undoubtedly also pulling this new guard duty. That meant I'd have to deal with them in classes, too. Well, that was definitely **not** good.

The rest of the class went by uneventfully, except for one guy trying to climb into the refrigerator. Evidently he thought he was a glass of orange juice. He didn't think he'd be as tasty or as nutritious if he weren't kept frosty cold. [1]

Weird.

~ ~ ~ ~

It turned out that Wufei's second class was in the opposite direction of mine, so we parted ways at the door. I maneuvered my way down the hall, being careful to try not to touch anyone. You never know when you're passing a paranoid or someone who might find you threatening. It's safer to keep to yourself around her until they filter out some of the new people.

I got to the chemistry classroom and found Trowa and Quatre sitting at one of the back tables. They were talking quietly together, not paying much attention to the rest of the entering students. Their auras were mingling and leaking into each other blatantly. Wow, must have been an interesting conversation.

When I sat down on one of the stools at their table, though, they looked up. Quatre smiled, "Hi Duo! How was your first class?"

"Well, as boring as expected, except for having a couple of big orderlies guarding the doorway," I shrugged. "Where there any in your first class?"

Trowa nodded, "Yes, but I did not know they were unusual."

"Yeah, ditto," Quatre agreed, his brow furrowing in thought. "One of the guys in my class was Alex."

"Ew, I'm sorry," I responded immediately, earning a chuckle from my two friends.

Before our conversation could progress any further, the teacher, a large, tall man with strangely shaped dark hair cleared his throat and started to talk. As before, a few minutes into class two big orderlies showed up and positioned themselves at the doorway.

As our teacher, Mr. Rashid (He told us to call him by his first name, I couldn't even pronounce his last name. Quatre could, though. He said it was Arabian.) read us the safety procedures for the class, I again let my mind wander. I hate the first day of classes, it's all the same boring drivel. The teacher gets up at the front of the room and reads the mandatory stuff so no one gets sued, which, by the way, I think is really stupid. Everyone has to pay to come here, so isn't that enough? Ah well, I don't know, I guess the rest of us have to suffer for that little bitty percent of assholes out there. Such is the way of the world.

Finally the class ended, and we were able to leave. Trowa and Quatre were in the same class, which just happened to be across from where I was headed for Calculus, so we walked together. As we made our way through the hallways, I noticed the presence of some new male orderlies I hadn't seen before. Standing in pairs, the big guys were stationed at every corner of the hallway with their arms crossed over their chests. Why the hell did we have so many guards? Did we get more funding or something? Maybe we had some exceptionally volatile new students.

I parted ways with my two friends and ventured into my classroom, only to see Heero was already sitting in the back of the classroom, in a desk beside the wall. He was sitting with his back to the wall, and his posture was defensive. Undaunted, I waltzed over and plopped down in the desk beside his and grinned over in his general direction. He caught my gaze and rolled his eyes subtly before returning to his inspection of the entering students.

After a few minutes the small classroom was only half-filled. Taking a quick head count, I realized that fewer than ten people were in our class. That was good because the teacher could pay more attention to us, help us more…but bad for the same reasons. I swear, some teachers have radar that knows when you either didn't do your homework or aren't paying attention. And that, my friends, is when they choose to call on you to do the most complicated problem they can think of on the board. Sadistic bastards.

Speaking of sadistic bastards, our teacher was late showing up to class, so I took the opportunity to mess with Heero a little.

I decided that it was time to break Heero away from his observations, mainly because a few people were starting to look at him strangely. That's not a good thing, because you never know what the hell is going on in some people's heads in this place. You've really got to try and be unnoticeable, it's much safer.

This being my complete motivation (yeah, right), I leaned over and lightly poked Heero in the ribs. You would not believe this, but Heero Yuy is **extremely** ticklish! He jumped at the contact and squirmed in his seat. He even gave an involuntary little quirk of his mouth that would have surely been accompanied by a squeak if he could talk. After seeing such a strong reaction from the normally composed boy, I immediately poked him again. He was trying to hold himself back from shaking, trying not to look like he was ticklish. As a result, he looked too cute for words.

Evidently Heero didn't think so, because in the midst of my laughter I realized that I was on the receiving end of one damn heated, pissed off glare. I just laughed harder, of course. Not only was he squirming away from me, but now his ears were turning red, too. I shot a glance at the rest of the room, and took an internal sigh of relief when I noticed that no one was paying attention to us anymore. Not only had I gotten a nice reaction out of Heero, but I had diverted attention from him. Ah, the ability to kill two birds with one stone. Go me.

Now that I had my fun and distracted the other kids, I stopped poking Heero so he wouldn't kill me. I grinned at him, "Sorry, man, but you were getting some odd looks. You don't need to draw so much attention to yourself, okay?"

He just blinked at me, a silent question clouding his dark eyes.

"What, you want to know why?" I asked.

He nodded once.

"Well, you don't know why half these people are here. Some could be dangerous," I paused as Heero snorted silently. "Okay, so you don't care if they're dangerous. But remember, we're always being watched in here for aberrant behavior. The psyches get nervous if you draw attention to yourself. Besides, it's just all around safer to blend into your surroundings rather than stand out, at least in classes." I shrugged, not really knowing how to explain exactly what I meant. Hopefully he'd get the idea.

I guess he understood, because he nodded once. He then took out a piece of paper from his notebook and wrote on it.

\--Did you have Thugs come in and guard your other classes? Is that normal?--

Ah, the ever-astute Mr. Yuy had noticed that too.

"Not all the male orderlies here belong in the Thug category, Heero," I replied, handing back the note. "And yeah, there's been two in every class I've been in today, as well as in the hallways. I don't know why, we didn't have them last year. Most of 'em are new, too. Maybe we got more funding or something." I shrugged.

\--I don't like it.--

"Neither do I," I paused and looked up in time to see a blond man walk into the room, followed by two new orderlies. "It just seems weird. Fishy, ya know?"

Heero nodded in response. Before we could communicate any more, though, the blond man at the front of the room started talking in a smooth, very cultured voice.

"Greeting, students. My name is Mr. Khushrenada," He wrote his name on the chalkboard in neat capital letters, then put the chalk down and brushed his hands off, careful not to get any chalk dust onto his clothing. "Judging from the size of the class, I'd say we have some very intelligent students here. Keep this in mind, because I will only expect the very best from you. If you do not give me your best effort, I shall have you put into another class."

Oh, wonderful, we have a teacher that actually expects something from us. Guess there would be no sliding through on this class. Actually, I was secretly pleased. I love a good challenge.

Mr. Khushrenada went on to explain his grading policy, then he told us all a little bit about himself. He was also one of the new administrators, and actually was an acting vice-principal, which was why he had been late for class. It turns out he has teaching and psychology degrees out the wazoo from some very impressive universities all over Earth and the colonies. Why the heck he had decided to work here is beyond me. It was obvious he could've had a job at any institution he desired.

Cal class seemed to fly by, and before I knew it I was saying goodbye to Heero outside the classroom door. The next class, Literature, passed uneventfully. Wufei and I sat in the back of the classroom (again) and listened to the teacher, Ms. Noin, ramble on about what exciting things we'd be covering in the worlds of metaphysical poetry. Again, the two guards/orderlies were guys I hadn't seen before. Judging from their facial expressions, I had a feeling that the Thugs were going to be gaining few new members. Not good news, not at all.

I guess I should stop to explain why I always migrate towards the back of the classroom. Well, it's pretty simple, I can see everyone, and most of them can't see me. That way if I actually bother to participate in class, I can be sure that I'm not the only one with my hand up or whatever. Besides, teachers tend to be more surprised when the back-of-the-room students do well. Some respect us more for not sucking up, some pull us aside and ask us why we're so apathetic towards the class. Either way, it's interesting.

And what would life here in Bryce be, if not interesting?

I'm telling you, though, I don't think I've ever looked forward to lunch so much in my entire life. Wufei and I, trailed by Meiran, hurried to the lunchroom. When we arrived, we saw the other guys had already gotten their trays and were waiting for us. So we got our plates and joined them, heading out to eat somewhere besides the smelly cafeteria. You see, all students eat at the same time. I, personally think it's because the administrators are too damn lazy to figure out shifts. They'd much rather give us a longer lunch period and let us all hash it out amongst ourselves. As long as we eat, they don't care when in the period we go get our food. Although nine times out of ten, it's mostly us guys fighting to be at the front of the lunch lines, while the girls come later in the period. I guess the ladies just aren't willing to brave us crazy teenage boys and our huge appetites.

So anyway, Wufei and I got our food and joined the others. We then found a nice, empty hallway and sat down in a circle to eat. For a few moments we were silent, save for the sound of munching and the occasional gulping noises. We are not exactly the most talented in the way of table manners, well, except for Quatre, that is. He can wolf down food and look polite at the same time. It's damn near amazing. Okay, and I guess Heero eats like a damn machine, all efficient and such. Well, and Wufei's actually rather dignified, too. Oh, yeah, and Trowa's food just seems to **disappear** from his plate.

Okay, all right, fine, so I'm the only one that isn't talented in the way of table manners. At least everyone knows I'm enjoying my food. 

After the edge had been taken off of our appetites, we started talking about the usual first-day-of-school type stuff. You know, the first impressions we had of our teachers, the other students, basically what normal kids in a normal school would discuss. Then, of course, since we are **not** normal kids, and we are definitely **not** in a normal school, our conversation took the inevitable turn towards the places that normal feared to tread.

"Yeah, well, I got bored in trig and kept trying to get readings on those guard guys, but for some reason I just couldn't get anything very clearly," I heard Quatre say to Wufei.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, turning to my blond friend.

"It's weird, even with Heero I could tell that he was sort of shielded," Quatre paused to take a sip of his drink. "With some of these guys I couldn't pick up anything at all. Have you tried any of your talents on them, Duo?"

I blinked. Come to think of it, I hadn't used any of my abilities on anyone at all today, save for the involuntary stuff I normally picked up. I had been so bored in class, so distracted with my own thoughts, and so damn wrapped up within myself thinking about the various bad things that had happened yesterday, that it hadn't even occurred to me to really bother with peeking at anyone's auras. I then realized that I still hadn't answered Quatre's question, and now he was looking at me strangely, as were my other friends.

"Um, no? I've been preoccupied," I squeaked out, before looking down at my food. God, I had been slipping lately. This afternoon I'd definitely be breaking out my blades. I really needed some sort of clarity.

"Oh, okay," Quatre shrugged, giving me a strange look. Oh, God, I hope he hadn't picked up on that last thought. I guess he didn’t, though, because he wouldn't have let it pass if he had.

Or maybe he had picked up on it, and maybe he understood my reasoning. I still don't know for sure. I'm not sure if I ever will.

"Meiran went looking around for a while in the middle of my biology class, which, by the way, was very, very boring. I glanced through the book, and I already know that stuff. I think I might ask to get transferred to chemistry with the rest of you guys," Wufei said. Meiran swatted the back of his head and said something to him, annoyance glimmering off of her. Whatever she said made Trowa laugh and Wufei blush. 

"Okay, okay, geez, I'm getting to that, woman! You don't have to threaten me! Anyway, she went looking around and she says that only a couple of the other classrooms are guarded with orderlies. Usually there aren't guards at all, or there is only one of them. She thinks that only selected rooms are being guarded, and it seems that they are the rooms we're in. Are you satisfied?" He turned to Meiran, who just nodded and smiled angelically at her husband and wrapped her ethereal arms around his neck gently. Wufei rolled his eyes and after a few seconds, returned her smile with one of his own.

"That is a possibility," Trowa said, considering.

Heero handed me the note he had been writing.

\--Maybe it has something to do with everything else that is going on.--

Oh, there was a wonderful thought. It's all connected! A vast, far-reaching conspiracy with roots in every aspect of our lives! How cheerful! Really. I'm not being sarcastic at all.

"Let's hope not," I joked out loud, feeling a distinctive sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It didn't effect my appetite, though, don't worry about that. "It's something to keep in mind, though."

I do believe that everyone else was unnerved by the topic of conversation, because after a few seconds of silent munching, Wufei changed the subject.

"So, we've got individual psych sessions after we finish eating?" Wufei asked me.

"Uh, yeah, sometimes you go in for the normal sessions, sometimes they have a panel of people, other times they do those physical type tests, like the inkblot or hypnosis," I replied, thankful that we had changed the subject. "I love inkblot tests, it's so fun to mess with the Drones. Once I said something looked like a big bloody shoe, and next thing I said was a flying snot-covered sock. I kept going on and on, each thing related to clothing covered with some sort of bodily fluid. I was very creative. When we got to the final thing, I said it looked like ink blotted on paper. The Drone loved that, let me tell you."

And so the conversation went along in a much lighter tone, at least until we had fifteen minutes left in the lunch break. We had all finished eating and were just sitting around talking, or observing, in Heero's case. Then, of course, it had to be ruined by those damn Thugs. I was reading something Heero had wrote down, my back facing the length of the hallway. I didn't notice their approach until I felt a malevolent presence burning at my back.

Glancing up, I saw Meiran floating beside Wufei with her arms and aura wrapping protectively around him. Trowa and Quatre had edged closer together, and Heero was glaring like there was no tomorrow. I groaned internally and slowly pivoted around and looked up into the leering faces of Alex and Mueller. The silence was thick as I quickly scooted away from them, into the center of our little circle, causing empty trays to skitter harshly across the linoleum floor.

Mueller laughed contemptuously, sneering down at us, then letting his gaze settle on me. "Don't worry about that, now, little Maxwell. We're hear to take Yuy to his session."

A mere glance in Heero's direction proved to be enough to cause me to wince. He was radiating anger mixed with fear and pain, but his expression was completely blank.

"Why are you getting him this early?" Trowa asked, his voice as cool and steady as his stare.

Alex shrugged, "They don't tell us these things. We're just do what we're told," he answered before turning to loom in Heero's general direction, "Now, come on, your little pals can take your tray back to the cafeteria for you."

Heero just glowered up at the two Thugs for a second before gracefully rising to his feet. Immediately Mueller grabbed his arm, his meaty hand covering the bruise he had made yesterday when he had gotten Heero for his session then. Alex laughed and followed his brother in the direction of the renovated wing.

We sat there and watched the trio make their way down the hallway, Alex and Mueller's heavy boots making solid thumps and scuffing the shiny floor as they walked down the long silent corridor. When they turned the corner at the end of the hall, I let out the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding.

Seeing as how the Thugs' little intrusion had kind of ruined our good moods, we just picked up and took our trays (I got Heero's) and returned them. We then went to the psych wing and sat in the hallway there, waiting for the exact time of our appointments to roll around. Sure enough, before we knew it, we were going into our separate little rooms to our separate little Drones, all to listen to our same separate psychobabble for the day. 

You know what? I've become a lot more cynical since I've found out I wasn't really crazy.

~ ~ ~ ~

I walked into my assigned Drone's office and immediately noticed that this Drone was new. Oh, goody, I can disillusion another aspiring young Freud wannabe. Ah, the joys of living in an asylum.

The Drone introduced herself as Dr. Po, and told me to just call her Sally. She looked to be fresh out of school, and a glance at one of the framed certificates hung on the wall proved my guess to be correct. I was surprised with Sally's approach. She didn't try and impress me, and she didn't even ask me about my Problems. She just chatted amiably with me about the weather controls, the school, classes, and general little bits of small talk.

About fifteen minutes through the hour, though, we had run out little things to chat about, and we were just sitting there quietly. Sally had told me that I didn't have to tell her anything today until I was ready, and for the moment she would be content playing solitaire while I considered if I wanted to talk. The only condition was that I couldn't just go to sleep. Not questioning this, I just sat and watched her play solitaire (she played the game with these neat holographic cards. They were cool.). 

Despite my best efforts, my mind started to wander, and before long I was staring at nothing and daydreaming. I found myself reviewing all that had happened yesterday, from the talk in the hollow tree to waking up and finding Heero standing by my bed. I then found myself planning how I would get my cutting done this afternoon. I'd have to be careful, even though the others knew about it, I was pretty sure that they wouldn't just let me go, "Hey guys, don't mind me, just gonna hack at my arms for a few minutes!"

Naw, that wouldn't go over well. So I planned to sneak the blades out casually before the others got to the room, hid 'em in the bathroom, and then go at it with them later tonight while I was "using the bathroom." If worse came to worse, I could probably sneak them out while they were in the room with me, if I was careful. 

Now, where would I do it? My upper arms had all healed up, so it'd probably best to do them. Oh, and not are parallel this time, they looked too deliberate, not to mention that the scarring would be hard to explain later. Yeah, I realize how twisted it is to think so damn rationally about something so bad, but that's the nature of my depression. Bite me.

So basically I was sitting there, just allowing my mind to wander into such unhealthy directions, my eyes glazed over as I daydreamed. It's a state I like to retreat into, usually quite comforting. Suddenly a wave of dizziness hit me, and before I knew it, I was no longer staring at Sally's holocards. Well, scratch that, I still was, but it was as though I were viewing a photograph that's negative had been double exposed. I closed my eyes, willing the sensation to go away, but instead, it just got stronger. As I watched Sally put the ten of clubs onto the jack of hearts, the feeling intensified tenfold.

__

Duo!

Heero's voice was filling my head, screaming my name in weird mixture of pain and horror. I scrunched my eyes tightly closed and tried desperately to hold onto consciousness as images flashed onto the back of my eyelids in rapid succession.

A vision of a younger Heero, dressed in a giant hospital gown, staring at a table in front of him.

A close up of the table, and I can see various building blocks strewn around its surface haphazardly.

Another vision, a longer one, this time of Heero at the age he is now, again strapped to that awful metal table. My friend had electrodes taped to his temples and various parts of his body. I couldn't make out any more of the room, but there was a lot of movement around the peripheral areas of the table. 

Heero then started screaming again, and his face was turning red from the effort he was putting against the restraints binding his wrists and ankles. I could plainly see the veins in his neck pulse as he inhaled in sharp, silent gasps. His eyes were closed tightly, but not tight enough to stop the tears leaking from the corners in tiny rivers of pain.

I felt my heart ache within my chest at the sight, and all I wanted to do was rip those damn electrodes off of him, free him from the restraints, and get him the hell out of there. Out of instinct, I felt my aura flare up, and I could see the edges of it burning brightly at the brink of my vision, reaching out and trying to merge with the vision of Heero in pain.

The vision focused suddenly on Heero's face, and I could see a single bead of sweat trickle down his forehead and land soundlessly onto the shiny metal surface of the table, mingling with the dark crimson that already stained its surface.

Everything froze. Heero's eyes opened with a snap, staring blue bullets of clear comprehension right into me.

I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like my heart and mind was going to explode, so I tore my eyes open. The visions of Heero's dark haunted gaze lingered in front of me for a moment before fading away completely. I blinked in wide-eyed shock, fighting to control myself. Looking quickly at Sally to see if she was paying attention or had noticed my distress, I received another shock.

As I watched, she carefully put a card down on the jack of hearts. It was the ten of clubs.

'But that just happened, right before the vision! Maybe she's playing another game, maybe it's just a fucked-up coincidence!' I remember thinking frantically, trying to rationalize the impossible in my mind. But a look at the clock and a small dose of common sense ruled that out immediately.

As I quietly sat and continued to watch Sally place her game of solitaire to the end, I could think of no other explanation. It was absolutely ridiculous, but it was the only thing possible.

Time had hiccuped.

Time is not supposed to hiccup.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

These new thoughts kept me going for most of the rest of my time in Sally's office. About ten minutes before the end of the session, however, a knock interrupted my musings.

"Come in," Sally said loudly, tossing me a slightly confused look.

The door opened immediately and in stepped Mueller. Of all the damn people I didn't want to deal with at the moment…argh. God must really hate me or something.

"What is it, sir?" Sally asked politely, getting straight to the point.

"Maxwell needs to go to his room now, Doctor. Apparently one of his roommates isn't feeling well and may need persuasion to go to class this afternoon. I was sent retrieve Maxwell. Those were my orders," the Thug said quickly, not looking directly at Sally, or at me, for that matter.

Sally waved her hand at him, "Okay, fine, just give me about thirty more seconds with him, okay?"

"But, Doct--"

"Leave now," Sally fairly growled at him. 

Mueller left.

I felt myself grinning despite myself. Mueller had run out of the room like a scolded dog. Then I realized that Sally was now looking at me. I felt my grin fade.

"Yes?" I asked innocently.

"Duo, you realize that every session you have with me will not be like this one. Next time we will have to discuss some of your problems and hallucinations, okay? Please realize that I will not judge you for anything you say, nor discuss it with anyone outside this room. I want you to trust me, and I sincerely do want to help you in any way that I can. Please remember that when I see you next week. No fooling around," She said, looking directly into my eyes with a no-nonsense glare.

"Okay," I squeaked out. Damn, at least she said what she meant. 

"Okay," Sally broke into a broad smile that positively lit up her face. "Now, go on. I hope your friend is okay."

"Thanks," I said as I left, waving over my shoulder. "See ya!"

Outside in the hallway, I glanced up a Mueller's face, expecting to see some sort of lurid or malicious smirk. Instead, he wasn't even looking at me, but staring down the corridor. I cleared my throat to get his attention, and he looked down at me angrily. Oops, guess I had derailed his little (toy) train of thought.

We turned in the direction of my room, with me leading the way. I was surprised that he was still following me, it wasn't as though he could do anything to me in these crowded hallways. He might get caught.

But anyway, I wasn't really too worried about myself at the moment. Instead all my thoughts were on Heero and what sort of terrible things they had done to him in his session today that would require me to help him make it to class. I mean, hell, if they're doing some sort of experiments on him, couldn't they at least try and be subtle? Don't they care that someone might get suspicious? Granted, the Drones aren't the most admirable lot when it comes to common sense, but any moron could pick up on Heero's bad condition when he came back from his sessions. Of course, they had managed to hide whatever they were doing in the renovated wing from me for four damn years. Does that make me a moron? Naw.

Soon we reached the room. As I reached out to open the door, I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. An icy bolt of fear traversed my spine at the contact. I had to restrain myself from shuddering.

"Maxwell, your time is still coming," Mueller hissed down at me. Perhaps I had pissed him off by not cowering before him as we walked down the halls, because he sure sounded angry.

I tried to shake his hand away from my shoulder. "Look, I don't care at the moment. I need to go in and check on my friend," I hissed right back at him. I didn't have time for his shit. Let him get mad at me, I needed to see if Heero was all right.

Mueller grinned and took a step back, dropping his hand. "Feisty today, aren't we? I'm supposed to stay here until you have checked up on Yuy and then escort you both to your last class," His smile turned into a leer and he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

"Peachy," I replied and fairly leapt into the room, shutting the door solidly behind me. I leaned against the smooth wood for a second. I could hear Mueller snickering all the way through the door. Yuck.

Then my reason for being here in the first place hopped back into the forefront of my mind and smacked me as I surveyed the room. Just as I had expected, Heero had retreated into his shrouded bunk and closed the sheet-curtains tightly. I couldn't see him, but my Lord, I could definitely see the visible pain seeping out of his aura through the thin cloth barrier.

I padded quietly up to the bunk and stood there a second in indecision. After a few seconds I took a deep breath and slowly pulled open the sheets shrouding the bunk. My heart almost broke right in there within my chest when I caught sight of my silent friend. He was curled up in a fetal position, soaked in sweat, and trembling uncontrollably. His eyes were shut tightly, but his face was otherwise emotionless. But above all, the pain radiating from him was the most disturbing.

Rolling off of him in dark waves, I almost dodged the dark waves out of instinct. Deep purple in color, they were almost solid, coming close to the tangible. Wherever they touched the shadows in Heero's little haven, shadow demons sprouted up and withered away spontaneously. It was one of the most chilling things I had ever seen.

Before I realized what I was doing, I had sat down and was pulling Heero into my lap, my arms wrapping automatically around him. I felt him latch onto me mindlessly, like a newborn baby clutches his mother's finger. I smoothed his dark hair out of his face and murmured wordless sounds of comfort, feeling a definite choking panic start to rise in my throat as a few of the dark waves of pain rolled up and into my face, momentarily clouding my vision and stabbing my eyes. Every time one of the dark waves touched me, I felt my skin flare up as though it were being pricked with thousands of tiny needles.

Then my hand felt something amiss, I looked down at the side of Heero's head. Right over his temple was a sticky residue. The vision of Heero with electrodes stuck all over him came hurtling back to me in full force. Had they been doing that to him while I was sitting, bored and daydreaming in Sally's office?

Oh, now there was a wonderful thought.

After a few minutes, I felt Heero's grip on my middle loosen. I looked down to see those haunted eyes looking up at me in hazy confusion.

"Hi," I whispered, not really knowing what to say. "Uh, are you alright? They came and got me from my session to check up on you. We still have to go to our last class in a few minutes."

Heero blinked a few times at me before pushing away, landing on his ass with a light thump on the floor. He ran a hand through his dark hair, tousling it back to its normal messy style. He then closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and gathered himself back into that tight little ball of control again. The transformation was downright amazing, and when he opened his eyes he looked at me with clear eyes.

"Well, I guess we're ready then?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "I got your messages earlier. Do you want to discuss them later?"

He sighed silently and nodded once, then shot me a grateful look as I helped him up off the floor. He adjusted his shirt, nodded again, and started toward the door. I followed, and Mueller fell into step behind us as we made our way to the art room, just like a really big, really ugly shadow with bad hair.

~ ~ ~ ~

When we walked into the art room, I was relieved to see that we weren't late, but I was happier still that we had finally ditched Mueller. I motioned towards one of the empty back tables, and Heero lead the way towards it. As we maneuvered around the other tables and kids, I noticed that there were big boxes of nontoxic crayons sitting on each table. Oh goody, back to kindergarten we go. Next thing we'll get to eat some play-doe. And no, I'm not being sarcastic here. I actually **like** play-doe…it's fun and yummy. 

What can I say? My inner child is a crack baby.

We had only just sat down at our chosen table when another guy plopped down in the chair beside me. Glancing over in surprise and annoyance, I immediately felt my spirits lift. Sitting beside me was another long-termer, and he had been in both my other years of art with me. The most laid back guy I know that's my age, my buddy, Howard.

Howard's a funny guy. See, he's a bit unusual around here. He's schizophrenic, but he's okay with it. Yeah, he has these strange ideas and delusions, but they don't bother him. Still, since he has them he must stay here. I don't think he minds that too much, either, as long as he gets to eat at our lovely cafeteria and occasionally watch some TV. 

Oh, and as long as they let him wear his beloved sunglasses. The Drones had to make that concession for him, I guess because he said it kept the spacemen from stealing his brainwaves. He confided in my once that he was just kidding about that so he could wear them around all the time. They were specially made out of an unbreakable, easily bendable titanium alloy with shatterproof lenses. Safe and stylish, I have yet to see Howard without his shades.

So anyway, I introduced Howard and Heero. Heero just nodded silently and went back to staring at the front of the classroom. Howard just shrugged and got out a red crayon from the box sitting on our table. He started coloring a nice big orchid on the sleeve of his shirt.

Then my favorite teacher, Ms. Une, walked in the door and plopped a big bag down on her desk at the front of the room. I absolutely adore that woman. She's a former student of our little asylum, one of the success stories they tell us about. She's a split personality, and she says that she still has problems switching personalities. For the most part she's got it under control enough to live amongst the normals, which is really the whole point. 

"Hi, class," she said hurriedly as she adjusted her glasses and flipped her loose hair back over her shoulder. "I'm Ms. Une, welcome to Art III. You may notice the crayons on your desk…like Howard has…" Howard waved at her. "Um, anyway, that's because I don't know if all of you can be trusted yet with things like markers and clay and sharp pointy objects. So if you prove to me that I can trust you with crayons, we can move on and do some real art, okay?"

The door opened and Alex and Mueller stalked in, wearing identical ugly grins. They stationed themselves at either side of the door. Ms. Une gave them a weird look and continued talking, but she finally stopped and turned towards the pair.

"Why are you in my classroom?" She asked sweetly.

"Ma'am, we're supposed to be monitoring for violence," Alex responded.

"Why just now? If this is a new policy, then I should have been notified. Why wasn't there anyone guarding any of my other classes today?" Ms. Une questioned.

"I don't know," Alex responded, rolling his eyes.

Oh, that was a mistake.

"Well, I assure you I can take care of my own class all by myself. I am competent enough to deal with any violence on my own. Please leave," she responded in a cold voice. 

Of the few times in the past that I had seen Ms. Une's other personality rear up, I knew the warning signs when I saw them. She was about to turn evil and sooooo kick someone's ass. Evidently Alex and Mueller knew the warning signs, too, because they paled visibly.

"How about we stand outside, then?" Mueller asked.

"Fine, just go away," Ms. Une said sweetly with underlying steel lacing her voice as she waved them out the door.

They left without another word. Ha! It had been the second time today someone had told Mueller off. The big bully can't stand up to another adult, I guess. Must be why he insists on terrorizing those of us small than him. Asshole.

So anyway, we started on our first projects a few minutes later, a crayon sketch. Every art class I had ever been in always started with this, so I knew the drill. After the incompatible students had been weeded out, we'd get to move on to some painting and other interesting stuff.

I let my mind wander and my hand sketch. After a few minutes I glanced over to see how Howard was doing. He hadn't touched his piece of paper, but now he was putting the finishing touches on a very bright, very spiffy, homemade Hawaiian shirt. He had to take off his shirt to accomplish this, but he was wearing an undershirt so no one minded too much. I swear, only he could get away with that, but damn, it was pretty cool. He slipped the shirt over his head and smiled, then reached forward to grab a piece of paper.

Noticing my look, Howard looked up and grinned at me, showing off his artwork. I grinned back before glancing over to the other side of me at what Heero was doing. My silent friend was drawing seemingly random patterns on his paper, but with a slightly closer inspection, I could vaguely start to make out lines subtly forming into definite shapes among the squiggles. I shrugged and went back to working on my own picture, a storm over a mountain that I had seen in a picture book once. 

There's something about the beauty of destruction that fascinates me, and it shows in my art. I love looking at pictures of tornadoes, tidal waves, fires, storms, lightning, and the like. Rarely have I gotten a chance to see any of that stuff in person, but it sure is cool. There is beauty in destruction, a paradox of nature. At least I think so, anyway. Maybe I'm just morbid like that.

As I worked, I filled Heero in on Ms. Une and her former student status. He just ignored me and continued his seemingly aimless scrawling. Unperturbed, I chattered on as I worked on a tree being struck by lightning. You know what? Crayons aren't nearly as versatile as other materials, you have to be careful because it's hard to fix your mistakes. At least, it seems that way to me. I couldn't wait to move on to pastels. They were nice and messy.

I glanced back over to check out Heero's progress. I almost had to scrape my jaw off the floor. A real picture had emerged from the casual scribbling and random sharp lines. It was a bit surreal, but it was obvious that it was our room. A figure lay on the floor, legs and arms askew, and another figure stood above him. Leaning closer, I could tell the figure on the ground was probably me, noting the long brown braid trailing from the figure's head. Standing above me was Quatre, evident from the blond hair colored on the figure.

It looked vaguely familiar, and I racked my brain to figure out why. Then it hit me up the side of the head: it was a picture of when Quatre had just walked into our room and met me for the first time. I had been so surprised when he walked into the room that I had fallen off my bed. (I hadn't been paying attention.) But how had Heero known about that? We had never discussed it before.

Disturbed, I went back to my own drawing, but I couldn't concentrate on it. What did all of it mean? I couldn’t think clearly, so instead I started planning and thinking about my plans for breaking out my blades when I got back to the room. Maybe that would clear my mind. Maybe then I could consider things better.

In retrospect, I realize that it would have helped, but I was so far gone on that little habit that it was almost a necessary compulsion that had to be fulfilled if I were to function properly. I still don't really know why, but watching those crimson rivers leak from my broken and slashed skin gave me some inner sense of peace, a sickly calming sensation. For a short while, I could focus on something other than my internal pain. I don't know, it's a complicated thing that I still try and figure out. I don't know if I ever will.

In no time at all, class ended. We put away our various drawings and scurried out the door in droves, passing Mr. Khushrenada on his way into the room, I guess to see Ms. Une. I glanced back for a second look, and saw their auras mingling slightly. I quickly looked away, feeling like I was intruding, and kept walking. Heero tagged along silently beside me, appearing to be completely recovered from his earlier session. We headed straight back to the room, and sure enough, when we got there the other guys were just arriving too.

We all filed into the room and collapsed onto our respective beds…well, okay, Quatre plopped down next to Trowa on his bunk, and Heero sat on the edge of mine, dangling his feet in the air. As we unwound from our first day of classes, we started discussing various things. Before long Heero had hopped down from my bunk and was occupied with something or other in his own bunk. I saw my opportunity and quietly reached into the little crack over the shelf level with my bed, searching for my nice, sharp blades.

They weren't there.

Instead of pulling out my blades, I found myself pulling out a small, neatly folded square of paper. Unfolding it, I found myself staring down at Heero's machine neat, all capital-lettered handwriting.

\--You don't need those.--

Okay, where the hell did he get off telling me what I did and didn't need? I hopped down from my bunk and jerked aside his curtain. He was sitting there on his bed, cross-legged and seemingly waiting for me.

"Give them back," I seethed angrily.

He shook his head once. This just pissed me off more and I grabbed the front of his shirt, leaning forward to be eye level with him.

"They aren't yours. They…are…mine!" I hissed at him, probably spitting in his face. He didn't react immediately. After a few moments, he just calmly reached up and put his hands on mine where I was gripping his shirt.

Then he smiled slightly and shook his head again.

By this time, the other guys had noticed something was up and were looking strangely at me. Wufei crept up behind me and tapped me gingerly on the shoulder.

"What's wrong?" He asked quietly.

"Nothing," I muttered, dropping my hands from Heero's shirt. He didn't let go of my hands, however. I suddenly felt all the anger drain out of me. It was replaced by a sudden bone-weariness that saturated my whole body. "Never mind."

Heero pulled me down to sit beside him on his bed, and he held out a prepared note to the other guys, who had sat down on Trowa's bunk opposite us.

\--I took away his razor blades.--

"Good," Trowa said, nodding his approval.

Quatre looked at me with wide, eagerly shining eyes. "You had blades? Where'd ya get them?"

Oh, damn, I hadn't counted on that. I didn't want Quatre to be able to cut, so how could I expect Heero to let me do it to myself? Well, color me hypocritical. Damn.

"Why? I thought we had helped…?" Wufei started to ask, his dark eyes very wide. Meiran was looking at me with almost an identical expression of shock, and she was gripping tightly to her living husbands arm.

"I don't know anymore," I whispered dejectedly. "I don't want to talk about it."

And so we didn't. Instead I found a better question to occupy us.

"How'd you know where I kept them?" I turned to ask Heero.

He held up another prepared note.

\--I can't say.--

"Blocked from saying?" Wufei asked.

Heero nodded.

"Well, damn, that doesn't really help at all, does it?" I joked, thankful to be moving onto another subject, no matter how unpleasant it was. "Hey, anybody got homework?" I asked, remembering that we still needed to talk about the little vision Heero had sent me this afternoon.

No one did, so we decided to go outside and hang out there, shielded from any prying eyes. Besides, if we were out there, it would be harder for the Thugs to find us. They couldn't come for Heero if they didn't know where he was, right? Not to mention they couldn't try anything else on me or mess with the other guys. I'm a big believer in removing the object of temptation. 

And no, that is **not** the same as avoidance. Avoidance is for cowards, removing yourself from a dangerous situation is smart. There is a huge difference.

~ ~ ~ ~

We made our way outside to the arbor in a roundabout way, doubling back on our route several times, just to give the impression that we wandering aimlessly. All we took with us was Heero's little notepad and pen, and we even concealed those.

Finally we made it out to our big hollow tree. Crawling in, I couldn't help but feel all secretive and excited. Hey now, it's not every crazy boy that gets involved in conspiracies and such interestingly terrifying troubles. Besides, it helps to think of it as a game, because if I really let it all get to me, then I might go insane for real.

Soon we were all settled in our little circle, the flashlight left off to conserve the batteries. I started off by telling the others what had happened while I was sitting in Sally's office, from the details of the vision right down to the little hiccup time in time. You should have seen the look on Wufei's face when I said that. Heero just sat there, sizing up the other's reactions and nodding in all the right places during my little speech.

"So what you're saying is that time went backwards for a second while you had your vision?" Quatre finally asked, his eyes wide and shining in the low light, voice echoing slightly in the hollow of the trunk.

I shrugged, "That's what happened."

"But that's impossible!" Wufei exclaimed suddenly, looking like he was trying to rationalize the whole thing in his mind, and failing miserably.

"So is seeing dead people," Trowa deadpanned.

Leave it to Trowa.

"But what about the vision itself? The thing with the table and the blocks is new, right?" Quatre asked, steering the conversation back in the direction it needed to be heading.

Heero nodded, then wrote for a minute.

\--I am doing the best I can to give you clues. I cannot do more. It hurts. I am sorry.--

That about summed it up, didn't it? Heero could throw us hints, but we had to make the connections.

"Well, as long as we're at a temporary dead end on that, is there anyway that we can help you break through these fail-safes, Heero?" Wufei piped up suddenly. Meiran nodded from behind him. Half of her was inside the tree, the other half was poking outside. It was mildly unsettling at first, but I'd gotten used to it.

"Yeah, is there anything we can do?" Quatre asked, concern emanating from him.

Heero just shrugged hopelessly.

"Let me guess," I started, "You can somehow break through those fail-safes in the middle of your experiments because you're already under a lot of pain, right?"

Heero blinked in surprise and nodded.

I continued, making a few connections in my mind as I continued talking, "And you can do it in your sleep because the fail-safes are in your unconscious and conscious mind, but in dreams you can control your subconscious somehow. Your conscious mind has to catch up, but it takes a little while?"

Heero nodded again, this time with a slight smile on his face. He looked so nice when he smiled…

It all went downhill from there, and the conversation just kept going in circles. It seemed that we needed more information, but none of us really wanted to actually have anything happen that would give us that information. It was a lot to think about, and we could only take so much heavy thinking in small doses.

But…we were making progress.

~ ~ ~ ~


	5. Chapter 5

Eventually we were forced to leave the tree due to the impending artificial nightfall (and our rumbling stomachs). We cunningly left our little hollow haven and took an intricate route back to the building, entering through a different door than the one from which we had left. Satisfied and feeling mildly like bad asses, we nonchalantly sauntered our way to get our meds and dinners.

After we ate we just headed back to our room, not really in the mood for exploring the renovated wing or risking any Thug encounters. Besides, I don't know about the other guys, but I was absolutely bushed from being up and occupied all day. The only bad thing about summer is that it tends to make you very lazy. That is, you get used to your own schedule of activity, and it's hard to go back to having to deal with someone else's. It's like losing a huge measure of freedom, a precious commodity in the normal world, never mind in this place.

And so with very little further discussion, and certainly none of the type of heavy conversation we had been indulging in lately, we found ourselves sitting around yawning enough to change the air pressure in the room. Before long we were shuffling around, making our preparations for going to bed and setting out our things for the morning.

Right about the time when we were all ready for to go to bed, I realized that I had a mildly Earth-shattering, scary dilemma to consider. Last night I had moved from my bunk down to Heero's after he had delivered me a visionary dream. Sleeping in my friend's embrace was very nice, not to mention the wonderful way I think he guarded me from the dream demons. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I had actually felt comfortable and rested when I woke up this morning, despite the momentary confusion about the emotions the whole situation had sparked in me. 

In other words, I was reluctant to return to sleeping alone again, but also very afraid to let anyone know that. Wufei turned out the light, though, ending my deliberations. Reluctantly I climbed up on my bunk, since I was way too timid to impose myself on Heero again. I cursed my idiocy silently as I pulled back the sheets. With a sigh I burrowed under my covers, trying to swallow the lump of discomfort and anxiousness that had crept up into my chest. I laid my head down on my pillow in the darkened room, only to jerk it right back up again. Something was on my pillow, something thin.

Propping myself up on my elbow, I felt at my pillow blindly in the darkness. My hand encountered a folded piece of paper, obviously placed right in the middle of my pillow for me to find when I put my head down. Feeling a slightly soaring feeling attack my heart, I unfolded the note. 

\--You can come back if you want.--

It was written in a larger version of Heero's neat writing, I guess so I could read it easily in the darkness. When the hell had he put that there? Come to think of it, when the hell had he taken away my blades? Surely he hadn't done those things when he had gotten back from his session. He had been a trembling wreck, and I'm sure he would have fell off the bunk and cracked his noggin open if he had tried to get up here and take the blades. It baffled me.

I leaned my head upside-down over the side of the bunk, gripping the edge in one hand and the note in the other. Peeking up at me between the slit in his sheet-curtains, I caught a glimpse of shining blue piercing through the gloom. My braid slipped over my shoulder, down from the bed, and connected with the side of Heero's mattress with a soft thump, bouncing slightly off the side of the mattress and coming to swing in front of the open slit of the curtain.

After a few seconds, the shining blue eyes blinked, and I felt a gentle tug on my hair. Heero's hand had emerged from his shrouded bed and was grasping the end of my braid carefully, his thumb caressing the free bits of hair below the band at the bottom. Oh so slowly, I let go of my grip on the edge of my bunk and eased my arm down, my sleeve catching slightly as I reached. Tentatively I covered his hand on my braid with my own nervous grasp. Then I stopped, feeling my heart catch in my chest as Heero's hand twisted in my grip and entwined my fingers with his.

It was at this exact moment that I let out the breath I had been holding. Unfortunately, I was still holding onto Heero's note with the hand that was not dangling off the side of the bunk. The slight shift in my weight as I exhaled just happened to be enough to cause me to lose my balance.

I gasped as I felt myself start to tumble face first off my bed, and I'm sure my eyes almost popped out of my head in shock. I felt icy terror hit me like a splash of cold water, and time seemed to slow down as I felt my stomach leap up into my throat. Certainty of impending intense pain jolted through me like a current, and I squeezed my eyes shut out of pure instinct. I didn't let go of Heero's hand, but I scrabbled frantically against the smooth cotton sheets of my bed with the other, trying to find purchase among the twisted sheets and failing miserably.

Suddenly I felt Heero's hand jerk, and I found myself falling. My fall wasn't far, however, because I was stopped midair, my legs still tangled up in my sheets on the bed, my upper body cradled in Heero's arms. I blinked in surprise up at my friend's dark blue stare. He was wincing in pain as he hoisted me back up onto my own bunk. Despite this, however, he didn't let go of me completely. Looking down I saw that our hands were still linked. After a few seconds, the pained look on his face was replaced with one of relief and amusement, a mix of emotions that far outbalanced his usual blank expression.

Once I was safely up on my bunk, I caught my breath and waved the note at Heero. He looked at it, looked at me, then glanced back down at his bed pointedly. We stayed like that, him standing on the floor and me sitting up and looking down from my bed for a small eternity, silently communicating with our eyes. (The other guys would tell me later that it wasn't even a few seconds. They were all still awake and watching, but for some reason I didn't notice. I guess I was distracted. Go figure.)

I felt myself nod once, almost involuntarily. I felt Heero's hand let go of mine, and for a second I felt my heart skip as he wrapped his arms around my waist and easily lifted me down from my bed. He plunked me gently down onto his own mattress, careful not to snag my braid on anything. Once again I marveled at my friend's strength. There was no doubt in my mind that considering we were relatively the same height and build, Heero was one strong guy. There was no way in hell I would have been able to just pluck him up off a perch and easily put him down without seriously messing up my back. It made me wonder darkly, as I considered whether there was an unnatural reason behind Heero's intense strength.

Then all coherent thought fled my mind as the dark haired boy carefully settled down beside me, drawing closed the sheets enshrouding his bed. Just as he did last night, he watched my face as he edged his wiry arm around and under me, cautiously moving closer to me and pulling up the thin sheet up to cover the both of us. Deciding to be a tad bold, I turned on my side and snuggled up to my friend, wrapping one of my legs over his and eased my arm gently around his waist. I smiled up at Heero's obvious surprised eyes and laid my head next to his on the pillow, breathing deeply of his unique scent.

As we drifted off to a peaceful slumber, I felt a feather soft caress of lips on my cheek. Then I was lost in a land of pleasant dreams.

~ ~ ~ ~

I slept the entire night without being disturbed by any dream demons, and Heero did not send me any more disturbing visions. Ever so often, though, I would hear the familiar leather-winged flapping sound of a dream demon approaching in my peaceful slumber, but they would suddenly be flicked away by an unseen, powerful force. I'm now sure it was Heero's influence, and not just a random event.

Instead of having visions or nightmares, I kept having the same maddeningly wonderful dream, over and over. It was a blessing, but now I realize that it was really a curse.

I would be floating in the air, suspended weightless in a cavern made of pure, softly glowing silvery light. For a while I would just revel in the freedom that I felt, dancing in midair and investigating the nuances of the silvery cavern walls. 

Then I would feel a presence behind me, and turning in midair, I would find myself suddenly hurtling forward down a succession of softly glowing tunnels, all of which emanated different warm glows. As I changed tunnels, there would be flashes of things, far too quick for me to glimpse before I was in the next one. Finally, I would arrive in a cavern like the first, except it radiated a mild dark brown hue instead of silver. Instead of the light emanating from the walls, there was a single light source in the bottom of the cave, shining upwards. Looking around, I saw the others. 

Trowa floated beside Quatre, and I was startled to see them sporting huge, beautiful wings that kept them suspended in the air. Trowa's wings were sparkling with a lovely silver color, and Quatre's were a brilliant shining bronze. I smiled and waved at them, then flapped easily up to me while I looked around some more. 

I would then catch sight of Wufei and Meiran, clasping hands and floating on identical light gray shining wings. I blinked in shock at the two of them, because Meiran was actually affecting Wufei when she touched him. As she brushed her other hand over his arm and floated closer to him, I could see the fabric of his sleeve shift under her fingertips. It was beautiful and sweet, as they were finally reunited in the same plane. It was a shame it was all just a dream.

The five of us met in the center of the golden cavern, and Quatre pointed behind me. Turning in midair, I realized that I too, had wings. Funny I hadn't noticed before, it seemed like they had always been a part of me. Of course, I realized in the back of my mind, since this was a dream, then there was nothing to say they **hadn't** always been there.

My wings were pure ebony, except for the edging feathers, which despite their dark color I was able to see right through. I moved one of the wings gracefully, feeling the ripple of muscles in them as they stretched and turned, pure grace practically oozing from their beautiful form. My feathers shimmered in the light and I felt a wonderful, liberating joy fill me as I gently flapped my wings. With the identical shimmering robes we were all wearing, I'm positive that we were quite an awesome sight. We shared the ability to fly, we were free, and we were happy. This was truly cool dream. Now all we needed was Heero…

As if on cue, the five of us turned on wing to look at a place on a particular wall, and suddenly a tunnel opening came into existence on its surface, blazing forth a brilliant blue light the color of Heero's eyes. Before we could successfully blink back the glare, the light was gone. Floating in midair before us, on wings of pure, glowing white, was Heero. His eyes and countenance fairly glowed with vibrant life, and he looked positively exquisite.

Heero opened his mouth, clearly intending to speak. I could feel the anticipation filling the large cavern shatter when the dream would end at this moment, bathing the whole world in a fiercely whistling, red and orange light show. Then the dream would start over, always the same as before, repeating everything exactly down the very last detail.

All in all, it was a lovely, joyful dream, but I felt as though I should have been seeing and paying more attention to the little details. Looking back at this dream with all the knowledge I have now, I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of the subtle symbolism of it. As beautiful as it was, it foreshadowed many things. Some of these things were wonderful, some were terrible, and one of them I fear is about to come to pass very soon. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself again, aren't I?

~ ~ ~ ~

Waking up the next morning was a pleasant experience. It was like coming out of a warm shower, feeling all relaxed and refreshed, as though a single night's sleep had the ability to cleanse my very soul. Needless to say that when Quatre poked his head into Heero's bunk to wake us up, I was **not** amused.

I waved Quatre away, and he just muffled his giggle and mouthed that we had fifteen minutes till breakfast. Well, peachy. That meant I could lay here and nap (cuddle) for about ten more minutes. If it suits me, I can be amazingly quick at getting ready in the morning. I would rebraid my hair in home EC if I had to, just so I could stay here a little while longer.

This in mind, I tightened my grip around Heero's waist and buried my head in the crook of his neck, nuzzling at the juncture where his shoulder and neck met. I couldn't help marveling at the subtle coiled strength contained in the hard muscles under such smooth skin. It was this very thought that started firing off alarm bells in my head again. What was I thinking? This was my friend, right? I didn't think I was gay, but then, I had never felt anything like this before at all with girls…or anyone at all, for that matter. Maybe it was just Heero. I wasn't sure then, and I'm not sure now. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter.

As I breathed in Heero's scent, I felt him shift slightly under my arms and his embrace around me tightened ever so slightly. I lifted my head up, blinking sleepily so he'd think I just woke up, too. Couldn't have him wondering about me, now could I? Imagine my surprise when he just blinked at me and settled his head back down on the pillow, gazing at me with sleepy eyes. I felt his chest rise under me and fall in a deep sigh, and then he closed his eyes and burrowed the point of his chin into the messy hair of my bangs, gently grazing the top of my head when I laid it back down. I felt myself almost purr in response to the simple gesture, and shut my eyes. I nestled closer to my friend, basking in the mutual warmth we had generated under the thin sheet that blanketed us.

Finally, I realized that we had to get up if we were going to go eat breakfast with the other guys. Regretting my ferocious appetite for the first time in my life when I felt my stomach rumbled, I sighed and propped myself up on one elbow, only pulling slightly out of the entangled knot of limbs we had become. I unhooked my arm from where it had been gripping his waist and gently brushed some of his bangs away from his forehead, and I remember marveling at the softness of the messy dark hair. As I looked down at my friend, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. I was so grateful that he had guarded my dreams again, and I felt so distressed over the plight he was going through. And then there were those new feelings, ones that were totally alien to me…

Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned forward and softly kissed Heero's forehead, lingering for just a moment, smelling the clean scent of his hair as it tickled my nose. I then realized what I was doing and leaned back, embarrassed and afraid. I watched with mounting fear as Heero's dark eyes fluttered open, and his gaze landed on me. For a moment, my silent friend looked puzzled, then he reached his hand up and rubbed his forehead very softly, a slight look of disbelief passing through his eyes as he just stared at me for the longest time.

I felt my heart seize up in my chest. Was he disbelieving because he thought I was making assumptions, or because he couldn't believe I had done that? I was so full of doubt that I felt I was going to burst, and I couldn't help but feel an intense craving for my blades again. Then I remembered how Heero had taken them away and mentally cursed his good intentions. 

Thoughts raced through my mind as I lay there and blinked stupidly at my friend. I honestly thought my head was going to explode. I got this sudden mental picture of my head just going up in a huge mushroom cloud, little chunks of skull and gray matter splattering all over the place. And yes, I realize that is very gross and disgusting. These things help distract me, okay?

Finally, Heero stopped staring at me and propped himself up on his elbow so he could face me. With a look of intense concentration, he laid his other hand the back of my neck and pulled my head close to his. I could feel his bangs mingling with my own, tickling my forehead. We were so close that I could feel his warm breath as it mingled with my own rapidly breathing. He rubbed the back of my neck lightly for a few more seconds, just looking into my blushing face with a look so tender that I felt my heart begin to pound.

He kissed me.

I still can't believe it. I was so completely and utterly shocked that I just lay there, letting him move his lips against mine sweetly. It was the most tender and wonderful thing I have ever felt in my entire life. After a few seconds he broke away and looked down, a dark blush on his usually blank face. I realized that even though I enjoyed the kiss, I hadn't responded. Disappointment was feathering very slightly off of him. I couldn't let that happen. No.

So I leaned forward and kissed him back.

I do believe I caught him by surprise, because for a split second he didn't respond. Then I guess he got over the shock, because he moved his lips back, lightly teasing them across the surface of my lips. I felt the hand behind my neck pull me closer, and I relented, allowing myself to be pulled flush with Heero's body, feeling myself sinking into the blissful sensation.

Then I felt something new, another slight pressure at the entrance to my mouth, between my moving lips. Opening my mouth slightly, I felt Heero's tongue flick across the underside of my upper lip. Shuddering at the new sensation, I returned the gesture, our tongues sparring playfully in a lusty battle. As the kiss continued, all my worries dropped away. No more dreams or shadow demons, no more renovated wing, no more experiments, no more pills, no more blades, no more depression, no more visions, no more fear. Heero's body and Heero's mouth became my entire universe, the only thing important, the only thing that mattered.

I poured my heart and soul into the kiss, surrendering to the sensations as I found myself pinned slightly underneath Heero's body. His weight was delicious, and I felt a moan deep within my throat as one of his hands caressed my neck and collarbone, the other buried itself in the base of my braid at the back of my neck. Time was irrelevant where we were now. It had ceased to exist.

A radiant eternity later, we broke apart, both our faces hot and flushed as we panted softly for breath. Our gazes locked together as we lay there, him half on top of me, my legs entwined through his, our arms embracing each other tightly. For what seemed like an hour, but was really only a minute, we stayed like this, exchanging a silent communication as our hearts beat a legato rhythm in time with each other.

That morning, no matter how delicious the food might have really been, all I could taste was Heero.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Morning classes passed by amazingly quickly. I guess it's because I wasn't really paying much attention. Call me distracted, because I was worried about those new orderlies guarding us, my encounter with Heero, and all that other crap I was being forced to deal with lately. 

I don't think Hilde noticed my distraction in Home EC. We were going over safety procedures again in Chemistry, but I think Mr. Khushrenada noticed my spaciosity. (Is that a word? HA! I invented a word!) I think it was because I was staring at the same simple limit problem for about five minutes without writing anything. He came over to my desk and loomed over my for a moment, his shadow casting down on my desk and paper for a good few seconds before I even noticed. I looked up guiltily, and blinked at him. He just raised one strangely shaped eyebrow and glanced down at my paper. I didn't space out again. In Lit class, Ms. Noin had us read some actually pretty decent short stories. One of them was about the devil…sorta. It was implied, actually. Well, at any rate, it was not the regurgitated bullshit I was expecting.

Finally lunchtime rolled around. Me and Wu hurried our asses to the lunchroom and successfully beat the other guys to the lunch line, as well as the majority of the other guys running to the chow line. We waited patiently outside the stinky cafeteria until the other guys rushed out, letting out large exhalations from holding their breath as they left.

Finding an empty hallway, we settled down in our little circle and started to nosh on the burgers they had been serving today. Real beef and real cheese, made from real cows and such. Wonderful, nothing like farm grown true dead cow muscle. Yum. We just talked about normal stuff for once, completely and utterly innocent and niceties. Well, okay, I'll admit, normal for us is probably not really considered normal for other people.

"Yeah, so I'm sitting there, minding my own business and looking at the structure of a plant cell, and suddenly the guy next to me snatches my book and started jabbering about space monkeys. Then he started pulling pages out of my book and started balling them up and throwing them at me, calling me a 'damned infidel,'" Wufei was saying.

I snorted, "So, what did you do?"

"Nothing. One of the guards jumped forward, grabbed the guy, and hauled him away," Wufei replied, shrugging.

"Supposedly, that's why they're there," Quatre said, "But somehow I doubt it's that simple."

"Of course not," Trowa agreed.

Heero handed me a note.

\--What about group session today?--

"Oh, good point," I mused, handing the paper back. "What are we going to do about that? We can't exactly just say the whole truth, now can we?"

"No, they'd either split us up or lock us up for good," Quatre said as he brushed his light bangs out of his eyes.

"True," Wufei agreed, nodding. "Perhaps we can give the absolute, brutally honest truth."

"What if we contradict one another? Should we just make sure not to agree or confirm that we're seeing and hearing and sensing the same stuff or what?" I asked. Heero quickly wrote out a note and handed it to me.

\--Doesn't matter. We're crazy, remember?--

Heero just shrugged imperceptibly. I swear I caught a glimmer of sarcastic glee in his eyes.

"Well, that's true," I agreed, shrugging. "So--"

I cut off in mid-sentence, because at the end of the hallway, facing me, stepped Alex and Mueller, trailed by one of the new orderlies. Oh, great. Couldn't they just go off in a corner and die? No, that would be way too convenient and a great service to the world. Can't have that, no sir.

After watching them a few seconds, I realized the new orderly, a guy with dark hair, a friendly face, and sideburns, was the same guy that had been guarding my Home EC class that morning. He looked vaguely curious and uncomfortable, but he was masking it very well. He was probably a new friend of the Thug brothers' that they wanted to show off in front of, or something equally sadistic and frivolous, I'm sure.

"What?" Quatre asked curiously, turning around, and upon spying the approaching menaces, immediately scooted over to the side of the hallway to sit beside Trowa.

We just sat there, waiting patiently for the three large men to stalk their way towards us. Looking around the hallway, I suddenly felt all the color drain from my face. We were currently completely alone in the hallway, relatively far away from the normally traversed corridors during lunch. 

I felt movement on both sides of me, and I looked over to see Heero scooting up right beside me on one side, Wufei on the other. Meiran had her shining arms held out in front of Wufei, shimmering out little red peals of anger mixed with the nervous energy she was using towards protection. Then Trowa and Quatre scooted back till they were seated right in front of us. Our trays had been pushed aside somewhere in the process.

Looking at the little protective circle surrounding me, I felt my heart threaten to go into meltdown despite my mounting fear. Our auras were mingling and mixing together, forming a multi-colored dome that stretched out in all directions, obliterating all the rage demons circling Wufei and the worry demons that preyed on Trowa. Even the shadow demons could not survive in our little haven of protection. Sadly, it wouldn't be able to stop the Thugs if they tried anything, but it was comforting for me nevertheless.

"Hello," Mueller called out cheerfully, a nasty smirk already gracing his equally nasty face. "How are we enjoying our meal today?"

None of us answered.

"Well, we're not going to be polite to our new friend, or say hello?" Alex asked, leaning forward over us. He and Mueller exchanged a merry look, then glanced back at their companion. He shot them a brilliantly steady leer when they turned towards him, but dropped the expression when they turned back.

"Guess we'll just have to teach you a lesson," Mueller said gleefully, reaching straight towards me with his large hand outstretched. The violent purple of his aura burst viciously into our combined auras, shattering our dome of protection.

"Someone could come along at any minute," Wufei said suddenly, reaching out lightning quick to grab Mueller's wrist. I was shocked, but I sent him a grateful look.

Alex laughed, "No, they won't. We checked. You're the only people eating in this entire wing. We made sure that it'll stay that way for a while, too."

Mueller grabbed Wufei's wrist with his other hand. The contrast of his large hand encircling Wufei's slender wrist was downright shocking. He brutally wrenched Wufei's hand away from where my Chinese friend was grasping his wrist. Wufei stifled a cry and grabbed his offended wrist, rubbing it. He wouldn't be able to carry anything with that arm for the next few days.

Then Mueller grabbed my shoulder, and roughly hauled me bodily to my feet. As Mueller jerked me up from the floor and about ten feet down the hallway from my friends, I saw Heero jump up and start towards us. Alex grinned and grabbed both of Heero's upper arms, then brutally kicked his legs out from under him and shoved him back down to the ground onto his stomach. Alex then straddled Heero's lower back and held pinned his hands behind him tightly to hold him in place. 

Heero flopped and struggled, but then Alex wrenched one of his arms up almost enough to break it. Jerking away from Mueller enough to turn around, I shook my head at Heero, "Don't get your arm broken for me. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything. Please, just stop." I whispered, begging Heero with my eyes, then glancing back at my other friends hoping that they would do the same. I didn't think I could handle it if they got hurt because of me.

Alex sneered and hissed right into Heero's ear, "He's right, you know. No reason to get damaged on that little nut's account," He turned to my other friends, "If you try anything, I'll break his arm."

Mueller turned me around and shoved me face first against the wall, holding me there with one hand on the back of my neck, my head turned in the direction of the others, my ear pressed painfully against the wall. He then turned to the new orderly, "Enjoying the show, Otto? This is Maxwell, he's a little troublemaker. We deal with troublemakers our own way sometimes."

I strained my vision out of the corner of my eye to take in this new guy, Otto. His aura was dampened, and it was very hard to get a clear read out of it. Judging strictly from his facial expression and stance, he was really into what was happening, but nervousness and discomfort flared at the edges of his aura. Along with those two prevalent feelings, a strong overall sense of loyalty was streaming off of him subtly, but it was directed to a place that I couldn't discern, and definitely not at the Thugs terrorizing us. Maybe he was only here because he had been pressured into it. I can see it now, 'Come on, Otto, come fuck with the cute little crazy kids. Everybody's doing it! Just one try, you'll like it. Come on, are you some kind of pansy? Don't like having fun?'

Ugh. Peer pressure.

Suddenly, Mueller's hand on my neck tightened, and I could barely breath. Then I felt hot breath on the skin between his hand and the collar of my shirt, followed by the obscene feeling of a rank hot tongue licking at my skin. I struggled, bringing my arms up to push myself away from the wall, but Mueller caught my wrists and pinned them in one of his big hands, the other was busy occupied untucking the back of my shirt.

Pure horror iced its way down my spine, causing me to shudder in revulsion as I felt that sweaty hand pull up the back of my shirt and caress its way along my back. I shut my eyes tightly so I wouldn't have to see Quatre burying his head in Trowa's shoulder, or Meiran hiding behind Wufei, their dark eyes shining with helpless lights. Worst off all, my heart shrieked within my chest at Heero's deadly expression of hatred and anger, mixed with sickly helplessness.

Then I felt a slight tugging at my waistband, and the slimy hand was inside my pants, slipping under my cotton boxers and down over my buttocks. I yelped in surprise and terror, but was that was stopped almost immediately by my braid being stuffed into my open mouth and then tucked into itself at the back of my head, successfully gagging me. 

Humiliation and fear ran through me, burning my face a hot scarlet and causing me to break out into a cold sweat. The edges of my vision darkened as I retreated within myself when Mueller started to reach into back of my pants, pulling them down a bit for easier access. I felt a disgusting hardness clothed in thin cotton scrub pants grind against my bare backside. Out of the corner of my eye, as I started to see ugly black and crimson splotches begin to obliterate the darker edges of my vision, I could see the violent offspring of shadow and lust demons dancing merrily to a silent tune.

Suddenly, I heard a voice break through the haze I had escaped into, "Alex, Mueller, they have ten minutes until their group session. You need to stop now or you might get caught!"

It was Otto. He had been keeping an eye on his watch the whole time.

~ ~ ~ ~

And so we were followed as we returned our empty trays to the cafeteria, and even to the crowded communal restrooms by the three. The three Thugs (Yeah, because of his sick voyeurism, no matter how his aura looked, I considered him a Thug now) escorted us to the room we were assigned to for our group session, then finally left us alone.

We had five minutes until our session was scheduled to start, and odds were that the Drone overseeing us would not show up until then. So, left to our own devices for the time being, I decided to make the best of the short amount of freedom we had been allotted. Basically, I felt like crawling in a corner or something, so I took this opportunity to indulge in some well earned self pity.

I sat down on the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them, and started rocking back and forth. I felt like crying until my face was soaked. I felt like screaming until I was hoarse. I felt like washing myself until I was rubbed red and raw from scrubbing. I wanted to sleep until I finally felt better. I wanted to jump up and down and run into walls and try and go truly mad, just so I could forget it all in a fit of insanity. I wanted my razors most of all. I wanted to see the blood flow, and not stop it this time. I wanted to die.

Instead I just sat there, staring off into space and allowing the others to surround me silently. Wufei and Meiran sat in front of me. Quatre scooted around behind me and rubbed my back soothingly. Trowa went and stood at the crack of the door to watch for the Drone. Heero sat quietly beside me, stroking at my braid and face gently. No one said anything. 

What could they have said, anyway? Some overused cliché? Something like, 'It's going to be okay'? No, because it wasn't and never would be, not while we were here.

Instead, they let me come back to myself, offering their support and comfort if I needed it. Within a few minutes, Wufei finally spoke, clearing his voice carefully, "Duo, the psychologist is due at any second."

I nodded that I understood and wiped at my still dry face absently, sitting up straight and finally standing up. "I'll be okay," I said shakily, watching Heero and Quatre stand up, too.

"Are you sure?" Quatre asked.

"No, but I have no choice at the moment," I smiled ruefully.

Trowa turned from his post at the door. "He's coming." He then moved away and stood with us, and we composed ourselves casually, as though we were merely standing around talking. In the last few seconds we had, we hurriedly planned our strategy for this session, seeing as how we were so rudely interrupted before.

When the Drone came in, he gestured for us to make a circle with the chairs, and pulled one up for himself. He crossed his legs and watched us choose our seats, and I got the feeling that he was taking in every little action or nuance of our behavior. In his lap was a thick notebook with a black pen clipped to the cover.

"Hello, I am Dr. Quinze, I'll be overseeing your group sessions," he said, opening his notebook and looking at each of us in turn. "Since this is our first session, and since you all know each other to certain degrees, I am at a slight disadvantage. Therefore, I would like for you to each go around and introduce yourselves and your afflictions."

We nodded like the good crazy boys that we were. Then we sat there, totally silent and feeling vaguely uncomfortable.

Finally, Dr. Quinze spoke again, laughing lightly. "Well, I guess I'll start out. I can't expect you to just come right out and start chatting with me, now can I? First of all, I bet you're wondering why you're all in a group session together, seeing as how you all have different types of afflictions."

I nodded and glanced at the other guys. This had occurred to us, but we didn't think we had a snowball's chance in hell of finding out why, so we just had left it at that and moved on. Looked like we'd actually get a few answers for once.

"As I'm sure you're aware of, there are numerous files about each of you, your personalities and afflictions, and as an experiment we decided to try and match up patients that may be compatible and beneficial to be together. You are not the first ones we've grouped, and you will probably not be the last ones, especially considering the limited accommodations at the moment," Quinze chuckled.

"This same principle was applied for your group therapy sessions. There have been several hypotheses and studies on the affects of a cell community working and living together for good mental and physical health," he said, looking around at all of us and tapping his pen on his leg. "Anything else? Want to ask me any questions? My schooling, my family, my former afflictions?"

I leaned forward at that last part. His former afflictions? What the hell was he talking about? I asked him this very question. It turns out that Dr. Quinze was one of the earliest students of Bryce, and he had been plagued with delusions of grandeur and obsessive-compulsive disorder. He had graduated, went on scholarship to some big name Earth college, then recently came back here to work.

When he finished, he focused his gaze on me and uncapped his pen. "Okay, enough stalling. Since you have been the only one to speak at all so far, you will start. Name and disorder, even though I know both. I want to hear **you** say them."

I blinked in surprise and looked around at my friends. They were all looking everywhere but at me, or at Dr. Quinze, for that matter. The old, "don't make eye contact and maybe I'll disappear" gag.

So I took a deep breath, hoping that I could manage to appear to be a completely normal depressed boy who happened to see demons and auras, not a boy who had just been assaulted by a big nasty Thug. "I'm Duo Maxwell. I see demons, read auras, am sensitive to supernatural phenomenon, and I have depression."

"There, now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Quinze said as he wrote furiously in his notebook.

"Yes," I muttered under my breath. Quatre heard me and giggled. Unfortunately, this brought Quinze's attention to him.

"Um, Quatre Winner, diagnosed with depression and having delusions," He spat out nervously, then glanced down at his shirt.

Dr. Quinze wrote some more in his notebook, then nodded to Trowa. The tall boy spoke. "Trowa Barton. Voices."

"Fine, thanks, now you," Dr. Quinze finished writing and pointed his pen at Wufei.

My Chinese friend raised one eyebrow elegantly and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I am Chang Wufei. I hallucinate interacting my dead wife, my Meiran."

Dr. Quinze wrote that down, then glanced expectantly at Heero. Heero just sat there, glaring for all he was worth, arms crossed over his chest. For a few long seconds we sat there, all waiting for Heero to do something.

"He can't speak," Trowa finally said quietly.

"Well, can you write, Heero?" I liked how Dr. Quinze didn't talk about Heero as though he wasn't in the room and instead addressed him directly. So often, those Drones will talk about you while you're still in the room. It's as though you're a mere dog, and not a human being.

Heero heaved a silent sigh and dug out his little notepad, wrote on it, then handed the note to me. I read it out loud, "Heero Yuy, Paranoia."

"May I have the note?" Dr. Quinze asked, glancing at Heero for permission. He nodded, so I handed the note over. The Drone then carefully looked over the note before tucking it in the back of his notebook with a paper clip. He then looked at all of us one by one.

"Well, that's all I had planned for today. I want to move slowly with you, in hopes that you may come to trust each other and eventually, hopefully, me. Our next session is scheduled for Thursday, so I want you to report to the medical testing area in this wing. I know that you've been diagnosed before and run through these things, but I'd like to run a few of these tests again on my own, just so I personally can observe the results. You understand, the basics that you've been through a thousand times before," Dr. Quinze said, glancing at his watch. "I'm done with you for now, you can go have some free time before your next classes start." That said, he stood up and left, not looking back as he walked out the door.

We sat there in our little circle of chairs for a moment. I know that I couldn't be the only one that was shocked. Our session had taken less than ten minutes. Quinze at first seemed all right, but then when he had just left? I didn't know what to make of it.

"Okay, that was weird," I finally said out loud, breaking our contemplative silence. "Glad we decided to keep strictly with our diagnoses, though. Now what?"

Wufei stood up and stretched, "Lets go to the room and pretend to be vegetables or some other equally inanimate object. I want to take a nap."

So the rest of us stood up, put the chairs back in order, and ambled over to the door. Heero placed his hand on the door handle to open it, but stopped right before he opened the door. He took out his notebook.

\--What if they're still out there?--

None of us had to ask to whom he was referring. Meiran poked her head through the door, then brought it back in, scowling. She spoke to Wufei, who relayed the message to us.

"That new guy, Otto, is sitting at the end of the hallway," he said, jerking his thumb at the door.

"Well, screw him," I scoffed. "I don't think he's going to do anything to us."

"What if he's watching us for Alex and Mueller?" Quatre speculated. 

"Somehow I don't think that's his motive," Wufei mused thoughtfully, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind his ear. "Despite his inaction earlier, I don't think he really had a choice in the matter."

"Yeah," I agreed, thinking back to the devotion I could see streaming off of Otto and directed elsewhere. "His loyalty lies with someone or something else. I'm just wondering why he'd just stand there and watch us be terrorized." I gulped at t he recent memory, and felt my inside quiver in revulsion and the aftereffects of pure horror.

"Still, I don't know if I'd just ignore him," Quatre added.

"We could probably loose him in the hallways if he tried to follow us," I shrugged.

Heero snorted lightly and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet a few times. He shot us all a pointed glare and then looked down at his hand that was again gripping the door handle. I shrugged again and nodded, and he opened the door.

We filed out into the hallway, moving in one big group. We didn't even spare a glance at Otto as we walked past him, and as far as I could tell he didn't even look up at us as we walked by. I couldn't even feel his gaze on our backs as we walked away, either.

I was mildly confused.

~ ~ ~ ~

After taking a dodging and winding path back to our room, we had about forty minutes left before we had to be in classes again. Sighing with relief at the unexpected respite, I launched myself on top of my bunk and buried my face in my pillow. Curling up into a little ball on my side, I faced the closed curtains of our barred window. I was trying not to think about my encounter in the hallway. I was completely and utterly unsuccessful.

I felt wave after wave of self-loathing wash over me, beating my soul into a bloody pulp. It had happened again, and it had been much, much worse this time. I tried to stop myself from sobbing, but I couldn't help it. I needed to get the pain and frustration out, and since I didn't have my blades, all I could do was cry. 

All of a sudden, I felt a weight behind me on the edge of my bunk, and then the weight spread out. Someone had climbed up on my bed with me. A few moments later, I felt arms circle around my sides and a warm body press against my back. Then I felt another set of hands tenderly pulling my braid out from where it was trapped beneath my body. Opening my bloodshot eyes, I lifted my head enough to see what was going on.

Looking down at the arms around my waist, I knew it was Heero that was lying behind me. Trowa was the one who had moved my braid, and he was now standing in front of the window beside Quatre. Wufei had perched his feet on the edge of Heero's bunk and was standing around the vicinity of my knees. Meiran hovered near him, one hand on Wufei's shoulder, and I was very surprised to see that she was directing little waves of comfort at me. Usually she had only done anything like that for Wufei. Gratefully, I let a few of them soak into me.

Not able to take much more looking around without breaking down again, I shoved my steaming hot face back into my damp pillow, breathing deeply of the salty smell of my tear soaked pillowcase. It took me a few minutes, but I finally calmed back down and stopped my crying. I'm not ashamed that I cried. There is a time and a place for tears, and this was both the time and the place.

I raised my head again and propped myself up on one elbow. Heero sat up behind me, and I took the cue and sat up, too, dangling my legs off the side of my bed. Trowa and Quatre had sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall underneath the window, and Wufei had stayed where he was. I patted the bed beside Heero and I, and he vaulted up and perched up there with us.

Finally Quatre spoke up, standing and leaning his arms on the bunk in front of me, staring up at me with concern shining in his aquamarine eyes. "Are you going to be okay, Duo?"

I closed my eyes and considered, feeling Heero put a hand on my shoulder from behind. "I will be. I just can't believe they did that right in the middle of the hallway!"

"Nor can I," Wufei agreed, rage demons dancing angrily around his head and jumping up and down on his slim shoulders. Meiran swatted at them in annoyance, but they were managing to evade her. "It's just not right…it's…it's…down right… **injust**!" He balled up his hands into fists and his dark eyes blazed with black fire. "How the hell can they be allowed to do these things? First Heero's a damn guinea pig, then you're being assaulted, and we're all being harassed! And we can't do a thing about any of it! Damnit!" He pounded his fists into his thighs in frustration.

"True," Trowa said gloomily, nodding his head slowly and getting up to lean against the wall.

"We cannot let this happen again! Next time we see them coming, I say we just all take off running. I don't care what they think, it'll be safer," Quatre said, chewing on his lower lip.

Wufei nodded, "What else can we do?"

"Nothing," Trowa again, with the one word efficient answer.

I pulled one of my legs up and hugged it and rested my chin on my knee. "Thank you," I bowed my head and mumbled into the fabric of my pants, closing my eyes. I rocked myself slowly.

No one answered, but Heero's hand on my shoulder tightened. I felt the weight on the bed shift when Wufei nimbly hopped off of it. For a time I heard shuffling noises, and the door open and close a few times. Next time I opened my eyes, Heero and I were the only ones left in the room.

\--They thought you'd like to be alone.--

"So you stayed?" I asked softly, turning around to face the Japanese boy sitting behind me.

\--Of course.--

"Good," I replied, looking at the clock on the wall. Ten minutes until class started. We'd have to leave in five.

I threw my arms around my friend and buried my face in his shoulder, feeling his arms come up to circle my back and hold me close to him. We sat like that for the few minutes, and finally I started to really feel better.

~ ~ ~ ~

Well, we eventually made it to class. Once again, Ms. Une didn't let the guard stay in the room. That night we actually had a little homework. Everything went well, and I was in Heero's bed again. No one fucked with us or came for Heero the next day. Since we all had a free period after lunch, we went out and crashed amongst the hollow trees, but not near our particular tree out of safety. Don't want to leave a pattern, now do we?

The next day passed easily, too. Our group session/physical examinations went as they always do, boring as hell. A couple of hearing tests, an inkblot, some vision screening and a couple of brain scans. We were processed quickly and efficiently, and then allowed to leave, early again. Our next session was also to be in the medical wing, too.

Finally, the weekend arrived. All of us finished what little homework we had to do on Friday afternoon, so we lounged around most of Saturday. Unfortunately, one of the new orderlies came and took Heero to his surprise session. While he was gone, I kept getting little flashes of double vision, but nothing too major. When he was brought back, though, he was trembling and soaked with sweat, completely out of it. It took him longer to come back to himself afterwards, too. That night he wasn't strong enough to guard me from the dream demons, and I woke him up several times with my tossing and turning and little pathetic screams of terror.

Sunday we had to run away from the Thugs. We were sitting in a secluded hallway, eating lunch and having a good time when they appeared at the end of the hallway. Without any hesitation, we all picked up our trays and walked away. Alex and Mueller walked behind us, quickly gaining because of their longer legs. Right when they almost had caught up with us, we rounded a corner of a hall that put us in the presence of other people. When we looked back, the pair was gone.

From that point on we sacrificed a lot of privacy and sat in the halls to eat with other patients. I know it bothered the other guys, but no one said anything. I was grateful, but missed our quiet little private meals.

And so the weeks passed. Every Monday more and more people were banished from the school. Monday sessions with Sally went okay, and I was actually starting to think I could trust her. I wouldn't tell her about the others under any circumstance, but I was almost ready to tell her about the cutting. Almost.

Group sessions stayed in the med labs for a quite a while before finally moving back to sitting around in a room with Dr. Quinze. Slowly we let him think that we were making progress. Instead we were carefully planning our words out in the hollow tree and in our room. We were telling him what he wanted to hear. We had decided that if we had to lie to get out of here, then we would lie together. We were hoping that by some miracle we would be able to graduate from this godforsaken pit and move on to bigger and better things. Of course, we planned to do this all together.

Heero's sessions continued, and it took longer and longer for him to return back to normal afterwards. A few times he wasn't able to make Art after his Monday sessions. I got the feeling that it was getting more and more difficult for him to fight the mental blocks. The stress was taking its toll on him.

Sometimes while he was in his sessions, or when I slept beside him, he would send me visions. They were always filled with images of that horrid table, peppered with images of a younger Heero growing up in a lab environment. Sometimes the visions had Milliardo in them, but eventually he stopped appearing. From what I could tell of the visions, they were testing Heero for every type of abnormal psychological or physical traits as he had grown up.

Ever so often in the visions I'd get flashes of the other guys, at first only Quatre, but then Trowa, and finally Wufei, screaming in terror or pain. It was usually only a brief flash, and none of us could figure out what they meant. From the lost look on Heero's face and the tone of the visions, I don't think even he knew. He was quickly loosing his knowledge of his hidden talents. Those bastards must have wanted him only to be able to know about them when he was under their close supervision and decided to tighten his leash.

A few times we sneaked into the renovated wing to investigate. Quatre always picked up that same myriad of negative emotions, and I always flinched away from that disgusting, oozing black door. Sometimes we'd hear things through the walls, strange noises. Quite a few times I heard that disturbing noise of metal screeching across metal again. That always freaked me out and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Eventually, we settled into the routine of classes and sessions. Home EC was actually interesting. I still don't know how Hilde managed to make pictures in a book entertaining, but she did. Wufei finally got transferred to Chemistry with Quatre, Trowa, and I, filling out our lab table. Unfortunately we still didn't get to do anything fun in there, but Mr. Rashid sure did take a shine to Quatre. Talk about teacher's pet, yeesh!

I truly enjoyed my Calculus class. Mr. Khushrenada really was an excellent teacher, and I still couldn't figure out why he was teaching here, of all places. I could read a vague sorrow waving off of him, though, so could only guess that he had his reasons. Ms. Noin turned out to be a decent literature teacher, but one can only do so much with the selected classics. At least we got to do some creative writing, though. I love creative writing.

Art III just kept getting better and better. After the incompatible students were weeded out, we got to move on to watercolors. I'm not that great at watercolors, I have a tendency to get impatient and get too much water on my brush and not enough paint. Howard was always a riot, each day coloring a new article of clothing. Once he even sneaked in a pair of underwear to color. It was mildly disturbing to watch him paint his underwear blue, but it was really damn funny, too.

Heero's art continued to amaze me. He'd always start out with very vague, random shapes that would some how coalesce into a surreal true work of art. Usually it was a scene or representation of one of us, or even assorted groups of us. It continued to baffle me, though, that he kept drawing things that he couldn't possibly know about. For instance, he once sketched a charcoal of me hiding my blades. It was unnerving.

Sometimes I'd get bored in classes, though. I suppose it's inevitable. I'd spend some time doodling or staring into space, but most of the time I tried to pick up on the auras of the newer orderlies that were stationed in whatever class I happened to be in at that moment. Even Ms. Une was finally forced by the administration to let them stand in the front of her classroom. I could tell it really pissed her off, because she reverted to her mean personality for the rest of that day.

It was weird, though. Quatre had said he couldn't get much from the new orderlies, and the harder I tried, I couldn't get anything solid from them either. You know how I said Heero was shielded? Well, this was a bit different, but it was just as effective. I could see swirling colors and emotions, but I couldn't read what they meant. No little demons ever popped up around them, either, which was just plain odd.

As we entered the second month of enrollment, the incompatibles were finally all weeded out. We had been anticipating the Drones trying to split us up into smaller rooms now that there were more vacancies, but for some reason they never even mentioned it. And here we were, all prepared for it, too. It was like when you study your ass for a test, skim the stuff you think you know, then aren't asked the stuff you studied, but the stuff you skimmed. But hey, I wasn't complaining, it was less worries for us.

Oh, and let me tell you! Trowa and Quatre are so damn cute. They finally started officially "going together" as the saying goes. They were very discreet in public, though, because they didn't want the Drones asking questions. Plus, Quatre's dad might have got wind of it and pulled him out of here. We couldn't have that. 

Quatre was starting slowly but surely to come back from the dark land of depression. With Trowa's help, and all our support, he finally stopped getting the urge to hurt himself. Trowa, for his part, started to be able to ignore the worry demons that were constantly picking at him. After a while, they decreased in number to only a few that hung around his shoulders and perched on his head. I think he actually liked having a few of them around for company. Wufei finally managed to squelch the rage demons the tormented him, with a little help from Meiran. The more I watched them, the more tragic their whole situation seemed.

Heero was starting to combat his mental blocks, too, despite the obvious attempts that were put in place to try and stop him. Sometimes in the visions that shrieking wouldn't catch us for quite a while. This all took its toll on him, though, because fighting back really drained him. I don't think he minded that too much, though, because I'd let him sit with his head in my lap and I'd stroke his hair and neck. I do believe he liked that.

As for **our** relationship, every night we shared his bunk, wrapped together in a friendly embrace. Slowly, tentatively, we felt our way from the area of friends into the fuzzy area of being something more. We kissed only in the safe confines of his bunk, but usually in public we were in some sort of casual physical contact. No lie, our budding relationship helped me more than years in this asylum had ever been able to accomplish. (Not to mention the help of my other friends either. Every day I thanked God for their existence in my life.) I was emerging from my depression like a turtle poking its head from its shell. And the more we evaded Alex and Mueller (with Otto tagging along occasionally for the ride) the better and more secure I started to feel.

I actually think, despite all the crap that we were going through, that because of our own little asylum of friendship, and yes, love, that we were able to overcome and flourish in our own rights. We were happy, despite it all.

Then, after things had settled down and classes were going smoothly…Just when we felt like we were starting to make real progress with Heero's situation and be able to avoid the Thugs forever…Right at that moment when we finally felt like it was all going to be okay, our world came crashing down all over again.

The Thugs came for Quatre.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	6. Chapter 6

Well, considering the dramatic impact that I intended to be accompanied by that last line, I guess I'd better tell you about the day they came for Quatre, the day that our already uncomfortable world just went straight to hell.

It was during our shared free period one Wednesday, and we were just vegetating in our room. Heero and I were working on a joint art project, a sketch and acrylic painting. Ms. Une said it was supposed to be an exercise in perspective. See, we were supposed to first draw a self portrait, adding in whatever we wanted in the background and such, you know, symbolism and crap if we felt so inclined. Then we were to draw portraits of each other, doing the same thing. Neither of us was supposed to look at the other's work until all four works had been finished. The point was to compare how our partner saw us to how we saw ourselves. It was an interesting concept.

Wufei was also working very hard…on sleeping. Meiran was, as always, curled around him, her eyes also closed as the pair's auras mingled quietly as they rested. Trowa and Quatre were talking quietly up on Quatre's bunk. Suddenly, about five minutes into our free period, a loud knocking came at the door, waking Wufei up and causing the rest of us to jump.

All of us knew what happened when that heavy knocking sounded at the door. It meant the Thugs were here to escort Heero to his "special" session. Dread started to roll off Heero as I glanced over at him. The knocking came again, louder this time.

"Either open up or we're coming in!" It was Mueller.

Not wanting that nasty Thug to get slime all over our nice clean floor, I hopped up and opened the door, jumping back away from the opening quickly. Mueller stood there, a fake smile pasted over his features as he leaned against the outer frame. Alex was a few feet back, arms crossed impatiently as he rocked back and forth on his heels. Heero stood up, glowering for all he was worth as he made his way towards the waiting Thugs.

Mueller snickered and held out one hand, palm outwards. "No, not you today, mute. I've been sent to get the blond fag." He pointed up at Quatre.

The silence was so thick I thought I would choke on it. Quatre? What the hell? Looking around at my friends, I could plainly read the shock wafting off of them. I swear, I don't think I've ever seen Wufei's eyes get so big in all my life. This was something we hadn't planned for, or hell, even considered.

"Me?" My Arabian friend asked softly in disbelief. "What for?"

"I don't know, something about a special session," Mueller shrugged. "Come on, I've got better things to do than wait on your pansy ass," He rolled his eyes and stated impatiently.

Quatre sat there, a glassy look of stunned confusion gracing his fair features. Ever so slowly, he swung his legs off the side of his bunk. He sat there a second, staring at Mueller blankly. Then he hopped down from the bed and walked up to the waiting orderly as if he were in a dream.

Mueller moved out of the way and gestured my friend forward. Quatre silently, as if dazed, stepped out the door and closed it behind him.

No one said anything for a minute, we were all to busy staring at the closed door in total shock.

Trowa flopped back on Quatre's bed, perpendicular to the side of the bed where he was still sitting when Quatre left. His long legs were dangling off the side, and his head dangled off the other side, causing his long bangs to fall towards the ground and expose his entire face. I swear, I'd never seen anyone look so freaked out and so controlled at the same time. The worry demons that had mostly faded away in the past few weeks suddenly started to pop back into existence. A few were settling down on Trowa's stomach, sitting with their tiny clawed feet stretched out in front of them.

Moving as if in a very bad dream, I turned to look at Heero. His dark blue eyes were the most haunted I had ever seen them, and he was staring at the closed door without really looking at it. When I carefully put a hand on his shoulder, he glanced over at me, his gaze filled with self loathing and barely contained suffering. A glance back over my shoulder at Wufei showed the Chinese boy to be just as shocked as we were.

I don't think any of us had actually considered that they would want any of the rest of us for the things they used Heero for. We were worried about the Thugs doing unsavory things to us, especially to me, and we had been doing our very best to help Heero when he had his terrible sessions. Standing there, a look of stunned disbelief etched into my features, I had trouble digesting what had just happened. Then I remembered, with startling clarity, something Heero had wrote in his first real note to us, the one that described his plight. And I quote, "I suspect that the correlations between your abilities are no mere accident, and will one day be exploited in the manner of which I am being exploited."

I felt the world rush in on me, tunneling my vision to gaze straight into Heero's haunted eyes. He had tried to warn us, hell, he **had** warned us, but we were too busy worried about the other things that we had all skipped over this one in our minds. One long look at my lo--friend, told me that I was thinking along the right lines. I actually don't think he actively remembered that warning himself, though. We had all had other things to deal with since then. Jesus.

"Did, did you know, Heero? Did you know this would happen?" I finally croaked out, my hand automatically ghosting forward to clasp his tightly.

Heero nodded miserably. I could see the unnatural shine in his eyes and the way tears had welled up in them, but I knew they would not be allowed to fall. His programming wouldn't allow that.

"What?" Trowa's smooth voice rang out, menace and anger edging his tone. "And you did nothing?" The worry demons were flying around him now, and only by blinking back my sense could I see through them enough so that Trowa was even visible. They were chanting in unison, I think, because all their little mouths were moving in time.

Heero's gaze hardened, and he got his little pad of paper and pen.

\--I could do nothing. I did not know for sure, I only suspected. I warned you before, but then I was forced to forget about this particular threat. Please know that I am sorry.--

I read this out loud to Trowa, and I could feel the anger and frustration oozing out of him even before I looked up to his perch on Quatre's bunk. He jumped down and came to stand right in front of Heero and I.

"You're sorry?!" He exclaimed, his gaze blanking out as he paid attention to the worry demons, then it flickered back on Heero. "That's all, you're **sorry**?"

"Trowa, calm down. You're taking your anger out on the wrong people," Wufei's voice came like a cool wave of reason. "Honestly, what could we have done even if we had known?"

"Nothing," Trowa muttered, dropping his head down to stare at his feet. Wufei came up behind him, putting a hand on the tall boy's shoulder. Once again I was reminded of the special bond the two had as Meiran laid her one hand on Trowa's shoulder and the other on Wufei's. Trowa could hear Meiran, and therefore often had conversations with the Chinese couple, allowing them to bond in a special way impossible for the rest of us. As a result, their presence did almost as much to comfort him as Quatre's might have done.

"That's right," I jumped in, wrapping an arm around the still glaring Heero. I didn't want him to get really pissed off and attack Trowa. Knowing Heero's immense strength, I don't care how tough or quick Trowa is, he'd be in a world of hurt. "And besides, he did warn us, way back at the beginning of this mess, but we all forgot. Remember how he wrote that the way our talents combined might not be an accident and how it might come back to haunt us later?"  
  
Trowa looked back up, understanding and recognition filling his emerald gaze. "I'm sorry, you're all right. I'm just…upset."

\--Fine.--

We went and crashed on the floor under the window in a little circle. As we waited, we amused ourselves by trying to fathom the horrible things that might happen to Quatre and what may one day happen to the rest of us. If they came for Quatre, what was to say they wouldn't come for Trowa or Wufei next? Or Heero again? Would they still come for Heero now? Oh God, and what if they came for me?

All these and other lovely, comforting thoughts were racing through my head, and I'm sure, the others' as well as we sat there silently contemplating these Very Bad Things. Only about twenty minutes or so passed before our morbid collective train of thought was interrupted.

Without warning, our door opened with a soft creak and Quatre came walking in nonchalantly. Alex was behind him, and he closed the door after Quatre was all the way through. Our blond friend just waved at us, smiled, and hopped up onto his bed.

This, to say the very least, confused us greatly.

"Uh, Quatre?" I asked, standing up and leaving our little circle to go stand by his bed. I stepped up on Trowa's mattress below it so I could be up and level with Quatre as he laid back. "You alright? What did they do to you?"

"What did who do to me?" The blond asked, true confusion clouding his clear eyes.

"They came and took you to a surprise session, like they come for Heero sometimes," Wufei said, coming up to stand behind me.

"Oh, okay," Quatre shrugged lightly and tucked his hands behind his head, lying back comfortably.

The other four of us (well, five if you count Meiran, too) just blinked at each other.

"Quatre, where did they take you?" Trowa finally asked, voice that was surprisingly steady despite the nervous look in his eyes.

"Uh, I think they took me to that renovated, new wing. It's really nice," Quatre replied, closing his eyes and stretching a little. He then propped himself up on one elbow and peered down at us. "What's with you guys? You're acting pretty weird."

"Quatre? We're acting weird? What happened to you in your session?" I heard myself ask as though I was very far away from the situation. I felt as though I was wrapped in a dense fog.

He shrugged and sat up, rubbing absently at the inside of one of his elbows. "I--I don't remember. Nothing monumental, I guess, otherwise I would remember, right?" He beamed brightly at us. His smile almost made me sick, because it wasn't his normal, little smile, but a big pasted-on fake-as-hell grin. His eyes had a vacant look to them, too, that I hadn't noticed before.

Acting on a hunch, I spoke carefully. "Don't you find that a bit…odd…at all?"

Quatre blinked. "I guess so, now that you mention it. Oh well." He shrugged.

Suddenly, on one fluid motion, Heero had leapt up onto Quatre's bunk. Almost faster than I could see, he had the arm that Quatre had been rubbing and pulled up the sleeve. On the inside of Quatre's elbow was a bandage, and a small spot of blood was staining the outside of the gauze.

He didn't remember a thing. He looked confused. He had a pinprick on the inside of his elbow. He had been drugged. Shit.

Wufei's voice came from behind me, slightly shaky. "Quatre, can you tell me how we're feeling right now? Can't you read the confusion off of us?"

"What…oh, yeah, now that you mention it, I can," The blond's eyebrows knit together on his forehead in a fine line of concentration. "Wow, I feel kind of weird."

That said, Quatre promptly passed out. Heero barely caught him before he fell right off the bunk. Trowa helped ease our blond friend back to lay down again on the bunk, and he sat up there beside him so he wouldn't fall off.

Not knowing what else to do, we sat around and waited for Quatre to regain consciousness. Quietly we tried to figure out what the hell had happened. Here we were, expecting Quatre to come back shaking and barely standing. Instead he was completely fine, save for being drugged up and having Swiss cheese for a short-term memory.

Eventually he woke up, thankfully before free period was over. I would have hated for us to have to try and explain why we had all stayed out of afternoon classes. We probably would have had to go get one of the nurses, at any rate, which might have brought up some uncomfortable questions. We couldn't have that.

When my blond buddy finally fluttered his pale lashes open, we all hurried up to circle his bunk. Heero and I took one side, Wufei and Meiran took the other, and of course, Trowa stayed right where he was, still sitting beside the reclined Quatre. The Arabian sat up, rubbing his head lightly and blinking blearily at us.

"Okay, that was odd," He stated, looking down and around at all of us.

"Odd is an understatement here," Wufei snorted, trying to cover up his obvious relief. I swear, sometimes that guy just doesn't want to show any emotion at all, as though it's weak or something along those lines. Such is one of his quirks, I guess. 

Quatre just smiled wanly at our Chinese friend. "That's very astute of you to notice, Wufei. Wow, I feel so weird. I can remember being escorted to that wing, and I remember Alex and Mueller knocking on the door and leaving me. Then it opened…and that's all I remember, save for suddenly finding myself back in here talking to you guys. Hey, did I pass out or something?"

"Yeah, you just flopped over like a dead fish," I replied, grinning up at him. "Not that I'm sure exactly how a dead fish flops over, but you get the idea, right?"

Everyone looked at me quite strangely for that little statement. At least I had managed to lighten the mood, though. I think. Maybe I just made it weirder.

"Well, great," He replied, blinking at me. Then Heero handed me a note.

\--Class starts in five minutes.--

"We will talk about this later," Trowa stated, not suggesting or requesting, but telling us indefinitely that we would be discussing more about this topic. Leave it to Trowa.

~ ~ ~ ~

So we made our way to classes, trying to act normal, as though our carefully balanced world hadn't just taken a headlong dive into a pool full of perturbed mutant frogs. Art dragged by slowly, even though it was as wonderful as always. I think it was because now I had new things to worry about. Howard just looked at Heero and I strangely, because for once, I wasn't jabbering aimlessly, and Heero wasn't passing me notes to shut up and draw/paint/color. I supposed it was rather different than our normal behavior. Stress will do that to you.

Finally class ended and we all but jogged out the door, leaving a surprised and confused looking Ms. Une in our wake. We reached our room before the other guys did, and when they finally showed up, I could see why they had been later than usual.

When the door opened, the two of us immediately jumped up and looked towards it. And when I say jumped up, I mean it. We were…uh…cuddling, okay? Shut the hell up. Anyway, our mild embarrassment fled out of mind immediately as we watched our friends scuttle through the doorway.

Trowa and Wufei were supporting Quatre on either side, and therefore they had to edge their way in through the door very carefully. Behind the trio, Meiran floated nervously. And through Meiran's translucent appearance, stood an anxious looking Nurse Dorothy.

"Thank you for helping me," Quatre said weakly as he was eased down onto Trowa's bed. There was no chance in hell they were going to put him up on his bunk with the way he was looking at the moment.

"Would you like anything?" Dorothy asked, leaning against the doorframe and straightening her nametag. I don't know why they make the nurses wear them, everyone knows everyone else by now. "Are you going to be okay, Quatre?"

"Yes, Miss Dorothy, thank you for your concern. I think it's just because I stayed up late last night and need a nap," Quatre lied, smiling weakly.

"Yeah, right, that's why you needed help to walk," Dorothy replied, glaring. Then she sighed and shrugged. "Fine, I know there's stuff I don't know about, so I'm not going to press it. I've got a feeling you don't want this reported?"

"Please don't," Trowa asked, looking up at her from his perch beside Quatre on the lower bunk.

"Okay. But if this happens again, I'll have no choice," She replied, a look of dismay marking her features for a moment. "Look, if there's anything I can do…I know that something not right is going on with you guys…if there is anything I can do…please, let me know, okay?"

I blinked in mild shock. Was it that obvious, or was this another example of Dorothy's famous skills of observation and perception in action? "All right," I answered, nodding slowly.

A look of understanding passed between us, and she nodded back. Then she bit her lip, spun on her heel, and left the room quickly, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, we clumped up around Trowa's bunk, where Quatre had been placed.

"What happened?" I asked, looking at my three friends that had just entered.

"I don't know, I've been feeling weak for some reason. It's weird," Quatre answered, leaning back heavily against Trowa. The tall boy silently eased his arms around Quatre's waist and pulled the smaller boy up to lean his back against his chest. I swear, they are so damn cute.

"That's a bit of an understatement, don't you think? You could barely walk," Wufei added, rubbing his temples lightly with his fingertips, as if to massage away a sudden headache. Meiran floated up behind him and placed her hands over his, her hands merging with his in a light blue glow. A few moments later, the thin line of tension disappeared from his forehead and he relaxed.

Quatre just ducked his head sheepishly in response. Meanwhile, Heero scribbled a note and handed it to me to read.

\--Any sort of action on your part that may have triggered this?--

Quatre frowned. "Not that I can think off, nothing too obvious. I was just sitting there, minding my own business."

Before we could talk any more, another knock came at the door. We all stiffened and glanced at each other. Were they coming for another one of us, or were they back for Quatre again? A few seconds later, the knocking came again.

"Oh, come on, open up!" It was one of the new orderlies.

When I got up to answer the door, I felt as though I were treading through molasses, as though my feet were sticking to the floor with each step. When I finally reached the door, it took me an eternity to raise my arm up, as though there were weights strapped around my wrist. I grasped the handle slowly, with mounting dread. Were they here for Heero, for Quatre…for me?

I finally managed to open the door, and I stepped away from the now open portal. Outside was one of the newer orderlies and Otto, the sorta-kinda Thug.

"We're here for Heero Yuy," Otto said, looking down at the floor.

I hate to say it, I truly do, but I felt relief flood through me when he said that. I instantly felt sick to my stomach with guilt. What was wrong with me? I was relieved that my boy--um, well, my friend that might have been more than a plain old friend, was going to be taken away to be tortured? I felt relief? Jesus. I felt like I was going to throw up.

I looked over at Heero, who had gotten up while I was contemplating retching all over the place. He gently placed a hand on the small of my back, gave me that tiny little smile he reserved only for me, and pressed a note into my as he walked out the door. When I looked down at what he had written to me, I almost fell over out of pure shock.

\--Better me than you. Don't feel bad.--

Coincidence? Of course not. Nothing here was coincidence, nothing at all. Everything adds up in the end.

~ ~ ~ ~

Until Heero came back, we just sat around, piled together on Trowa's bunk. Eventually Quatre started to regain his strength, and after an hour he was back to normal. We waited impatiently for Heero to come back. He had never been gone longer than an hour before, and I was getting more and more worried as the time passed slowly. Finally, at the hour and a half mark, we heard something slump up against the outside of our door. Knowing what that slump meant, I hopped up from my spot at Quatre's feet and walked to the door, closely followed by Wufei. 

Wufei carefully eased the door open, and I crouched down and caught Heero as he slipped limply into the crack of the now open portal. As I gathered the unconscious, sweat soaked and tremoring boy into my arms, I found myself staring at a pair of mammoth white-shoed feet. I looked up to see to whom those big feet belonged to, and I found myself staring right up at Mueller. Oh, great.

"Hiya, little Maxwell!" He smiled down at me. "Is this one going to be okay? I had to carry him here ya know…He's pretty…such a pretty face for a boy," He leered and crouched down to get at eye level with me.

"Don't talk about him like that," I hissed, spraying Mueller's face with spit as I spoke. The very idea of that ugly bastard even touching my Heero made me want to throw up for the second time that day.

"I enjoyed carrying him," Mueller whispered, trailing one finger down Heero's thin arm. I slapped his hand away and struggled to pick up Heero's limp body. As soon as I was a few feet into the room with my precious burden, Wufei positioned himself between us and the Thug.

"Leave now," Wufei growled, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oh, do you want to play, too?" Mueller smiled twisted evilly as he glanced around the hallway before striding into the room. He reached forward one large hand, in the direction of Wufei's…lower region. 

Then the most amazing thing happened. Meiran dove forward and blended into her living husband's body, causing the same light blue glow that I had noticed earlier when their hands had melded. Suddenly, Wufei snapped one leg forward and landed a crushing blow right into the center of the Thug's chest, causing him to stumble backwards into the frame of the door. Mueller's eyes went almost comically large as he clutched his chest and wheezed.

We all stared in shock as Meiran slid back out of Wufei's body and glared angrily at the Thug. Mueller, just gawked at Wufei, then stumbled out of the room and into the hallway. A few seconds later, he was gone.

"Thank you," Wufei whispered to his spirit wife.

"What was that?" Quatre asked in awe. "Has that ever happened to you before?"

"Um, never exactly like that," Wufei answered, blushing furiously, glancing back and forth between Meiran and the rest of us. "Meiran is a martial arts expert, by the way."

For a moment I couldn't understand why he was blushing…then I figured it out. Well, fine, they had been married…well, they were still married. Married people do that.

Pushing Wufei's discomfort and Meiran's mild embarrassment out of my mind for teasing purposes at a later time, I concentrated on lugging the still out of it Heero over to his bed. Trowa hopped up and pushed the curtain aside for me, and I sat down with Heero gathered in my lap. He was gripping onto me in his unconsciousness tightly, and once again I had to try and avoid those nasty black pain waves that were rolling off of him.

Thank God they had taken him after classes, because there wouldn't be a chance in hell of him being able to recover in any conceivably short amount of time, and there was no way I was going to leave him until he woke up. I smoothed the hair back from his forehead, noting those sticky spots were they had placed electrodes again. On a whim, I carefully turned the inside of his arm toward me. Just as I suspected and feared, there was a bandage on the inside of his arm. He had been drugged, too.

Lifting up his eyelids to check on his pupils to see if they were dilated, I was thankful to notice that they responded normally to the change in light, narrowing down to pinprick fields of dark blue under the light of the room. I found myself staring at those glassy eyes, and suddenly I felt like I was sinking into them. My vision tunneled down to take in only Heero's eyes, and I felt myself lean forward closer and closer to stare into them, one hand easing up out the corner of my narrowing scope of view until it was resting on Heero's forehead.

Then Heero's glazed eyes enveloped me in a sea of blue, and I was lost, falling down into depths of unconsciousness to join him.

~ ~ ~ ~

Immediately I was snapped up into a vision, and I found myself wrapped up in the sensation of falling, hurtling headlong in a black hole towards a hard ground I couldn't see. After a few seconds of terrifying free fall, I felt a tugging at my back. Suddenly I wasn't falling, and I felt unfamiliar muscles contract and coil as I floated on invisible wings.

I started to move in one definite direction in the black sightless abyss out of instinct. I could feel Heero's aura up ahead, and I knew that I must reach him before his conscious mind managed to catch up with us. Soon I felt myself collide with a stretchy smooth elastic film. Flinging myself at it, I felt it stretch and mold around me. Just when I felt I would suffocate and not be able to break the barrier, I saw my aura flare out around me, essentially snapping through the film and popping me through to the other side.

Instantly I was bathed in a warm white light, not bright enough to be glaring, but brighter than I was prepared for after coming from such a well of darkness. I blinked the brightness away and looked around, still floating effortlessly on my now visible onyx wings. Far below me was an ocean of the deepest, richest blue, and I felt an urge to go down and land on an small island that was below me. 

As though my thoughts had the power to teleport me, I found myself standing on the shore of the island's beach, my bare toes curling and burying themselves in the soft sand as cool water trickled over them, creating a sensation like nothing I'd ever felt before in my years of limited freedom as a child of the space colonies.

I heard a splashing sound behind me, so I turned around and looked, knowing that it would be Heero. I had enough of these visions from him that I was starting to know what to expect. As time went by, as we grew closer, and as his sessions got worse, we were connecting on a much more intimate level in these visions. Smiling a welcome, I ran up to the winged boy emerging from the surf and hugged him tightly, grateful to feel him hugging me back.

Our tight embrace did not last, however, because Heero suddenly went limp against me, forcing me to struggle to support his weight. I dragged him the rest of the way onto the beach, wings stretching and helping me, creating lift by flapping slightly. My nostrils filled with the salty scent of the sea mixed with the clean scent that was uniquely Heero. As I sat down on the sand and pulled his head into my lap, he blinked weakly up at me with those gorgeous haunted blue eyes that were beginning to leak tears of blood.

In the distance, the shrieking started.

__

Duo…They know, they know about all of us…it's getting harder… 

I heard Heero with that psychic bond we always shared in these dreams.

'Oh, God, Heero. Does it hurt that much? I wish I could make this all stop,' I thought back, desperately trying to ignore the wind that was picking up around up, stirring the now blistering sand to swirl around us in torrents. The sea foam was blowing all around us, soaking us even more as we communicated, plastering the now hot sand to us like grainy wax that seared and pricked.

__

One day, you will…But not without great cost…

'What? How do you know that?'

__

Duo, I can see through time…

With that final thought, the shrieking was upon us. I held tightly to Heero, but as always, he was torn from my grasp. I felt sand lodge between the fine feathers of my wings, and then a ferocious tearing agony shot through me when I felt them being ripped brutally from my back. Sobbing at the pain and covering my face in an effort to inhale around the flying sand, I felt something in my head pop.

My eardrums had burst, and now silence reigned supreme, only challenged by a dull roar that whispered in the back of my mind. Then a large wave crashed down on my, and I was lost.

~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up with a start, my eyes flying open quickly and without warning. Looking around frantically, still caught up in the aftermath of the vision, I saw that I was still on Heero's bunk, but now I was laid down next to my…my love. Okay, fine I wrote it. Happy now?

Quatre and Trowa were sitting anxiously on Trowa's bunk, watching us through the gap in the curtains around Heero's bunk. Wufei was pacing anxiously back and forth at the foot of the bed, and I could see him only occasionally when he passed the edges of the curtain. Since I woke up panting and panicky, the other guys immediately noticed I was awake.

"Duo, are you okay? You passed out over an hour ago!" Quatre exclaimed, kneeling by the bunk. Trowa stood behind him, crouching down and laying a hand on the blond's shoulder as he peered in at me with concern.

"What happened? Did Heero send you another vision?" Wufei asked, perching on the edge of the bed near our knees.

I nodded, feeling the wet slap of my sweaty bangs against my forehead. "Yeah, and guys, we have to get him to wake up. I think that things are going to get a lot worse before they get any better. It almost destroyed us when his mental blocks caught up with us."

As I was saying this, I had hauled myself up carefully on my side and was trying to shake Heero lightly to wake him. Not surprisingly, I was unsuccessful, and his body just limply quaked a little when I shook him. I reached up to peel back his eyelids to see if he was still drugged, even though he had appeared fine before I had passed out. 

When I gingerly peeled back one lid I almost screamed in shock, horror, and fear, and I frantically checked his other eye to be certain. Heero's clear, deep blue eyes were clouded with blood. Several capillaries in the whites of his eyes had burst, flooding the clear lens of his eyes with a sickly crimson that shaded the blue of his pupils, turning them a slightly purplish color.

Crying out, I showed the other guys what I had discovered. We started to get panicky, this was completely out of the ordinary, even for us. People's eyes just don't start bleeding. That's damn nasty and scary as hell.

I curled up around Heero, clutching him to me and praying to every God I didn't believe in and every benevolent soul I had ever seen to do something, anything. As I hugged my Heero I saw Quatre reach forward and lay a gentle hand on his forehead, brushing back the messy brown bangs to connect with the sweaty skin of Heero's forehead. Then he laid his other hand on my forehead. Quatre's hand felt cool against my warm skin, and I felt a slight tingling sensation.

My vision started to fade at the edges for a moment and I gasped, feeling energy being drained out of my body into Quatre's hand. The blond boy gasped in unison with me, and he furrowed his pale brow in pain for a moment. Then I saw Heero's eyelids flutter open of their own accord, and the clouded bloody haze was cleared somewhat from his eyes.

Then Quatre slumped a tiny bit as he removed his hands from our foreheads. Trowa caught him, of course. Wufei was staring in shock at us, his wide black eyes calculating and cataloging what had just happened.

I hugged Heero tighter, thankful beyond belief that he was able to hug me back. Then I turned and looked at Quatre. "Did you, did you do that? Did you take part of me and make him wake up?" I asked, feeling slightly flustered and foolish for not being able to articulate my question any better.

Quatre nodded slightly, wincing in obvious pain. Trowa held the blond boy close to him and eased him back onto his own bed. "You couldn't do that before," the tall boy stated, looking closely at the slight boy in his lap.

"I know. I don't know how I was able to do that…it was like an extension of my empathic abilities, almost," he answered, looking no less than awed. "It hurt me, though. I think they did something to me in that session. I can't feel my empathic abilities very well right now. It's like I had forgotten they were there."

"Well, we know that they did something to you," Wufei added, settling down on the floor, Meiran floating beside him in a lotus position. "It almost seems like a good thing, in a perverse way, but obviously they don't want you to be able to use this talent outside their controlled environment."

Heero nodded, and I helped him to sit up. He leaned heavily against me as he wrote on his notepad.

\--Exactly.--

"So it seems they have mixed motives in dealing with you two," I said thoughtfully after reading Heero's note out loud. "I think we should take some sort of action before this gets any worse."

Wufei nodded sharply. "I agree. I'm sick of running from these problems. We may be powerless now, but if we gain enough knowledge we might be able to fight back. Knowledge truly is power," He stated, looking around at all of us, his black eyes shining brightly.

"You're right," Trowa agreed, nodding thoughtfully. "Perhaps we can go back to that renovated wing, or look in some files to see if we can find out more about it."

I nodded. "And I can find what hidden passages might go around or near it. In all my time here, I eventually got bored to death with exploring them. I might have missed a few. I don't know why, but I always avoided that renovated wing."

"We should start tonight," Quatre said, looking at all of us with pain-filled eyes. "I have a feeling that if they came for me, they'll come for the rest of you too. And I don't know how much longer you can hold out, Heero."

Heero nodded and tightened his casual grip around my waist, staring down at his knees. I got the feeling that he felt like he was weak for not being able to fight harder, which was ridiculous. They had obviously been fucking with him since he was just a little kid. Considering the measures that they had already been able to influence Quatre, it made me wonder how Heero used to be before all this shit started.

It made me want to cry.

I didn't though. I just took a deep breath, smiled down at my love, and held him tighter to me. Glancing around the room at my comrades, my friends, I smiled.

"Let's fight back."

~ ~ ~ ~

That night we put our plan into motion. First we were going to go (carefully) snooping around in the secret passages. I hadn't shown the other guys them yet, because, well, as novel and cool as it sounds, they smell rather bad and are filled with cobwebs. And besides, believe it or not, they get boring after a while, not to mention the fact that we had been incredibly busy and otherwise occupied.

Entering the passages through an unassuming piece of paneling under a rickety staircase, we crept quietly along, with me in the lead holding the flashlight that we normally kept out in our hollow tree. After dinner Wufei had sneaked outside and retrieved it for us. Now, using the feeble light as our guide until we were forced to turn it off, we shuffled single-file in the direction of the renovated wing.

As we crept along we finally reached the passages that passed parallel to some of the main hallways. I had to turn off the light here because there was light streaming through the cracks in the wall and into the passage. The little slates of light were usually enough to see by, plus we didn't want anyone to see the glow of our flashlight coming from some innocent, unassuming and totally "normal" wall.

Ever so often as we tiptoed along we'd pass places where a person leaning against the outer wall broke apart the shards of light that were piercing the darkness. When this happened, we would be as quiet as possible, doing our best to avoid creaky floorboards or sneezing.

Eventually we passed around the perimeter of the cafeteria, and we were forced to crawl down a little incline that took us around the kitchen. I'm telling you, the terrible smell of the cafeteria was worse than ever trapped in the narrow confines of the walls. At one point, near where the basement staircase came up into the back of the kitchen, I thought I was going to pass out from the foul smell. Had someone lit a match, the whole place might have gone up in a blue light. Seriously, it was rank.

A few more little turns later found us at the mouth of the renovated wing, on the opposite hallway from the disguised door. Standing in a small huddle, I turned the light back on, shining it down at our feet. Looking around at the faces of my friends in the backwash of the tiny light, I felt my heart skip a beat. Everyone looked scared to death, faces very pale and eyes shining in the darkness. The shadows danced around us as the light barely pierced the gloom surrounding us and down either dark direction of the passage. The shadow demons were crawling up the wall to be on eye level with me as I looked around. This also did a nice job of freaking me out. Trying my best to ignore my growing apprehension, I put those nasty little buggers of my mind and focused on my friends.

"This is as far as I'd ever come in this direction," I whispered. "Time has always been limited, and for some reason I never really got this far in one trip. Usually the shadow demons in this part of the building freaked me out, or the smell of fresh paint would make me feel lightheaded. And as you can imagine, the last thing I'd want to do is faint in one of this narrow, dank little passages."

"I can imagine," Wufei said dryly, glancing over at Meiran as she glowed faintly in the darkness. She had been almost riding on Wufei's back the entire trip, as though she didn't want the shadows to touch her without having some sort of contact with her living husband. She looked very uncomfortable with her surroundings.

"So, how are we going to get across the hallway to that door?" Quatre asked, trying his best to sound brave and fearless. "I want to get this over with."

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know if we can even get over there. We'll need to keep the light on so we can look closely for an hidden catches or whatever, but we're going to have to keep a close watch to make sure we can turn it off if someone comes into the hallway."

"Meiran and I can do that," Wufei said, nodding to his spirit wife. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and gratefully dove through the wall to the outer well-lit corridor. Wufei fought off a little blush in the gloom and grinned slightly.

"All right, now that's taken care of, let's go," I said, gesturing with the flashlight and trying to sound like the shadow demons weren't already starting to freak me out. I think Heero caught my little act, though, because he placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Hey, wait a minute," Wufei said suddenly, trying to keep his voice down. "You aren't just going to leave me here all by myself, are you?" He jumped lightly from foot to foot nervously.

Trowa and Quatre exchanged a long look, the pair clasping hands for a moment. Then Trowa stepped away and leaned up against the side of the passage beside Wufei. "I'll stay. You need Quatre's abilities." 

As Trowa leaned against the old wooden walls of the passage, the little worry demons that clustered around him fought away the shadow demons, causing them to scatter away from the pair. I realized with a start that the worry demons didn't bother Meiran much, but the shadow demons did. Trowa staying was a comfort for both halves of the Chinese couple.

Wufei breathed a sigh of relief and sat down, leaning lightly against the opposite side of the passage from Trowa. Satisfied that they would be okay, the rest of us turned and ventured into the passageway I had never explored, hoping to find a route into the hidden walls of hell.

As we crept along, me in the lead again (lucky me) with Heero and Quatre both side by side behind me, we studied the walls and floor carefully, looking for anything unusual. At the end of the long hallway, we found another passage that went off in the general direction of the other side of the hallway, the side where the disguised steel door was. By silent mutual agreement, we veered off down this passage, walking more quietly and moving more tentatively than we had been before. The three of us were basically all stuck together like glue as we shuffled down the narrow passage. I could feel the heat of my companions' bodies hitting me right in the back, and the occasional accidental touches as we went along helped comfort me. It was good not to be alone.

When we were about half the distance to the door, I started to get some really bad vibes. Halting, I turned to Quatre to gauge his reaction. He was looking fine, completely normal, in fact. That was odd.

"Quatre, can you feel that?" I whispered, leaning forward to speak right into his ear.

He looked at me strangely. "No, I'm not picking anything up…"

Heero handed me a note. I flipped the flashlight beam onto the paper.

\--Quatre, have you been constantly feeling out with your senses?--

The empath blinked. "Now that you mention it, I guess I haven't…I can't seem to get a hold of it to use for some reason," Quatre frowned as he concentrated a moment, then winced in pain and closed his eyes. "I can't seem to get anything."

Heero reached up one hand and pressed it to Quatre's forehead. The blond boy gasped and jerked suddenly, then opened his eyes.

"Thank you, Heero. I don't know what you did, but now I can access my ability again," Quatre whispered, looking into the obscurity of the tunnel in front of us. "I don't like this."

Heero nodded in agreement and looked at me, lifting one eyebrow as if to ask what we were going to do now. I shrugged. "Might as well keep going. Although I think it might be better if I turn off the light from here on out."

The very idea of turning off the light did not appeal to me in the slightest, but it was a necessary evil. The air was getting progressively thicker with those black oozing waves of pain the closer we got to where the door would be. Just a few more yards down the passage, and no light at all was managing to make it through the cracks in the outer wall. However, as I trailed my fingertips along the side of the passage opposite the lighted corridor, I could feel occasional tremors. Ever so often we could hear scraping noises and muffled voices.

Finally, approximately fifty feet from where I estimated the disguised steel door would be, I stopped, unable to force myself to go any further. It was getting hard for me to breathe. The black noxious waves of negative energy were getting way too strong, and every time one hit me I felt as though my body was ablaze as a thousand little flames tattooing patterns across my skin.

"I can't go further, it hurts too much," I whispered, leaning close so that Quatre and Heero could hear me. We were so close to each other by then that I could feel the tiny vibrancies of their auras tingling at the edges of my skin, a welcome respite from the malignant black vibes.

"That's okay, I'm having trouble going any further myself," Quatre answered in a soft voice.

Heero glared into the pitch gloom that was in front of us in the hallway. He reached out with one hand and lightly rapped his knuckles on the outer part of the passage, the part that bordered the corridor. A metallic ringing was the result. Blue eyes widening, he reached out his other hand and rapped ever so carefully on the opposite wall, the one that very likely bordered the wing area were he was taken for his sessions. It, too, rang in that pinging song of tempered steel.

The secret passage was lined with steel. If they went to the trouble of lining the "secret" passage with steel, then it only stood to reason that they knew about it. Oh. Shit.

As I looked at my friends in the near total darkness, I could see that they had come to the same conclusion I had. The aquamarine color almost obscured by his dilated pupils in the darkness, Quatre latched one hand onto Heero's arm, and the other onto mine.

"We need to leave, now!" He whispered urgently, looking around.

Nodding our agreement, Heero and I turned with Quatre and started back from whence we had came, moving more quickly than we had before. Screw stealth, we needed to get the hell out of there. We had only gone a few feet when Heero reached out and jerked us to a halt. He fumbled only slightly in the darkness and snatched the flashlight out of my hand. He flicked it on and with one smooth motion had it pointed up at the ceiling of the passage, only a few feet away from our heads.

The flashlight illuminated a camera. I heard the internal workings click as it moved for its lens to focus on us. We were being watched.

I felt my eyes go impossibly wide, and together, the three of us broke into a full out run, our light footsteps echoing back down the length of the passage. As we ran, Heero pointed the flashlight in front of us so we wouldn't trip. The bouncing beam caused the shadows to dance menacingly, and the demons that were feeding off the black waves of pain laughed at our fear and panic as we fled. 

I became aware of a deep thumping sound behind us as we rounded the corner to go back across the outer corridor. Not having enough courage to look back, I only hoped that it was only the echoes of our soft footfalls coming back to my ears. Somehow, deep within myself, I knew better. As we panted and ran, we broke the silence of the musty passage into a thousand pieces. I became aware of the numerous shadow and pain demons that had popped up on the ceiling of the passage at this point. I hadn't been looking up before, and the thought of those nasty beasts hanging unseen inches above my head did not do my already panicked mind no good.

In what was surely a moment but felt like an hour, we were back with Wufei and Trowa. They had stood up at our approach, and looked startled when we snagged their arms and dragged them along with us. Heero flipped off the light, bathing us in the deep gloom again. A few more turns later, by the lunchroom, I halted us.

"Out---here…." I managed to say around my heavy, panicked breathing. I peered through a crack in the wall and found what I was looking for, the small latch that would allow the wood panel to slide open a space that would barely allow us to escape the passage. Satisfied with merely a glance through the crack, I shoved the panel open and all but fell out, breathing in the smelly air of the cafeteria area gratefully. As soon as the other guys were through, I slammed the panel shut again and lead the way out of there, taking the quickest route back to our room that I could. Meiran had followed us on the outside of the hallway as we had rushed along in the passage, and had all latched protectively onto Wufei as soon as we were out in the outer corridors again.

When we made it to our room, we rushed in, shutting the door firmly behind us. We collapsed in a circle on the floor, and Quatre and I proceeded to tell Wufei, Meiran, and Trowa why we had been so red-hot to get out of there.

"Do you think anything will happen?" Wufei asked, absently tucking a black strand of hair back behind his ear. His hair had gotten a tiny bit mussed in our harried flight.

Quatre shrugged. "What would they do, kick us out? That would be a blessing compared to what might be in store for us."

"Good point," Trowa agreed, easily sliding an arm back around Quatre and scooting closer towards him.

I sighed dejectedly and stretched my arms up over my head, causing my shirt to ride up a tiny bit. Heero reached forward and tugged it down for me absently, causing me to blush.

And so we sat there, nervously waiting for someone to come pound at our door, break in, and take us away to do unpleasant things to us. Eventually we realized that this was not a realistic scenario, especially since we lived in the same building as these sessions took place. We were already trapped. They could come for us whenever they felt like it. 

No one would believe us if we told them, at least none of the psyches would. Hell, the psyches were probably in on the whole thing.

It wouldn't be possible to tell one of the teachers, either. In all our classes we had those damn orderlies, and I had a feeling if we tried to talk with any of our more astute teachers about these things that we'd be hauled away and silenced in one way or another. At any rate, none of them could have really done anything for us, save smuggling us out in the middle of the night. Oh, yeah, right, that would happen. First of all, we'd have to convince whoever we decided to tell (in private) that we were not crazy and really did a) see demons, b) hear voices, c) feel other people's emotions, d) see dead people, and e) that there really **was** a great conspiracy out to get us and do terrible things to us. I know all of it to be the God's honest truth, but even to me it sounded crazy.

And so my thoughts continued into a downward spiral of fear and hopelessness. All we could really count on here was each other and ourselves, and even then we might have that trust stripped away be whatever they were doing to Quatre and Heero. We all knew that it was only a matter of time before they came for the rest of us, now, especially since we had looked straight into that camera in the so-called secret passage.

Mentally and emotionally exhausted, we decided to hit the sack and go to sleep. We all felt nervous and scared, however, and I don't think any of us really wanted to turn out the lights. As a result, we all sat in our respective bunks, Heero and I in his, Wufei sitting on his single bed with Meiran's spirit curled around him and whispering in his ear, and Trowa and Quatre sitting together on Trowa's lower bunk. We sat in silence and looked at each other, not knowing what to do about our discomfort. This situation had ceased to be only mainly hurting Heero, it now touching all of us directly, and we were scared.

Heero abruptly stood up, walked over to Wufei's bed, and turned it perpendicular to the wall. Considering how Wufei was still sitting on his bed, this was quite interesting. Then, in one solid scrape of steel against linoleum, Heero shoved Wufei's bed right in between the bottom mattress of the two bunk beds. He then went behind me, edged our collective bed forward to bridge the gap between Wufei's relocated bed and our bunk, then repeated the action with Trowa and Quatre's bunk. 

Looking down at his handiwork, he nodded once and pulled out some extra sheets from our bureau, and proceeded to extend the bunk curtain around the newer, much bigger bed. It just so happened that Wufei's mattress came to the same height as the two mattresses on the lower bunks, creating a huge bed. Then Heero flicked off the lights.

When Heero was finished with that, he slung one more sheet over the top, completely enclosing the new combined bed. Then he crawled in, grinned at us, and lay down with the length of his body going along the headboards of the combined beds. As he stretched out, I could see that there was just enough room for the five of us to recline comfortably side by side if we turned perpendicular to the way we'd normally lie on the mattresses. Catching on, I took my place next to my Heero and snuggled up to him. Quatre lay on the other side of me, his head pillowed on Trowa's shoulder. Lying next to the foot of the combined beds, on the other side of Trowa, Wufei stretched out. Meiran cuddled up next to him, slightly overlapping with his body in places. 

Heero then carefully tossed a light blanket over us all, but it was barely big enough to cover all five of us at once. Seeing this, he tossed another sheet over to Wufei, who blinked in understanding and unfolded it, tossing it in the other way to drift from his side of the bed over. This done, we now had enough blankets, and in our new, bigger, shared haven, we drifted off to sleep, comforted by the presence of family.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning I when woke up, I was blissfully aware of the presence of Heero right in front of me. I nuzzled into his chest and sighed happily as I felt his arms tighten around me. I spared a glance over my shoulder at my friends, and I almost giggled out loud at the adorable sight Quatre and Trowa made. Usually Trowa slept with lots and lots of blankets piled over him, but I think Quatre was all he really needed for security, because he was curled up around the smaller blond boy like he was clutching a teddy bear. Quatre's soft fair hair was spread out on the pillow, mingling with the soft brown of Trowa's long bangs. Their breathing was coming in unison as they rested in the early morning light.

On the other side of them lay Wufei, who had curled up into a tight little ball in his sleep, clutching his knees. His dark smooth hair was splayed out gracefully on his pillow, and at his head Meiran sat, ethereal eyes closed as she rested her hands on her sleeping love's head. She felt my gaze on her and blinked at me, smiling. I smiled back and turned around again, giving her the privacy she wanted and allowing myself a few more precious moments snuggling with Heero.

When I looked back down at the boy next to me, I found myself staring straight into those dark blue eyes of his as they fluttered open. I leaned forward and stole an early morning kiss before lying back down.

Eventually we were forced to get up and go to class, but I do believe the other guys felt as nice as I did about our new sleeping arrangement. It just felt so safe and nice, like we were brothers…well, brothers except for those **special** relationships. Classes flew by despite the worrying we had from the day before about suddenly being wrapped up in straight jackets and tossed in some dank padded cell with big nasty rats as cellmates.

As the day wore on I found myself worrying less and less over the escapades from the night before, instead finding myself looking at new ways to try and fight back. Lunch was fun, even though we still sat in one of the more crowded hallways, we managed to get in some good quality conversation and planning.

Then we headed off to our group session, setting up our circle of chairs before Dr. Quinze arrived so that we'd save time and maybe get to leave early. Dr. Quinze was a few minutes late, though, and when he arrived he shattered all illusions we might have had about breezing through this session quickly.

He brought a guest with him, an older man who sported bionic glasses that melded with his face. His white hair was receding along his forehead, but in the back it was long and spilled over his shoulders. As he walked into the room with Dr. Quinze, his long white lab coat barely concealed the large metal braces that lined his legs, causing him to limp along with a sickening metal against metal squeal as the hinges at his knees and ankles worked. I flinched and looked over at Heero, recognizing that noise. One look at my Heero's face confirmed what I was already thinking.

You see, that scraping sound was the same noise I sometimes heard through the disguised door in the renovated wing, the area that blond man had disappeared into and that Quatre and Heero had been taken. That place that oozed black bile waves of evil and pain. 

This man was from the other side of the door.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	7. Chapter 7

I sat there, tensed and read to run at the realization of where this man was from. Beside me, Heero was unconsciously transmitting his emotions. There were literally gushes of shock and dull pain wafting off of his normally dampened aura. Glancing around at my other friends, I realized that they didn't know that this metal braced man was from the other side of that disguised door. Quatre was squinting at him, and I read the telltale signs that he was checking on the man with his other ability. Trowa looked impassive as always, and Wufei just looked thoughtful and serious.

Then it hit me that Quatre wasn't reacting to the guy. Maybe in his one session he hadn't seen too much, or maybe he was…worked on…by another guy. I considered this as I watched the guest settle down in a chair pulled up by Dr. Quinze. I saw that in addition to the braces on his legs and bionic eye covers, he had a trihooked appendage instead of a left hand. Icky. He probably had to take a bath in motor oil or something to keep all his metal parts from getting rusty.

We all sat and wallowed in an uncomfortably heavy silence for a few moments. Then Dr. Quinze cleared his throat and gestured to our guest. "Boys, I want you to meet Dr. J. He is one of the most prestigious doctors in the field of mental health treatment and research, and he works closely with our institution. He heard of our little experiment of putting you boys together in sessions and living quarters, and wanted to come in and ask you a few questions. Is this acceptable to you?" He finished and looked around at each of us, practically begging with his eyes for it to be okay with us. I guess this Dr. J was his boss.

We all nodded slowly, glancing at each other in doubt. Heero just stared straight ahead, filtering everything out. I think he was going into a state of shock or something, because when I tapped him on the arm he didn't even blink.

Dr. Quinze noticed this and frowned at Heero's lack of response. "Heero, are you listening?"

Before Dr. Quinze could say or ask anything else, Dr. J spoke, keeping his voice calm and low. "Heero, is it? Do you mind if I sit in on this session? Answer me." The last two words the man spoke were so cold and harsh I almost flinched.

Heero jerked as though he had been shocked. Slowly, almost mechanically, his head swiveled around to face Dr. J. He nodded once, dully staring at the man. The light that had started to fill Heero's eyes in the last few weeks vanished completely. Sitting beside me now was a mere automaton, a puppet for the will of those that experimented on him. Watching the exchange between the two, I felt a red hot hatred flare up within my heart for this Dr. J. He was one of the ones that hurt my Heero. He had just made my blacklist.

Then the doctor leaned back in his seat again and nodded for Dr. Quinze to go ahead. Dr. Quinze just smiled weakly, cleared his throat, and started our group discussion. Although he was trying not to show it, I could tell he was as nervous as hell. He kept drawing straight lines on his notebook absently, making a parallel set of black marks on the smooth white paper.

After a few minutes, when we had all lapsed into a thoughtful silence considering something Dr. Quinze has said, Dr. J leaned forward and spoke up. "Might I ask these boys a few questions, Quinze? Would you mind?" Quinze nodded.

"Excellent," Dr. J said, bringing his attention to us. Actually, he really turned in Heero's direction more than toward the rest of us, but since I was sitting beside Heero, I had a full view of the man's face. As he turned his head in our direction completely, the light reflecting off of the lens of his bionic opticals eerily, reminding me of a shadow demon's silver eyes for a moment.

"So, boys," he started. I cringed when he called us "boys." It just sounded so sinister and condescending the way he said it. "How are you enjoying your dormitory placement? Do you find that sharing quarters with others like yourself is helpful in any way?"

I swallowed thickly when I felt that mechanical gaze bore into mine. Did he suspect that we had connected because of our "quirks"? Or worse, did he know for certain? Just what was he trying to get at here?

"Actually, sir, we don't really have the same condition," I replied weakly. "We're friends, but we have a lot of differences."

J just raised one thick white eyebrow and chuckled. "Oh, really? And here I was told you were all connected?"

Dr. Quinze broke in. "No, Dr. J, they've all been diagnosed differently. Besides their shared trait of delusions, then they are different in their afflictions."

"But do they not collaborate?" J asked, turning back to Dr. Quinze. The two began talking about us as if we weren't there, so I took the opportunity to check out the others' reactions.

I glanced at them one at a time, starting with Heero. He was staring twin holes into the floor by his feet, but when I looked over at him, he brought his gaze up to meet mine. His eyes were filled with terror and a sick certainty. He knew that this Dr. J coming to our session was a terribly bad sign, same as I did. 

Moving my gaze away from Heero for a moment, I took in Wufei's reaction. My Chinese friend had blanked his face of all emotion, but I could tell that he was worried. Obviously he was considering J's words carefully, trying to read between the lines for any sign of deceit or ill intention. Wufei had a knack for that sort of thing.

Checking out Trowa's reaction, I was not surprised to see that his eyes were glazed over as he listened to the quickly multiplying worry demons that were clustered on his shoulders and murmuring into his ears. Quatre was looking at Trowa with worry, evidently concerned about his tall boyfriend's reactions. Feeling my gaze on him, my blond friend turned and looked back at me. I could read the worry in his eyes, and the blatant fear.

I broke out of my train of thoughts when I heard J and Dr. Quinze stop talking for a few seconds. Sometimes sudden silence can be just as jarring as an alarm. This was one of those times. Dr. Quinze looked angry, but slightly fearful. I had completely tuned out the two men's voices while I was thinking, and now I wish I had been paying attention.

"Please, Dr. Quinze, I won't harm them," J finally said, a chilling smile on his thin lips. I swear, I almost added "much" out loud to the end of his sentence. It just had that sort of air to it. Dr. Quinze just nodded wearily and got up, taking his notebook with him. He left the room without so much as a single glance back.

I felt my fear and panic go up a few more notches when Dr. Quinze left. What exactly did J want with us alone? Somehow I doubted that he wanted to get our opinions on Dr. Quinze and his treatment of us. There was no "standard evaluation" type feeling to the man's attitude and actions.

"Well, let's cut right to it, shall we?" Dr. J said, standing up from his chair and starting to pace around our circle. "I've been watching your cases for a while now, and it seems to me that boys with your talents would work quite well together."

He stopped behind Heero's chair and put a hand on each of Heero's shoulders, his triclaw hand snagging slightly on the fabric of my boyfriend's shirt. "Just by observing some of your…activities…" He paused, moving away from Heero and starting to walk behind me, his optics flashing under the light. "Ah yes, your activities. Well, suffice to say that when viewed together, the five of you make an interesting group."

"Now, I'm a great lover of humanity, and in my work I try to benefit all of human kind with my studies. My ultimate goal is to bring about understanding and a new, more open society," the man continued as he limped around our chairs, his metal leg braces shrieking noisily. He had a sort of wistful sound to his voice, as though he was speaking of his true heart's intention. 

How the hell did hurting Heero help greater society as a whole?

"You see, my friends, my fellow human beings, there are those of us discriminated against for our handicaps. You for your mental afflictions, me for my dependency on my metal additions and handicaps. However, more often than not, mental problems can be responsible for a whole host of things, and therefore they provide many more freedoms for the name of science," He smiled at that, finally finished with circling around us and easing back down in his chair.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Wufei asked carefully, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. "Are you implying that people such as we are expendable?"

J smiled sinisterly. "I never said such a thing."

"What do you mean, then? Why are you talking to us like this? What's the damn point?" I asked, feeling my rising anger at the man starting to take control of me.

"I'll tell you the point," J replied, his voice ice cold. "You are going to help my colleagues and I in ways that are only possible with your so-called afflictions. You will assist in the advancement of our species. You are the first, the pioneers. You are the future. Control will be achieved of all the abilities of the human psyche," He chuckled darkly. "And you will do it, or else. Here is a demonstration, for your amusement."

That said, Dr. J stood up and walked over to Heero, leaned forward and said something quietly to him. Heero slumped in his chair, his chin resting on his chest lightly. He was unconscious. That bastard had told my Heero to pass out, and he had done it. My God.

"That's just a mild show. Be glad I didn't do anything more," J said, patting Heero's now limp shoulder carelessly, almost causing the unconscious boy to fall out of his chair. If I hadn't jumped out of my chair and caught him, he might have landed square on his nose.

"Why did you do that?" I asked as I hauled Heero back up into his chair.

"An example of what can happen if you boys meddle," He, pausing, "Again, that is. Some of you are quite photogenic, you know."

Oh God, so they really did know we were in that passage last night. I logically knew that they would, but it was another thing to have that suspicion confirmed, another thing entirely.

"Why are you really doing this?" Quatre asked suddenly, honest curiosity shining off of him lightly.

"Like I said, for the good of humanity," J answered, his brow wrinkling in mild confusion.

"Yes, but aren't we humans, too? Why would you choose us to help humanity, as you put it? There are others that could be used, with their consent. We are humans, and we have rights!" Wufei exclaimed, dark anger starting to feather off of him.

"No, you're not, and no, you don't. At least, no one really thinks so. Think about it, who would listen to you now? Who from your old lives would ever really take you seriously? You are apart from humanity now, and all you can be good for is redeeming the rest of them. You might as well make yourselves useful," J replied easily. From his mannerisms and attitude, I could tell that he honestly believed in what he was saying. He really did want to help the human race…but at our expense.

"We **are** people," Trowa said evenly, his eyes blazing emerald. I do believe Trowa was pissed.

"Of course you are. I know that. But I don't decide what the rest of humanity thinks," J chuckled. "It's true, and you know it."

He left the room, then, limping out the door without another word. As I watched him leave, I understood with sickening clarity that we were in major trouble. And that's because I realized that what Dr. J had said was right. We really weren't people anymore. We were "crazy."

I've read accounts from the pre-colony times about mental health. For the longest time, diseases that had nothing to do with insanity or mental infirmities were liable to get you shoved in a padded room and left to rot, or worse. Quatre had told us about the electroshock treatment that kook had tried on him, siting the pre-colony days. 

A little bit more research showed some frightening realities about those days so long ago. Mental patients were numbers, and more often than not, they were treated worse than animals. Experimental procedures and surgeries were the norm. If you died under the care of the asylum, you were buried in the backyard or in a little wooded patch of trees, a shallow grave to house your bones with no marker other than a piece of wood or iron with your number scrawled on it.

I had thought those days were gone. Instead, I realized that society would probably be apathetic at best, if five little lunatics went through a bit of pain. We really weren't human in their eyes, so they could reason away our suffering if they were to get the benefit. Lab rat mentality. 

I hate it when I can understand the bad guys. Realization and rationalization are truly horrible things.

~ ~ ~ ~

As soon as the door closed behind J, we all slumped down in our chairs, as though we had been deflated. Well, except for Heero. He was still unconscious. We waited expectantly, our eyes glued to the crack under the door, where we could see the shadows of J's feet. For a second he stood there alone, but then another set of feet joined his, casting their shadows under the door for us to see as well. Meiran floated over and stuck her head through the wall for a few seconds, watching whoever it was.

The feet moved away after a few seconds, and Meiran brought her head back in, telling Wufei and Trowa what she had seen. They translated that J had stopped Dr. Quinze from coming in the room and the two had walked off together. J had told Quinze that we were "more feisty than he expected and would benefit the cause more with such spirit." Ugh. Hope he didn't get off on our "spirit." Nasty weirdo.

Meiran also said something that made us all quite nervous (that's a giant understatement). She said that she had seen Otto coming from the opposite direction from the way that Quinze and Dr. J had left, and he had been watching them carefully. He was now headed straight towards our door. Hearing this, I immediately stood up and tried to wake Heero up. I would not be good to have a run-in with a semi-Thug with him unconscious. He'd be hard to defend, and I needed his support to remain strong. It was right at this point, as I was whispering into his ear and gently shaking his shoulders, that I realized just how dependent on Heero I was. I needed him.

Quatre had joined me in trying to bring Heero back around, and he was about to do that transfer thing again, I think, when a tentative knock came at the room's door. Meiran stuck her head through the wall and reported back that it was indeed Otto. We wouldn't have time for anything now. The orderly might get suspicious. So the four of us (the living and conscious) exchanged a series of looks. I pulled my chair up next to Heero's on one side, and Quatre did the same on the other. Trowa stood off to the side, but near enough that his defensive stance was not unnoticed. Wufei opened the door quickly and stepped back, Meiran wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she glared at the semi-Thug.

Otto just blinked in surprise for a few seconds at the door's sudden opening. Then he cleared his throat and looked each of us in the eye, stopping his gaze it landed on me. "I was sent to assist Mr. Yuy in getting back to your room. I was told he might need some help."

Wufei raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh really? Who told you that Heero would need help?"

Otto frowned for a second. "Oh my, he's unconscious? Would you like me to carry him for you?"

"Uh-hey, you didn't answer my question!" Wufei said, tapping the larger man on the shoulder as he walked by.

Otto stopped and looked down at Wufei. "Your friend is unconscious and you're worried about who sent me? It was, uh, Quinze, okay?"

Sincerity and discomfort was rippling slightly off of Otto's aura as he turned back to where Quatre and I flanked Heero. He crouched down to get at our eye level and looked me square in the face. "May I help? Will you trust me?" He asked with true concern in his voice.

Quatre looked at me, and it was obvious by the look on his face that he wanted to believe that Otto wanted to help. Trowa's eyes glinted for a second with his sharp, minute nod of consent. I glanced over at Wufei, who nodded slightly. 

Even though we knew Otto had been lying about who had sent him, he obviously did want to help. The other's agreement with the man's offer, especially Wufei's agreement, only confirmed my gut feeling to let the man help us, at least with this. For some reason my Chinese friend could tell if a person was lying or not, and whether their actions were with good intentions. I always just thought he was relying on his intelligence and perception, both of which I trusted immensely.

I looked at Otto and nodded once. "If you hurt him, I will find a way, so help me God, to get you back for it," I said softly.

"Concern noted," Otto replied, and without further preamble, he plucked Heero up easily and started walking towards the door. Wufei walked in front of him, leading him out, and I followed right behind the large man so I could keep an eye on Heero's status. Trowa and Quatre brought up the rear, closing the door behind us as we left.

As we walked through the corridors to our room, I caught sight of one of the wire-encased wall clocks. I was surprised to note that we still had over half of our session time left until afternoon classes. Our session had felt like it had lasted hours, but it had only lasted minutes, even with Dr. Quinze showing up late. Thank God, too. We were going to need time to recover from that little ordeal. Especially Heero, who still hung in Otto's big arms like a little rag doll. It pained me to see how his slight frame looked even more delicate as it was dwarfed in comparison to the large man's bulk.

When we reached our room, Wufei preceded Otto inside and drew back the curtain on the large combined bed. The big orderly didn't show any surprise at the huge bed, neither in his facial expression or aura. He carefully put Heero down, then turned and walked straight towards the doorway.

"Thank you," Quatre told him as he walked past the blond. Otto merely nodded once, glanced at the rest of us, and left, closing the door behind him.

In my book, Otto had just redeemed himself from Thug status.

As soon as he was gone, we all piled onto the big bed and surrounded Heero, who we shifted over so that he was in the middle. I settled in at the top of the bed, my legs crossed and my back leaning against the headboard so I could cradle Heero's head in my lap. Quatre was on my left, Trowa was on my right, and Wufei was beside Trowa. Meiran floated at the base of the bed, half in and half out of the sheet curtain shrouding the combined bunk.

"Now what?" I asked the other guys.

"What do you mean? What do we do about Heero, or what do we do about this new threat to our welfare?" Wufei asked in response.

"Uh, well, both, actually. I'm starting to get pretty freaked out here. That J guy just whispered something in Heero's ear and he just fell over. That can't be healthy," I replied, biting my lip.

"I can try that thing I did yesterday, that thing with the energy transfer or whatever it was," Quatre suddenly said.

"Will it hurt you?" Trowa asked calmly, despite the hint of worry in his eyes.

"Yes, but I think it's worth the sacrifice," Quatre replied with determination, then turned to me. "Duo?"

I held out my hand and let Quatre grab it. He then placed his other hand on Heero's forehead, like before. Just as it had happened yesterday, I started to feel energy being sapped from my body, and I felt myself get lightheaded. Faintly, as my vision started to black out, I could hear Quatre's voice, "I don't know if I can get enough to wake him up!" His voice was urgent, I noted dimly as I felt my eyes droop closed.

Suddenly I felt a jolt of energy going **through** me. My eyes eased open, and I realized that Trowa had grabbed my other hand, adding his energy to the effort. I felt another course of energy as I watched Wufei grab Trowa's other hand and add himself to the link up. Quatre was shaking slightly, eyes closed in pain and concentration, and he was gripping my hand so tightly that his knuckles were turning white and my hand was aching.

Suddenly Heero's eyes fluttered open, and there was a back surge of energy, causing all of us to cry out and break apart our human chain. Quatre was almost crying from the strain, and Trowa immediately stumbled up and clumsily made his was around the large bed to gather the small blond into his lap. For a split second I wondered when Trowa had become such a damn ungraceful klutz, then I realized that my hands were shaking and I was gripping onto the fabric of Heero's shirt so hard that I was threatening to tear it. I felt my vision swim and I closed my eyes, willing away a wave of nausea. I could hear Wufei's ragged panting as he tried to catch his breath. Waking Heero up had taken a lot out of us.

Finally I felt steady enough to open my eyes again. Since my head was bowed, Heero's concerned blue eyes were the first things I saw. I smiled weakly at him, and I was pleased beyond words when he smiled his tiny little smile back at me. Then he carefully sat up, removing the comfortable weight of his head from my lap.

I was not to be disappointed, though, because he immediately scooted back once he was sitting so that his butt was right in front of my crossed legs. Taking the hint, I uncrossed my legs and put them at either side of him, pulling him back to lean against me. I wrapped my arms around his waist in the process and felt his arms tangle comfortably with mine in response. For a few minutes we all sat there, allowing ourselves to catch our breath and regain some of the energy and strength lost from our efforts.

Finally, Quatre spoke up in a low, tentative voice. "What now?"

"We find a way to fight back again," I answered as I tightening my grip around Heero's waist. I felt his grip on my arms tighten in response.

"How?" Wufei asked, pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them.

Silence.

~ ~ ~ ~

We didn't talk anymore until it was time to leave for our afternoon classes. We agreed to come back to the room as quickly as possible after class ended. Then we were going to head out to the tree. It always seemed to help us to go out there, maybe because it was the only place that no one else could find us, our little secret. Hopefully by then we'd be over our shock and able to think a little more optimistically, or think at all, for that matter.

Heero and I wandered into art a few minutes before class was to start and sat down across from each other at our table. We were still doing that joint project I mentioned earlier, the one were we drew self portraits and then drew each other, not showing either to the other person until we were done. We had started to work on our pictures of each other, and therefore we couldn't sit side-by-side.

Howard came in and sat down at one of the sides between us, grinning slightly. "Hi guys! Having a good day?"

"Sure, man, we're cool," I replied weakly.

"You don't sound cool. Bad session?" He asked, tipping his sunglasses down on his nose to look me in the eye.

"You could say that," I replied, trying not to laugh hysterically at the irony of Howard's question. No laughing like a maniac here, they might come and take you away. (ha ha!)

Then Howard's partner for the joint project, Sylvia, sat down across from him. She nodded politely to Heero and I and then quietly got her stuff out. Usually she sat at a table by herself, and she had only joined up with our little group for the purposes of the project. I don't know her very well, nor do I know why she's even here, but she's okay and I don't mind her sitting with us for this project. I knew her before either of us came to this lovely institution, too, but we just never talked. Our parents knew each other, but we never really like each other much. 

Sylvia is the granddaughter of some big government hotshot. I'm not sure what he does, and I don't really care that much, but I do know that he's so damn good that no one even cares that a member of his family is living in a loony bin. That really is saying something, especially considering the state of the current political environment.

Oh, but anyway, I was getting to how I knew Sylvia before either of us was deemed to be "unstable." I mentioned before that my parents were in an accident, and that they worked for the government, thus forcing the bureaucrats to have to pay for my fees at this lovely and glorious institution. My parents were scientists working in a lab, and Sylvia's father was one of their associates. 

When I was a little kid, evidently I was very cute, so my parents would take me to the lab sometimes and "show me off" (their words, not mine). They'd let me pet some of the lab animals and carry test tubes for them…well, the unbreakable test tubes with nothing too bad in them. As I got older, a few times they absolutely had to take me with them, because daycare wasn't open on Sundays or Saturdays, and there were quite a few weekends that they needed to work and couldn't get a sitter. I guess Sylvia's dad had the same problem, so I met her a few times, but we never talked much. Sylvia was always a quite kid, and I probably scared her a little. Plus I thought that girls had cooties.

I do believe I was slightly hyperactive and loud when I was younger. Maybe it had something to do with those pesky little mischief sprites. Nice little guys, but they stopped coming to me when I started to see the demons. And before you ask, yeah, my parents knew I saw stuff. They believed me, though, or at least they thought I was just playing with "imaginary" friends. I don't know for sure. When I was younger, I never doubted my sanity. When I started seeing things, I genuinely thought that everyone else saw them, too. When the accident happened, the one that killed them, I was only ten. After being bounced around an orphanage or two and after they did some psychological testing, I eventually landed here when I was about 12 or 13, believing that I was insane. Okay, sorry, got off on a tangent again, didn't I?

So anyway, Sylvia had joined our table temporarily because Howard had asked her to be his partner. I do believe my friend had a crush on the blond girl. I don't know how that happened, but it was amusing and cute, because they really are total opposites. As for her, I don't know how she feels toward Howard, but Howard says that she looks over at him a lot, at least when they were working on this project. I think it was probably because she was drawing him, but I didn't tell him that.

Anyway, class passed rather quickly, even if Howard and Sylvia kept looking at us funny. Well, me especially, since I wasn't smiling or joking around with Heero like I normally do. Five minutes before class the two of us started subtly putting away most of our things, shooting secretive glances at each other occasionally as we did so. As soon as Ms. Une dismissed us, we were out the door and gone, rushing down the hallway and dodging bodies as best we could until we reached our room.

We went in and started to gather anything we might need to go out to the tree. I found the flashlight, since we had used it the night before, and tucked it into the waistband of my pants. Heero got his notebook and a couple pencils, and then grabbed us a blanket to sit on. It was easier to sit on something, that way we wouldn't have to worry as much about getting telltale dirt on our clothes. We were planning on leaving it in the tree for later use, and there was no time like the present to sneak it out.

Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre came in, and they looked like they had run the whole way from their last class. Seeing that Heero and I had already gathered the stuff together, all that we had left to do was, well, go to the bathroom. Just in case, you understand. It's no fun peeing out there among the hollow trees and non-concealing shrubbery, and it sucks to have to hold it in.

So we took our turns, taking maybe ten minutes at the most for all of us to go. Making sure we had everything, we gathered together. I opened the door, and you'll never guess who had his hand raised to knock on the door. Yep, it was Mueller. I recoiled in surprise and stumbled back, running into Heero, who stopped my sort-of-fall by catching me. As for Mueller, having the door in front of him open so unexpectedly, he blinked for a second at his knuckles colliding with air, then brought his arm down to his side swiftly, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. I'm telling you, if I hadn't still been shocked at having that big ugly Thug standing right there in front of me, I probably would have laughed.

Alex, who had not tried to stifle his laughter at all, was standing behind his brother with his arms crossed. "Okay, we're here to escort Trowa Barton to a session. Come on," the blond man said between snickers as he gestured for Trowa to come forward.

We collectively blinked at the two Thugs, standing there like we had been frozen. Questions were racing through my mind at a rapid fire pace. Yesterday Quatre, today Trowa? Would Wufei be tomorrow? Would I? Was it our faults that they were bringing Trowa in today, because of our explorations yesterday? So many questions, and none of them had answers.

I felt Trowa brush past me as he walked out the door. When he was out in the hallway, standing between the two Thugs, he didn't look as tall as he normally did. He sent us all a strained half smile, and I could see frosty fear glazing his eyes slightly. He looked at each of us in turn, lingering longer on Quatre than the rest of us. The worry demons were multiplying right before my eyes, and as I watched, a few of them mutated with the influence of Trowa's fear. Behind me I could feel the sympathy, guilty relief, and fear from my friends as their emotions spiked and prickled at my back.

Then Mueller poked my friend's shoulder, and pushed him along the hallway in the direction of the renovated wing. As they walked, Trowa kept turning his head to glance back at us, and as a group we moved out into the hallway and watched him being taken away. I felt like I was going to be sick. It was only a matter of time before they came for all of us, and that meant me, too.

After what seemed like an eternity, my friend turned and disappeared at the corner of the hallway. For a few long seconds we stood there and stared, then we went back into our room to wait for him to come back. Who knows what would happen? He might return unconscious, or he might not remember anything, like Quatre. Hell, he might come back with some sudden new talent, like Quatre had.

As we sat down silently on our large bed, we dropped our supplied in a pile on the floor. One thing kept running through my mind…

What if Trowa didn't come back at all? It wasn't likely, but it was possible. Anything was. And that's what was so damn terrifying.

~ ~ ~ ~

Trowa was gone for two hours, longer than even Heero had ever been. When the door finally opened and he stumbled in, we were all worried sick. Quatre had been pacing for thirty minutes straight, Wufei was staring out between the bars on the windows, and Heero and I were just sitting there brooding together silently. As soon as we heard the creak of the hinges, we got to our feet to help guide Trowa to the bed to sit down.

The tall boy was soaked in sweat, and his eyes were impossibly wide, almost looking as though they were going to pop out of his head. He had both hands clamped over his ears and had his head bowed slightly, his back hunched over and his legs holding him unsteadily. At the doorway, Alex stood, looking at Trowa with an incredulous expression.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, he came out of the labs like that!" The Thug exclaimed, biting his lower lip. "I'm, uh, going to go now. Hope he calms down."

And with that, Alex left, closing the door for us and hightailing it away. Labs? Check one confirmation of our suspicions. Thank you, Mr. Thug.

Trowa collapsed on the bed, curling up into a fetal position and still covering his ears. We gathered around him, kneeling on the mattress and forming a tight circle.

"Trowa! Trowa? What did they do to you? What's wrong?" Quatre sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and there was a taint of panic to his voice as he gently shook the tall boy's shoulders.

Trowa looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes. He whimpered slightly and curled up tighter into himself. All but two of Trowa's little worry demons had vanished and the two that were still there were perched on his shoulder and poking the hands covering his ears tentatively. They looked up at me with little reddish-brown glowing eyes, mouths unmoving and forming little fanged pouts. They pointed down at Trowa, then covered their tiny faces with their clawed hands. If I didn't know better, I would have thought those worry demons were, well, worried.

"I swear, on all that I believe in, that those bastards will pay," Wufei whispered angrily, his face a mask of fury. Meiran wore a look of rage that was similar to her husband's, and the couple looked at each other and nodded in unison.

"What the hell did they do to him?" I whispered, trying not to flinch as anguish waved off of Trowa in dark purple ripples.

Just then, Trowa looked up at all of us and whispered something. As a group, we all leaned forward, our heads bumping slightly as we got closer. "I can hear them all. All of them. They're so loud. I cover my ears and I can still hear them. All of them. Why won't they leave me alone?" He sounded so pathetic. It almost made me cry to see my friend reduced to such a state.

"Trowa, who are you talking about?" Quatre whispered back, despite the fact that Trowa still had his ears covered.

"You, all of you, and all of them. Thousands of voices, and I can't make them stop!" He replied urgently.

I remember thinking, 'All of us? As in our thoughts? Or maybe he means more than just the worry demons. Maybe he is hearing shadow demons and their kin now, too. Wow, that sucks!'

"Is that what it is?" Trowa asked, looking up at me with wide emerald eyes.

"I didn't say anything," I replied, feeling very confused.

"Yes you did, I heard you."

'Can you hear me now?' I thought back, testing my theory.

"Yes," Trowa answered, panic on his face. He had been watching me and knew my lips hadn't moved.

"What's going on?" Wufei asked, looking back and forth between Trowa and I.

"Trowa's hearing some of our thoughts, as well as more than just the worry demons," I replied, disbelief and shock causing my voice to fluctuate slightly.

Heero handed me a note.

\--He has to try and filter some of it out, or he will go crazy.--

I read the note out loud, and Quatre leaned in and started to whisper soothing, comforting words to Trowa, one of his hands placed on the back of the tall boy's neck. Eventually Trowa stopped shaking and slowly uncovered his ears. They were both bright red from the pressure, and there were a few marks on the sides of his head where he had clawed at them, probably when the first onslaught of sound had hit him. The two little worry demons started jumping up and down happily on his shoulder.

Finally Trowa sat up, toppling the little worries. He allowed Quatre to pull him back to lean against him. It was strange, seeing the smaller boy support Trowa in such a way, but it was cute, too. Quatre reached up and tucked his chin over Trowa's shoulder so he could see the rest of us and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist from behind.

"Trowa, are you going to be okay?" Wufei finally asked.

He nodded in response. "I think so. I'm having trouble filtering everything and everyone out. I can hear so much more…" Trowa's voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over, and he listened to the pair of worry demons that had climbed back up to perch on his head. We waited patiently for him to continue.

"Evidently I'm picking up random thoughts, more of the other creatures, and I think a few of the deceased that aren't as strong as Meiran," he finished a moment later.

"How did this happen? Do you remember anything?" I asked, scooting closer to Heero for comfort.

Trowa shook his head slightly. "Not much, I remember a white room, and then prick on my arm…then nothing. It's as though nothing happened."

Heero leaned forward and gently rolled up Trowa's sleeve. Sure enough, there was the telltale bandage on the crook of his elbow from the shot. Then Heero wrote a quick note and handed it to me.

\--No pain?--

"Not too much, just a dull roar in the back of my mind. It's not as bad as the voices, though. They're deafening…and some hurt to listen to. I don't like some of these new ones," Trowa replied, a haunted look coming over his face. 

I can only imagine. I had seen some pretty terrible things because of my ability, but I know that there is more stuff out there than what I can see. Sometimes I feel a presence of evil, and then all the little demons that are around run away. Something has to cause that. I also know that I don't see nearly as many wandering souls as there probably are out there. The only reason I see Meiran is because she acts as a companion soul to Wufei, actively staying with him. And if all Trowa really heard before were worry demons and the occasional companion soul…

Let's just say that if his hearing was opened all the way, and I suspected that it was, I really felt for him. It was a wonder he wasn't raving by now and biting his toes. But no, here he was, sitting calmly, and only looking a little worried. He was adapting already. Maybe it was his natural strength of mind and will, but somehow I don't think that was all there was to it. Whatever they had done, I think they had made it possible for Trowa to continue to live and adapt to his new ability. Call it an educated guess.

For a few minutes we sat in a deep contemplative silence. From the looks on my friends' faces, I could tell they were trying to assimilate all this together in their minds, just the same as I was. Then Wufei started to think out loud, whispering quietly and making vague hand gestures as he spoke.

"Quatre's empathic…since he was taken, he has a new ability that plays off his natural one. Trowa could hear voices, now he can hear more voices and hear occasional thoughts…" My Chinese friend muttered, tapping his chin with his index finger.

Okay, time out for a second here. At this point it occurred to me that Trowa could hear thoughts. I mean, I understood before, but now it hit me exactly what that meant. He could **hear thoughts**. As in, I could be sitting thinking dirty thoughts about Heero, and Trowa might pick up on them. Or, he could be walking down the hallway and pick up on of the Drone's thoughts. This could be potentially very embarrassing and very valuable.

All right, back to what Wufei was saying. Suddenly he stopped his little mutterings and blinked a few times. I could tell he was onto something. "Heero, what is it that you do, anyway? Can you try and communicate that to us?"

I spoke up then, remembering all the details of yesterday's vision. You see, at the time, I had been distracted with my worry about waking Heero up from his unhealthy unconsciousness. Later we just hadn't gotten to the details of the vision.

"Heero can see through time, he told me yesterday in that vision we had. You know, the one were I passed out, then woke up and saw his eyes all bloody?" I said, feeling stupid for not remembering to share this earlier. I guess they understood because no one said anything about that.

"Wow," Quatre said softly, peeking over Trowa's shoulder. "How does that work?"

Heero just bit his lip and looked forlorn.

"Can't say?" Wufei asked, sighing. Damn those mental blocks.

Heero shook his head sadly.

I chuckled darkly, hugging Heero to try and help him feel a little better. "Well, we could always ask you stuff anyway and watch you wince in pain. At least we'd know we were getting close," I joked, tightening my arms around him and feeling him hug back. Then I felt his head move and his chin caress my shoulder. He had nodded.

I pulled away and smoothed the bangs from his face, then kissed his forehead. "Very funny, I was just kidding."

He pulled out his notepad and wrote quickly, handing me the paper.

\--That's a good idea. I'm willing to try it.--

"No way!" Quatre said, thumping Heero's upper arm. "We're not going to purposely put you through pain. We're your friends!"

Another quickly scribbled note.

\--And I am yours. Let me do this for you, my friends, or we will all go through much worse in the future.--

Trowa nodded. "He's right, you know."

"It's not fair, but it's what must be done," Wufei agreed. I know it hurt them to admit it out loud.

"But, no!" Quatre protested, looking to me for support. One look at Heero's face silently pleading with me to let him do this was all it took to make up my mind.

"Are you sure?" I whispered to Heero. He nodded once, very slowly.

"Then we shall do it," I responded quietly with reluctance, closing my eyes for a moment and scooting closer to him. "We're all right here, I'm here. Remember that."

Then we started. As I held Heero close to me, Wufei and Trowa asked questions. I could tell it hurt them terribly to be the indirect cause of the pain that was wracking Heero's body. At one point in the questioning, we knew we were getting closer and closer to the truth.

"Into the past, you can see anything you wish to see, if you use your abilities?" Wufei asked, wiping at his eyes. All of us were weeping silently by now. It was terrible. It was necessary.

By this time I had Heero pulled into my lap. He was trembling and sweat soaked, latching onto me instinctively. At this particular question he spasmed in a huge tremor, but he managed to nod once. We were having a breakthrough. He had been fighting the pain to answer the questions, and we were finally getting somewhere.

"How far back can you see? Can you see back into the distant past?" Wufei asked, his voice flat and lifeless.

Heero shook his head, not in too much pain from that question.

Trowa spoke up. "Can you see back fifty years from now?"

I felt the tremor in Heero's body before I saw the pain on his features as he shook his head. We were getting closer.

"Heero, can you only see as far back as your own lifetime?" Quatre asked softly, his first question.

I felt my love's body jerk and stiffen, then shake terribly. I could see the searing pain waft off Heero, but he managed to nod his head minutely, giving us the answer we needed.

"I'm sorry," Quatre whispered, burying his head into Trowa's back.

Heero smiled weakly and shrugged in reply. He took a deep breath and nodded again, tightening his grip on me and focusing again on Wufei.

Wufei took a deep breath. "Now, how far into the future can you see? Is it as far as your own lifetime as well?"

Heero bit his lip as the pain hit him, and he shrugged. That wasn't right, and we knew it. If he didn't know, he didn't get the pain that badly. We all knew this. Heero was hiding something.

"Heero," I whispered into his ear. "Tell us the truth, please."

He looked at me with a mixture of pain, shock, and sorrow. He looked like he felt betrayed, too, which broke my heart.

"Is it not a yes or no answer?" I asked, trying to amend the situation, and attempting to give him a way out if he wanted it.

Heero nodded at that, wincing a tiny bit. 

"Do you think so or not, then? What's the answer?" Wufei asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Very slowly, Heero picked up his pencil, his hand shaking badly as dark waves of black pain etched the air around him. He gritted his teeth and started to write. Suddenly, Quatre cried out in distress and laid his hand on Heero's shoulder. Immediately the small blond started to shake, and pain was radiating off of him now instead of Heero. Heero finished his note quickly, and Quatre broke away and slumped forward onto Trowa's back. The tall boy turned at the waist and pulled the small blond into his lap carefully, returning the favor from earlier. Heero handed me the note.

\--I'm not sure about the future. I can only see so far, and that vision is what appears to be deadly. There is fire. We are all there. Then it ends. I cannot see further.-- 

"Fire? Oh, that is not good at all. Oh crap, that sounds unpleasant. In fact, yeah, it's safe to say that it completely sucks. What are we going to do?" I whispered in one quick breath.

"There has to be something, we have to try," Wufei replied, shock also masking his normally composed face.

"Yes," Trowa agreed.

"We can't give up," Quatre whispered weakly. 

"I have an idea," I said, getting hit by a random thought. I explained my tentative plan, to steal our files from the records and see if there was anything we could use contained within them, contact information, hell, anything at all. It would be dangerous, because if we were caught, we would be as good as being thrown into a padded cell or solitary for punishment. We elaborated and added details on my sketchy idea, and by the time we left for dinner, we had a full-fledged plan of action.

It was going to be tricky, but we had to do it. Anything at all we could do would be a step towards freedom, towards escape from our torment…an asylum from our Asylum.

~ ~ ~ ~

We ate quickly, without any conversation. We needed to execute our plan when as many people as possible were away from the area around file room. It was located near the administrative office, and during dinnertime it was unlikely that anyone would be there. I was going to go in alone, find as many files on us as I could, sneak them under my shirt, then go to the bathroom.

The other guys were going to be watching the hallway for me while I was in the file room. Then they were going to follow me into the bathroom to get a couple of the files so I wouldn't look like I had gained ten pounds in the shape of a square on my stomach as we walked through the corridors. And it wasn't as though I could just hand over the thick file folders in the middle of the hallway. That just screamed, "CATCH ME!" But if all went well, we would be out in the hollow tree with the files in ten minutes.

We all knew where the file room was, so Trowa and Quatre went first, pretending to be looking for a place to be alone together while they were really making sure that no one was around the door or that area. It was handy to have a known couple in our group, because it wouldn't look suspicious for them to be together in such a manner in a secluded hallway, if you catch my drift. If they didn't come back in five minutes, then the rest of us would go on, too. Wufei and Heero were going to take the corners at one end of the hallway to watch for people coming, and Quatre and Trowa were going to take the other end, since they were already in that area. 

I was then to sneak into the file room with the flashlight and get what we needed. If anything went wrong or someone came by, Meiran was to pop in and wave at me, and the guys were supposed to do something distracting. If all went well, however, I was to go to straight to the nearest bathroom and pass a couple files to whoever went in with me under the side of the stalls. We'd have to be careful with that, though, because none of our bathroom stalls have anything more substantial than a shower curtain, if that, on them for privacy. Can't have a psycho locking himself in a stall and trying to conquer the world by jumping up and down in the toilet bowl, now can we? Thus, no stall doors.

Heero, Wufei, Meiran, and I waited nervously for the five minutes to pass after Trowa and Quatre left us. Finally the second hand on the wall clock clicked around to mark the fifth set of sixty clicks, and we left. Wufei and I tried to chat nonchalantly in a lame attempt to act inconspicuous and normal, and that's a lot harder than you can imagine. Our conversation had the intelligence of a plastic grape.

Finally, after what seemed like the longest walk I had ever taken, we reached the beginning of the corridor that the file room was on. I left my friends and nervously padded up the long hallway, my slippered feet sliding quietly on the polished linoleum. I reached the solid door, glanced down both directions of the hallway where my friends were guarding, then turned the knob and went in, thanking the Drones silently for not putting locks on any of the in this place.

When I entered, I let out the breath I had been holding in one soft whoosh. My biggest fear about this whole thing was that someone would be in the file room. Glancing around, I couldn't see the telltale red light of a functioning security camera, which alleviated my other big concern. I hadn't been in here in a few months, and a lot had happened since then. I was afraid there was going to be changes to the room, and those two things were my biggest worry. 

I closed the door behind me, pulled my shirt of and stuffed it in the crack at the bottom of the door to stop any light from escaping under it and into the hallway. Then I thumbed on the little flashlight that we normally kept in the hollow tree and shone it around the room.

Peering at the labels on the filing cabinets, I found the ones that contained the confidential information. Just as I expected, it was locked when I tried the drawer for A-E. Smiling wickedly to myself, I tiptoed over to the file secretary's desk, opened the bottom drawer, and fished around for a few seconds, coming up with the key. 

One of the benefits of being a good patient is the fact that you sometimes are enlisted to help the office staff in exchange for candy or something equally nice. The file secretary was a sweet old lady, and she thought I was a "nice young man." She trusted me. I felt bad betraying her trust like this, but damnit, I needed into that cabinet.

I slid the key home and opened the cabinet, searching quickly for the files I needed. I noticed that my file was particularly large, and flipping the front open in curiosity, I noticed that there was a related file referenced under my father's name. Sure enough in the "other files" cabinet, there it was. I grabbed that, too. Stuffing the files under my waistband, I flipped of the flashlight and tucked it into my sock. Then I retrieved my shirt from the crack under the door, slipped it on, and tried to conceal the square points of the files as best I could among the folds of the fabric. Finally satisfied, I cracked the door open an inch and peered out. 

Seeing no one in the hallway, I opened the door a bit more and glided out, shutting the door quietly behind me. I walked straight to the nearest bathroom, passing Heero and Wufei en route. I glanced behind me, and sure enough, Quatre and Trowa were coming along, too, about fifty steps behind them. Everything was going well. Of course, because I thought that, something was bound to go wrong. It's all my fault for speaking too soon.

I entered the bathroom and almost had a heart attack. There was Alex, combing his hair and peering at his reflection in the shatterproof mirror. Looking at the stalls, I almost had another heart attack, because only one of them had a curtain. Damn. That would mean either Alex would have to leave, or he'd have to be distracted. He looked at me, surprised, then went back to running his little comb through his blond hair.

Without a word I dashed into the curtained stall and stood in front of the toilet, situating my feet to look like I was sitting down. A few seconds later, I heard the door open and two sets of footsteps pad in. Immediately, I heard Wufei yelp.

In the stall beside me, I saw two feet appear, then heard a light knock on the side of the stall.

"Have you no dignity, sir?" I suddenly heard Wufei exclaim. "Must you watch while a man relieves himself? Will you grant him that right, or will you stand there in front of the mirror so you can see him? What kind of sick person wants to watch a person relieve himself?"

I almost giggled when I heard Alex's stuttering response of denial. Then a hand, Heero's, appeared at the bottom of the stall, and I handed him half the files, careful not to let any pages fall out of the folders in the process.

Then I heard Wufei gasp loudly. "You have a spider on your shoulder!"

"What?!" I heard Alex's voice. He sounded panicked. "Get it off me!"

"I shall kill it for you!" 

I heard a series of slapping and hitting noises, accompanied by a few "ouches" from Alex. Again, I almost laughed. Finally I heard another light knock on the stall beside me, and Heero's feet walked out the stall as I heard the toilet flush. Flushing my own commode, I parted the shower curtain and followed him out the door, passing by Wufei, who was still smacking Alex around. I felt all devious and smooth, we had pulled off our scheme right in front of the Thug's nose.

We were only out a few moments before Wufei came out the door. As we formed up into a group and made our way outside, I felt the weight of the papers brush and scratch against my stomach as we walked. A solution to our problems might be contained within their precious pages and documents, and we had only limited time to look at them before we had to return them or risk being caught.

~ ~ ~ ~

When we reached the hollow tree and crawled into it, we immediately passed around the files. Everyone one of us had our own, and I had my parents in addition to mine. I opened that one first, peering in the artificial twilight the environmental controls cast into the tree. The first thing on the inside of the folder was a quick physical description of my parents and their names, Solo and Helen Maxwell. Scanning down the page, I smiled at the pictures of my long dead parents, a bittersweet feeling of longing and memory filling my heart. 

I skimmed the rest of the way down the page until my gaze landed on the final, bolded line at the bottom of the page. I felt my eyes widen and my heart race as I grabbed the flashlight and shined it on those words to be sure. Horror and sick disbelief, accompanied by a terrible understanding hit me full force as I repeated those two words over and over in my head.

Status: Terminated

My parents had not been in a mere accident. 

My parents had been murdered.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	8. Chapter 8

Understandably, when I discovered that frightening line, I gasped in shock…Terminated. My breathing was hitching in my chest as the flashlight in my hand trembled, causing the shadows inside the tree to quake and dance around us, and eerie little sprite spawnlings of the shadows demons bounced around obscenely, pointing and laughing at me. 

I was too shocked to even cry, and I was biting my lower lip so hard that it was almost bleed. I was afraid that I was going to start just crying or laughing or worst of all, screaming. I was afraid that if I started, I'd never stop…that I'd just keep screaming, and screaming, and screaming…until my throat bled and my vocal chords burst…until I would have screamed myself to death. This was not the way I wanted to exit this world, so I just bit down and held on to my mind, forcing some control into myself.

The world swirled around me, and my vision tunneled down to stare at those words "Status: Terminated." Oh, God, it makes me sick to think about it even now. Hold on… Okay, I'm back. I had to gather myself together again (as if you noticed, for all you know I could be dancing a jig as I write this. Well, I suppose you'd notice the shaky handwriting as I danced…uh-oh, I'm going off on a tangent again, aren't I?). 

After all that happened, this was one of the worst things I could actively imagine. Of all the shocks we had experienced, of all the shocks I myself had received before and since, this was by far the most brutal. My parents were good people. Good. People. They died, no, they were murdered…and no matter what I'm told I will always blame myself. Always. And from that moment on, I knew that I would forever carry that terrible guilt.

It was about this time that I realized that the other guys were poking me and asking me what was wrong. Wordlessly, I laid my parents' file down in the middle of our circle and pointed to the bolded words.

"I thought it was an accident," I heard myself say distantly. "I was wrong."

"Oh my…" I heard Wufei's voice whisper, and as I blankly watched, he glanced over at Meiran with a tortured look. I knew what he was thinking. If they had killed my parents, maybe it was so they could take me. After all, they had never tried to keep my second sight a secret. 

What if… what if they had known about Wufei and killed Meiran? This thought almost made me want to start screaming again. But now, on later and more careful consideration, we came to the conclusion that this was not the case. At the time we were all very shocked and scared, so our minds were off and running with any little inkling or possibility that we could latch onto, so I think our reactions were actually reasonable. We were panicked.

"Well," Trowa said. We all waited for him to go on as we watched his eyes glaze over as he considered and listened to a little worry. "This is not good."

I almost laughed. Well, that was very true. This was not good. Nope…not at all. I felt rising hysteria creep up in my soul. It threatened to bubble up and spill out of my mouth in a never-ending tirade of maniacal laughter that would surely send me over the edge once and for all. Right when I'm sure I looked particularly nuts, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking over at Heero, I nodded my thanks at the gesture. Then I just blinked at him for a moment, took a deep breath and swallowed the panic. This could be dealt with later.

"Okay, guys," I said, clearing my throat in an effort not to sound so damn pathetic. "We only have about an hour of rec time left to work with these files and get them back, or we'll lose our window of opportunity. If we try and return these files tomorrow, we might get caught."

"Duo, are you okay?" Quatre finally asked after a moment of silence.

"It doesn't matter," I answered. I felt Heero's arm circle around my back and pull me slightly towards him. Leaning on him gratefully, I closed my eyes for a moment and gathered myself together. "I will be fine. I'm just shocked."

It was the truth. All that learning the reality about my parents had really done was add another layer of seriousness to our situation. Before it had just been us, but now it involved much more morbidly interesting possibilities. Just what the hell was going on and how far spread were its roots? I was overwhelmed, but I was going to be okay. 

Honestly, though, it didn't really matter if I was all right or not, anyway. None of us were going to be truly okay until we were all free and away from here. Until then, nothing mattered except getting out and staying together. Of course, being sane and alive were both a couple of pluses that we were hoping for.

Silently we started leafing through our papers again, and I picked my parents' file back up and started to flip through the few remaining pages. One thing that I noticed was that my parents' old bureaucratic/corporate affiliate, their sponsors and collaborating company for their government research, also owned good old Bryce, our current not-so-sweet home. Back when I first moved in, I remember this place being a total shithole. Well, a shithole with a good reputation for rehabilitation. At least, that's what I had been told. 

In the time since I moved here, since Romefeller Pharmaceuticals had taken it over, they had slowly been pouring more and more funding into this place. I guess it made sense for them, as part of the bureaucracy that had to pay for my care anyway, to stick me in something they owned. Probably made for easier paperwork. At any rate, it made all the renovations, all the new paint work and the new orderlies start to make a bit more sense. If they were using this place for ulterior motives, then all that funding would make good sense to them, wouldn't it? And since Romefeller Pharmaceuticals was a government-related corporation, then maybe the government was involved, too. Oh, there's a great thought, the authorities are in on it, too. Cheerful.

Anyway, I finished with my parents' file and started to flip through mine. I had sneaked a couple of peeks at it in the past, so not too much was all that new and shiny to me in the front few pages. As I flipped through, my now cynical eyes started to pick up on the roundabout way the psyches had avoided speaking directly about my condition. It was always just that, a condition, or a "fantasy," or even just described as elaborate lies to bring attention to myself. Then I got to the section from the doctor that had recommended that I be enrolled in this asylum, and I noted with very little surprise that he was a Romefeller recommended therapist. 'Big shock there, the big name assholes wanted to keep their shit in a neat little pile,' I reasoned.

Finally I skimmed my way to Dr. Quinze's notes. They were collective notes on all five of us, because I guess he hadn't bothered to separate them after our group sessions, instead opting for the lazy approach of just sticking everybody's files with the same crap. Flipping through the neat photocopied papers of the lined notebook and ink scrawls, I wasn't terribly amazed to see the way Quinze's neat little handwriting went seamlessly from margin to margin, with minimal spaces between each meticulously scribed word and sentence. He was so anal retentive.

As I scanned the beginning notes on the first page I skimmed over the expected drivel about our attitudes and such, but on the pages that were copies of notes made during our so-called standard physical testing, I realized that he had taken more notes than seemed necessary. There were a bunch of strange little comments like, "compatible with objectives," and "physical standards met." In fact, on the final page of the notes about the testing, there was an underlined little scribble in the margin, "Subjects are go for the St. Dymphna Project." This gave me a bit of a start, because I recognized that name, that saint.

Right when I was about to open my mouth and ask the other guys about this little note, Wufei beat me to the punch. "Anyone know what the 'St. Dymphna Project' is?" He asked, a perplexed look upon his noble features.

"Yeah, I've got a couple notes on that from the very beginning of my doctors' notes," Quatre added.

"Okay, did anyone else notice anything about a few of your doctors being under Romefeller pharmaceutical's umbrella of companies and doctors?" I jumped in, starting to make a few connections in my mind. "They own this place, after all, and my parents were affiliated with them in their government research," I paused for a second, swallowing hard. "In fact, my bills and care are paid for by them, since they are part of the bureaucracy responsible for my parents', uh, deaths."

"That doesn't sound like a mere coincidence," Trowa said quietly. "And yes, my last doctor was employed by one of their subsidiaries, now that I think about it."

Heero had been writing during this little conversation, and he handed me his note to read to the other guys.

\--I have no memory of my childhood, but I have always been in Romefeller's care.--

"My father works with them on several of his business ventures," Quatre said thoughtfully, his eyes widening slightly as he looked at all of us in turn. "One of his business associates there recommended the psychiatrist that put me here."

Wufei nodded. "I'm not sure about my doctors, but this is too much of a coincidence to be completely innocent. What about this St. Dymphna thing?" He finished, wrinkling his brow in impatience. Meiran gently put her translucent hands on his shoulders and rested the point of her chin on his head. Immediately Wufei relaxed a bit, and he leaned back a little so that their auras mingled a bit more.

"Well, I can answer that," I replied. "St. Dymphna is the patroness of a whole lot of stuff, and most of it has to do with mental illness and things like that. I'm talking insanity, mental asylums, psychiatrists, and just about anything else to do with mental health. She's also a patroness of lost parents, a coincidence that never fails to amaze me with its irony in my case. Oh, and martyrs too, since she was one." I rattled off the information quickly.

"How do you know about all that?" Quatre asked curiously.

"Well, my father's brother was a priest, and so I knew a little bit about saints in general just because of my contact with him. He died when I was about ten, though," I dropped my gaze for a moment, then looked back up at my friends. I found myself leaning more heavily into Heero's side, though. "So when my parents were gone, and I was starting to be diagnosed with all sorts of mental disorders, I looked up the patron saint for that kind of stuff and read up on her. I needed some sort of distraction, and besides, I was curious. It's some interesting reading, let me tell you." I rambled for a little while, trying to erase the tiny twinges of memory and pain with a torrent of words. I have a tendency to do that, a fact that I'm sure you've noticed by now. I don't know why the guys picked me to write down our account of what happened here. I swear, Trowa probably could have written three pages and successfully put down our entire story. 

I guess the other guys picked up on that little rambling habit of mine, though, and they let me go on for a while, despite the ticking away of our precious time. I suppose it didn't really matter, anyway, because after Quinze's notes there was nothing worth looking at. I'm sure the others were thinking the same thing that I was. Anything more interesting would be found in a more secretive location than the general file area. 

After I finished my little narration of my wandering thoughts, our conversation went in the expected circles of discussing the various notes and such. The important stuff was already finished with, and now we were just killing the time and trying to stumble across some sort of revelation. Of course, we weren't really expecting too much, but none of us wanted to leave the tree before we absolutely had to take back the files. It was our little sanctuary, after all, the only place any of us really felt safe.

But soon free rec time was about to draw to a close, and people were going to be heading back to their rooms once they were shooed away from in front of the communal TV area. Therefore we had to get our asses in gear and get those files back. Trying to keep them overnight would have been asking for a truckload of trouble, since we wouldn't have another chance until tomorrow evening to take them back. If we were really were such a hot commodity, then they might miss our files before then. That would have been really just asking to get our balls placed in a vice grip, which undoubtedly, would have been quite an unpleasant experience.

So we headed back, planning to basically repeat our same modus operandi as when we had taken the files to begin with. We'd load me up with the files in a bathroom, send Trowa and Quatre ahead of us, and then the rest of would follow, with me leaving Wufei and Heero to guard their end of the hallway while I returned the files. As before, Meiran would pop in and let me know if there was any trouble or if I needed to hide.

Thankfully, everything went well, and I was able to return the files without too much trouble. As we met up again after leaving the administrative area, we happened to pass Otto. He nodded politely to us as we passed, and we all gave our own versions of acknowledgement in return. He really wasn't such a bad guy, he had helped us today and there was just something about the guy. I don't know, but I felt like off all the people here, he was one of the few we could trust. This was a huge turnaround from my earlier misgivings about him, but it felt more right to consider him as a potential ally instead of a potential threat.

But anyway, I'm rambling again. We got back to our room about the same time that the other patients were returning from their rec activities, so we didn't really look too out of place. Entering our little room and going about our usual routines for getting ready to sleep, we fell into a contemplative silence, each considering the day's revelations and this evening's new information in our own minds. Finally we lay down to sleep, all together in our large combined shrouded lower bunk. 

As I drifted off, snuggled up and breathing deeply of Heero's scent, I could feel the subtle tremors of the other guys' movements as they tried to fall asleep. After a few moments, I felt my conscious mind begin to recede. I tried to prepare myself, because I had a hunch that Heero was going to try and send me a vision tonight, rather than simply guarding my dreams from the demons. I was hoping he would.

After all, who knew how long we'd be able to communicate like this? Tomorrow, they might come for me.

~ ~ ~ ~

For awhile I floated in a featureless void, pulled up and tightly within myself into a little ball of arms and legs as I drifted in a comforting oblivion. This was rest. This was the nice and lovely, a treasure that Heero reserved for me instead of having to fend off the dream demons. Any moment now, I knew in the back of my mind that I was either going to be in this restful state for the rest of the night, or that Heero would send me a vision. As I floated in the void, I really hoped that any moment now that I would be captured in a vision of my love's making.

Suddenly I felt a tugging sensation at my shoulders, and I uncurled from my tight posture and stretched out, allowing the familiar twitch of new muscles to contract and let me spin my way through the void. Acting on pure, mindless instinct, I allowed my silence wings to carry me in the direction of a spinning, soft white light that had appeared in the darkness. In moments, I was engulfed. The further into the tunnel of swirling sensuous light I flew, the weaker my unseen wings felt. As I whisked along, I started to feel myself bob slightly, getting lower and lower in the void, towards an unseen ground.

In the blink of an eye, I found myself touching my bare feet down on a cool gray surface. Blinking in surprise, I surveyed my new surroundings. Turning around in all directions, I could not see anything but a flat gray plane, going far off into a slightly curved horizon that met with a soft, darker gray sky. Looking up I saw that this sky was featureless, as though I were in a domed room with a perfectly painted and maintained ceiling that was just out of my field of vision. 

Finally looking down at myself, I realized that I was only wearing my soft shift cotton pants, and I watched my bare toes curl and wriggle against the soft smoothness of the plain cool floor. Deciding to save my dream wings until last, I was shocked to see that they were much larger than they had been in other visions, but instead of sitting proudly on my shoulders, ready for flight, they drooped weakly, dragging the floor. Testing them, I groaned as the sore muscles protested with violent cramps. It was as though I had used my giant wings too much, as though I had not gotten used to their new power and had over extended myself. They thrummed with a hidden vitality and power, but the energy was not under my control.

I felt a presence in front of me, and looking up I was not disappointed to see Heero standing before me. He was only dressed in cotton pants, and his pale muscled form was almost enough to make me blush. My gaze traveled up to take in his overlarge wings, and with a shock I saw that one of them had been brutally broken. It dripped crimson blood behind him, but the wings stood proudly, as though Heero was used to using them. There was a new power pulsating from his dream aura, and it was clear that he was in full control over it.

At that moment, I heard that terrible shrieking start in the distance. Glancing around, I noted with mounting trepidation that far off in the featureless horizon there was a distant dancing of orange and scarlet flames. With my eyes widening and my wings dragging behind me, I hurried over to stand in front of Heero, just as he raised a hand in my direction and spoke into my mind.

__

You and Wufei will be next. This might be the last time that we have together, like this. This may be the last time you can hear my voice.

I managed to leap forward as best as I could and threw my arms around Heero, grateful to feel his arms circle around my back and return the gesture. In the distance, the flames were getting higher and the screaming was getting closer. Judging from how quickly they were approaching, I knew that they would be upon us in mere moments.

'Then let's not be torn apart by this,' I thought back as I pressed my face into Heero's neck. I awkwardly managed to maneuver my huge wings around us, and I felt drops of wetness hitting one of them as Heero wrapped his giant ivory wings around my ebony ones. Then we pulled our arms tighter around each other, and I felt Heero's hair brushing the back of my neck. It was so real, that if I didn't know better, then I would have thought this wasn't a dream, but an alternate plane of reality. Before I could think another thought, though, the flames and the shrieking were all around us, engulfing us with the burning fire and deafening roar of Heero's mental blocks.

It was unbearably hot as the dancing inferno surrounded us. I felt the feathers on my black wings burst and melt together into a painful parody of their former glory. In spite of it though, they protected my body enough that the flames couldn't reach my skin, and even with the torrents of wind that were buffeting us painfully, our wings were managing to shield us and keep us together.

The agony started to get worse, though, and the shrieking was starting to beat a terrible cadence in my eardrums. Any second I expected them to burst, to feel that familiar explosion of blood and fine bone in my inner ear, to feel the trickling sensation on either side of my neck. Not breaking my embrace, I eased my face away from Heero's neck. I had a sudden urge to look him in the eye before we were inevitably broken apart. Our gazes met and fused together, our cool violet and blue fire drowned out the dream fire surrounding us. When our eyes caught each other, all the pain disappeared, and the wind became irrelevant. The shrieking died down to a whisper, and time slowed for a few breathless moments as I lost myself in that deep blue gaze.

It was strange, I could feel the heat of the fire all around us, but suddenly it didn't hurt anymore. Leaning my head forward, I caught Heero's lips with my own and we kissed easily, our tongues sparing sweetly within the confines of our deliciously cool mouths. As the pleasant sensation held me, I managed to keep my eyes open. I wanted to watch Heero, and I had a feeling that if our eyes left each other, the agony would return. Evidently he had the similar suspicion, because as our mouths worked gently against each other and our arms tightened slightly, his eyes never closed.

Eventually we broke apart, and the dull roar of the mental block had burst my eardrums. I felt that now familiar trickle of blood and gore ooze down the sides of my neck, but again, it didn't hurt. I blinked, feeling a slight wetness at my eyes. I noticed as I continued to stare into Heero's deep eyes that he was once again leaking tears of blood. I pulled myself towards him suddenly, not breaking our gaze, but moving close enough that I could rest my forehead against his. I felt wetness drip from my eyes, and the tears fell onto Heero's cheek. Surprised, I leaned back slightly, and I felt horror mount within me. My tears were bloody scarlet.

Finally Heero broke our gaze and eased his hand to rest at the back of my neck. I allowed myself to be pulled forward, my chin resting on his shoulder, and his chin resting on mine. We were wrapped together as tightly as we possibly could be, and there was still no pain. As the fire surrounded us, having at last burned through our shrouding wings, it started to work on us. The shrieking had long since ceased to be a nuisance when we lost or hearing. The driving wind prickled the fire against our mostly bare skin.

I'm not going to lie here, because what happened during the rest of the vision was decidedly unpleasant, despite the lack of real pain. I felt my skin melt, and my eyes begin to boil beneath my closed and melting eyelids. I felt my hair catch on fire and burst into a bright, but short lived inferno all of its own. My muscles twitched and began to liquefy right off my red hot bones when my skin was gone, and the harsh wind added its own little unique pricks as it contacted my now exposed bloody flesh. 

Finally, the wind became strong enough to lift us, but we were still not separated. As we melted into and onto each other, and faded into the orange and red oblivion, we were never parted.

It was the first time we were not separated by the mental blocks, and the first time they had not caused pain. There had been terrible damage, yes, but no pain. It was because we had faced it together. Of that I have no doubt.

~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up gently, despite the gruesome aspects at the end of the vision. Buoyed by the hope and numb bliss that had taken away the pain, I fluttered my eyes open in the darkness. The shadows were thick around me, and everything was in varying shades of gray. Nothing was absolutely black, and nothing was completely dark. There was a faint glimmer from the soft lights of the artificial moonlight seeping around the edges of the curtained window and sneaking in the shrouded confines of our large combined bed. The world was without extremes in this deep still place. Everything was tainted, but nothing was absolute.

Blinking in the odd shadows, I let my gaze travel inevitably to settle on Heero's face. Just as I expected, he was awake and looking up at me with bleary eyes. In the gloom his eyes shone with a light of there own, a deep sapphire sparkle unto themselves. I realized that we were tangled together comfortably, and that I was half lying on top of him. In fact, we were clutching onto each other in the same way we had been in the dream. Smiling at this, I rested my head on the crook of Heero's neck and shoulder and whispered into his ear so as not to wake the other guys.

"That was from you, right? Thank you," I smiled at the Japanese boy's apparent surprise at my words. Smoothing his dark messy hair back from his forehead, I continued. "We weren't torn apart. That's all I could ever ask for."

That said I buried my head back in his warm neck, blushing hotly. I could not believe I had said something so damn mushy! It was true, though. Even though we had been through hell in the vision, we had been together. I felt my heart patter within my chest, thumping against my ribs frantically. Half underneath me, I felt Heero shift onto his side and slide his arms up and more comfortably around me. Ever so slowly I curled my neck up, not lifting it from the pillow. When our eyes finally met, I felt relief flood through me. Heero was smiling that tiny little smile of his. The play of the shadows made his face seem surreal and chiseled in the darkness, the flash of his eyes was breathtaking.

Not able to help myself, I snuggled forward and shifted to be closer to him, curling up and against him as close as I could be without lying completely on top of him. Even though that might have been fun, it was surely not the time or the place for such stuff. In the back of my mind, I still hoped to one day be able to get away from here and be free with my friends. Just be people, you know what I mean? And I wanted to save those more sacred acts for that time, when it truly would be beautiful and not just and act in desperation in the face of suspense and horror. So sue me, I'm a hopeless romantic.

At any rate, we ended up face to face, our eyes so close that instead of seeing twin blue eyes in front of me, I saw one. It might have been funny if I still weren't riding the psychological trip from the vision. I felt Heero's hot breath mingling with mine, and before I realized it, our lips had met.

Just like in the dream, the world focused down and came to rest on just the two of us. Instead of passion, this was a simple connection of souls, a melding of minds as our lips gently worked together. It was sweet and innocent, a kiss of friendship, something we needed more at that moment than anything else. I felt as though we fused into a single person. I felt my body melt from the pleasant sensations. I felt what could only be described as perfectly pure love and devotion, all from a person that couldn't speak.

When it was over we closed our eyes and drifted off into a dreamless sleep. I was content, for the moment, with the knowledge that I was not alone.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning, in case you lost track along the way, was Friday morning. Fridays always seem brighter and more exciting than any other day of the week. I guess it's because you know you have the whole weekend in front of you. It's ten times better than Saturday, because it's pure anticipation. Maybe it's just me, but Friday is my absolute favorite day.

Perhaps because I love Fridays so much, I usually sleep later than normal on them. This one was no exception, and I woke up with just enough time to rush around doing a damn good impression of a braided tornado swirling around and getting ready to go to breakfast in five minutes flat. Damn, I'm good.

We hustled our way in the direction of the smelly cafeteria, I made a valiant attempt to whistle. Ah, yes, I was feeling great, despite all the shit I was expecting to happen today. Never call me pessimistic, I was just trying to keep my spirits up as long as I could. I'm not one to lie down and just take things. If I was, do you really think those nasty little demons wouldn't have drove me to living in a padded cell by now?

As we sat with our trays of artificial bacon and synth eggs, I relayed to the guys the less private things from last night's vision. Wufei almost choked on his processed milk substitute when I mentioned the part about he and I being next on the hit list. Meiran wavered slightly and faded a bit at the news, too.

"Well, I can't say I wasn't expecting it," my Chinese friends said after he had regained his composure.

I shrugged. "Ditto. Sucks to be us."

Quatre rolled his eyes at that. "So, the wings were bigger in this one? Maybe that means something."

Heero just stared down at the floor and handed me a note.

\--I don't really know where they come from. I'm not sure what it all means, either.--

"A shame," Trowa stated quietly as he pushed his eggs around with a piece of too hard artificial bacon. I swear, when they overcook this stuff you can almost build a house with it. It's good, don't get me wrong, but it's so tempting to play with instead.

That basically ended this line of conversation, because, well, it had nowhere else to go. We all needed to wallow in our own thoughts anyway, at least, I know I did. There seemed to be some nagging symbolism in last night's vision, something that I should have been catching. It kept dancing just out of my mind, though. Frustrating, but at least I'd have something to occupy me in class if I got bored.

~ ~ ~ ~

Morning classes flew by, I guess because I was dreading free period. Yup, call me crazy (you wouldn't be the first, I'm sure you realize that by now, right?) but I was really not looking forward to the possibility of being dragged away to be pricked and prodded. In light of last night's vision from Heero, I knew it was coming, and I was expecting it to be today. 

In fact, in a morbidly sick sense, I hoped that it would be today so that I could get the unknown aspect of it out of the way. I'd feel better knowing what I was going to have to go up against, but since we could only get vague shadows of understanding, the wait was much worse on me. I am impatient.

At the same time, however, I was hoping beyond hope that they would never come for me and that this whole vast conspiracy theory was just a silly notion in my head. But of course, I realized that this was severely unlikely, and therefore I sort of wanted to just get it over with. It was either adopt this attitude or be a total pansy about it, and I am **not** a pretty flower (how unmanly).

Somehow, though, I was positive that today would be the day that I was going to face the unknown menace beyond the disguised door.

I was right.

Damned intuition.

Too bad the inevitable came just a bit too early for my taste. We were sitting in a little circle in one of the less crowded but still busy hallways as we ate our lunches. Trying to hurry, none of us was really talking very much. We were going to make a daring attempt at getting fed and getting somewhere hard to find. Now, remember I said I wanted to get this over with, I never said that I was looking forward to it.

One second we were sitting there, munching in various states of politeness and hunger, the next second there were two shadows cast over our group. Comprehension and dread flooded my veins, and I heard Heero's message echoing within my head, "You and Wufei will be next." Did that mean together, or did that mean we would be the next taken back? We were about to find out.

I guess you could figure out that the lovely, sweet, oh-so-ugly Thugs were the ones standing over us. They were always the ones to take us to our first sessions. I still don't know why, maybe fate is just simply one cruel bitch. To my surprise, however, a few feet back Otto stood, leaning against a wall and looking vaguely uncomfortable. He looked down at the ground when I glanced over at him.

Before we could say or do anything, Alex smirked down at us. "Looks like the last two of you are going to have some fun today. Chang and little Maxwell have one of those special sessions."

Wufei and I looked at each other in very mild panic and tightly controlled fear filling us. My friend's dark eyes were wide as saucers and his aura was flaking off shock and deep dread. We had been expecting this, but I, for one, didn't expect it until after lunch. I still wasn't completely steeled and ready for battle, so to speak. Looking over at Wufei, I got the same general impression from the look on his face. Evidently he wanted to get this over with, too, but just wasn't quite ready. I wonder if we ever would have been ready…probably not.

Numbly I nodded, set down my fork to the side of my half-eaten plate of food, and wiped my mouth on my napkin. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and walked a few steps away from Mueller and Alex, more in Otto's direction, before I stopped. Then I stared down at my feet, hoping to God that this wouldn't be as bad as I knew it was going to be. Hope is sometimes the most futile of all emotions.

"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad," Mueller snorted, gesturing for Wufei to hurry up. "You kids must be really messed up if you've got to have all these damn sessions. What's wrong with you?" The big man tapped his foot impatiently. Wufei glowered at him, squared his shoulders and stood up gracefully, gliding past the pair of Thugs to stand beside me.

"It is none of your business," Wufei retorted stonily, then sent his glare at Otto. "Let's go."

And so we went, Otto leading, me and Wufei following, Alex and Mueller trailing behind and snickering to each other. Neither of us looked back at our friends sitting in the hallway, neither of us faltered in our steps. I was rather proud that we were not simpering and quaking with fear. Maybe I was made of sterner stuff than I had thought. I always knew that Wufei was strong, but could I be strong as well?

As we walked, I filtered out all the peripherals I normally let edge into my vision and concentrated on the benevolent and good images that so often got lost in the shuffle. Starting with Meiran, I smiled when I saw how she had latched on behind Wufei, her celestially shimmering arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Her translucent toes skimmed the floor lightly in his wake as she let herself be pulled behind him. She was whispering in his ear, and as usual, he appeared to be fortified by her presence.

Moving my gaze along, I noted the small patches of creativity sparking from a few doors we passed, and sometimes we even passed a few people eating their lunches that shone brightly with that particular glean of friendship. Trying to take heart, I took a shaky breath and concentrated on walking. The closer we got to the renovated wing and the disguised door, the shakier and weaker my resolve became.

Finally we were there. Alex and Mueller peeled off and left us, and Otto turned around and gestured us forward.

"Go and stand in front of that door," he said, avoiding looking at us as he pointed at the disguised steel door. "Someone will let you in, and then you will be directed where to go for your session."

We nodded blankly and looked at each other. I don't know what my face looked like, but Wufei's expression was completely unreadable. His aura was wafting off a multitude of emotions, the most predominant of which was determination.

Together we walked the rest of the way into the wing. Glancing back, I saw that Otto had left us by ourselves. Unable to just turn around and run away, I mounted up my resolve again and continued towards the steel door pretending to be a normal little slab of wood on hinges. When we reached the door, we stood quietly, side by side and directly in front of it. This close to the portal, I found myself flinching involuntarily away from the black oozing pain and darkness that was slipping out of the cracks around the door. Meiran was again hiding behind Wufei, but she didn't move her arms from around his waist. I felt myself edging backwards the longer we stood, and Wufei was with me every inch of the way. I'm still not sure how much he could see, or how much he could feel, but a frog could have felt the tangible darkness coming from the seemingly innocent doorway.

With a soundless whoosh of air, the door opened smoothly, swinging outward. A wave of bile black ether washed over the three of us, and Meiran cried out silently at the contact. Wufei turned to check on her, so I was the first one to get a good look at the inside of hell.

Hell was surprisingly plain.

The floor was a light shining gray linoleum, and the walls matched the color with matte finish paint. The ceiling was a slightly darker grayish tone, and to my infinite surprise the only blackness and pain that had been hinted at through the doorway was running along the tops of the ceiling, as though it was guided there by an unseen force.

Most shocking off all, however, was not the anticlimactic first view of hell, but was the man standing in its portal. Right in front of us was the tall blond man that had saved me from Mueller during our first exploration of this wing. He much looked the same as before, his impeccable white lab coat spotless, his long pale hair held behind his head in a low ponytail, and his ice blue eyes glittered warmly. The man was smiling pleasantly at us. Damn, he looked so familiar!

"Hello," he spoke in a smooth voice, looking at first me, then Wufei. Instantly recognition flooded me, and my mouth dropped open in shock. I was so shocked by my revelation that I almost missed the blond nodding politely to Meiran.

"You're-- hey, Milliardo? Oh my God! I thought you were dead! Nurse Peacecraft is going to be so excited!" I heard myself say in a stumbling, excited voice. I felt Wufei's astonished gaze flicker from me to Milliardo when I said this, but I was too thrilled at recognizing him and seeing him alive. Mind you, Milliardo was one of the first friends I ever had here, and watching him go through all that crap when I first arrived probably was worse for me than any of the things I had seen at the beginning of my so-called insanity.

Seeing a twinge of pain flicker through Milliardo's otherwise blanked out aura, his eyes hardened. "No, I'm sorry, you are mistaken. I am Zechs Marquise," He spoke in a chillingly harsh congenial tone.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I whispered lamely, shock again coursing through my veins. Would they give us new names when they had used us up too? Would we end up like this man in front of me? In an instant, I realized that my old friend Milliardo truly was dead and gone. The person before me, the man who had acknowledged Meiran's presence and had managed to block out my recognition the first time that we had met, was simply Zechs Marquise. And who was he? He was what he was told to be.

Hopefully one day I could see Milliardo again, but not today. We numbly walked through the door, hearing it close automatically behind us with a soft thump. For some reason I had expected the hinges to squeak, but in hindsight that was probably a stupid idea.

We walked after Zechs, making our way through the gray, empty corridor. Suddenly we stopped, and Zechs told me to stand in front of a featureless door with no handle. Ever so slowly, the door opened…

That's all I can remember.

~ ~ ~ ~

My memory picks up again when I'm walking though the corridors of the asylum, and I'm almost all the way back to the room. It was if I were emerging from a fog, and a look at a wall clock told me I a hole in my memory about an hour long. There were about thirty minutes until I had to go back to classes. Funny thing was, I had no idea that this nice memory hole was a bad thing. Tra-la-la-la, happy little oblivious me was humming as I sauntered casually along beside Alex. I would have probably been skipping if my knees weren't so shaky. Blinking fuzzily, I rubbed my eyes. My vision was slightly blurry and out of focus, but this didn't strike me as odd.

We reached the room and I entered, leaving the blond Thug behind me without so much as a glance backwards. I grinned and greeted my friends, noticing that Wufei was already back. He was sitting in the very center of the middle mattress with his knees drawn up to his chest, hugging them, and his black eyes impossibly wide as he looked all around me. When the other guys jumped up from their seats on the giant combined bed, I felt a mild twinge of confusion. Why were they looking so concerned? I had just been in standard testing…

Maybe I was missing something? Hm. Whatever, I felt just fine…a bit numb, and I didn't really care about anything too much, so I didn't understand what the big froopy deal was.

I blinked, baffled with their strange behavior. Heero eased an arm around me and led me to the big bed to sit down. Grateful to take the weight off my weak knees, I sat cross-legged down at the head of the bed. Concerned, I looked at Wufei, who I was now sitting right in front of. He was still looking around the room with a weird look on his face.

"What's with you, Wu?" I asked him, poking one of his arms.

In response, Wufei looked at me with his overly wide onyx eyes. "It's incredible. How did you deal with seeing so much?" The expression of wonder on his face was easier to read at this distance, and I blinked at the blurring in my eyes that was still bothering me. 

"What?" I was puzzled. "See what?"

"Duo, are you okay?" Quatre suddenly broke in. "Can you remember what they did to you? Are your abilities effected or anything?"

"Huh?" I asked stupidly, then brought my attention back to what I had wanted to know in the first place, squinting against the haze in my eyes. "Wait, I want to know what Wufei is seeing."

"I can see little hints of things, but nothing actually completely visible. It's like, it's like…movement out of the corner of my eye, a rippling in the shadows," Wufei responded, turning his head to stare a the blank corner. "And I see more than just Meiran, there's others."

I felt my eyes grow wider and wider as he spoke. I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. All of this was brand new to me, and I felt a feathering of fear and pain clutch at my chest if I tried to think about it too hard.

"Who's Meiran?" I heard myself ask from afar, curiosity evident in my voice.

Half the air got sucked out of the room as everyone else but me gasped in unison. The guys just looked at me with identical shocked expressions. It was kind of funny.

"What?" I asked nervously. What had I said, what had I done? Why were they looking at me like that?

"Duo, why are you here?" Trowa asked me quietly, his voice even.

"What do you mean? Why won't you answer my questions?" I returned, anger starting to fill me. What kind of weird game were they playing?

"Why are you in this asylum? What is supposed to be wrong with you?" My tall friend asked me patiently.

I considered for a moment. "I have depression, a severe case brought on by my parents' death when I was younger."

"What else?" Quatre asked, his pale brow knit in thought. I wondered to myself if I should answer. I couldn't figure out what they were getting at. Then the blond boy continued, "Please, just bear with us for a minute and think about it."

I frowned, completely out of my good, carefree mood by now. This annoyed me. I had been so happy, and now they were all making me have to think about things that made my chest hurt.

Suddenly I felt a cool hand on my forehead. Glancing over in surprise at Heero, he kept his face completely expressionless. The next instant, though, his face lost that tightly controlled slack expression and twisted in pain. I heard a voice in my head, the voice that I heard in the visions that Heero sent me.

__

THINK.

Wait, voice in my head? Visions? Huh?

  
Blinking, I obeyed the painfully delivered message and really **thought**. It all came rushing back in a flood, a deluge of information that left me gasping and panting for control over the sudden burning pain that seized my heart as I fought to remember. Losing most of the control in my muscles, I dimly felt myself slump sideways and be caught by Heero. My eyes cleared in one quick moment, and I was assaulted by images from all sides.

Unable to comprehend it all at once, the edges of my vision started to swirl around in a dizzying whirl of bright colors. The world was full of things crawling everywhere, ghosts danced around and through the floor and ceiling, demons of all shapes and sizes were staring at me, knowing that I could see them had sparked their attention. Everything was rushing through my skull at a breakneck speed, and horror that they had managed to make me forgot all of this, all that we had went through, and even the very existence of it all almost made me faint.

With a jolt I caught sight of Meiran, and I remembered her. Feeling terribly guilty for having indirectly betraying her, I mouthed an apology at her, since I was unable to speak from the onslaught of emotions and images. I could have sworn I heard a whispering reply, but I knew that was impossible, so I just ignored it and focused in on fixing my mindset.

Squeezing my eyes shut and clinging like a little baby to Heero, I fought for power over myself. Slowly, gradually, I started to win the fight, and in a few minutes I had my pain and my mind under control again. Full realization of what had happened was filling my mind. My head felt very full, and my brain felt strangely mushy, as though if I poked the side of my head I'd leave a dent.

I let my eyes open of their own accord, feeling the weight of time starting to press down upon me. It was insane, but we all still had classes to go to after our "free" period. I looked around carefully, taking all of the new in and comparing it with the old. The worry demons and shadow demons were much clearer now, as was Meiran. There were a few new entities, too, some that I had never seen before. I'd have to study those later and name them, I decided. 

Letting my eyes shift to look at each of my friends, I smiled weakly. Their auras were brighter than ever. Faintly I could see the beginnings of wings feathering out from the backs of their soul lights. Like in the first sighting of the wings I had in a vision, Trowa's wings and aura were predominantly silver, and Quatre's were a bright bronze that shone softly, complimenting his golden physical features. Their wings and auras mingled greatly, melding together on the edges and binding together in a shining metallic alloy.

Next, I looked over at Wufei, and just as the vision, his aura was a light gray, with feathering wing shapes accenting against the color. Meiran's now visible luminescent aura shone with an identical light charcoal color, and she had wings of a slightly lighter gray that were well defined and arched from her shoulders strongly. The pair's auras were matched almost perfectly, in fact, it was almost impossible to tell where one person's aura stopped and the other's began. It was bittersweet, and it was beautiful. It was heartbreaking. 

Finally, I pulled away from Heero so I could look at him. A brilliant halo of pure white surrounded his whole being, and he had the faint markings of translucent ivory wings starting to grow onto his aura. Light violet tinged the edges of his bright soul light, and for a moment I couldn't discern their source. Then I looked down at my lap to think, and I caught sight of my folded hands. They were shining with a faint, very pale violet color the same shade as my eyes. Curious, I glanced over my shoulder, and lo and behold, there were the beginnings of midnight black wings feathering from my aura. This was the first time I had seen my aura. It was surreal.

My momentary euphoria was broken, however, when I glanced over at the corner that Wufei had been eyeing earlier. There was something there, something large, something hulking. Something terrible. Something that I can't even begin to describe now without feeling like my insides are going to burst. Something horrible.

I screamed.

I fainted.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I woke up, I was still surrounded by the others. My rational thought process immediately took control.

"Shouldn't you guys be in class? We're going to get busted for skipping!" I tried to sit up from where I had been laid out while I was unconscious. Unfortunately, my vision swam and wavered, and I was forced to fall back down to lay comfortably down with my head resting on Heero's lap. Thankfully, the thing in the corner was gone.

Quatre smiled. "Naw, classes ended about thirty minutes ago. See, you kind of screamed. That brought Nurse Dorothy in here, and she wrote us excuses to stay out of class because you were unconscious. Of course, we just told her that you were asleep and not feeling well."

"Won't she tell the psyches, though?" I asked, frowning. "She said she was going to if something like this happened again. Remember when she kept her mouth shut about you?"

"Ah, yes, but she was referring to me, specifically, at the time," Quatre replied, winking. Well, guess that covered it. Now we had a whole weekend of freedom and torture ahead. Goody!

"What caused you to pass out like that?" Trowa asked quietly.

"I saw something. My vision has been…expanded," I replied, closing my eyes and shuddering at the memory of that thing in the corner.

"What was it?" Wufei asked. "Was it that bad?"

I just glared blankly at him. "Yes," I ground out, making an effort not to just start quaking at the recent memory. The image was burned into my retinas, and all I wanted to do was forget it. It still makes me break out in a cold sweat to even think about it, I feel like fainting again if I try and picture it in my mind, even now.

\--Drop it.--

For once, Heero handed his note to Quatre to read. I guess because I was a bit indisposed at the moment.

For a little while we all just sat there, well, I guess I sort of lay there. Anyway, I was eventually able to sit up and look around. Cautiously, I surveyed the room, mentally steeling myself for any unpleasant surprises. Thankfully, I saw only the new things that weren't the personification of pure evil. Hurrah.

"You know, ignorance is bliss," I state absently. "I wonder how long I would have been so forgetful, walking around in that fog, if it wasn't for you guys being here and knowing about what was going on?"

Wufei shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"I guess not," I replied, sighing. "Now what? We have the whole weekend to look forward to with all its fun and exciting torture."

"Funny," Trowa smirked with just the barest hint of dry sarcasm.

"Oh, I know," I replied, grinning. At least I could still joke about it. Now that we had all been taken back and fucked with, all we really had to worry about was who would be next and how often we were going to be taken. Would we eventually be living back there constantly, like, Mill--Zechs? That reminded me, I needed to tell the others about that.

First, however, I wanted to get dinner. These things really shouldn't be discussed in here anyway, but out at the tree, so I used this as an excuse. When I expressed this idea to the other guys, my suggestion was met with the usual groans and lame jokes about me being the human black hole doomed to consume mass quantities of sustenance every five hours. Of course, this did not bother me, especially since they all wanted to go grab dinner, too.

Can't blame a guy for being hungry in the face of adversity, can you? I'm a growing boy.

~ ~ ~ ~

We made our way to the cafeteria, and let me tell you, I'm surprised my eyes didn't fall right out of my head. My new wider sense of sight was amazing, and at every turn I was catching glimpses of deeper auras, some with wings, some without, and new species of normally invisible creatures. Ever so often I'd catch a look at something terrible, but I was starting to adapt to those things, so there were getting less and less frightening with each sighting. It helped that none of these things were as bad as the one in the room, though. It, by far, was the worst I had ever seen.

Reaching the cafeteria, my newly discovered sight solved the mystery of why the place smelled so badly. Rising up from the floor in one of the corners was a bog.

Now, when I say bog, I mean it literally. A murky, dribbling mass of putrid, merrily bubbling thick shit-colored mud with lots of interesting nasty little demons staging a full-scale mud fight. They looked like they were having a great time, but the fumes that were being kicked up from the mud was so great that they managed to permeate the "real" world and make it smell like ass. Thus, the terrible smell.

Vaguely I wondered where the hell that bog had come from and why it was there. Oh well, the tiny mud-beings didn't look like they were mean or malicious, they just looked…unhygienic. A few people would walk through the muck, displacing it and causing little belches of vapor to rise from the sludge. None of it would stick to their feet for long, though, for which I was immeasurably grateful. (You wouldn't want people tracking that stink all over the place. Yuck.) As soon as a person would get to a certain spot, all the spirit mud would slough right off, as though there was an invisible barrier surrounding it. 

The little mud-things playing in the bog would laugh and throw clawfuls of the mire at people passing by, but unless they were within a certain area the muck wouldn't fly far enough. It was sort of funny, and I giggled. The little happy demons noticed me as I walked by, and waved. I fought the urge to wave back, knowing that it would pull on the bandage put over the place where they had given me a shot on my inner elbow, and opted to wink at them instead. They rolled around laughing, clutching their little stomachs and making little trails in the bubbling muck. If it wasn't so damn gross, it might have been cute.

We got our trays, and I made sure that none of the guys walked through the stench inducing swamp in the corner on the way out. We settled down in one of the less crowded hallways, choosing privacy over safety for once. If someone came to mess with us, we'd just scream or laugh hysterically. Either one would bring people running.

I must say, I'm extremely glad that chicken is one of the few types of meat that can be raised here in the colonies. I love chicken. More specifically, I love chicken fingers with instant mashed potatoes. One of the few one hundred percent natural meals (well, powdered potatoes counts as real, doesn't it?) we get to eat here. Ah. It was wonderful.

Too mentally drained to bother with heading out to the tree as we planned earlier, we just sat around in the hallway in our little huddle and conversed. I described everything I could remember about Zechs, everything I could describe from entering the wing, and about the tendrils of directed ooze against the ceiling of the testing area. Then I filled them all in on exactly why the lunchroom smelled so terrible, which earned a few laughs.

Then it was Wufei's turn to catch me up on what he had already told the other guys. He remembered more than I did, all the way up to being strapped to a reclining chair and being hooked up to a weird machine that he could hear but not see. Then he said they gave him a shot, and the next thing he knew he was being carried back to the room by Otto. He was almost completely out of it for about ten minutes, but Meiran had done something that he couldn't explain fully that had helped him remember and recuperate. It evidently had been akin to how she had helped ease his headaches in the past, but I'm still not too clear on it.

Then he had started looking around the room. He could see a few more wandering souls, what most people would call ghosts. Along with a few glimpses of shadow demons and the minor ones that were always common to my particular vision, Wufei evidently saw **lots** of restless spirits, many more than I could see. It made me wonder about how many other things were out there that neither of our gifts covered. I saw demons, he saw spirits, and we overlapped a little. What else could there be that we never even dreamed of?

When we finally finished our dinner and our conversation, we actually decided to go join the majority of the other patients in the entertainment room for once. We clumped together with the rest of the kids our age in front of the big encased and bolted down television vid-set and watched an old movie from the precolony days. It was some nice, mind numbing, forgetful fun. 

When it was over, we shuffled to our room and wandered about, getting ready for bed. We were all exhausted, and we didn't really talk much. When we finally lay down, snuggling our respective partners, living or not, it was as though someone had cast a spell on us. Within minutes, we all drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

We knew we needed our rest, because the next day, the next week, hell, the next year, we still might be trapped in this horror. We might as well take our rest when we could, and take our comfort from each other while we could still share it. One should always try to make the best of an unpleasant situation.

As bad as it had been lately, now that we had all experienced the horror beyond the door, we had no illusions. The worst was undoubtedly yet to come.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning we woke gradually. The artificial light streamed in around the edges of the curtains on our window, and it was peeking in and saturating our large shrouded bunk with a soft glow. Perfectly relaxed and content, I let my eyes slide shut. For a while I drifted in that blissful state between being awake and being asleep, floating in a dreamless waking state that is only possible on a Saturday morning.

Eventually I hauled my lazy ass out of bed, but I made sure that I was the last one up. Sleeping is a luxury that I am particularly proud of indulging. Today was laundry day, so it didn't really matter if I got dressed in normal issued clothes or not. On our way to grab some breakfast, we dropped our clothes off at the washing area, putting everything in our room's allotted slot. I didn't even bother to check the nametags and patient number sewn into the inner tags of my ratty cotton pants and shirts. My clothes are so old and worn in that it would be no big crime if they disappeared and I had to get something new. Besides, those itchy nametags **never** come off. It's as though they're sewed on with Gundanium thread. Anyway, that evening we'd get our clothes back, all washed and dried and bundled up in little balls because the staff hates doing laundry and refuses to fold anything at all. Then tomorrow we'd turn in our sleeping clothes for washing.

I hate laundry day. I hate wearing my threadbare sleeping clothes around all day. I don't care if everyone else is dressed equally shabbily. Laundry day is drafty, uncomfortable, and vaguely revealing. I don't like it at all. Ack, enough of my complaining.

All day we kept moving, first trying to stay hard to find, but then just trying to get away from anyone at all. I, for one, kept finding myself staring at people, reading the new influxes of energy and sparks that I could pick up from their auras. It's never a good idea to stare too long at crazy people, they tend to get annoyed and attack you. In other words, by the third time I almost had someone tear my eyes out, the other guys decided that maybe we needed to get out for a while, or at least until I could learn how not to ogle auras.

At any rate, all day we kept up our wandering, and a nagging feeling of foreboding followed us at every turn. I swear, I expected to see the Thugs coming around the corner of the hallway, or poking their heads in our room door, or even knocking on the outside of the hollow tree. Ever moment that passed went slowly, thick with fear and impending doom. Now that we had all been subjected to the hell beyond the disguised door, we were expecting them to come for us again at anytime. Hell, we expected them to come in with straightjackets and haul us away to poke and prod us. We waited the entire weekend for something terrible and unpleasant to happen.

But it didn't.

All weekend we waited, we dodged, we adjusted, and we tried to get ready. For nothing. How anticlimactic. Every time we'd pass one of the Thugs in the hallway, and every time we heard a knock on the door, we'd all jump and look at each other like panicked animals. Then it would turn out to be Howard or someone just wondering where we had been or what we had been up to. Of course, it was great that people were wondering about us, but it almost gave us a collective coronary with every well-meant knock.

Basically, other than worrying, we spent large portions of time trying to get used to our new abilities that were so graciously forced upon us.

Quatre probably had the easiest time adjusting. Besides his odd energy transfer thing, he didn't really have anything too profoundly new to deal with. It didn't affect his everyday life at every single moment (not like some of us). Sometimes his normal empathic abilities would kick in a bit stronger than usual, though, which would sometimes knock him for a loop if he wasn't being careful. If he wasn't consciously keeping up a bit of a shield, then the sensations and stray emotions would cause him to get swept up in someone else's feelings. That could be extremely painful or extremely embarrassing, depending on the stray emotion.

Of all of us, I think Wufei had the worst time. Not only could he see spirits, but he could hear them most of the time, just like he was able to talk to Meiran. Sometimes a ghost would come up to him and start bothering him, poking at him and chattering incessantly. Other times a spirit would just follow him around, not saying anything at all. Wu said this was just really creepy. He'd round a corner or look up from what he was doing and suddenly there'd be a headless ghost waving cheerfully at him with a bloody stump of a hand. A couple of times he'd stop whatever he was doing or saying and start trembling. When we asked him what was wrong he'd just shake his head, refusing to tell us. I guess some things are just too terrible to say out loud.

Wufei's spectrum of vision was more in touch with souls of people that had passed on, and because of his natural sort of goodness, he sometimes would try and talk to the ghost and help them out. It was frustrating for him, I think, because he said that he could only get responses from the spirits that felt like talking to him. Some, he said, were either too proud or too unbalanced to respond. He said that we'd be surprised to know just how many souls were just too stubborn to ask for help. It was frustrating to him.

All I can say is thank God for Trowa. Even though he now he only heard a wider range of demons and nymphs and such, he was more able to pick up the occasional voices of the dead. If it wasn't for Trowa adjusting so quickly and then working with Wufei to calm down the frustration the Chinese boy kept feeling, then I don't know what would have happened. There were still times that Trowa would just curl up into a little ball and cover his ears, but those instances were happening less and less often with the passing of each hour. By Sunday he was almost completely used to filtering out a lot of the peripherals.

As for the overhearing of thoughts, I think that Trowa adjusted to that almost immediately. Sometimes he'd sit there and just watch people around us, and ever so often he'd snicker quietly to himself. And then there were those times that he'd start blushing. It was odd watching the normally quiet boy react to other people's thoughts. A few times, though, he'd get the most haunted look, and it was these times that I knew he was picking up something terrible. It seemed that we all were paying the price for our new wider range of abilities.

Thankfully, Quatre would sometimes be picking up on the same person's emotions, and the pair could help support each other with that kind of thing. If it was to be a stray spirit that happened to be screaming, then Wufei would obviously pick up on it. If it was a demon, then I'd be able to catch it. It was as though our newer and stronger abilities' drawbacks all had checks and balances when viewing us as a group.

Oh, and lets not forget my lovely new expanded vision. I have to say that I loved it. Seeing the bog beasties in the cafeteria was fun, and everywhere I turned I was picking up on new little friendly demons. Wow, that sounds strange. I have to admit, though, that the large majority of the demons I've always seen really weren't that bad. Worry demons are annoying, shadow demons can be freaky, and rage demons suck, but they are all just doing their allotted job. The only ones I really hated outright were those damn dream demons, because they wouldn't just leave me the hell alone. 

The drawback from this new spectrum of vision was that I also started to see those horribly scary things that I had only gotten hints of before. Such as that thing in the corner…God, I still can't describe it. I'm sorry…But just understand that there are things so gruesome out there that just thinking about them can cause a person to want to curl up in a ball and scream. 

Terror and evil personified could be standing right behind you. But you'd never know, would you? Every time you get one of those feelings that you're not alone, and the skin on your back begins to crawl, evil itself could be sitting beside you, its head hovering over your shoulder, cold breath causing you to shiver as it caresses your back with clawed fingers. You'd turn around, and nothing would be there. At least, nothing that **you** could see…and it would be right there, lurking behind you.

And it might reading this over your shoulder **right now**.

This is what I had to deal with along with my new vision. Things became more vivid, and auras sparked brighter than ever. I gave up trying to filter it all out, and just concentrated on not getting completely distracted by all the new things. It's not easy to read a book or do homework when a dust sprite is making a nest in the corner of your room though. Damn dirty dust sprites.

Heero just watched us all with a now ever-present smirk on his face as we tried to adjust. The entire weekend he just followed us around and rolled his eyes at us occasionally, amused by the stretching of our new mental muscles. 

After waiting all weekend for something to happen, Sunday night we were rather frustrated in a twisted sort of way. I mean, damn. We had been doing our best to adjust and to get ready to deal with having someone taken back and fucked with again. Now that we had decided to try and fight as best we could, we were eager for some sort of confrontation, even though we were simultaneously dreading it. 

We found ourselves out in the big hollow tree during rec time that night, discussing what we were going to do and how we were doing with our new abilities.

"I swear, they don't always have to scream at me," Wufei grumbled. Meiran patted him on the head lightly. "And why do they have to just appear in the creepiest of places? I was taking a shower this morning and a little boy ghost just popped into existence perched on the showerhead. I could have fallen and killed myself."

"At least you don't have to worry about everything else in creation yelling at you, or worry about picking up perverted thoughts," Trowa shuddered. "I will never look at Mr. Rashid the same way ever again."

"Please don't elaborate," Quatre groaned. "I would really rather not know. But hey, at least you don't have to deal with people knocking you down accidentally with hostile emotions."

"Yeah, I just have to deal with their extremely detailed fantasies," Trowa responded flatly.

"Too much information!" Wufei broke in, holding his hands over his ears.

Trowa rolled his eyes.

I laughed and decided to add my two cents. "Well at least you don't have to worry about staring at people because they've suddenly sprouted wings in their aura or are carrying strange spirit clothes around them. It's tremendously distracting."

Quatre stuck his tongue out at me. "But you're adjusting, aren't you? And don't we catch you laughing your butt off half the time at these new things you started to see?"

"Well, some of them are funny," I protested, a dark note entering my voice as I continued. "But some are so bad that I don't even want to try to describe them."

"Then for crying out loud, don't," Wufei told me.

"What was it like for you, Heero? Can you manage to tell us?" Quatre asked, turning to Heero, curiosity shining in his eyes.

Heero winced like he did whenever he was lifting something that should be too heavy for as he wrote his answer and handed it to me.

\--In the beginning, I only got flashes. Then the flashes got worse. Then there was more.--

"So we can look forward to more of this?" I asked.

Heero nodded.

"Goody," Wufei muttered sarcastically.

"You know, we might be able to turn some of this to our advantage. Perhaps we can use these new abilities to get some more information on what they're doing to us," Quatre said. "Or maybe we can get out."

"I don't know if I want to get out just yet," I replied thoughtfully. You should have seen the looks the other guys were giving me. It was as if I had grown another nose or something. Well, except for Heero. He nodded in agreement with me.

"What? Why?" Quatre asked in return, truly puzzled.

"If they do this to us, they'll do it to more people. They've already gotten Milliardo, and look at what they've done to Heero already. We're just the latest in a list that probably will go on for years if someone doesn't stop this now," I said, squeezing my eyes shut. "How can we live with ourselves if we escape and someone comes and does this to other people?"

"You're right, we do need to try and do something," Trowa agreed quietly.

"It means we'll probably have to go through a lot more pain, and we might end up permanently damaged, but no other course of action would be honorable," Wufei said, nodding.

"I hadn't thought about that," Quatre muttered, biting his lip. "You're completely right."

"It still sucks," I sighed, earning a few halfhearted chuckles.

For a few minutes we sat there in the fading artificial light, contemplating our own thoughts. Then I was struck with inspiration.

"Hey, why can't Meiran go and look in the wing for us and tell us what's going on?" I was so proud of myself, I felt like I had found the ultimate solution to our problems.

"Well, because she can't go all the way in there, that's why," Wufei responded quickly, glancing back over his shoulder at his late wife in concern. She looked a bit upset at my suggestion. Wufei listened to her for a moment and then continued, "She wishes she could, but it actually hurt her to try and follow us into the wing when we were taken back. She says that she could stay out in the hallway area but couldn't go into the rooms." Meiran frowned, obviously upset that she was unable to help us.

"Oh," I responded, feeling stupid. I should have realized that.

"What about some of the other wandering souls?" Quatre asked.

"I don't know if they can even go in there. Hold on," Wufei said and turned back to Meiran to listen.

"Meiran says that she didn't see anyone else hanging around in the lab area. She thinks that it's because it hurts them the same as it hurts her," Wufei relayed back to us.

"Maybe there are a few minor demons that can sneak in," I mused, "If only I could hear them. Damnit."

It seemed that we had hit the proverbial brick wall. The irony was that they had enhanced our abilities, but not enough to be able to find anything out just yet. We'd have to wait and see if we gained any more, then we could act. It was beautifully ironic.

~ ~ ~ ~

Well, the weekend had to end, and bright and early Monday morning found me blinking blearily at the underside of my old bunk. I think I've mentioned this before. I really hate Mondays.

Unfortunately, the weekdays did not go as peacefully as the weekend. I was called out of my session with Sally early because Heero had one of those sessions. To my infinite surprise, he wasn't as bad off as he normally was, and he hadn't been drugged. It seemed that they were slacking off on his torture for a while.

Tuesday Quatre was pulled out of our group session and taken to a special "one-on-one." He met us back at our room completely fine, but drugged. He gained no new abilities and had no noticeable holes in his memory, other than the short term gap about being back in the lab.

I guess you can figure out where I'm going with this. Wednesday during lunch the Thugs came and escorted Trowa away, Thursday I got another turn, and Friday Wufei was pulled out off our free period.

Other than not knowing what had happened back in the lab room, we suffered no adverse effects or noticed any new abilities. There wasn't any new pain, and as far as we could tell, nothing in our behavior was modified.

To say the least, we were puzzled. Hell, forget puzzled, we were seriously wondering what the fuck was going on! I mean, damn, we dread this for weeks, get nearly brainwashed last week, and now we feel just peachy. It was as though they were **trying** to screw with our heads.

Upon my later, more enlightened perspective, I can tell you exactly what was going on. You see, the training went in plateaus. There is only so much stretching a brain can do at one time, otherwise the mental health of the patient might be compromised. Yeah, that's right, mental health.

Weeks passed like this, with no big changes. A few times went I was taken back, I caught glimpses of other patients, so I know that we weren't the only ones being subjected to this. I'm positive that we were the only group of people targeted, though. The kids I saw back in the aesthetic hell behind the disguised door were people that I hadn't seen in the school for a while, at least outside of classes. Once I got a glimpse of a redheaded girl that was a year or two older than I was. I recognized her instantly because she had been one of the more promising students, one of the few that were allowed to help out the teachers. She had been Ms. Une's art aid, and I remembered how talented she was with her sculpting. I never knew her name, but she was pretty nice, if not a little loopy. But hey, we're all a little loopy.

The more time that passed without anything more mind shattering happening to us, the safer I started to feel. It was stupid, a false sense of security that might have been programmed into me. We started to lull in our efforts to find out more information, and we just started to go with the flow. Again, I feel so stupid for writing that, but it was the absolute truth. We were adapting to our new situation, our new station, and because Heero's experiments had also slacked in intensity, we had gotten used to life as it now was.

Of course, this was just building up to bigger and better things. After all, Milliardo eventually disappeared, only to emerge as Zechs years later. I know for a fact that he never saw dead people before, and since he had nodded acknowledgement to Meiran that first time back, it implied that he had gone through quite a lot and learned a great deal. This should have clued us in, but it didn't. I don't know how, but Heero even lost a bit of his intensity with the passage of harmless time and testing. It was as though we were living in a fog, a dreamlike state that let us blindly be led deeper and deeper into the hands of our oppressors. We just stopped caring, thinking that this was all there was, a fallacy perpetuated by the lack of action and pain.

Things were not to remain so docile. After about five few weeks of being taken back on our appointed days at our appointed times, we reached another step in our plateau of evolution. 

It was time to get serious.

~ ~ ~ ~

I guess I'm probably skipping over a bit of stuff here, but I don't really care. Time is short, and that stuff is a bit boring anyway. Nothing really important happened during the next few weeks, save for us all getting used to the new stuff. Suffice to say that weeks passed, and things happened, but I've already told you about the important things. So, let's move on and get to the aforementioned serious shit.

After a few weeks of classes and experimentation, we were complacent and rather apathetic to our new status as glorified guinea pigs. Ever so often I'd get little flashes of memory from the experimentation, usually a vision of the gray ceiling above me, littered sporadically with the ethereal traces of suffering flowing along it. There was usually a thrumming sound behind me in these glimpses, a noise that was so low that it almost rattled my ribcage in a strangely pleasant way. After a while we stopped getting those injections, and sometimes I'd even get a picture of a figure standing over me.

Along with these memory flashes, I'd get these strange feelings of heightened senses, a feeling that was just plain odd. I don't really know how to describe it, other than there were times that I felt like I was seeing deeper, as though I were floating in a bog of awareness with no connection to my surroundings, like in a dream. I mentioned that there were no new leaps in our abilities, but that's not exactly accurate. There were times when I was having one of those detached feelings when I felt particularly disconnected with my surroundings. During these times, strange things would happen, like I'd hear whispers in the back of my mind, or see things move on there own.

And like I said before, we were all getting used to this sort of thing. Serenity was the key word here. Induced apathy towards our wellbeing, if you will. It makes me sick to think about it now, because it was so obviously unnatural. We were basically being brainwashed, and none of us noticed. Well, I guess that's not true. Heero knew. He tried the best he could to nudge us into caring, but he didn't want to hurt us by jogging our awareness too much.

Finally though he couldn't take it anymore. After the sixth week, when I in particular was in one of those ungodly apathetic states, he decided that enough was enough.

One particular Friday afternoon, we were sitting around in our room in various states of casual sprawl. At one point I remember talking to Heero quietly about nothing in particular. I'm sure that I had a blank look on my face, and I think I might have said something about not even caring about anything at all.

That's when reality, in the form of Heero Yuy, decided to slap me up the side of my head.

Literally.

In the aftermath of the stinging slap to my cheek, I just blinked stupidly at the Japanese boy seated beside me. Why had he done that? Then I just shrugged, and looked away. I honestly didn't care. Obviously, reality, aka Heero, decided that I had not gotten the message. So he kissed me hard, trapping my face in his hands and pressing his index fingers against my temples as he assaulted my mouth.

Suitably distracted for the moment, not only by the roughness of the kiss, but by the fact that the other guys were just sitting there and not doing a damn thing, my brain relaxed a little. And yes, I realize how strange that probably sounds. My mental blocks came down, in other words. Suddenly, a rush of intense emotions, things that I hadn't felt in weeks came flooding vividly back to the forefront of my mind. I cared again. I was afraid. I was angry. I was me again.

Sensing that I had returned to a normal state of mind, Heero immediately let go of me and ducked his head in apology. He was wincing slightly, and I knew that he had probably had to sacrifice some pain in order to help break down those blocks that I hadn't even realized were there. This information came to me in a fog, though, because I realized that my awareness had been kicked up another notch with out me noticing. I felt dizzy as I dealt with the emotional burst and new feeling in my head. It was strange, I felt as though I was flexing new muscles, but they were in my mind instead of my body.

In my confusion, I blinked at the other guys, who were just staring stupidly at me. I dimly saw my hand wave up in front of my face, and a visible wave of energy from my aura surrounded them, jogging their minds into awareness. In a hazy spell I looked back towards Heero, but as I turned my head the world spun. I felt something move behind me, and in my distraction I caught a glimpse of my long braid floating up from behind my back in mid air. Shock rippled faintly through me, and as my world went into sensory overload, I felt the bed rise up beneath me, as if it were floating.

And then it was dark. My mind shut down, and I adjusted to my new condition of awareness. I was undisturbed in my slumber.

I no longer needed Heero to guard me from the dream demons.

I spent about two weeks unconscious.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I woke I found myself staring straight up at the darker gray of the ceiling in the hidden labs. Blinking the sleep out of my eyes, I looked around, hoping to God that I wasn't where I thought I was. I was disappointed when I confirmed my surroundings. 

I felt normal, well as normal as I've ever felt. The fog of apathy was gone, and I had full control over myself again. I remembered everything that had even happened in sessions, at least, what had happened while I was conscious. It wasn't much, but it was more than I had ever hoped to remember.

All this came to me in a series of microseconds. I sat up, noticing the IV drip in my arm and the small monitor electrodes attached to both sides of my head and the few trailing under my shirt. I moved slowly, glancing around me because of the unnatural soreness in my joints and muscles from what had obviously been a long slumber. I noted the plainness of the room, and I yawned, stretching my arms carefully out so as not to snag my IV lines. From slightly behind me I heard the sound of a person discreetly clearing his throat.

Turning my head, I saw Zechs sitting, leaning his chair up on the two back legs against the wall at the head of my bed. He was fiddling with the ends of his lab coat and he raised a single pale eyebrow at me. I just blinked over at him, wondering how long I had been out and why he was sitting by my bed.

As if he read my mind, Zechs smiled. "Two weeks and two days, and because I knew you'd be waking up in the next hour or so. I figured someone needed to explain some things to you when you woke up."

Gaping like a fish I saw on the vid screen once, I blinked at him. "Okay. How did you know I'd be up at this particular time, and just what the hell are you talking about?"

"It's part of what I can do," Zechs replied. "One thing at a time, okay?"

I sighed and leaned back on the bed again on my elbow, turning sideways to peer suspiciously at the blond man. "Fine. As if I'm in a position to argue."

He chuckled darkly. "How true. Now, at one point I was just like you, with a few minor differences. I only heard whispering voices, and I was slightly paranoid. Then the scientists chose me. I was so privileged to have caught their eyes. If it wasn't for them, then I would probably have gone truly mad long ago."

"But as special as I was, you will be ten times greater than I could ever be. It has taken me years to get as far as I have, and your potential, and the potential of your friends, together…" his voice trailed off wistfully before he turned back to me, bringing his chair down with a screech onto all four legs. "You amaze me."

"What can you do, and what about Heero? Hasn't he been experimented with as long as you have?" I asked, forming the words with a half-numb voice. 

"I can do almost anything you can imagine. But you, you will be able to do so much more than I will ever do. As for Heero, he's benefited from the long-term program, but he's also going to benefit from the group format of our new St. Dymphna Project," Zechs responded. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it will be painful to adjust to your new station in life. As a pioneer towards a new society, you will come to believe in the rightness of our goals."

I felt a surge of anger at that. He sounded so perfectly reasonable. So damn sure of himself. And deep down I knew that it wasn't his choice. I felt sick as tried to search out response to his words. "So, uh, I don't have a choice in the matter, do I?"

"No, you don't. Don't worry, though, you'll come to love the benefits of being affiliated with the Project," he smiled down at me, standing up and checking my IV drip. "I'm going to take this out now that you're conscious, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, fine." 

I winced as he pulled the drip from the skin of my arm. I hate needles, and IV's just plain suck. "What is the St. Dymphna Project about? I think you owe me that much."

"Evolution of the species, forced evolution. We're finding ways to wake up your brains," he said as he reached over and lightly thumped the side of my head.

"What?" I was truly puzzled. That actually sounded like a vaguely good idea.

"Well, it's like this," he started. "Normal humans only use a small percentage of their brains, and through the research done here we're learning to wake up the rest of that unused gray matter and see what it does. So far the results have been great, the hardest part is trying to make sure the test subjects don't go crazy and revolt. That's why we're working with you five as a group, not only is it more powerful, it is much more difficult to focus. More morality, if you will."

"He speaks of morality," I muttered dryly.

He didn't hear me and continued on. "But anyway, it's for the good of the world. With sufficient evolution, there will be an end to most diseases, and without ignorance and secrets, many wars will be stopped before they can even begin. It's a wonderful idea."

"Oh, by the way," Zechs turned back to me and smiled. "You and your roommates have been moved to a room back here for easier access. Not only will we be able to get you more easily for your sessions, but you'll also be able to stretch your mental muscles without endangering other patients. You'll like it."

He helped me sit up and ease my legs over the side of the bed. I felt rather caught up in the moment, so caught up that I almost missed the IV drip rolling out of the way on its own. Hell, I hadn't expected him to come right out and say so much. The answer was so simple, but it held so many hidden dangers and scary things.

As Zechs led me down the hallway in the direction of our new room, the simple act of walking felt surreal.

~ ~ ~ ~

As we walked down the featureless gray corridor, I noticed that it inclined slightly downhill. At some point I'm sure that we were officially on the basement level, but I'm not sure exactly where that point was. After a short walk we came to a wall adorned only with a large polished steel door. None of the ethereal black ooze was making it through the portal, but was being filtered up through the ceiling at this point. I didn't have a clue as to where it went from there.

Zechs turned to a touch pad at the side of the steel door and pressed his palm to it, fingers splayed out. A bright green light flashed, and a moment later the door opened, sliding into the adjacent wall with a soft whoosh. I'm guessing that the door had a cavity in the thick wall that it went into, because the door itself took up most of the dividing wall. Considering that the width of the door was a bit bigger than my arm span, that meant the walls had to be pretty damn thick.

It's funny how the subtle things will get you.

As soon as we were through the doorway, I heard the quiet sigh of the door sliding shut behind us. Either it was motion sensitive or maybe there were weight plates in the floor. But then how could several people go through at once without being squashed like a pea under a dull knife? Ah well, something to think about. I kept myself busy wondering about that as I tried to look casual about taking in my new living area. It was pretty hard.

This new area was lushly colored with vibrant blues and subtle reds. White and gold coloring accented the walls tastefully, and the thick carpet felt absolutely delightful under my slippered feet. It's been years since I've walked on carpet. I dug my toes down and made little tracks in the thick fibers as I glanced in the occasional open doorways into the patients' rooms. 

Inside the private rooms, there was either a single bed or two beds, and each room looked like it had a television vid-set. Each was different from the last, either in layout or in specific furnishings, but every one that I could peek into as we walked was absolutely luxurious.

A couple of times we saw a patient, either walking down the hallway or sitting in their room. Get this (oh my God, I was so excited) the patients here were wearing normal clothing! None of those issued rags that I had been wearing for years, all of these kids were wearing normal shirts and normal pants, ranging from jeans to khakis to skirts (the girls) to shorts. It was exciting to see normal clothes in real life, right in front of my face. It had been such a long time. It's amazing what will strike you when you've been away from the world so long, what you might forget. I had forgotten about fashion.

When I wasn't busy gawking at the clothes of a random patient we saw, I noticed that a few of them smiled or waved at Zechs, who was still walking beside me. He'd nod back in acknowledgement and continue on. Obviously a lot of people knew him, and from a quick reading on a their auras, they liked him. Had all these people been brainwashed, or were their feelings genuine. It was hard to fake an emotional response so well, usually there would be some source of residual loathing spiking subtly, but with these kids there was none of that. I felt a small twinge of doubt start gnawing at the back of my mind. Were they right, or were we? Both couldn't be possible, could it?

One thing that struck me about our little walk to my new room was the lack of communal areas. Not once did we pass a large restroom or washroom that was on par with the rest of the asylum. Private restrooms and bathing facilities were reserved for rooms that several people had to share, like our group of five's room. When I had been in a private room I had to go down that hallway to go to the bathroom or to take a shower. So that meant that every room in this area had a private restroom attached. Neat.

Not only that, but there were no large areas for entertainment or just sitting around. Since we were probably under the surface crust of the colony, then the fact that there were no windows made sense, but there was usually a lounge area in patient quarters. That also struck me as odd. Did they not want us to talk to each other?

Well, reading over this last passage, I realize that I've probably made this patient living area seem huge from the amount of describing I've done. It wasn't huge. There were four rooms on each side of the hallway, and considering the length of the hallway the rooms were not even very large. It was just, well, can you blame me for describing it? I was absolutely amazed. Seriously, I was overcome with awe. Here there were such things as color, carpet, and clothing. Three things that had been severely lacking in the past four years of my life, and here they were at my disposal.

Looking up at the ceiling, I wasn't surprised to see the energy that thrummed above us. It wasn't malevolent like the energy in the lab area, but it was mixed with the normal emotions that were common in the rest of the asylum, except that it was filtered up and away, not given a chance to thrive. 

We reached the room in a matter of a few moments, and Zechs knocked the door. A few seconds later the door slid into the wall and we were looking right into the face of a very shocked Quatre.

All I could catch from him was, "OhmyGodDuoyou'reokay! Waaaaa!" (Or something like that.) I immediately found myself being fiercely hugged by a strong blond gathering of limbs. Laughing weakly I hugged back as best I could, but I still felt a bit woozy from just waking up from a two week near-coma.

Zechs looked a bit uncomfortable and cleared his throat. "Duo, your friends will show you around and explain a few things to you, and you may tell them anything that I've told you that you might want to share. Enjoy your new room." 

With that said, he was gone, and I found myself being hauled into our new room and plopped down on a convenient armchair. Looking around at our new room, I noticed that there was just one huge bed, with a canopy. Evidently we had been observed in our old room, which really didn't surprise me. We also had a couch and a few reclining armchairs, all arranged in a sort of casual circle. Our vid-set was in the corner, and above it was a large speaker.

Just as I had thought, there was a bathroom attached to the room. From what I could see through the open door it was very large and Very Nice. Tastefully placed in the four corners of the room were cameras, their little red lights indicating that they were on and functioning. Everything from the carpet to the bed sheets and canopy, right down to the chair I was sitting on, was in the blue, red, white, and gold color scheme.

Finally finished surveying our new room, I brought my attention to focus on my friends. Just as the other patients I had glimpsed outside the room, they were dressed in normal clothes. It was a bit odd seeing them in colors other than the drab grayish non-color of the issued clothes.

Wufei was wearing a pair of loose white linen pants with a loose dark blue tank top. His longish hair was tucked behind his ears neatly, and he had a different pair of glasses that suited his face a bit better than his other pair. When I asked later, he said that these were his old glasses he had worn before he had been a patient in the greater asylum and been given the other near indestructible frames when he had been admitted. He was sitting cross-legged in one of the other armchairs, his blue shirt almost the same navy color as the upholstery. As always, Meiran was right behind him, lounging across the back of the armchair like a ghostly kitten.

On the couch Trowa and Quatre sat beside each other. Trowa was wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue turtleneck. Both articles of clothing were tight, but they suited him well. Beside him Quatre wore a pair of comfortable looking khakis and a pink button down shirt, the top two buttons undone. Pink. For some reason it looked all right, even though it probably should have made me do a double take.

Last of all I took in Heero's appearance. Sitting with his legs thrown over the armrest of the chair beside me, he was sitting sideways in his armchair and facing me. He was wearing a green tank top and a regular pair of jeans. Looking at the scrawny appearance of his exposed arms, I wondered how he could be so inhumanly strong and not be very big or muscular. Don't get me wrong, he was cut, but damn was he skinny. I guess the word is wiry. 

Also of note was that everyone was barefoot. They must have liked the lush carpet as much as I did.

After finishing the perusal of my friends' clothing, I realized that they were looking at me expectantly. Ah, they were waiting for me to speak and enlighten them with my lack of knowledge.

"So, uh, hi?" I finally said, grinning at them innocently.

"Hello, Duo," Wufei replied, rolling his eyes. "You have any questions about our wonderful new accommodations?"

"Um, yeah, actually," I said sheepishly. Then something occurred to me. "Hey! Do we still have to go to classes?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Trowa responded sourly. "And I quote, 'We still want you to have an education, even if you won't necessarily need it.' In case we're dead is more like it."

I was momentarily taken aback by the sarcastic and slightly jaded tone to Trowa's voice. "You sound bitter."

"He is," Quatre broke in, patting Trowa's shoulder. "He asked that same question last week when we moved."

"So, uh, how the hell do we get to class? The only door I saw to get out of here shut automatically behind us when we got in this part of the wing," I muttered, half in question and half to myself.

Wufei unfolded his legs from underneath himself and dug his bare toes into the dark carpet. "There's a door in the hallway that leads out into Mr. Khushrenada's classroom." 

I'm sure my jaw dropped. The math teacher wasn't exactly into sneaky covert type things. He preferred to settle things one on one with us students, so I'd expect him to be a defender of our rights, not involved in this mess. Finally I found my voice again. "Mr. Khushrenada? Is he in on this, too?"

"He must be," Trowa replied somberly. "It is unclear whether or not he wants to be involved or not, however."

"By the way, have you noticed how customized the room is?" Wufei suddenly said as he pointed up at one of the surveillance cameras. "It's been made very obvious that we've been overheard in our old room and the hallways." 

Raising one thin eyebrow at me, he shot me a significant look. For a moment I just looked at him skeptically, then I thought about what exactly he had said. The room and the hallway did not count the tree. Therefore some of our secrets still might be safe. For how long, it was unclear, who knew how deeply they were going to be digging into our minds?

I nodded back and then continued the conversation on for the benefit of any observers. "So, uh, had any good sessions lately?"

That earned a few nervous chuckles. Heero caught my eye and started writing. He finally "spoke" and handed me the note he had now finished.

\--No new sessions were to happen until you woke up. They wouldn't let us in to see you. They said you would fill us in on what to expect next. Are you okay? I was worried. --

It was the most Heero had written all at once. I smiled at that last part, choosing not to read it out loud. "Answers, in order," I replied. "The St. Dymphna project has been explained to me, well, the bare bones motivation and hopeful goal, anyway. Somehow they expect to evolve us, wake up our brains or some junk. That's all I really know, except that it looks like we're going to be growing, if you catch my drift, a lot more than we already have. And I'm fine, just a bit woozy."

At this point our television vid-set came on, startling all of us just a tiny bit. (We jumped at least a foot.) The face of Dr. J graced our screen, and his voice chuckled eerily out of the speaker on the wall. "Hello boys."

Insipid.

"Are you enjoying your new room, Mr. Maxwell?" The man asked, his optics flashing little lens flares as the device focused on him.

"Fine," I grumbled, crossing my arms stiffly.

"Very good, very good," he replied, not really interested in my response. "Do you boys have any specific questions? Now is the time to ask, as a personal favor to Mr. Marquise I've promised to be as truthful as possible without compromising any confidential information."

"In other words, you'll answer what you feel like, and we have way of knowing whether or not you're telling us the truth," Wufei replied in a clipped tone.

"Now, now, Mr. Chang, don't be so snippy. I'm being congenial and cooperative. It would be in your best interests to take advantage of this opportunity," J responded in a cheerfully menacing voice.

"Why us?" Quatre asked after a few moments of silence.

"Haven't we already addressed this? Do you still fail to see the poetic justice of the situation? You, the inferiors of society will be the leaders and most powerful soldiers of the new era to come. An era which you will command! Well, under our guidance, of course," the doctor smiled joylessly.

"Of course," Trowa said flatly.

"What else would you expect?" J replied, looking a bit puzzled.

"Good point," Quatre muttered cynically, surprising me a bit. He was usually so optimistic, but I guess everyone has a point where that's just not possible.

J chuckled again in response, then continued. "As for why you've been chosen as a group, that should be obvious. Look at how your natural abilities match up. Together you can be very powerful. You've been prepared for this for longer than you will ever know."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked carefully, leaning forward towards the vid-set. "Does that have anything to do with the death of my parents?"

It felt as though the air in the room had stilled into a cold heavy mass as I waited for the answer. Unfortunately, J just smiled and shook his head. "You know better than to ask that. You're not ready for the answer."

Well, that helped. I wasn't ready? Did that translate into a "yes," "no," or "sorta"?

"Well, what about the rest of us?" Wufei asked in a low voice. "When did you find out about me? Before or after the accident?" I shifted my gaze over to take in my Chinese friend. He looked deadly serious. If it wasn't for Meiran's light hand on his shoulder, I think he would have popped a vein in his forehead. Hell, I can't blame him. If they had killed Meiran to get to Wufei…well, let's just say that you expect your parents to die before you, but you don't expect someone your age to die, especially at such a young age. Especially your love.

"After," J responded solemnly. "Anything else?"

"When can we expect our next session, who's next, and what exactly do we need to prepare for?" Quatre asked this, and the absolute defeat in his voice almost made me cringe.

"Oh, tomorrow after classes, all of you, and not much you can do to prepare. Is that all?" J finished quickly.

I looked around at the other guys, then looked up at one of the cameras. "Yeah. Guess so."

Without any more conversation there was a soft crackle from the speaker before it went silent, and J's picture blinked off of the screen.

"Oh, hey," I said, turning to look over at Heero. "Something just occurred to me, and it's vitally important." I made sure to inject a sense of urgency into my voice and I cranked out some nervous vibes for good measure. I'm not sure when I picked up that little talent, but it's really useful.

"What is it?" Wufei asked, leaning forward slightly.

"Yeah, are you okay?" Quatre now sounded worried, and he was looking rather concerned.

"I need to know something," I went on solemnly. 

"Just ask," Trowa cut in abruptly.

I resisted the urge to flip him off or stick my tongue out at him. "Well…"

"What!" Wufei asked again. By this point I even had Heero looking visibly nervous.

"What day of the week is it?" I asked, blinking innocently.

Needless to say a few of the nice new plush couch cushions we had acquired went flying straight towards my head. Remember kids, even soft, seemingly innocent stuffed objects can sting if thrown at a high enough velocity.

In case you were wondering, it was Monday. 

Why'd I have to pick the worst day of the week to wake up? 

~ ~ ~ ~

Well, that night I slept in honest to God pajamas for the first time in years. I have to say, sleeping on a real, thick mattress was a big change from having to worry about shifting combined bunk beds. I had been allowed to pick some real clothes from a catalog, and they had been ordered for me. In case you're wondering, I choose a pair of black jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. They were to arrive in some time Wednesday evening, and just like the other guys, I could only wear the clothes inside the confines of our new living quarters.

Waking up the next morning, we dressed in our ordinary issued clothes and the other guys attempted to fill me in on what had happened in classes while I was unconscious. As a policy, the teachers couldn't hold my absence against me, nor could they ask questions about it. They have to just basically work around us crazy kids and our crazy ways. It sets some people off if you remind them of being gone, so the teachers have to just accept the fact and move on. It's a policy that makes a lot of sense, but now made me start to wonder. It sure was convenient.

But anyway, moving right along, classes went by quickly and easily with the exception of Calculus. I'd have to go back and figure out what I had missed, that's just not a class you can sleep through and expect to keep up. Lunch was, as always, divine. Art was great. Heero and I had gotten an extension on our joint project because of my absence, so while everyone else had to work on carving out of Styrofoam (lame) we got to sit at a table by ourselves in the very back and work. It was nice. 

That afternoon the five of us met in Mr. Khushrenada's classroom. We had decided to enter together and leave together, just as a form of comfort. Heero and I arrived first, and while we waited a redheaded girl in issued clothes left the "storage room" that was the way into and out of the patients' quarters. She nodded politely to us and went up to Mr. Khushrenada, who was sitting at his desk. Evidently he was in on the conspiracy, as we had feared, because he didn't even bat an eye at the girl emerging from his broom closet.

I watched as the two spoke quietly for a few moments, and then I looked away out of respect. Besides, the other guys had arrived. We filed into the so-called closet and out through the back of it, using the thumb print identifier disguised as an innocent knothole on the unfinished wooden (steel reinforced) back wall. Passing through quickly, we reached our room. 

Now, you may be wondering why we were being so cooperative with the scientists. Well, the answer is a bit complicated. We knew we had a session, and we knew it was for all of us. And, well, it sounds odd, but I guess we thought that since we were going to be together it wouldn't be that bad. Besides, I don't know about the other guys, but I was starting to get really curious about just how wide they could open up our minds. 

The power potential was tempting, to say the least. If Heero could peek into time, what's to say he couldn't move through it? What if we learned how to move things without touching them? What if, what if, what if… Always an interesting question.

At any rate, we were all a little curious, but we were still eagerly dreading the session. And eager dread is a strange feeling, let me tell you. You can't wait, but time can't pass slow enough. I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling, except that you feel the freedom of weightlessness with the terror of free fall. 

Too soon, too slowly, they called us, using the speaker above the vid-set. A nondescript voice spoke. "Gentlemen, please report to the lab entrance in the next five minutes."

"What happens if we don't?" I piped up, sheer curiosity and a bit of mischief coloring my voice.

"If you don't come, then someone will be sent to escort you using any means necessary," the voice replied calmly.

"Oh," I squeaked back.

So without further ado, we filed out of our room, glancing at each other with worry, fear, and excitement. As I said, we were in deep. They already had us. They could do what they wanted, and even if we still wanted to fight back, we could do nothing at the present time. What other choice did we have, but to try and profit as much as possible? So we went.

As we walked down the short corridor, I noticed that any doors that had been open were being shut. It was as though the other inhabitants had known what was going to happen and hadn't wanted to see us go by. Maybe they'd be disgusted by our cooperation, or maybe it was our hidden rebellious motivations. Maybe they just didn't like us. Who knows? They shut their doors, so we couldn't see them.

When we reached the door to the lab, it opened smoothly in front of us. We entered, and from the whooshing that I felt behind us, closed automatically again. Glancing back, I saw Meiran stick her head through the door and smile sadly at us. Turning back, we kept going.

The two-toned gray décor was a sharp contrast to the rich colors of the living quarters. For the first time I wondered where the doctors and scientists that worked back here lived. They had to live on the grounds somewhere, because I think I would have noticed their comings and goings. Of course, I might not have. I don't suppose it mattered too much, it just happened to occur to me.

We walked up the featureless corridor, and this time I was positive that it slanted upward. Suddenly Zechs stepped out of a shiny gray door to our right.

"In here, please," he toned flatly, allowing us inside. As soon as all five of us were in, he stepped out and closed the door behind him before anything more could be said.

Looking around the room, the only equipment present was a dark gray metallic box on a raised metal cart. It sat in the center of the room, and from a single hole in the top it sprouted several light gray cords that ended in electrodes or sharp puncturing devices that looked to be about three inches long. They did not look pleasant. The appendages were laid out so that two electrodes and one needle tipped cord was extended towards the five molded reclining chairs. 

The chairs were covered in plastic and looked rather comfortable, but it was clear that the bottoms of them were rubber coated and grounded. The tips of the electrodes and puncturing devices rested on the floor at the foot of these chairs. Before we could really ask what the featureless gray box was, or what we were supposed to do, the door opened and a very tall bald man walked in.

"Please sit," the man said solemnly. He waited for us to get comfortable, and then picked up the set of electrodes in front of Heero. "Please observe what I will do. There will be mild discomfort for a moment." 

That said, he attached the sticky electrodes to Heero's temples, then took the sharp puncturing device in hand. I held my breath as he slid it into the top of Heero's head, making the shining metal disappear completely. Eyes wide, I looked anxiously at Heero's expression, and was surprised that he didn't register any pain at all. Had they programmed the pain out of him, or was he used to this already? It made me sick and nervous at the same time.

One by one the tall bald man did the same to each one of us. You'll never guess who was last. Oh yeah, you know it. Me. By the time the guy had gotten around to me, I was scared to death. None of the other guys seemed to mind the electrodes, but that needle thing? Holy hell. It was weird, because everyone reacted differently, but always without any pain. Discomfort, sure, but no agony that one would expect to accompany having a three-inch needle jammed through one's skull and into one's brain. Of course, maybe that wouldn't hurt too badly. Thinking rationally, nerve cells can't feel pain, right? Therefore, the brain can't hurt. But still…a long sharp needle in the skull was not something to look forward to.

Well, I must say, I was surprised. When that nice spike sunk into the top of my head it didn't hurt at all. I could feel the sharp end pierce a spot in to the top of my head, but instead of encountering bone it slid right down into the soft folds of my brain. It felt really strange, but halfway natural at the same time. Familiar almost, which scared me almost as much as severe pain would have. I was about to reach up to feel where the cool metal entered my cranium when arm restraints suddenly popped up from the chair and pinned my wrists down. Ankle restraints came up simultaneously, as did a strap that tightened around my forehead. Finally, one thick strap seemed to sprout from the chair itself and snake around my waist.

So here we all were, strapped down with spikes in our heads and feeling utterly helpless. It's the worst feeling in the world, worse than anything I can really think of. Glancing around, I tried to control my frantic breathing as the tall man left the room. Now what? We were at their mercy. It completely and totally sucked.

Then the dark gray box thummed deeply, and I felt a subtle vibration in my head. I didn't move at all, but suddenly it felt like layers were slowly being unraveled from in front of my eyes. I felt another presence, and then another, and finally two more. Without warning I was assaulted.

Images of wailing ghosts hit me. Flashes through time accompanied the singing and laughing of a myriad of demons. I felt my heart constrict in my chest as I shared in the pain and the joy of four other people at once. It was a mind-blowing experience, and as I was conquered by the overwhelming amount of new experiences, I only dimly noticed that the gray box had burst into flames and was floating in the center of the room.

As a fevered pitch of screaming and colors and feelings washed over me I felt euphoric. Reaching out with my mind, I could feel the thoughts and emotions, the secrets of those that I called brothers and friends. It was beautiful and liberating, and I didn't want it to ever stop.

But it did. There was an explosion, and an acrid smell invaded my nostrils and brought me back to reality. The gray box had exploded, and the room was filled with lab technicians in white coats. They were unhooking us from the burnt out machine and babbling excitedly amongst themselves. 

It seems that we had broken their box, and they were very happy about this.

We were led back to our rooms by people we'd never see again. For about an hour all we could really do was sit there and adjust to our new states, our new contact. The connection we had all made during the session was not destroyed with the explosion of the box. It had only become more manageable. 

The machine had served its purpose, uniting us. It just did too good of a job. We were still connected, and we had definitely moved up on the evolutionary ladder.

"Well, I don't need these anymore," Wufei said softly, breaking the silence. He took his glasses off and folded them neatly. He had just fixed his eyesight.

~ ~ ~ ~


	10. Chapter 10

Now, I'll tell you right now that I didn't understand exactly what had just happened. It was all coming together and busting apart so quickly that it was hard to keep up with it all. It's true that we were connected, but it was an uncontrolled and fuzzy connection. It was there, but none of us were really sure how to use it. Like any new tool or talent, it really needed an instruction manual to make much sense. Too bad we were going to be the ones to **write** the manual. Or, well, be the guinea pigs to figure it out. It's painfully clear that we were not the ones holding the pen in this ordeal.

As it was, the experience was maddeningly exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. Here we were, as close as brothers, and now we were sharing a sort of psychic bond. The possibilities were mind boggling. Imagine having all your secrets laid open, every impulsive thought exposed whether you actually meant it or not. Everything was on the table and on display. 

Well, it would have been if we knew how to keep the connection completely open. Ever so often I'd get little flashes of extra perception, hearing, whatever, but they were just momentary little glimpses. It was probably a good thing, because I don't think I was ready for the subtleties of complete openness. Sometimes it's good to have secrets, even if they're stupid. We'd be total ass kickers if we were completely linked, but the price would be terribly uncomfortable, and might just blow our minds, literally.

But anyway, we were sitting there, all trying to adjust and contemplate on all manners of connectivity and new personal gain, but then Wufei made his enigmatic statement. Every one of us just looked up and blinked at him as he folded up his glasses.

"Why don't you need your glasses anymore?" Quatre asked Wufei.

"I'm not sure how, but I fixed my eyesight. Or maybe one of you guys did during that…whatever it was," my Chinese friend said, sounding mildly doubtful of himself. Meiran, for once, was just floating there, too stunned even to actively shimmer. Then she sprung back to, er, life, and started just twinkling with joy. I guess she started talking, too, because her mouth was moving as she flitted around. Wufei turned his attention to her and listened to her chatter for the moment.

After a few seconds of quiet, Quatre's eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side, curiosity peeling lightly off of his aura. "What--hey, what's that? Who is that?"

"What do you hear?" Trowa asked quietly.

"A person talking, kind of muffled. Are the walls in this room really that thin that we can hear our neighbors? Don't you hear her? Wait...it's gone," Quatre whispered.

For a moment everyone just sat there looking at him like he was crazy. Well, okay, so that was just me. Trowa looked concerned, Wufei was whispering something back to Meiran, and Heero was writing. He shoved the note in my direction.

\--Tell us if you hear it again. --

"Do you have any--Wait!" Quatre started. "There it is again!"

"What are you talking about?" Wufei asked irritably, apparently done with his little side conversation with Meiran.

"Whoa, okay, hold on!" I broke in, holding both hands up, my sleeves drooping and pooling at my bent elbows. I hastily put my arms down since the move had exposed some of my scars from the cutting. "One thing at a time. Wufei, you need to explain exactly what you mean by healing your eyesight. Quatre, you need to elaborate on this other thing. Could this be an extension of your other abilities? And need I remind everyone that we're on camera at the moment?"

A voice chuckled from the large speaker mounted above the television vid-set, causing us to jump. "As if we didn't already know this would happen. I must say, you boys progressed much more quickly than we anticipated," Dr. J's voice was soon accompanied by the vid-screen flickering on to show his face.

Nostrils flaring slightly, Heero absolutely snarled silently at the screen before pulling his knees up to his chest and hugging them. The rest of us just sort of stared at the doctor.

"Do you have a point?" Wufei finally asked.

"Not really," J said dryly. "I just wanted to watch this part actively."

"What part?" I asked, knowing instinctually as the words formed that I probably did not want to know. I was right. I hate it when I'm right about terribly bad things, but it usually happens, which is also terribly bad.

As soon as the words left my mouth I found out exactly what the scientist was talking about. A loud hissing noise invaded the otherwise quiet room as a light gray gas streamed out of pores in the walls that none of us had noticed. As a group we dropped to the floor in an attempt to stay under the gas, and then we crawled towards the door, intending to get out. Our struggles were to the soundtrack of J's deep sadistic chuckle, and although I liked the carpet in the room, I hated the rug burns I was getting. It really seems that a lot of good things can hurt you, even such goodness as deep pile carpet.

The door wouldn't budge when we reached it, which really didn't surprise me. I started to get a whiff of the gray gas as it made its way down to the floor, descending to cover the carpet on which we were huddled. Reaching deep into myself, I felt that new sort of sense rise up within me, the hint of power that I had experienced before I had passed out two weeks ago, that thing that had made the machine float just an hour before. I felt it surge up within me, an incredible feeling, only to have it fizzle with a shot of pain that laced down my spine in a fiery wave. A little pulse of the sense still managed to wrench its was out of me, only to melt and become gathered at the ceiling, filtered away with the ethereal energy that was so meticulously directed in this place.

As I felt the light behind my eyes fade more and more with each inhalation of the gas, I realized that the experimenters had several motives for moving us to this new room. Not only were they trying to butter us up, but they had some sort of shielding device that dispersed big outbursts of energy. It was probably my fault that they had moved us, having that episode back in our old room, the one that had knocked me out. Oh, and lets not forget that they could gas us into unconsciousness or death. That was a big plus. Hurrah for modern convenience.

I struggled to keep my eyes open as I felt my muscles slacken and weaken of their own accord. Somehow I managed to lift my heavy head up, my neck straining, to see how my friends were fairing. I had felt little flickers of something through the connection, and just as I had thought, Trowa and Quatre were both already unconscious. Meiran was trying her best to keep Wufei awake, but a ghost can only do so much. As I watched, I felt Wufei go unconscious just as his eyes drooped shut.

Slumping down completely onto the thick carpet, I felt myself begin to drift. Heero had somehow managed to haul himself beside me, and his blank facial expression echoed back to when I had first met him at the beginning of the school year. It hurt almost as much as physical agony to see that look, so I concentrated all my remaining energy and smiled. As my eyes slid shut and all my sense shutting down, I stared straight into those blue eyes. I could have sworn I saw a single tear leak from one of them in my last view of consciousness.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I awoke I found myself strapped flat on my back on a hard surface. My arms, legs, torso, and head were all held down with immovable thick straps. My body was splayed out in the form of a giant cross, with my arms stretched to either side of my body and my legs spread apart about a foot or two and immobilized. I noticed that the straps holding me down were lined with padding, I guess so that they wouldn't leave a mark. I couldn't turn my head, so I was forced to stare at the uninteresting gray ceiling above me, but for some reason I only got indistinct glances of the ethereal energy trailing above me in a controlled path. It was extremely boring and unpleasant, so I decided to see if I could get out anytime soon.

As I carefully tested my bonds, I suddenly realized that I could feel a cool draft of air on my stomach. That really sent a serious jolt of reality coursing through me. I was completely bare from the waist up. I felt my face burn as I realized that a lot of old scars were now on display, those little things that I had always kept so carefully hidden were out in the open, and it went a long way in making me feel totally helpless. Biting my lip, I forced the embarrassment out of my mind for a moment and concentrated on my legs and feet. Wiggling my toes I knew that I was stripped of my socks, but I felt the cuff of my pants brush against my ankles as the slight movement. Words cannot describe how glad I was to be wearing pants. Seriously, you have no idea.

My embarrassment quelled down a tad for the moment, I wriggled a little bit and managed to rap my knuckles down onto the hard surface I was laying on. I felt them connect with the hard cool surface I was strapped to, feeling the dull metallic ring that answered my knock with a vibration under my bare back. Straining my eyes as far as I could to the side, I fought to turn my head. It was of no use, I couldn’t see to confirm what I was lying on. It was a silly gesture anyway, I knew exactly where I was. Just like in so many of those visions that Heero sent me, only I was now the one strapped down to a cold metal table. But unlike how he had been restrained with straps that cut into his skin, my body was trapped in much more elaborate restraints designed not to bruise. How sweet, really. God, it was so unnerving.

Resigning myself to what appeared to be inevitable, I looked around with what limited field of vision I could manage. From what I could see, the walls of the room were cloth, which lead me to believe I was in a curtained cubicle that was part of a larger room. I couldn’t hear much; the room was mostly quiet. Thinking that maybe the other guys might be in the same room, but in their own cloth cubicles, I opened my mouth, intending to yell or say something nice and sarcastic.

I couldn't make a sound.

This scared me. A lot.

As I gaped and tried to make some sort of pathetically silent scream, I realized that my efforts to speak did not cause me any pain at all. Unlike Heero's attempts at speaking, this did not cause me agony, rather, it was just frustrating as hell. Air was coming out of my mouth, soundless due to lack of form. Acting on a hunch, I tried to swallow, and found that my throat muscles weren't working right. I couldn’t control them at all, it was as though those muscles were on vacation for the moment. I still had the ability to talk, I reasoned, there was no mental block against that, but for some reason I couldn't control my voice box to form words. Undoubtedly, I had been drugged, given some sort of local muscle relaxer or something like that. This was a bit of a relief to realize.

Robbed of my ability to speak, I tried to use my special senses. Doing my best to flare up my aura, I found that my mind felt extremely sluggish. Closing my eyes, I concentrated, but instead of feeling the normal sensation of mental stretching, I felt nothing at all. Opening my eyes, I glared up at the featureless ceiling, now realizing why I was only picking up the occasional glances of energy instead of witnessing the steady flow I normally saw. Obviously I was in the lab area, and I suddenly had a Very Bad Feeling about all this. If I couldn't speak for the moment, and couldn't get in touch with my abilities, then they must have something fun and exciting planned for me. 

In other words, I was almost on the verge of getting a bad case of the screaming meemies.

I mean, damn, wouldn't you feel scared? Here I was, shirtless, strapped to a metal table I had only seen in my worst nightmares, unable to speak, and suddenly stripped of an ability I've had ever since I can remember. I was not happy at all, and I really wanted to find out what was going to happen to me next. It's sick, it's morbid, but I just wanted to get this over with.

Unfortunately, I think that the almighty assholes knew I felt this way, so for what seemed like hours I lay on that damnable table feeling completely helpless. The more time that passed, the weaker and more pathetic I felt. The anticipation, the fear, and the sheer panic, was building up inside me and mounting to an apex. Every little creak or light thud I thought I heard was magnified a thousand fold as I waited feebly for something to happen. 

My thoughts started to run away with me. What if they were working on my friends right now? Was that the delay? Or where they just watching my squirm, laughing and taking bets on how long it would be before I broke? Would I get my visions back? What about my new abilities? Where they gone? What were they going to do to me? How did they control that energy flow above me, anyway? How come when I tried to send out my energy in our new room it had fizzled? Did they have something that dampened the room? How would that be possible? Would this never end? Would I break? Would I cry? Would I faint? Would I die?

Fortunately, before my mind managed to run completely away from me I heard the soft rustle of the curtained wall being pushed back. A drumming of fingers on the table near my foot caused the metal to vibrate slightly and cause a chill to run down my bare back. I strained my eyes so hard trying to look at who had just walked in that I gave myself a slight headache. How annoying. 

I felt the strap on my head being unfastened, and as soon as I could move I stretched my neck so that I could see who was there. I wasn't surprised to see Zechs casually leaning against the back wall (which I now saw was the only solid wall of the cubicle).

I frowned at him, and tried one more time to speak. Failing, I opted instead to use both hands to flip him off, even if they were tied down, I was sure he'd get the general idea.

"So, you five took a nice leap forward today, didn't you?" He spoke indifferently, yawning as he finished his question. 

I merely yawned back at him and rolled my eyes. Tired of craning my neck to see him, I lay my head back down on the table and stopped looking at him. A moment later he came and stood beside the table so that I could see him more easily. Score one for Duo! I got him to move.

"You have to realize that you can't just be so out of control, even if your progress is excellent," he was saying. "Good thing they moved you back here when they did, otherwise there might have been some collateral damage later on."

I raised an eyebrow in response. What did he mean by that?

"Well, what you tried to pull when they were sedating you could have hurt you and your friends, not to mention someone who might have been in the same general area as you," Zechs replied to my questioning look. "Now they'll have to put some fail safes in so that you don't hurt anyone. Of course, when they need you or you're in danger, then the safeties will be automatically switch off. Safety is everyone's main concern, though."

With that Zechs reached back up and redid the strap on my head. I struggled for a moment to make it more difficult for him, but all of a sudden I felt the muscles in my neck tense up and straiten out while he worked. I'm sure that he did it somehow with his mind. It wasn't fair. Before he left he spoke once more. "Good luck."

For a minute I lay there and wondered just what that was all about. Then I lost the opportunity to start worrying again, because a short fat man came in and started hooking electrodes to my head and pulse points. Then an IV line was inserted into the crook of my elbow, and a drip was started. As I began to lose coherency I wondered why the hell they had even bothered to let me wake up in the first place. Maybe it was part of the blocking process. Maybe they were inefficient. Maybe they were sadistic bastards.

Then there came a strange time. I remember being conscious but not in control, as though I were floating in a dreamlike state. There were random flashes of pain, some of it in the category of paralyzing agony, some of it coming as mild pricks. Finally I sank into oblivion, an exhausted state of rest that led me into the dream world. I slept.

~ ~ ~ ~

It was completely dark, and I couldn't sense anything at all, dream demons or otherwise. I was weightless in a lightless abyss, a place of nonexistence. I was barely aware that I was no longer awake, and for the first time in recent memory I felt detached from the dream. I guess whatever they had done to block my other senses delved into my subconscious mind as well. Of course, I only realize this now, after much reflection and time to think about this. At the time I was simply aware that I was floating, and that it was dark.

Then there was a voice, Heero's dream voice.

__

Duo, are you here too?

Concentrating, I thought back at him. 'Yeah, I'm here. I don’t know how.'

__

I do. A new voice answered. It was Trowa.

__

What's going on? Came another whisper. Quatre.

'Is Wufei here?' I sent out.

__

Am I? A confused voice came back, and I could tell that it was Wufei simply from the inflection.

__

Well, this is odd. Heero thought out.

__

Who's that? Quatre wondered.

'That's Heero,' I supplied.

__

What's going on? Why are we here? For that matter, where is here? Wufei wondered, his voice echoing in the stillness of the oblivion.

__

This is a dreamscape. Heero answered.

'I'm having mental blocks put in place, which completely sucks. I think that's how I ended up here,' I thought out.

__

Oh, they've got you, too? Quatre asked, sounding for all the world like this was a normal point of conversation, like the lunch menu. I think he was joking, because I heard him chuckle, well, sort of.

__

They have all of us. Trowa answered.

__

And because we're connected in that weird way, we sort of all showed up here. Wufei finished. I got this mental picture of him sitting with his arms folded over his chest and frowning in deep thought.

'Well, isn't this fun? Now what do we do?' I mused.

__

Try not to let anything get through to the real world, otherwise they might find a way to block even this communication. Heero sent out.

For a few minutes, eons, or however you measure dream time, we just floated in our separate darknesses.

__

This is boring. Leave it to Trowa to state the obvious. 

I snickered mentally. 'Yeah, well before when Heero sent me visions they were much more interesting. At least, I had a body and there was light.'

__

It was all geared together using what my subconscious deemed as important symbols. Most of that I wouldn't have been able to conjure up if I were trying. Heero answered.

'Oh,' I answered, then started rambling to fill the silence. 'Maybe we can drag up some memories or something to share. Like story time. Or we could tell jokes.'

__

Memories…that's an idea. Quatre thought quietly. 

Before we could get any further I felt myself being sucked back into the real world. I actually heard an audible "POP!" It would have been funny under any other circumstances. Well, maybe.

When I opened my eyes groggily, I saw that I had been moved again. Instead of laying flat on my back on a table, I was strapped down to a reclining chair, much like the one from earlier that day. God, I can't believe all that happened in one day. How times flies…

Unfortunately, I was still shirtless, which was extremely embarrassing because now the other guys were there. Damn those scars. Again, we were arranged in a circle, all strapped down in our own little chairs. Thank the stars we didn't have those big needles inserted in through the top of our heads again. There were no machines or any sort of recording device within my line of sight. In fact, other than our chairs and us, the room was bare.

I decided to test my voice, just in case it was back. To my extreme delight I could speak again. "Hi guys," I croaked out. Ugh, too bad I sounded like I had just woken up. Now instead of just morning voice to worry about, I had "just regained consciousness from brainwashing session" voice to consider. Great.

"Hi," Quatre croaked back, sounding almost as bad as I did.

"How much time went by?" Wufei asked, his voice sounding no better.

"I don't--" I started to answer.

"Just a few hours," Dr. J's voice crackled through a speaker I couldn't see.

"And of course we're being watched," I muttered.

"Of course," Trowa finally spoke up bitterly.

"I can't feel anything," Quatre whispered suddenly, his voice full of shock and fear.

"What?" I asked, immediately turning my attention to my blond friend. Then I realized that my sense of sight was severely limited. I couldn't make out anyone's aura. I couldn’t see the energy that I knew was pulsing along the ceiling. I couldn't see anything at all but the real.

"Never mind," I answered myself, swallowing thickly. So this was what being blind felt like.

"It's very quiet," Trowa said, confirming his status.

Looking over at Heero, I saw him sigh silently and stare at the ground.

"What? If you can't…then…what if I can't…what about Meiran?" Wufei sounded absolutely horrified. Considering Meiran couldn't follow us back here, he had no idea if he would see her again. I don't blame him for sounding terrified.

"Now, now, it's not that bad. You'll get them back in limited quantity when this is over. We just need to keep things dampened while we explain some things," J answered through the speaker.

"You better be damn glad that you're not in here right now, or I swear I'd bust right out of this chair and strangle you!" Wufei blurted out, and I'm sure that there were rage demons dancing around him, even if I couldn't see them.

"Oh please, you couldn't lay a finger on me. Nor could you ever lift a mental finger, at least not when we're through with you. You see, we've been laying the subtlest of foundations in your minds from the start of your special sessions, and even if you think that it hasn't been effecting you, programming has been resting dormant. The machine is ready, the button only needs to be pushed. That time has come," J spoke with menace laced amusement.

"It can't be impossible to beat you. I thought we were being evolved to a higher level. Doesn't it stand to reason that we could blow you away easily?" I asked sarcastically.

"It would take tremendous effort to break these bonds, and if you did, then you would put everyone in the entire colony in danger trying to do so. There's a reason this facility is placed on a colony in deep space, you know. The amount of energy let out would obliterate all life here because it would fracture the colony. Millions of innocents would die because of your selfish need for your paltry so-called emancipation," the doctor answered. "Besides, the pain would probably kill one of you first."

Oh great, so if we're tough enough to break free from our mental enslavement, then we kill millions of people. That's just wonderful. And probably by the time we were completely evolved or whatever we'd be so brainwashed that we wouldn't want to have our freedom anymore, or maybe we wouldn't even care. What a dreary collection of thoughts.

Then the door opened and in stepped the bald man from earlier, the same one who had hooked us up to box with the electrodes and needles. He went to each one of us and whispered something our ears separately. To this day I still don't know what that trigger word or phrase was. But as soon as he had left the room again I felt the reawakening of that sight, and greedily I drank up every little drop that I received back. It was nothing compared to what I had so recently gotten used to, but it was what I had started out having to begin with. It wasn't an all or nothing type of deal. The slight sense of being connected was also back. In the forefront of my mind I could feel a nagging sense of something else lurking, though. It was like all those new abilities and talents were just waiting to burst out and be used, and they were only a little burst of energy away. So very close, all I had to do was bring them to mind, or so I thought.

Grinning to myself about how stupid those scientists really were, I concentrated on making my aura flare up and trying to fully regain my vision. Instantly I heard a choking cry from across the room. Concerned, I stopped my concentration and opened my eyes. Quatre was gasping in pain. He closed his eyes and appeared to gather himself together. 

The next moment I felt a hot flare of pain lance through my body. I cried out quietly, unable to muffle my voice completely. A few moments later I saw Heero tense up in his chair. Then Wufei winced in pain on my other side.

I closed my eyes and gathered myself together, hoping that I could somehow end this madness if I could get the rest of my sight back, maybe that other weird thing, too. Maybe there would be something I could do. But as soon as I started concentrating, I heard a soft grunt of pain from Trowa, again distracting me.

"Have you noticed yet?" J's voice piped up from the speaker. Bastard sounded like a little kid on Christmas morning.

We just sat there and glowered in response. Then I broke the silence with another whimper. Where was that pain coming from? I hadn't done anything.

"Well, I suppose you need to know," J finally spoke up again. "The largest part of the St. Dymphna project has to do with your connection as a group. This includes your programming. The reason you haven't felt oppressed by your programming earlier is because you weren't connected yet. Now when you attempt to rebel, you hurt one of your friends. Your biggest asset has been turned against you. Don't you see the irony of it? Isn't it interesting?" He sounded so fucking smug that I felt like spitting.

"It's gorgeous," I muttered back angrily. So every time I tried to break out I'd hurt one of my friends? I would have been willing to destroy myself, but not them. They really had prepared well. They knew their test subjects, I had to give them that.

Momentarily resigned to our fate, but utterly pissed off, we let ourselves be let out of our chairs and led back to our room without much protest. After we arrived, Zechs came by a few minutes later, knocking politely on the doorframe.

"What?" Quatre asked when he answered the knock, sounding rather irate.

"Don't forget, you still have class tomorrow morning. Can't have people asking too many questions," Zechs replied, looking a bit stunned by Quatre's angry attitude. He hesitated, then continued, "Whether you believe it or not, everything will be okay in the end."

I stood up and went to the door. "Just go away! Do you have any idea what we just went through?" I asked furiously.

"Yes," he answered quietly, sincerity wafting subtly off him. Considering I could hardly pick up on his aura, other than its sheer power, meant that this sincerity must have been extremely strong. Either that or he was letting me see it. "You don't have to believe me, but everything will be okay," he said before turning quickly and walking away.

Quatre and I just looked at each other for a second before closing the door behind him. Then we all went about our normal business. According to the clock, it was about time to go to bed, and let me tell you, there's nothing like being knocked unconscious to make you sleepy. In twenty minutes we were all out like lights.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning I woke up about an hour earlier than normal. Not opening my eyes immediately, I just basked in the comfort of being completely relaxed and in a nice, soft bed. Our new bed was huge, but sharing it still provided a lot of the comfort that the old combined bed had. To one side of me lay Quatre, Trowa, and finally Wufei with Meiran probably huddled near his side. On the other side of me was Heero. On both sides I could feel the subtle heat of my friends' sleeping bodies, their mere presence enough to make life, hell, bearable.

Finally I decided to open my eyes. It didn't help much, since our room was windowless and the lights were off. The darkness was thick, but not absolute, thanks to my well adjusted night vision, the red indicator lights on the cameras monitoring us, and the large glowing numbers on our new and wonderful alarm clock. It was one of the nice bribe-things for good behavior they had offered to us. Perhaps in some parts of the cosmos, alarm clocks equal the right to warp someone's mind and force them to bend to your every little desire. For that the alarm clock would have at least had to play music instead of that blasted weird beeping noise. (Just kidding.)

Sighing quietly to myself, I gave up all attempts at falling back asleep and instead tried to stretch without causing too much of a mattress-quake. No sense in waking anyone else up just because my eyelids won't cooperate. Yawning, I rolled onto my side, shifting positions and putting myself facing Heero. I like to watch him sleep when I get the chance. He's just like an innocent little boy when he's sleeping, as if he were completely normal and untainted by those bastard scientists. In his sleep he is just simply my Heero.

For a few minutes I watched him slumber, but then his face tensed up. His eyelids started fluttering, and as a dream took a hold of him, he lost that innocent countenance and gained the haunted expression that so often marred his features. Immediately I tried to wake him, but it took a few long minutes to completely wrest him from the grip of the nightmare. Finally he opened his eyes, pain and confusion striking out of the blue depths in dark spikes. A warm feeling spread over me as I scooted closer to him and let him latch onto me for mindless comfort. I whispered wordless murmurs of comfort into his ear and gently combed through his messy hair with my fingers until he finally stopped trembling. On the other side of the bed, I heard Wufei cry out in his sleep. He had been getting some of Heero's pain through the connection. It was so random the way the programming linked us. We could never prepare because we never knew whom it was going to hit.

We stayed like that, in an embrace pure of any motivation other than comfort, until we were forced to get up and prepare for classes.

~ ~ ~ ~

The only thing that our new quarters lacked was a cafeteria, so we all trudged our way to the bog-beasties' smelly domain. Breakfast was simply divine. It is truly amazing how food can make you feel better. If it weren't my depression and seeing demons and all, I could totally see developing an eating disorder. Roll me down the hallway, I probably wouldn’t be able to fit through double doorways.

At any rate, classes went fine, and lunch was absolutely GODLIKE. Heaven sent us our cooks, I swear. Nothing like fettuccini and breadsticks to make a man happy. Then Heero and I went to art class. It did not go as smoothly as the rest of the day had gone. Well, in my view it didn't, but in J's eyes I'm sure it would have been the highlight of the day.

Heero and I completely missed the Styrofoam carving project and got to join in with everyone in the next assignment, which turned out to be another joint project. Ms. Une basically told us that we had to finish the first one on our own time because if we didn't move on then she'd think bad things about our grades. We had a month to finish and turn it in. The new joint project wasn't as complicated, we just had to work with our partner to make a collage from magazine pictures about some emotion. We had picked pain. Pain's an emotion, right?

At any rate, Howard and Sylvia, who had finally "gotten together," well, as together as anyone can really be in here can get, were again sharing a table with us. They were so adorable, complete opposites that fit so well together. Not to mention how cute they looked when they argued. How always let Sylvia win. Let's just say that she was a bit…tenacious…under that sweet exterior.

So we were sitting there, Heero and I on one side of the table, cutting out pictures from magazines that had been deemed suitable for us crazies (boring!) with scissors that wouldn't even trim hair. Thank heavens Ms. Une had managed to get real nontoxic glue approved for our usage, even though it wasn't the ten second dry formula. I think the main Drones thought we might glue our eyelids shut or something. The four of us start talking (well, Heero just looked up every now and then.)

"So, I went by you guys' room the other day and they told me you'd been moved or something. When did that happen?" Howard asked as he carefully cut out a picture of a dead flower. Sylvia had picked melancholy as their emotion.

I blinked and felt a subtle change come over my emotions. Heero dropped his plastic scissors then looked up. Opening my mouth mechanically, I heard my voice make words that I did not prepare. "Oh, we got moved temporarily to a different wing. Somehow or another the wood in the walls got some sort of bug-things so we had to move. It's cool, though, we're just stuck in with some of the violent types. We have to be escorted to our rooms and stuff because of the bars, you know? It sucks." 

My voice without my words. I was a perfect imitation of myself. My inflection, my tone, and my dialogue were so uniquely me, but I had no idea what I was saying until the words had already left my mouth. Surreal.

Howard just nodded, not looking up from where he was holding up a picture for Sylvia to apply glue to the back of. "Wow, that really does suck. When you gonna move back?"

I felt my shoulders shrug. "Whenever. We might not even get the same room back. I'll let you know."

"Cool," came the absent-minded answer. Sylvia looked up at me and glared. I felt my mind come back to me with that look. I just blinked back in response, then Heero and I continued to work on our project, as if nothing at all had happened. My programming had kicked in, programming I didn't even know was there. It was weird in ways that I can't even begin to explain, frightening and revealing, and just another part of my day.

The rest of class passed as well as it could have been expected to. That part of the conversation was all but forgotten in normal terms, but my words kept running through my mind, around and around in circles like a scared little kid on a sugar high. 

At last class ended and we put our stuff up. Howard gave Sylvia a peck on the cheek and ran full tilt out the room, brushing past the big orderlies flanking the doorway. He had drank too much milk substitute at lunch and really had to go to the bathroom. It was a common scenario. As I was about to leave, Sylvia stopped me, grabbing mine and Heero's arms to get our attention.

"I know what you're not allowed to talk about," she whispered. "I hope that you don't give in, and I'm sorry. I can't say more, and I'm sure that you know why." Wincing in pain, she let go of our arms and hurried away, ignoring the glares of the orderlies as she passed.

Heero and I just looked at each other. "I wonder if this has to do with my parents. Hers knew mine, remember?" I muttered quietly to Heero as we left the classroom. And for the second time in the last thirty seconds I felt myself being jerked to a stop by a hold on my upper arm.

I looked up at the big orderly who had stopped me. Blinking in surprise, I realized it was Otto. He had gotten a hair cut and lost a bit of weight, and because I wasn’t really been paying too much attention, I hadn't realized that it was him at first.

"Watch your mouth," He hissed into my ear. "It's not a good idea to discuss certain things where just anyone can overhear them." That said, he let go of my arm. Jerking away, I let Heero propel me forward into the corridor and away.

~ ~ ~ ~

Like we had just twenty-four hours ago, Heero and I waited in Mr. Khushrenada's classroom for the other guys. We were planning on meeting, going back to our room to drop off any notebooks or whatever, and go to the bathroom. Then we were going to head out and either go outside or hang out with some people. Nobody saw any sense in staying in our luxury rat cages.

Like yesterday, Mr. Khushrenada was sitting at his desk, doing some paperwork. Deciding to not let our hairy situation intimidate me, I went right up and stood in front of his desk, and Heero sat down in a front row desk to watch. No time like the present to ask about making up what I had missed while I was "unavailable." If I, as a patient, brought it up, it was okay to talk about under the policy. And believe me, I really needed to get caught up. I liked Calculus. I know, I know, I'm a big geek. Kiss my ass.

"Hiya," I said cheerfully. Even if the man was involved in our torture sessions with the scientists, it didn't mean I shouldn't be civil.

"Hello, Mr. Maxwell," he said, putting down his pen. "May I help you?"

"Yeah, I was wondering about making--" I stopped mid-sentence because someone had just walked up and sat down on the edge of Mr. K's desk. I just turned and looked at her. It was the same redheaded girl I had seen yesterday talking to him, the one that I sometimes saw in passing back in our new living area, the one who had been one of Ms. Une's student helpers. Considering the circumstances, I just looked at her for a minute before speaking to her. "Look, I really need to talk to Mr. Khushrenada right now. It'll only take a second, it's about class."

The girl, who I was pretty sure was a year or two older than me, just rolled her eyes and tucked a lock of her short red hair back behind her ear. "Well, look, I really need to talk to him, too."

"Sure, fine, whatever. Just give me a minute first, okay?" I responded, trying not to be too sarcastic with a person I barely knew.

I do believe that we were about to get into a nice little argument when Mr. Khushrenada cleared his throat. "Please don't be upset. Let me introduce you two," he spoke smoothly, gesturing to the girl. "Duo Maxwell, this is Mariemeia Khushrenada. Dear, this is Duo."

I heard Heero stand up behind me and felt his presence as he stalked forward to stand near me. Mr. Khushrenada chuckled. "I'm sorry, how uncouth of me. I've forgotten to introduce Heero Yuy," the teacher nodded towards Heero.

"Wait, are you two related?" I finally managed to say. "Khushrenada is not exactly a common name."

"Mariemeia is my daughter," Mr. Khushrenada responded, pride and love rolling off of him elegantly. "Now, honey, could you please let Duo finish first? You know I respect teacher-student confidentiality."

"Fine!" Mariemeia said with a huff. She walked over to the chalkboard and started drawing.

We finished our conversation without anything really interesting happening. I'd tell you about it but I wouldn't want to bore you. Suffice to say that the revelation of Mr. Khushrenada having a daughter being experimented on should be quite enough. 

Once again I wondered about the motivations of the scientists. If such an obviously honorable man as Mr. Khushrenada allowed his own child to be in these men's care, then were we out of line in rebelling? Or maybe it was the other way around, perhaps if he didn't cooperate they might have killed him. Maybe that's what happened to my parents. This, of course, made me feel even guiltier and gave me even more to consider. The deeper we got, the instead of getting answers, we just kept uncovering more and more disturbing questions.

~ ~ ~ ~

For the next few days we were slowly introduced to our new schedule of existence. We'd go to class and basically live the way we had been before. Basically that consisted of eating in the hallways like everyone else, wandering around, sneaking out to the hollow tree if we could get away with it, and trying to act as though nothing had changed since the beginning of the year. I think we were desperately trying to be as normal as we knew how. It was probably a comfort reaction.

The only big difference was that we never spent any time in our room unless we could possibly help it. Before, our little room had been one of the places we would retreat to, a safe haven. Now it was a glorified cage. We spent more time with other patients, hanging out in the entertainment areas and participating in more recreational activities. It was weird, because we always stayed as a group, even in team activities we managed to keep together. We were a nucleus, a family, if you want to call it that. Everyone else and our other friends were really glad that we were spending more time out and about, so no questions were asked. Now that I think about it, it might have been part of our programming kicking in and making us socialize more. If we acted fine then people wouldn’t start asking questions. Or maybe it wasn't part of our programming, but a genuine normal reaction to our circumstance. I don't know. But either way, the scientists were happy that no one was asking any questions.

Ever so often one of us would get pulled out of class or lunch or group activities. We were being taken back in for mini-sessions, basically as little reviews for reinforcing our blocks. I guess the doctors were learning, because I'd always come back with a slight headache, none of that terrible aftermath of agony that had plagued Heero. No more experiments happened for the time being, and the frequent little sessions were bearable. Don't get me wrong, they weren't happy fun adventures, but it was better than full out torture.

For the most part, the next two or three weeks were uneventful. Heero and I finally finished our joint art project and turned it in. We got an A+ for "remarkable interpretation and good use of the medium," whatever that means. I got caught up in Calculus class, and everyone else's classes went fine. We no longer went to see our one-on-one therapists and no longer met with Dr. Quinze, which gave us free periods everyday. But wouldn't you know it, the only thing from our pre-torture/experiment days came back and bit us on the butt. Actually, this thing consists of two big hulking things. Namely, the Thugs.

We had all basically forgotten our previous policy of eating in a semi-crowded hallway during meal times. If we weren't actively eating with someone, then we had started going off by ourselves again. Privacy had become a precious commodity, we no longer had it in our room, and therefore we had started seeking it out in our old ways. Since we hadn't had any trouble from the Thugs in a long time, I guess you could say that we had kind of overlooked them as a threat. I mean, come on, can you blame us? We now had bigger things to worry about. 

So anyway, one day we had decided to go and eat our evening meals in a secluded hallway. I don't remember what we were talking about specifically, and quite frankly, it's not nearly as important as what I am about to tell you. One minute we were joking around and eating, the next minute we were looking up at two big ugly bastards. I don't even remember them walking up, nor do I remember us pushing our trays out of the way and huddling up into a group. Shock and fear coursed through me, because, as I said before, we had basically forgotten about the Thugs. And now here they were, big as life and reminding me of things I had tried to block out of my memory.

Mueller was the first to speak, his tone mocking and cheerful, as he grinned nastily. "Oh, look who we have here. Haven't gotten to talk to you boys in quite a while. How have you been doing? I miss our little **encounters** ," he leered down, winking at me in particular.

"Just go away," Wufei answered wearily. "We'd rather not deal with you two right now."

"Oh no! You've hurt my delicate feelings!" Alex exclaimed dramatically, clutching his heart and mock sobbing. "Whatever shall make me feel better?"

"I know what will make **me** feel better," Mueller laughed. 

"I'm up for some entertainment," Alex answered. "Good thing we prepared well, isn't it?"

"Sure is," the other Thug answered. Then he abruptly lunged forward and hauled me to my feet, dragging me a little ways down the corridor. Alex crossed his meaty arms and leaned against the wall, simultaneously guarding my friends and watching Mueller pull me along.

When he had succeeded in getting me a nice little distance down the corridor, Mueller stopped, grinned at me for a second, and then shoved me backwards. I was expecting to collide with the hard wall of the hallway, but instead, I fell down, landing painfully on my ass on the cold floor. I had been pushed into a custodial supply closet. Evidently Mueller had opened the door before he and Alex had even walked up to us. I cursed my stupidity for forgetting about the Thugs, it was my own inattention to detail that had indirectly put me in this situation.

Stepping inside the closet, Mueller flicked the lights on and locked the door from the outside before stepping in himself. I guess Alex had the key and would let us out when Mueller was through. As the door clicked shut, I felt the bitter taste of bile rise up in the back of my throat. I was alone with the Thug, and there was no way that anyone would be able to save me this time.

I scrambled to my feet and started backing away from the approaching Thug. Because I was staring like a frightened animal at the approaching Mueller, I ended up running smack dab into the back of the closet. I had nowhere left to go. As he advanced, Mueller snagged an extension cord from a hook on the wall. Snapping its coils taunt in his big fists, he chuckled.

"I'm finally going to get you back, you little fucker," he hissed between clenched teeth. Leaping forward, he grabbed my upper arms and pinned them to my sides. Even though I struggled as hard as I could, jerking and scratching and kicking and punching, but there was no way I could win against someone that weighed over twice what I did and was two full feet taller than me. In a few bare seconds my wrists were pinned together above my head in one of Mueller's large fists and being tied tightly together with the electrical extension cord. I felt my hands start to go numb, the cord was wrapped too tightly for me to even wiggle my fingers, wrapping from my fingertips all the way down to pin my elbows within an inch of each other above my head.

Shoving me over to the side wall, the Thug caught the bonds of the cord up on a metal hook that was above my head, winding a bit of the cord so that I couldn't move far without jerking on my shoulders painfully. Leaning forward, Mueller spoke so ferociously that he sounded inhuman. 

"Now you listen, you little pussy. I've had nothing but trouble because of you and your little bastard friends. First you get me into trouble back in the lab area, then you tell on me and get me into trouble again. Damnit!" He cursed for a few minutes, his words meaningless in their fierce intensity. Finally he got a hold of himself enough to continue with coherent words. "My pay was docked and I almost lost my goddamn job! And then I don't even do anything and your little friend kicks me in the fucking chest! That little bastard's going to be next! But first, you're going to get it! I have been waiting a good long time to get my hands on you, and you are going to fucking **pay**!"

"What? You were feeling me up those times! I never told a soul about them because I knew they wouldn’t believe me!" I said back with an even voice, even though I was going numb from helpless terror. It was a struggle not to just start shaking. I would not lose it. I would not break. I was determined.

"It doesn't matter what you say, you're going to pay. Of course you're going to lie, you don't want what I'm going to do to you," he hissed, grabbing around my neck and holding my head in place. I could barely breath as he leaned in closer, now whispering. His hot, dank breath washed over my skin like a dark cloud, his wide face obscuring everything else in my field of vision. "I want to hear you scream. I want to hear you cry. I'm going to ruin your pathetic little fucking life! I'm going to **break** you!"

The pure malice and conviction in Mueller's eyes did more to frighten me than his words could have hoped. Another stab of fear struck my heart dead center, making me start to shake involuntarily. It was almost as bad as seeing that thing in the corner. Pure evil in a person's eyes is one of the most bone-chilling, terrifying things I've ever seen. Even after all that I've seen in my life, all the sinister motives, all the twisted minds, all the terrible experiments and tortures, and even having my mind programmed to serve someone else's mere whims, pure evil is infinitely worse. Pure evil is something without true motive, it just moves of its own accord in a terrible path of destruction.

Seeing that I was sufficiently shaken, the Thug started his insidious form of torture. Reaching behind me, he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. I felt a trickle of blood on the back of my neck as I felt hair being pulled savagely from my scalp. I bit my lip hard to keep from crying out, and icy terror reduced my thoughts to a pathetic litany of prayer and pleading that was dominated by pain and fear.

Then Mueller stepped up closer, smashing my body between him and the hard wall at my back. Brutally he started pinching random parts of my arms and legs, obviously unconcerned about leaving any marks. Giggling to himself, he licked the side of my neck, almost making me retch. 

"I can taste your fear," he laughed.

Then he moved away and went over to a shelf lined with cleaning supplies. As he searched around for a few seconds, I tried to squirm my way free of the hook and electrical cord. I had a very bad feeling about whatever it was the Mueller was looking for. When he came up with a pair of scissors, I almost screamed at the maniacal look in his eyes as he waved the sharp instruments in one hand. What exactly was he planning to do with those? I turned around, twisting my arms painfully, and started to push off from the wall in earnest. 

Seeing my panicked reaction, Mueller just laughed again, smiling wickedly. He brandished the scissors and in two steps was behind me, pressing me up against the wall. I felt the cool metal of the scissors' blades along my back, and then my shirt was gone. Burning with shame at my scars being exposed, then the humiliation of what was to come next hit me completely. Around the edges of my vision were dark ropes of vicious pain and darkness, dangling with a myriad of rage, lust, frustration, and frenzied vengeance demons. I felt my mind start to fleet away when I the cool steel of the blade slipped under the waistband of my cotton pants. I was starting to retreat within myself, trying to escape what was to come next. My thoughts were racing in the back of my mind, praying and looking for some way out of this deadly encounter.

The realization that Mueller might kill me hit me. He was taking such a risk to just do what he was doing now, surely he knew that he would be caught. Janitor closets lock from the outside, so it's not like I could get inside one all by myself. It just wouldn’t make sense. Besides, from the looks of the demons surrounding us and the evil hatred I had read in Mueller, he probably wouldn't stop torturing me until I stopped breathing. And suddenly, with this certainty, I felt something within me come alive.

"Step away from me, Mueller," I whispered quietly, calmly. My voice speaking without my words again. Programming had kicked in to protect the test subject from premature termination.

"What?" Mueller stopped for a second, sounding genuinely confused at my sudden lack of numb terror. Then he laughed and started to snip at my pants with the scissors.

The dark tendrils dancing at the edges of my vision thickened, and concentrating on them, I felt myself will them to move. They did. As I watched, my disconnected feeling grew stronger and mechanics kicked in. I felt that other sense rise up within my mind and awaken. The electrical cord binding my arms started to unravel, and in seconds I was free of it completely.

Meanwhile Mueller had stepped back and away from me, obviously seeing the cord move on its own. I turned around and looked at him impassively, hitching my pants in one hand and letting the other swing at my side clutching the electrical cord. The Thug was staring at me with wide eyes, utterly confused and shocked. He showed no fear at the moment. This would change.

Narrowing my eyes, I felt this power pulse around me, and I regained all the abilities that had been stripped away from me because of the mind blocks. Focusing on Mueller, I absently heard my heartbeat roaring in my ears and my breath racing in short, measured gasps. Then the strange power recklessly attacked, completely and totally out of my control. I was merely the source, not the master of its might. It was not within my ability to command it. It was just running out of me like a river to flood the current threat to my life. Quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.

Mueller suddenly jerked, dropping the scissors with a clatter. He hit his knees, clutching his stomach and doubling over. I watched with frightened eyes as he started to throw up, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the linoleum in front of him with such force that he splashed some onto the walls and the bottoms of my legs. I felt more of the power flow out of me, centering from my mind and delving into his head. I caught a vision of a young Mueller, huddled in a corner. Rapidly I saw the life and times of the sobbing Thug, all through his own eyes as he relived his life in one torrid sweep. Then there was a momentary release, and Mueller looked up at me.

Blood vessels in both his eyes had burst, staining his corneas a sickly crimson. His face was stained with vomit, blood, and tears, a mess that was dripping off the point of his chin and onto the mess on the floor. Humbled before me was not a fearsome beast of a man, but just a scared and twisted boy trapped in a man's body. I felt the power within me start to wilt, and I thanked whoever might have been listening that this was all that had happened. He hadn't been hurt too badly, and he'd sure as hell think twice about messing with me again. Then his eyes glinted darkly, and he growled. And then he did the worst thing he could have possibly done at the moment. Mueller reached for the scissors that were now lying in the pool of vomit and dripping blood.

The power came back immediately, and as I watched helplessly, it became visible in a dark rage and literally ripped into the Thug, tearing away at his aura and life energy. Determinedly crawling forward, dragging trails with his hands and knees through the mess of vomit, he kept coming, madness now glimmering in his eyes and causing him to smile with sick stained teeth. Blood started to gush from his ears, and then he suddenly stopped his slow crawl to throw up again. The pain radiating off him was incredible, and the beasts of hatred were having a feast as he began to dry heave, spitting blood up when his stomach was empty.

By this time I had curled up into a ball and had crawled into a corner. I was sobbing and hugging my knees to my chest, rocking and trying to get control of the power. But no, the threat had to be completely eliminated. It was beyond me. I could do nothing to stop it. It was terrifying to see the power that lay within me tear a person apart spirit fiber by spirit fiber. A unique combination of possessing this power and being the tool of it made me want to close my eyes and just die, anything to make it stop.

Finally, thankfully, Mueller stopped crawling as the insane light in his eyes faded. His aura was completely ripped apart and decimated beyond repair. Then the power came rushing back within me. I felt bile again rise up in the back of my throat. I didn't want the power back. It had just killed someone for God's sakes! I felt dirty and filthy, absolutely vile. Because of me a man was dead. He was never going to see through his eyes, he'd never laugh, and he would never eat another meal. He would rot now. ROT.

The worst part of it was the way his aura had been ripped to shreds, into oblivion. If the aura is the extension of the soul, then did I destroy his soul? No one deserves that, no one at all. And all because I could not control my own mind. No doubt the scientists would be proud that their programming had kicked in and protected their precious specimen, their hope for the future of the human race.

If this was were the human race was headed, I didn't want to be human.

I'm not sure what happened after that. I just know that I stared at Mueller's body, lying in a puddle of his own vomit and drying blood, for what felt like a very long time. Dimly I heard a pounding at the door, then I felt rather than saw Alex bust through the door, followed by my friends. All I could see was the body. 

Then my friends were around me, and I was broken out of my numbness. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and neck, the tears even dampening the collar of my shirt. I allowed myself to be guided out of the closet, and even though they tried to get me out and away as quickly as possible, I didn't miss Alex's anguished sobbing by the body of his dead brother.

~ ~ ~ ~ 

 


	11. Chapter 11

I was never the same after that. Speaking in terms of the lengthy long-term effects, the visual example of the extent of the power that had been forced into my hands was sobering and terrifying. Until it had been unleashed I hadn't really considered about how much my life would change, forever. The programming in my head had responded to my terror, and it had killed. I had killed. For the rest of my life, as short as it may be, I would always be a murderer. The self-defense excuse is arbitrary to me, and I don't think the guilt will ever completely go away.

But this deep pain only started to hit me after I recovered from the initial mind-numbing shock. For weeks after the assault, after the power ripped Mueller's soul apart, I was a complete nervous wreck. I was always afraid that something would trigger me, set me off. It was, it still is, a terrible burden that lingers over me even as I scribble these words in the growing darkness. I fear that it will tear free and reek havoc very soon, in fact. I do not want that. No more death, no more destruction. I don't want that.

Back to my story, though. I remember the attack in great detail, horrifyingly clear in my mind. The aftermath, however, was a disjointed series of images and sensory experiences. I heard Alex's broken sobs as I mechanically shuffled along, herded away quickly from the scene. The image of Mueller lying face down in his own mess of vomit and blood kept flashing in my mind, and as I felt the incredible power rest dormant in the back of my brain. Everywhere, demons, spirits, and auras were absent, replaced by anguished sobbing sounds and flashes of the scene, over and over everywhere I looked.

Finally I realized that we were back in our new room, it's bold colors and repressing atmosphere comforting me in a twistedly strange way. I was sitting stiffly in one of the chairs, and the other guys were crowded together on a couch in front of me, staring with wide shocked eyes that shone with various other emotions. Curiosity, horror, pride, and even fear greeted me through the eyes of my friends. Whether these emotions were for what I had done or for what they might one day do, well, I still don't know.

Slowly I started to come back to myself, and I was struck with the asinine realization that we were skipping class. That's me, Mr. Practical, even when I was half-coherent and had just killed a man. La la la. Maybe I really am crazy. From far away I heard a choked giggle, and I realized that it was coming from me. I blinked with the realization and felt eyes come into focus again. Silly me, I didn't even know they were unfocused. Maybe they weren't. Ah, the whole aftermath was fuzzy.

Still blinking, I felt the damp flutter of my soaked eyelashes against my cheeks as I rubbed my eyes on the back of my arm. I had to get a hold of myself, I was acting like a total weenie. When did I start worrying about appearing macho? Argh. At any rate, I started to come back to awareness, back to a reasonable facsimile of myself. Like I said before, I never would be the same, but at least I could try and be a different version of normal.

"Why are you guys staring at me? Do I have something hanging out of my nose?" Ah, there's nothing like a lame joke to completely convince your friends that you're not as okay as you want to be. It's weird, though, I still felt like I was moving on auto-pilot. The correct words the I would speak after such a trauma were lying right there, and the words had sprung forth from my trembling lips of their own accord. It was freaky, being guided around as a perfect little Duo-marionette. 

Four sighs of relief and the rolling of eight eyes total were my only immediate answers. I closed my eyes and swiped at them again with my fingertips. I started to giggle, an ingrained reaction of my own personality, as I desperately tried to grip onto all the things that were running through my head. Soon I was laughing hysterically, my little shrieks of unbalanced merriment bouncing off the walls in little echoes that made me just want to laugh harder. I was gasping for breath, clutching my aching sides, and letting fresh tears leak from the corners of my eyes in rivulets. I watched with demented glee as the guys exchanged a few words, ending with Wufei standing up and bolting out of the room. My other friends tried shaking my shoulders, then slapping my gently, then just hugging me to try and stop my bubbling outburst. Then I felt a prick in my shoulder, and the world faded away with the putrid smell of death and insanity still lingering in my nostrils.

~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up to the now familiar sight of a featureless gray ceiling with dark energy funneling along in a current that never stopped flowing. Once again, I was in a bed in the lab portion of the secret wing. My head ached a little, and my face was a little puffy, but other than that I just felt confused. Why was I here? Then it all came rushing back. Surprisingly, the scientists did not erase any of the memories. I guess it was so that I'd always be reminded just how powerful I could be, and how I was still in their hands. You know, that whole "look-how-great-our-programming-is-and-you're-not-in-control-and-if-you-try-to-be-then-you-might-destroy-the-whole-colony-so-you-better-do-what-the-hell-we-say" deal.

Slowly I sat up, automatically putting my hand up to cradle my aching head and thus pulling at the IV line that was sticking out of the crook of my elbow below my rolled up sleeve. My slipper shoes were gone, for which I was grateful, they had been all but soaked in blood and vomit. I was still wearing the same pants, though. Ugh, there were little splatters of gore dotting their front, and the waist was still really loose from where Mueller had started to slice into them. A wave of nausea rolled over me, because at the thought of the dead man a putrid odor invaded my nose, accompanied with the final glimpse I had of Alex cradling his dead brother's husk and sobbing. Damn. I shouldn't have looked back. I hadn't even realized that I had. Damn.

Incredibly, I was struck by the fact that I was really hungry. Wondering how long I had been out of it, I looked at the monitor beside my bed, thankful that it was muted. I hate waking up to the cadence of an electronic beep. I figured that there weren't any cameras around or that they guy supposed to be watching me was napping because no one had busted in yet. Hey, let's face it, last time Zechs had been in here when I woke up. They would have rushed in here if they knew I was awake. This in mind, I carefully eased the IV out of my arm, then turned my attention to the sticky electrode that was pasted to my chest. 

Grinning wickedly, I yanked the electrode off. I was very proud of myself from not yelping when it nearly pulled my skin off with it. Did the guys that make the sticky on electrodes think that they would fall off or something? Those things are such a pain in the…skin. Grinning as I watched the monitor flat line beside me, I tossed the offending electrode in its direction and almost laughed when it landed and stuck perfectly in the middle of the screen. Damn I'm good.

As I expected, a rush of faceless medical-types came flooding into the room. When they saw I wasn't dead, but sitting up and grinning like a maniac, they looked disappointed. Sighing, they left, one guy staying behind to check my temperature, then leaving without saying a word. I just sat there and waited, knowing that either Zechs or one of the scientists would come puttering in next. I was right, because not a minute after the med Drones had all departed, the door to my little room swung open to reveal not Zechs, not Doctor J, but both of them. Two, two, two for the price of one!

As they stepped inside, the door swung shut behind them of its own accord. Similarly, two chairs scrapped their was across the floor and to the side of my bed. While the two got situated, I noticed that Zechs never really looked directly at J, and that J had superiority just wafting off of his aura. Zechs was subdued, but cleverly repressed lines of hot rage danced along the outer edges of his soul's glow. It really made me wonder.

Looking at the two men, I was determined not to speak first. I was the shocked and half-crazy patient, after all. They should have to work for my attention. Finally, after about thirty seconds of silence, Zechs cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. J looked over at him.

"Perhaps you should guide this conversation, the patients don't harbor as much animosity towards you," the bionic scientist said with in a tone of weary patience.

Zechs sighed, then started to speak in a soft voice that fairly smacked of restraint, but what exactly he was restraining I could not discern. "Well, Duo, first of all we'd like to express our sincere regret at the episode you had, and our displeasure with ourselves for not knowing about that particular threat to you. Don't worry, though, the unpleasant aftermath has already been taken care of, at least, in terms of sanitation." 

God, the sincerity and pure regret just poured unchecked out of his aura. I could tell he truly felt sorry for what had happened. Looking over at J, I just noticed impatience. I shifted my gaze quickly away from the doctor, I focused on what Zechs had last said. No wonder the other patients I had seen liked Zechs. If I didn't have those memories of Milliardo, I probably would have liked him, too. 

My words echoed my other internal questions. "Sanitation? As in the cover-up? Hey, how long have I been unconscious, anyway?"

"Just an hour," the blond man responded to my last question. "And yes, in perfectly plain terms, the cover-up. Everything incriminating has been disposed of, and all evidence that would suggest something unnatural or unusual occurred has been taken care of. The most important thing we have to deal with now is you."

Oh. Goody.

Zechs continued. "Since we didn't anticipate you would have to defend yourself so soon, and with the unchecked force of your power, it is completely understandable that you will need help to deal with the aftermath of this event. Therefore, all growth exercises will cease for your test group until you finish with some special individual sessions with a counselor."

Well, gotta hand it to the Bad Guys, at least they knew borderline insanity inducing events when they saw them. Ah, the merits of living in a glorified asylum. I cleared my throat. "So, uh, who's this special counselor, and what do you mean, exercises will cease? What, no more torture sessions for any of us? Shouldn't you work on giving us some sort of damn control over ourselves? What if something like this happens to someone else?" My anger flared up at the thought of the same thing happening to the other guys. The internal pain I felt, and still feel to this day, is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy, never mind on the people that were my family.

"You're very lucky because when Mr. Khushrenada heard about this, he volunteered personally to counsel you. He's a man of many talents, and should be able to assist you in dealing with this," Zechs replied, and the blushing glow of pride pealed subtly off of him. "And actually, yes, there will be sessions in control, just no growth sessions. The blame for the lethal extent of your defense is entirely our fault."

I frowned, not sure how to take that. Control sounded like a good idea, but would their control over us become stronger because of it? Oh well, at least they were taking some blame for it, even if the annoyance just spiked off of Dr. J when Zechs had said that. Finally, in the little screwed up sarcastic section of my brain, I wondered if I'd get in trouble for calling Mr. Khushrenada "doctor" outside of these new sessions. Probably, knowing these paranoid bastards.

Finally, J spoke, his voice full of confusion and mild scorn. I had almost forgotten he was there, well, sort of. Blame it on wishful thinking. "Really, I don't know why you're so negative about your exercises. Some people would give anything to be in your position."

Zechs and I both turned and just stared at him. "Well, then wouldn't they have a **choice**? Why don't you do that, then, rather than forcing perfectly happy loony teenagers to be your little subjects?" Considering J's unquestionable impatience with our reluctance to be willing guinea pigs, I genuinely wanted to know the answer.

"Well, because there are many factors at work here that you are unaware of. For one, we must keep this project a secret because there would no doubt be bothersome and extensive protesting. Secondly, we would have competition. Because of those two factors alone, the chance of sabotage, and the danger to the subjects would be ten times greater. Besides, in case you haven't noticed, all subjects are hand picked, sometimes from their early childhood," J explained, making a true effort to be patient and placate my obvious anger. 

I rolled my eyes. "You just don't get it. It really sucks to be us. It's painful, it's disrupting, and it's turning us into glorified slaves. Wasn't slavery outlawed was back in the precolony days? You claim to be improving the human race, but do the means justify the end? Is sacrificing the sentient minds of a handful of people worth that? You wouldn't think so if you were the one losing your choices, becoming a living tool for science."

After my little outburst I glared at the scientist. To my extreme annoyance he just looked a tad amused. I was just a little lab rat squeaking. Zechs' expression and aura were unreadable, and I could tell he was purposely dampening them. Wonder why he'd do that? Did he approve of my speech, or was his anger so great that he felt the automatic need to shield it?

Dr. J just shrugged slightly and stood up, his metal braces squealing as he straightened his legs. "You will come to understand," he said, a small smile gracing his slightly wrinkled face. That said, he creaked his way out the door. Zechs followed him, not bothering to move the chairs from their places by the bed. This time he used his hand instead of his mind to close the door after them.

They had barely left when the door swung open again. Groaning in annoyance, I slumped back down on the mattress, closing my eyes briefly. No doubt another medical Drone had come to poke me with something sharp. If I kept my eyes shut, maybe it wouldn't sting so badly. But instead of a prick on my arm, I just heard the soft scraping of one of the chairs being moved closer to the head of the bed, and the quiet sound of a body settling down into the seat.

I flopped my head to the side, and with as much of my cynical pride as I could muster, I opened my eyes, determined that whoever had sat down would get the message and go the hell away. As soon as I saw who it was, though, my face went from sarcastic to shocked and then to confused anticipation. It was Mr./Dr. Khushrenada. He looked uncomfortable in a spotless but too small lab coat that hugged his shoulders. It was undoubtedly wrinkling his impeccably ironed shirt.

"Hello," he said, smiling for my benefit. "I'm hear to speak with you a bit, Duo. And please, while we're in these little sessions, feel free to call me Trieze."

"Uh, okay," I said, sitting up again. Not sure what to say, and for once completely out of sardonic comments, I just sat there.

"Just so you know, for your comfort I've asked that none of our discussions be recorded in any way. No cameras and no tape recordings, because not only do I have the authority to request that, but I consider it a hindrance if I really want to help you," Trieze said smoothly.

"Oh," I said articulately. Argh. I hate being caught momentarily speechless. I mean, here Trieze was, telling me something really nice and pretty important and "oh" was all I could mutter. 

"Well, I'm going to let your friends in here to speak with you now. Because I think it would be more therapeutic for you not to be worrying about your choice of words, I will make sure that your conversation remains unmonitored while you are in this room. It should help you recover. I'll see you later, okay? Oh, and before I forget, the temporary office for our sessions is the last door on the left in the hallway where your living quarters are located," With that, Trieze stood, shook my hand gracefully, and walked to the door.

"Um, hey, thanks," I finally managed to gather my wits together enough to stammer something out. Earlier I had been in sarcastic glory, but all it took was someone being nice to completely floor me.

Turning as he stood in the doorway, Trieze just smiled elegantly. "Not a problem. And remember, back in class you'll still have to call me by my formal name," he added with a tiny fork of amusement in his voice. Then he was gone, leaving the door ajar.

Not ten seconds later it opened again, swinging with such force that it slammed against the wall with a loud bang. In stalked Heero, followed closely by Wufei and trailed by Quatre and Trowa. Heero plopped down in the chair that Trieze had so recently vacated, and Wufei took the other one. I noticed that Meiran had actually braved entering the "bad" part of the wing, and she was hovering so close to Wufei that she was actually overlapping him a little bit, causing their auras to mingle more than normal. Quatre sat down on the foot of my bed, next to my feet, and Trowa stood leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. For a moment we all just sat there, me looking at them, them staring at me.

I cleared my throat. "So, uh, what's up?" Well, it wasn't the most intelligent conversation starter, but it was better than nothing at all.

"Do your really want to know right now?" Wufei asked, surreptitiously looking around the room.

"Believe it or not, no cameras," I replied, catching what he was getting at. Noticing the raised eyebrows in response to my answer, I continued. "Yeah, I know, hard to believe. Mr. Khushrenada said it was true, and I sort of suspected earlier. Had to yank the cord on the heart monitor to get someone in here. I guess it makes sense," I finished, shrugging.

"Well, if you trust it, then that's enough for me," Quatre replied after a second of silence. "But anyway, how are you doing? Do you want to talk about what happened? When the, uh…you know, happened, we all felt this huge rush through that weird connection thing, and then…well, yeah."

"Oh, that was specific," I groaned, rolling my eyes. Then I got serious. "Look, I'll talk about that when I'm ready to, and right now I'm not. I'm not okay, but in a little while, maybe a long while, I might be. But hey, moving right along, did they tell you the news? No more big bad painful experiments just yet as long as I'm still 'recovering.'" I made air quotes with my hands at the last part, grinning slightly.

"What, no. They didn't tell us that, they just said that you had woken up from the sedatives," Quatre responded quietly. "Sorry about that, by the way, you were acting, well, uh, crazy." Poor guy was obviously uncomfortable with the subject. I didn't blame him.

"Well, then I'll fill you in on the new changes," I went on, glossing over the unpleasantness quickly. No sense in dealing with that right now, later would be better. Much later. "Mr. Khushrenada, incidentally, is also a doctor, and I'll be seeing him to get better or whatever. I'm planning on dragging that out, too, because like I said, they promised not to move forward until they think I'm mentally sound again. See, with what happened, my brand new artificial inserted defenses kicked in a bit too strongly, and way out of my control. But anyway, we're all going to be working on control with our new whatever you want to call 'em." By this time, despite my casual babbling, I was reduced to staring down at my hands while they fiddled with the hem of my shirttail. 

"Well, we're not doing any good staying here. Let's go," Trowa finally said, breaking the long silence. As always, my tall friend knew just what to say. So we left, filing out of the room slowly, me leaning heavily on Heero. I was still feeling a bit woozy, not to mention shaken up internally. The feeling lasted for a long time.

~ ~ ~ ~

Time passed slowly. For about two weeks none of us were taken in for any of those new control exercises, and we went to classes just like we normally would have. The only real noticeable difference was my skittishness around the vast majority of people. I became one of those kids you didn't want to bump into. I took to almost hugging the walls in both the crowded and the empty corridors. After what had happened, I didn't want anyone to accidentally set me off. I knew it was stupid, but hey, it was instinctual. I couldn't make myself just boldly stride along, bumping into people. Color me a tad bit too careful. Can you honestly blame me?

Things look different after having a traumatic experience, the same sort of change that comes over you after you've tried to kill yourself. Things that were once important seem frivolous, and those silly people whose opinion might have actually mattered just sort of fade away. The only things that remain are those things that you truly love to do, and those people that stay become much more important. It's like walking out of a fog, or turning on the light in dark room. The important things get much more attention, and the people that you truly care about become central.

I spent more time speaking with those few people I cared about outside of my little family. I spent a couple of afternoons with Howard and Sylvia, talking about everything and nothing and just hanging out. I stopped worrying about people seeing the scars on my arms, when I was hot, and I'd even go so far as to roll up my sleeves. After all, I wasn't the only person in here that had them. Maybe if someone else say them, then they'd know they weren't alone. 

Another thing that changed for me was my attention to my classes. Most of the time I just tried to slide on by, content with passing, just not to concerned with excelling. Now I threw a bit more attention to my studies, realizing that if I ever could get out of here then perhaps I could use these skills. Whatever. I just felt more compelled. 

One thing that really got more attention was my drawing. Before I had only sketched in art class, or painted, or whatever the project du jour happened to be. Maybe I'd doodle a little bit in classes if I was bored, or would work on a project outside of class, but now…Now I was drawing like mad. Every blank surface begged to me to be illustrated, and I started to get these images in my head that just had to come out on paper. 

It was really odd, it was like I had always had this sort of talent, but now I suddenly had all this inspiration, this **need** to draw. Maybe this is how those mad poets feel when their muse takes a hold of them and they can't sleep for days while they scribble down verse after verse, rhymed and blank, epics and sonnets, whatever may strike them at the moment. I was taken by my need to sketch, anything and everything, sometimes just random doodles, sometimes something as deliberate as a portrait or landscape. My ability to capture what was in my mind on paper was coming easier and easier with each successive drawing. It was great.

During these two quiet weeks, I went to see Mr. Khushrenada, or Trieze, if you will, just twice. I still wasn't ready to discuss anything, and I knew by drawing this out then I would ultimately put off any new "growth" exercises. Despite the temptation of more power, I knew that this would be not only dangerous as hell control wise, but would probably just put us that much deeper into programming and submission to the wills of the scientists. And that wasn't exactly the best pay off in the world just for a little more brainpower.

It was odd, talking to the administrator/math teacher/psychologist/probably a bunch of other things. Trieze was extremely personable, and had a way of speaking between his words. Nothing he said seemed to be completely pure of duel intent. I really had to pay attention to the tone of his voice, as well as the words coming out of his mouth. I got the general impression that he didn't completely approve of the St. Dymphna project, or anything that went on in the lab areas. Of course, nothing at all in his words or demeanor pointed me in that direction, no snippets of sarcasm, not spikes of anger in his aura, nothing seemed out of place, but still, I got this really odd feeling. Of course, I was getting an odd feeling about a lot of stuff then, so I wasn't sure just how odd this specific feeling was. Hm. I hope that made sense. I'll elaborate a bit more on this later.

But anyway, in the little temporary office there were no cameras or anything, and Treize said that since it was just down the hall from our room, that we could just duck in here if any off us felt like escaping the gaze of "Big Brother." He just asked that we knock first and not spend more than about half an hour at a time in there because he didn't want to get in trouble. I wondered who exactly would give him into trouble, but I guess everyone's got a boss. It was really a great boon to all five of us to have that little place to just relax, if only for a moment, and I think that it really helped me just to have that little bit of refuge.

After a little while I started to finally settle down and adjust to my new definition of normal. It was changing all the time. Normal really is a relative term, ya know? As soon as I started to show my old "normal" behavior patterns, namely, babbling like a moron about anything and nothing, groping my boyfriend, eating normally again, they decided to it was time for some lessons in control. Well, it was more like exercises. You know, like calisthenics or something. These were specific, and some of them were pretty fun. Often we'd get to work with each other, and in those times when the connections were opened up and we were using superhero type talent it was in a word, awesome. It was definitely a rush, and the connection really helped me deal with my experience. 

Huzzah, bully for our connection. The new control sessions explained a lot in their own strange sort of way. Well, sort of. At any rate, they were usually pretty cool. The first one was the best, simply because of the whole novelty of it, and it was the only one we got to do as a group of five. Great fun.

~ ~ ~ ~

Well, where exactly should I start with these control exercises? How about at the beginning, like any sane creature would start. Yes. Okay. Now that we've got that settled, let's get on with it. Like I said before, the first one was the only exercises that all five of us were present together. 

On the appointed day, after all our classes were done, we were ushered into a large room filled with lots of squishy foam balls of assorted sizes and colors. One entire wall of the room was made of glass, and a few faceless scientists sat at computer terminals while J, Zechs, and even Trieze sat together at the front of the bank of computers right in front of the glass. In front of each of them was a small microphone, which evidently allowed them to speak to us through a small speaker placed in the upper corner of the room.

"Okay, today we're just going to work on controlling that interesting connection you five have," J said, his voice heavy on the microphone. He then turned laboriously in his chair and said something to one of the Tech-heads. A moment later the walls vibrated slightly and a deep hum came from every flat gray surface in the room. A palpable change came over the atmosphere, both in the physical and the ethereal sense. I blinked, and suddenly my vision was expanding, letting me glimpse traces of things that I hadn't clearly seen since they had stuck the big blocks on our minds. 

I also started to hear faint whispering sounds, and with the addition of mischief sprites that were balancing precariously some of the foam colored balls, I saw impressions of spirit activity that I would have otherwise missed. Then there came a flash, and the room changed slightly. As soon as it came, it was gone, and I was slowly realizing that I could physically feel the thoughts of the friends as they too experienced the connection. Then there came a slow rising, and from somewhere in the connection I felt a sensation of awakening. Then the humming from the walls stopped, and we waited in nervous anticipation for either further instructions or some sort of stimulus to react to.

A slight squeal of feedback came over the small speaker. "Ahem, sorry. Now, just communicate with each other, feel things out, so to speak. It's very important that you feel comfortable interacting. It's much healthier and more beneficial to you to cultivate this connection," Trieze said smoothly, and once again I got a slight sense that there was more to what he was saying than just his words. I felt this sense confirmed four times over through the connection with this thought.

And so we did as we were told. At one point we just stood there and looked, listened, and felt through the perspectives of each other, trading our abilities around. Then I got this wicked fun idea, and I learned that I could shield my thoughts if I wanted to. Without warning, I managed to carefully crouch down and retrieve one of the foam balls scattered on the floor. Picking up a particularly large red and squishable ball, I turned and heaved it at Wufei, beaning him right on the side of the head. Laughing, I took down the mental shields to get his reaction. To my surprise, a soft foam projectile bounced off the back of my head. Standing innocently behind me, rocking back and forth on his heels, stood Quatre. And thus, the great Squishy Foam Ball War was waged.

After a while, as we just launched the stupid foam balls at each other, shielding and making temporary alliances all without saying a word, I also found that we could throw the balls without actually having to touch them. Yes, folks, we slightly were telekinetic, at least enough to move those foam balls. Or at least one of us was, maybe two, and the rest of us were tapping into that. It was all about the connection. It made me wonder about the actual source of that soul tearing power that I had used, or that other sense that I got a few times before. Was it from me, or from someone else? Where did I begin and the others end? What would happen if one of us died? It was all fun and interesting and completely frightening. Just another normal day in the asylum.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, otherwise we wouldn't appreciate them. After what was probably an hour or so of random wandering around, temporary Squishy Foam Ball Battles, and just plain turning inward to contemplate our inner space, another deep thrum came from the walls, ceiling, and floor. Gradually the sense of connectivity receded, and I was struck by the utter loneliness I felt. Then my vision also retracted back to its "normal" allowance. It was like having blinders put on, and with the loss of the preternatural borrowed senses and connection, I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my entire life. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

"Okay, thank you, you may leave now," J's voice barked through the speaker, his breath scraping harshly against the sensitive microphone, causing a tiny squeal of feedback.

The door opened and we stumbled out, having to either lean on each other or the walls as we shuffled along. It seemed that we had adjusted quickly to our shared senses, and the sudden extreme dampening of the connection hit all of us pretty hard. After we reached our room, it took us the remaining hour before dinner to get used to not being completely linked again. It's really odd how quickly we had gotten used to being so together, and then taking so long to get used to being apart. 

I guess humans really are social creatures, and this could be some great parallel for our society as a whole and how we really do need other people to survive and no man is an island and all that stupid crap. I just know that being alone again really sucked, even if I wasn't actually alone. Oh, Lord. Now I'm not making any sense. Hopefully you'll understand what I mean. Here I was, surrounded by my pseudo-family, but not as close as I knew was possible. It's like having a friend that you used to know really well, and you're still very friendly with, but you're just not as close. It's awkward in a strange sense, but comforting to know that you're still on good terms. Let's just say that I was feeling a definite sense of loss, even if I hadn't actually lost anything that would have naturally been there at all. But then again, being connected had felt like the most natural thing in the world. But I'm rambling again, and I must once again apologize. I've got to get on with it and tell you about our individual and partner work. 

It started out in basically the same way, us going into a room with random harmless objects and just being allowed to get used to the connection and our own heightened brain function. A freeform exercise, playing. Different combinations got different reactions, and the extent of the reactions and communication depended a lot on our own interpersonal relationships. 

For instance, Heero and I worked together extremely well, as did Quatre and Trowa, for obvious reasons. Wufei worked best with Trowa, but also partnered up well with the rest of us. When we had little trios, Heero, Wufei, and I worked better than Heero, Quatre, and me. Trowa, though worked remarkably well with Heero and I, because our abilities lined up in one hell of an interesting manner. Heero or I separated, though didn't do that great working with Trowa and Quatre, although I fit in better than Heero did. It's all about how our abilities could find ways to operate and how our friendships worked.

I worked pretty well with everyone, though. I'm not too sure why, but I think I somehow ended up linking everyone together in a warped kind of way. I mean, I was the first to connect solidly with Heero, acting as his bridge to the others. Quatre and I had a lot in common, and through my deep friendship with him I was able to connect with Trowa. Wufei's abilities of supernatural sight paralleled mine, as did our pasts concerning the loss of people we loved. Through the strong links, we were able to forge unbreakable connections with those that would not otherwise be possible. And this was reflected in our experiments in control with the smaller groups, the sharing of our minds.

Then the scientists started adding objectives to our control games. As the freeform exercises had progressed, it became clear that each of us had a sort of specialized talent that the rest of us could borrow, but not control or conjure completely. It seemed that no matter how well connected mentally we were with each other, as individuals we still had identity. Which made me wonder about what I was beginning to think of as my mild sparks of erratic telekinesis. Was it really all mine? Certainly our talents overlapped a bit, but strength of the abilities was limited between us. Only when we were all together did everything flow freely. Ah well, it's something else to think about.

But like I was saying, we each seemed to have our own little special abilities, related to our original "delusions." The doctors thought that our potential all pointed in different, but sometimes slightly overlapping directions, as though each of us had a different portion of the brain that was awakened by the experiments. Eventually, they planned to wake up more brain percentage, but they reasoned that they almost had a full 100% working brain between all of us. Oh God, putting like that it makes us sound like we're stupid or something. Let's keep in mind that unless you're like us, you only use a teensy weensy little portion of your brain, okay, smart-ass? 

Wufei's abilities had expanded his spiritual vision, obviously. It seemed that he had a pretty good working ability to control and manipulate spiritual energy, and he was getting better and better at communicating with the spirits that Zechs would somehow bring in for our purposes (I have no idea how he managed that, other than turning off part of the blocks that they had mechanically built into the walls). Outside of the lab environment, they started to show themselves conspicuously enough that Wufei could also communicate with them with his control blocks back up. It was tougher, but now that most of the ghosties knew that he might be able to help them out, then they were willing to speak through Meiran to just say "hi" or whatever. 

When I was partnered up with Wufei in the control exercises, I could hear the spirits' voices when they spoke to him, but I couldn't actually discern how exactly Wufei was talking back to them. Of course I could see them, I just couldn't really talk with them. So I'd sit there and watch, and occasionally Wufei would use my sight to communicate with whatever little demons might be running around the room. It was odd, though, how I could sense the communication taking place, but not participate. 

Wufei also was able to heal some small injuries, too. I think it came with the manipulation of the spirit energy or something, I'm not too clear on how it works, even though I felt and saw it in action. You'd have to ask Wu about it, it's his thing, after all. He was able to heal minor cuts and headaches quickly, almost out of reflex, like he had fixed his eyesight. Not only his ailments, but other people's afflictions were within his reach as well. A few times some random medical person was brought in, and Wufei would just give them this little tweak and their headache/stomachache/sore pinky toe/whatever would be just fine. Outside of the lab all five of us found ourselves suspiciously lacking those minor little bruises and normal every-day pains, and we speculated that this healing ability just went about its own business, too strong to hold down completely. It could have been just a subconscious little kick from the mental defenses to keep us all healthy, but I privately thought that it might be just too powerful a sense to be totally repressed.

As for Heero, well, I often found myself paired up with him more often than not, and our connection was pretty strong both in and out of the lab environment. I finally found out how such a scrawny guy could be so strong when I saw him float things (and me!) around the room easily. Through that deep bond that we shared, I figured out that his telekinetic ability had been what had brought him to the scientists' attention in the first place, as well as his strange habit as a baby to have things appear out of nowhere into his chubby little fist. He sent me that particular vision during a session, and it almost caused me to laugh out loud to see a much younger looking J's jaw drop in shock in the early memory of a long lost baby toy appearing, as good as new. No matter how far back it seemed that Heero had been in the scientist's custody, and he had no memory of anyone else before them. No wonder he couldn't speak. Jesus. How largely unpleasant. 

So anyway, Heero used his telekinetic ability every time he lifted something heavy, just using his arms out of habit and getting that extra "oomph" from his mind. All those times that he seemed to move so quickly, he was utilizing his completely automatic natural instincts that had come from his telekinesis and his ability to mess around with time. Ah, and that time ability was a doozy, let me tell you.

Heero could literally jump through time at will, almost, just observing during most of it, but sometimes able to grab something and take it back with him. And it was as though he had never left when he got back from these little trips. Well, trips to the past anyway. He operated largely on his own memories, and couldn't really just go jaunting off to whenever and wherever he chose, but only for a quick glance as an observer, usually. If he was connected with me, then sometimes my memories governed the trip, but it was so far only the memories that we had shared, the same memory from a different point of view. 

Heero was very uncontrolled when he was trying to utilize this ability, unlike when it kicked in instinctually. Seemed that he could do it if he weren't thinking about it. That's where I came in. Somehow I could act as a guide, my grip on ethereal energy somehow connecting with the fibers of time and allowing Heero, through our connection, to go certain places and times at will. I'd really have to watch it, though, because a stray thought could show us some pretty scary or unpleasant things, accidentally influencing the trip. For instance, I guess I was still mulling over the death of Mueller, because at one point we were there again, seeing a vision of the closet in all its gory glory. It was surreal seeing myself, watching the scene unfold as though I were a mere observer instead of participant. Heero was absolutely appalled at the ferocity of the scene, and for weeks afterward he wouldn't let me out of his worried sight.

Another time I was just letting my mind wander here and there, between morbid and depressing to melancholy and weirdness. Then Heero pulled something from the time stream quickly, as he had a habit of doing. When he did that kind of thing I usually didn't get a glimpse of the place or time it had come from, but I think that somehow Heero used his instinctual control, his specialization, to make it easier for him. Later, when we were back in the room, lying down to sleep for the night, he finally showed me what he had pulled from the time stream. They were my long forgotten razor blades, which I still have today, unused beside this rapidly filling notebook. Back in the past, he had pulled them that far in the future. It boggles my mind, and I'm not going to try and understand it, but there was more to Heero's time vision than mere uncontrolled jumps and precognitive visions. Despite Zechs' claim that I had great potential, I wondered if I'd ever have enough to come close to equaling the power residing naturally in Heero's skull.

That reminds me, you may have noticed that in conversations as of late, at least, the ones not taking place in that strange space in our connective minds, that I've not mentioned Heero writing much or carrying around his notebook. That's because with the connection somehow came an easier understanding of what the mute boy was trying to communicate without him actually having to put it down on paper. It was a rare moment that he even needed to "speak" at all, or write, or whatever. It was something that the scientists couldn't block outside of the lab, or maybe it was just due to us becoming closer as a group. Not too sure which, maybe it was a connection of the two. None of us were full-blown psychic friends, and not that the communication was all that specific, but we were getting damn good at speaking without having to say a word, and that went for every one of us. Useful talent. You can't get caught passing notes in class if you're not using paper, now can you?

But anyway, on to Trowa. Trowa, Trowa, Trowa. I was partnered up with him almost as much as Heero, but for different reasons. Like Wufei's talents, Trowa's matched up extremely well with mine. We all knew that he listened to the little worry demons and other assorted beasties, but what none of us really realized is that sometimes he talked back, but not out loud. He had some sort of mind-meld thing going with them for a while that none of us picked up on, even though it's obvious looking back on it. I mean, come on, he was always staring off into space. Little worry demons couldn't be that interesting, now could they? When the blocks were let down and he was allowed to hear a wider range of the little supernatural creatures and the occasional stray thought, well, his weird communication thing also got strengthened. It was his thing that the rest of us could not comprehend, but we could get a faint glimpse of through the connection. Like Heero's time manipulation and Wufei's spirit communication, we could only get a vague understanding what was happening, and we were unable to "borrow" it.

When Trowa and I were partnered up, I would just sit back and observe, usually hearing the cacophony of the thousands of voices of creatures, but none of the thoughts that Trowa usually picked up along with them. It seemed my abilities weren't exactly pointed in that direction. With my sight of the creatures he was speaking with, Trowa could communicate with them that much easier. It was cool, Trowa explained that the little creatures I had so long called demons were just doing their jobs, and that they always served a purpose ordained by fate. At least, that's how Trowa put it. I have a feeling he was watering down the explanation, and that the rest of us probably wouldn't get it completely if he told us the whole, complete version. 

When Heero got added to our little partnership, the demons showed us all something that surprised the hell out of me but probably shouldn't have. With Heero's time vision abilities, my vision of the creatures, and Trowa's communication skills (why does that sound so funny?), the little beasties would follow us through time and explain some random things about what they were doing or what was going on. Turns out that the little spirit critters were essentially omniscient, always existing in the now. It was quite a concept to try and wrap my mind around, let me tell you. They knew the future, but they didn't. It was as though everything was happening at once with them, like they were viewing their life spans from above, able to pick out where and when they wanted to put their attention to remembering. Very odd, very confusing. When worries don't keep me awake at night, this concept tops the list of Things That Give Insomnia Because I Can't Stop Trying to Figure Them Out. This is your brain on boggle. Any questions?

Trowa and Wufei worked well together, too, for much the same reason they worked well with me separately. Shared perception and all that, except that instead of just getting glimpses of the demons, through Wufei Trowa could pick up on the spirits that sometimes wanted to make conversation. Plus, in the way that Wufei could communicate with the dead Trowa could communicate with the friendlier demons, and sometimes their abilities crossed over enough to let Trowa speak to other friendly spirits besides Meiran. Together, they could talk to just about anything outside of the living and human realm, and their friendship deepened because of it.

But of course, no matter how mind-blowingly interesting forays through time with lesser demons and spirits was, Trowa worked best with Quatre. With the slight blond's empathic abilities, and Trowa's ability to overhear thoughts, together they could dive right into people's minds, see their memories, and read their thoughts. Along with this incredible gift came the unpleasant realization that most people don't always have nice thoughts, and the worst ones usually floated to the surface of the mind like a dead fish, the first thing that the pair would encounter. But still, working together their abilities melded perfectly into a psychic probe, they were able to pick apart and find specific memories at will. 

And yes, in case you were wondering, they had human test subjects. Usually it was a volunteer from the staff, but a few times they brought in one of the more violent cases from the outside, regular asylum. These were always the cases that were about to be committed forever to the big, main, straightjackets and padded walls asylum. Sometimes the pair would be able to actually seek out what was causing the illness in the patient's minds, and with careful internal communication with the person, were able to fix him or her up a little. This was a great experience for the two, the only real thing out of all of our abilities that had actually helped someone out.

Quatre in his individual control exercises proved to be able to redirect emotional energy, picking it up and changing it at will. And by emotional energy, I'm including pain. It was his special thing that we could only glimpse in action and feel a bit through our connection, but the rest of us were unable to use. One drawback of this was that the changes he made weren't permanent. See, if he redirected someone's pain, the source of the pain did not go away. He couldn't heal anything at all, but he could fool a person's brain into not experiencing the agony from an injury. Once his influence was gone from the person's mind, though, the damage would come back in full force. This also was the case when he messed around with people's emotions. He hated causing negative impressions, though, and usually tried to make whatever subject was put in front of him happy, even though he knew it wouldn't last.

With all four of us, due to his emotion ability thing and his openness within our group, Quatre worked extremely well. With me he was able to feel the thoughts of the little demon-things, and thus gave me a greater understanding of them. He could also, with my vision, pick up on ethereal emotional energy in much greater detail. We were ten times better at reading an aura together than I was by just picking up on the visual clues or him just feeling out the emotions. With a clear view of the aura and a feel of the heart, we were able to pinpoint exactly what the most guarded person was feeling and emanating. The spare ethereal energy that I just thought floated around randomly when it wasn't actively animated as pain or another strong emotion was actually teeming with subtle meaning, a meaning that I can't describe because there is no possible way you can understand it without experiencing it. Let's just say that it was an incredible experience.

Anyway, moving along, Quatre's abilities also aligned well with Wufei's, and together they could get glimpses of spirit memories. This particularly helped Wufei when he was trying to piece together exactly why a particular ghost wouldn't leave him alone and he wanted to help it. This was very useful in the never-ending quest for Wufei to not be perpetually haunted by ghosts he wasn't married to.

As for when Quatre and my Heero were paired up…damn. That was really cool. Usually I was there to act as Mr. Time-Anchor, but I only could catch flashes of their little time trips. Quatre could pick out exactly when a particular memory came from and help guide Heero's insanely confusing jaunt. Once there, Quatre could pick up on the emotions of the **other** people in the time frame, helping us discern motivation or what-have-ye about the other players from the past. Again, Heero was frustrated by his lack of clear view of the future, especially since the glimpses he received were so damn morbid and confusing before. 

Wow, and now we're finally ready to go over my lovely little talents. Ugh, next to the other guys I felt like a grape next to a pineapple, a midget beside a giant, a toe next to a finger, a dust sprite next to a…never mind, you get the idea. Besides my uncanny ability to be able to strengthen or help the other guys' abilities, I only got minor comparative gain. Not that I'm complaining, but I was disappointed. More often than not I was an observer, letting my sight be used to further someone else's abilities. And here I was expecting to be all powerful and mighty. Bah. 

Well, on using my own abilities, I was still better going solo most of the time. I found that I could make certain things visible to others, and with my manipulation of auras and ethereal energy I could manipulate people into doing what I wanted them to, at least, on a limited basis. It turned out that a person's soul really is connected to their aura, and by manipulating that I could manipulate their motivations and, like I had done with Mueller, devastate them if I so desired. Not the useful, fun, happy ability I had wanted, nope. I was a walking weapon, able to tear a person apart fiber by fiber. How cheerful. 

Despite this depressing discovery, I had minor little abilities that were always springing up and fading away, never really completely under my control. I'd hear an occasional voice or see a flash of a spirit, have something I wanted float absently up to me, and sometimes get the impression that I knew what people were thinking, but nothing actually concrete or lasting. Frustrating! Argh. Oh well, at least I could console myself with the fact that as I went along my abilities seemed to develop a bit more with each exercise. I don't think that this happened with the other guys, I just think they got better control. But still…I was disappointed.

But anyway, before I start complaining about how I felt back then, there you have the gist of our control exercises and how they affected us. There it is, all wrapped up with a shiny red bow on top. Enjoy.

~ ~ ~ ~

Because I was still considered recovering from the episode with Mueller, our little exercises continued for weeks that stretched into months. Like I said, in that time I would often go see Trieze in that little office for what I called trauma sessions. In reality, we spoke very little about anything pertaining to the attack and my subsequent reaction, but instead most of the time just mulled over general stuff about the world and peppered the conversation with lots of small talk. This was when I started to get an even stronger feeling about the apparent double meanings to Trieze's words. One particular conversation sticks out in my mind, because it eventually brought about an important discovery that would have huge implications later.

We were talking about the weird structure of the asylum, I remember that, but I'm not too sure what brought the conversation about. It was one afternoon, in that time between classes and dinner, and while I was in my little session, Wufei and Quatre were in a control exercise. I commented on how weird it was that I had spent four years of my life here and I had never really realized that there could be a basement level.

"Yes, it is an interesting design structure," Trieze commented, strolling around the room. He wrapped his knuckles on the outer wall of the office in relation to the corridor. A hollow echo answered his soft knock on the wall. "The secret passages were really an ingenious idea, just in case patients blocked a hallway or something disruptive happened. For instance, the small stairway that leads from my classroom to your dwelling area. It really is fortunate for the project, too, that there's all the extra space in these hollows for machinery and such." 

Keeping his voice nonchalant and his posture easy, the tall man stopped walking and looked from me to the wall he had just knocked and back again, sending me a significant look without being completely obvious. Was he trying to tell me that there was machinery in the walls? That would make sense, considering how the walls always seemed to thrum to life during our control exercises, and how they could manipulate energy and power so easily, including the energy that pulsed above us in its directed flow to who knows where. Plus, that huge door that slid right into the wall at the border between our living quarters and the labs. Why hadn't I made that connection before? It was so obvious.

"Sure, I guess so," I responded, nodding my head and looking thoughtful. I could be subtle, too, if I wanted to be. "It is interesting how they redirect the flow of psychic and supernatural energy, too. Wonder where they funnel it to?" I left my question open-ended, really not expecting a response. I was actually trying to be vague, as though this was just another normal conversation, even though it was clear to both of us that it was not.

"Ah, yes, well, one would have to get into the passages back here to do that, and there are very few entrances to them," He responded, casually glancing toward what I thought was a closet door on the wall that separated the living quarters' wing from the ramp incline to the lab area. Just in case I didn't catch that look, he strolled over to it and knocked lightly on the door before coming back to sit in the only other piece of furniture in the room besides the padded chair I was sitting in, a metal folding chair. No wonder he kept pacing, that little chair looked uncomfortable. He was nice enough to let me have the padded one, even though I had offered it to him several times. I guess it gave him the excuse to wander around the room.

Our conversation drifted for a few more minutes, not really saying anything important or implying anything at all with its words. Finally, though, Trieze glanced down at his watch. "Well, Duo, it's almost time for dinner. Remember, you always have access to this room if you need it, okay? Oh, and by the way, I won't be in here tomorrow afternoon because of an administrative meeting."

So I left, weighing everything that the man had casually implied throughout our sessions against his involvement with our experiments to my knowledge of his character. I knew in my heart that he wasn't trying to sell me out, but I just wasn't sure what his motivation was in all of this. He was extremely friendly with Zechs, the pair seemed to get along almost too well, and I knew how devoted Zechs seemed to be to the project. Was Trieze bitter about his daughter being a test subject, or were her experiments different? Did he purposely point me in the direction of his office, with no cameras watching, as a way into the passages inside the labs? What machinery or other things were there that he might have wanted me to see?

None of the answers to these questions were obvious to me, but I knew that I was going to try and get into the passageways, and soon. My curiosity was piqued, and besides, what could they really do to worsen my situation? They wouldn't want to bruise their precious guinea pig. This kept in mind, I decided to tell the others about my idea and then try to get them to go through with my deviously stupid plan.

Arriving back at the room, I found that Wufei and Quatre had already beat me back and everyone was waiting on me so we could go get some dinner. For the sake of the cameras monitoring us in the room, I acted like my normal goofy I-don't-have-any-shady-plans self. We left the living areas via short stairway up to Trieze's, er yeah, Mr. Khushrenada's, classroom. On our way through the hallways towards the bog beast infested cafeteria, I casually mentioned going for a little walk outside after we ate, claiming that I needed to get a little space and some nice recycled colony air. Ah, a touch of sarcasm perfectly masked the intent of my statement. I'm such a sneaky bastard.

Of course, my friends knew that something was up, I guess because they're used to my sneaky-bastard ways. So as soon as we were outside, we made a beeline for our favorite refuse, the big hollow tree. We hadn't been to it since before my episode with Mueller, and the familiar artificial earthy smells and comforting darkness quelled the excitement and turmoil I was feeling about my plans.

Once we were all settled, I started to tell the guys about what had transpired that afternoon in my session. "--And so I thought that either tonight or tomorrow, when we'd be out of the room anyway and it wouldn't seem suspicious, a couple of us could see if that closet door really does go into the passages. I don't think Trieze would have made such a deal about it if it wasn't important," I finished up, looking around for some sort of feedback.

Wufei leaned forward, his brow creased in thought, Meiran floating behind him with her arms draped over his shoulders. "It's a good idea, but who ever goes will have to be careful. Of course, we can't all go, it would look strange to the cameras in the hallway," he muttered absently. "The door probably leads directly to the area that the door between the labs and living area slides. Considering the placement, it makes sense."

I nodded eagerly. "Yeah, so, you think we should do it?"

"Definitely," Trowa replied, nodding once. "Who goes?"

"Well, I think only two of us should go, and perhaps we could make some sort of show for the cameras about why we're going in there?" Quatre added doubtfully to the conversation.

"That's a good idea," Wufei said, rubbing his chin.

"Well, whoever goes, I want to be one of them," I stated, crossing my arms over my chest.

Heero just shrugged at me as if to say, 'Of course.' Everyone else just nodded absently, still in thought.

"Quatre should go," Trowa said finally.

"Why me?" Quatre squeaked out, looking a bit nervous. I don't blame him, really.

"You know about electronics. You told me," Trowa responded succinctly.

"You do?" All our eyes swiveled to focus on Quatre with my immediate question. "Cool."

"Uh, just a little," the blond responded sheepishly. "I used to take apart everything electronic and mechanical I could find when I was little. Good thing my family was wealthy, because before I learned how everything fit back together I had usually dismantled it beyond repair."

"Okay, so it's you and me, then," I said after that had sunk in. I had gotten this hilarious mental picture of a teeny little Quatre waving bits of a vid-set around in his tiny little hands. That would have been cute.

So, that part decided, we worked a bit more on just how we were going to play out our part for the hallway cameras before going in, how we were going to hide the flashlight that we hadn't used since we had swiped the files from the file room, and what we would do if we were caught. We decided that since none of us was scheduled for a control session tomorrow afternoon, and Trieze said he wouldn't be around, we'd do it then. It was a plan, man.

~ ~ ~ ~

That night and the next day of classes dragged slowly. I was nervous as hell about our little trip we had planned, and all day I was jittery, dropping my pencil every five minutes and jumping at every unexpected noise. It didn't help that it was this day the Alex finally showed back up at work. 

Conspicuously thinner and looking rather feeble, the once menacing Thug looked like a half-starved and abused puppy. I almost fell over in shock at his appearance, and when his eyes met mine there was no flash of recognition. Either his mind had been wiped clean of the memory to go with the cover-up, or the trauma had blanked it out. Whichever it was didn't really matter, because now he was just a husk of a man. It was as though he had died on that floor when his brother had finally expired. I felt fresh guilt stab at my heart. Just great. Now I was nervous **and** guilty. A dynamite combination, if I do say so, even if Alex's arrival did help out our little act that afternoon.

Finally, though, the hours of classes passed. Quatre and I readied ourselves outside the entrance in Mr. Khushrenada's classroom down to the living area. The other guys were busying themselves elsewhere, gathering in a manner that was tailored to look all scheming and secretive, hopefully distracting anyone who might be monitoring us into thinking that it was where the action was at. A distraction, I guess you could call it. Meanwhile, I screwed up my face, rubbed my eyes hard, and did my best to look close to tears.

Immediately Quatre responded, chattering on about how "it was okay" and "everything would be fine." He ushered me into the so-called closet and we passed through quickly, not breaking from our character. I stammered out things about Alex being back and being all upset and sobbing about being a murderer. Some of my tears at this point weren't fake, but at least this was a healthy expression of guilt for a good cause, and not just being a weenie. As planned, Quatre glared up at the camera deliberately, then muttered something about "damn cameras" and "let's get you in to Mr. Khushrenada's room to wait for him." The comments about the damn cameras surprised me, though, because I can count the number of times I've heard Quatre cuss on one hand. 

As mentioned, we knew the Trieze wouldn't be there this afternoon. How convenient, huh? So Quatre knocked, then opened the door and pulled me gently inside. As soon as the door closed behind us, I straightened up and wiped away some of the wetness from my face. Nodding that I was ready, we wasted no time in heading straight for the innocent looking door and opening it.

Just as Wufei had suspected, it was indeed an access to the control of the steel door that slid into the wall. There was a metal runner and a computer monitor beside the wall the bordered the outside corridor. As we stepped inside the little passage, I pulled the flashlight from where I had tucked in my waistband. It had been easy to keep it hidden with my hunched-over-crying posture. Thumbing it on, I shone the light around, noting how no light filtered in from the outside. That meant that our light shouldn't filter out. Good. And no cameras, either, just as we had thought. Why would Trieze point us in this direction if we where just going to get caught? That wouldn't have made any sense, but still, it was a relief to note the absence of the all-seeing shuttered eye. I guess they only spent the money to monitory the outside entrances to the wing through the passages.

So we silently moved along, going in the direction away from the lab area. We had decided last night that finding out where that energy that thrummed along the ceiling went. I had a hunch that it was an important piece of the puzzle, and besides, did we really want to venture into the lab areas? Bah. Stupid question.

So we passed through like those ghosts that Wufei sees, going right along the length of the living area and beyond, where the passage started to incline sharply downhill for a while. At one point I remember wrapping on the wall, just to see if these tunnels were steel lined like the one that lead up to that disguised door. They were.

Without warning we came out into a cavernous room filled with quietly humming machinery. Thank God there was no one in there, because we would have been caught for sure. We just stood there, gaping at the clicking terminals and machines before us, a faint whiff of noxious odor filling our nostrils.

All the energy that flowed along the ceiling of the labs and the living area came out here, copious waves of pain and psychic residue being sucked into this tall, softly glowing metal box. The box was connected with slender light blue tubing to a huge round tank that hummed and vibrated slightly, dominating the center of the room. At the top of the tank there was a square shaped funnel that pointed straight up, pouring a wispy gray vapor to disappear along the ceiling. In the small area visible between the ceiling and the upward spout, I could make out the subtle using of the psychic mire that I had only seen in the bog that made the cafeteria smell like ass.

We were underneath the cafeteria, and the cause of the smell was this machine that converted spare psychic energy, emotion, and pain into a thick sludge. Gross. Who the hell invented that machine? More importantly, what would happen if it were turned off? Would the devices that also drained the energy if we tried to do something, psychically speaking, big get turned off, too? Was it the same machine, even? Did this mean that we'd have an edge if we smashed it, or would that just backfire and would the noxious energy roll over us and kill us?

I found myself standing right beside the giant tank, my hand resting on its cool metal exterior seemingly of its own accord. I didn't remember walking up to the tank or reaching out to touch it. Then hit me that Quatre now had the flashlight and was wandering around on the other side of the tank. Silly me, lost in thought again. Guess it was unfamiliar territory, huh?

"Hey, Quatre?" I whispered, rounding the big machine, careful not to look up at the spout of muck and mire above me.

"Yeah?" Came the reply.

"Whatcha doing? We need to get out of here pretty soon," I whispered back. It felt like a good idea to keep our voices down, and I was going to stick with that instinct.

"Come here and look at this," Quatre replied quietly, waving the flashlight at me. As I walked over to him he pointed the beam up at some thin blue tubes running out of the tank. I hadn't noticed those before.

"These run out in every direction, as though they go to places all the way through the entire building," the blond continued. "This one machine might have a bit of an influence on the entire building, heck, maybe even the entire grounds."

"You think?" I asked, looking dubiously up at the multiple little pipes.

"I don't know, maybe," he whispered back. His light aquamarine eyes shone in the darkness. "I'm not sure, though. It would be dangerous to tamper with this thing, we might blow ourselves up. I don't think it would be worth the risk to try and smash it."

Ah, it was as though he had read my mind, which was actually a possibility. "Well, damn. Oh well, this is useful to know, at least. Maybe we should check the rest of the passage, the ones leading to the labs, later. Might find stuff even more useful," I whispered back, shrugging.

I saw the faint backwash of the flashlight beam shine in Quatre's fair colored hair as he nodded. "Yeah, but maybe we'll still be able to use this information later. You never know," he whispered, handing me back the flashlight.

As we silently made our way back from whence we came, back out of the passage, Quatre's phrase kept running through my mind. You never know.

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	12. Chapter 12

Quatre and I were about half way back to Trieze's little room when we heard a light thump coming from the wall that bordered out to the living quarters. Jarred out of my musing, I stopped, causing Quatre to walk into my back. For a moment we just stood there, shock still and straining our ears in the tiny passage. The tight gloom of the metal tunnel suddenly caught up with me, and little shadow demons started to creep and gather around the beam of the flashlight, hovering just out of reach of the light's illumination.

After a few seconds of absolute silence, we were starting to feel pretty foolish for cowering there like a couple of morons. Then a deep muffled shout and series of thuds came from the other side of the wall, causing the metal lining in the passage to vibrate slightly, causing the dull surface to shiver and make the light dance around us. Hesitantly I put the palm of my hand against the dividing wall, then pressed my ear against it. 

Talk about spooky, any second I was expecting something to come right through the barrier and yank my ear clean off. Yeah, I was creeped out all of a sudden. There was something just not right about those thuds.

I felt Quatre tugging lightly on my shoulder a second later. He was pointing to a certain spot on the cool metal of the passage's lining. He moved his index finger along the spot, and suddenly a stab of light invaded our tunnel. Immediately I doused the flashlight's beam, fumbling to shut it off. Once I had found the switch, I tucked the tool in the waistband of my cotton pants, where it pressed uncomfortably against my belly. 

"Peephole?" I asked, whispering right into Quatre's ear.

He just nodded, moving aside to let me have a look. The implication of having a peephole in the passages that bordered our rooms was a bit ominous, especially since this area was supposedly unmonitored. If it was truly unmonitored, then how often did people come by and just peek in on us? Peering through the small peephole obliterated these thoughts from my mind. I suddenly had other things to occupy my attention.

The small spy hole was near the base of the floor of the room, and it was rectangular in shape. I had a feeling that it was part of a seemingly innocent electrical socket. It made sense that it was near the floor of the room, since we were still on the part of the passage that inclined sharply. But that's not important. What I saw when I peeked through the hole, though, that is. 

I found myself looking into a richly decorated room with two single beds. Inside the room two girls stood, cowering together against the wall to my left. One of the girls was much younger looking, not even old enough to attend school; the older of the two was probably about my age. I remember seeing them once as they closed their door. Like most of the other kids, they avoided the five of us.

From the way the two girls huddled together and from the way their auras mingled, I concluded that they were sisters. On the other side of the room to the right, at the doorway, stood a couple of the tech guys and medical men from the labs. With them stood a couple of tall, blank-faced orderlies I hadn't seen before. A chill went up my spine as I saw the big men level guns at the two frightened girls.

With a silent cry the older girl shoved her sister behind her, her long black hair swinging over her eyes with the quick movement, hiding her frightened face from me. The orderlies fired their guns, sending soft whooshes of sound through the thick tension that had filled the room. To my extreme relief, brightly colored tranquilizer darts and not bullets pierced the thin girl's porcelain colored skin. Horror filled her eyes and she dropped her knees, panting without making a sound. Not once did she utter a word as she fell forward, jamming the darts deeper into her flesh when her weight fell on them, causing small spurts of blood to blend in with the crimson carpet around her.

The younger girl dropped down beside her fallen sister, shock and fear coloring her small face. Her mouth worked, no sound escaping, as she pointed at the men across the room from her. Small chest heaving against the thin fabric of her shirt, she screamed silently at the men. Then the child rolled her sister over onto her back, carefully pulling the small darts out of the girl's skin. The little girl's dark eyes were obscured by her coal colored hair as she nimbly tossed aside the darts.

Meanwhile, the orderlies were reloading their tranquilizer guns. Cocking them loudly, the sound bit harshly into the eerie silence that had followed the older girl's fall. Suddenly the little girl's head snapped up, and I almost gasped aloud when I saw her eyes had changed from a rich mocha to a fiery red. Incredible pain arched across the delicate brow as the little girl raised her pudgy arm and pointed one short finger at the men across the room from her. Her aura flared up a bright red, forcing me to recoil away from the peephole and squeeze my eyes shut from the pain of the flash on my retinas.

I still felt the current of power rip through the world as the tiny child unleashed her ability on the men in the room with her. I heard Quatre gasp softly and felt a twinge through our psychic connection as he pressed his eye to the peephole. Finally, I opened my eyes, ugly blotches of red dotting my vision.

Quatre just stepped aside from the hole when I nudged him. That surprised me, since he had been tugging at my shoulder the whole time I had been hogging the peephole only seconds before. He was hugging himself and radiating pure pain, his thin back pressed to the wall as he tried to stay quiet. He looked as though he were going to be sick. When I looked back through, I saw why. 

The little girl had fallen forward, her small body landing on top of his sister's. The men in the room were panting and looking nervously at one another, but laughing those little tense giggles that come only after a brush with death. Evidently the filters had sucked the girl's outburst out of the room and away, protecting them. Even though I knew that it also had protected us as well, I cursed the inventor of such controlling technology. 

My gaze riveted back to the child. Something was wrong there, but for a moment I wasn't sure what. Then it hit me…she wasn't breathing. There was no soft rise and fall along the tiny spine of the little child. She had died in her fury, her attempt to protect her sister. 

Finally one of the medical staff stepped forward, then lifted the fragile body up. I almost jerked away from the hole a second time. The girl's eyes, ears, and nose, which had been covered by the blanket of her hair before, were all exposed and dripping blood and gray colored fleshy bits all over her sister's prone form, splattering everywhere. For a numb moment I was confused, then realized that the little girl's brains were leaking out of her face.

At that point I really did pull back from the wall, slumping down to the floor in shock, trying to drive the image of the little girl's gory face from my mind. Above me, Quatre kept watching, finally pulling away only when the last of the thudding footsteps were gone. Sinking to his knees after replacing the peephole cover, we just sat there, hugging each other in the dark. I think it's safe to say that the scene we had just witnessed had traumatized us, and we were not in any hurry to go anywhere anytime soon.

Finally, though, we had to leave. Only had limited time in there, after all. So we stood, pulling out the flashlight and shuffling along in the darkness that now seemed one hell of a lot thicker. Why had that happened? What were they going to do with the older girl, and why hadn't they just gassed the pair like they had done with us? How strong must the blocks have been on the small child's mind that had caused her brains to explode inside her head from using her abilities? What treatment had she already undergone, was she farther along than we were? If so, how much longer did we have before our blocks were that strong? Would one of us using our abilities fully cause another's brain to fry because of the pain connection? How much longer could we truly resist? How much longer before we lost our freedom for good? How much longer?

A sense of urgency flooded through me. We had to get out of here. 

A few minutes and an eternity later, we were back at the juncture between the passage to the machine room, the one we had just been down, and passage to the lab area. Standing beside the machinery of the sliding door, Quatre and I just exchanged a glance before stepping back out into Trieze's little room. That was enough for today. 

Let me tell you, it was a huge relief not to step out and see armed Thugs and med staff waiting for us. I was more than a little paranoid from the horrible scene we had just witnessed. Thankfully, we hadn't been caught or detected. It was unbelievable, but I guess Trieze's subtle hints had been genuine, the truth.

Putting on the facade of a shaky person who had just stopped crying hysterically wasn't that difficult. Hunching over to hide the concealed flashlight, I gripped onto one of Quatre's arms. After the blond schooled his face into an expression of weary concern, we stepped back into the hallway, reassuming the little scene that we had put on before entering the room. As we walked along the hallway, Quatre kept the act up by murmuring things like, "I don't know where he is today," and "You're okay now." As we walked down the hallway, we tried our best not to look at the closed door of the room that the two sisters had shared. It was hard. Infinitely hard.

Stepping through the doorway to our own room, we saw that the other guys had already returned from their distracting activities. In fact, they were standing around as though they had only just come in. Keeping up our charade, Quatre muttered something about us all needing to talk, then patted me again on the back. Fighting the overwhelming urge to wink, I let myself be handed over to Heero. Then we left, heading out to our hollow tree to discuss what Quatre and I had found out and witnessed.

Safe in the artificial earthy smells and the smooth wood of the tree, we relayed everything we had found, from stepping inside the passage to the machine room to the little girl's death. Shock and horror was tangible in the air after we finished, mingling with the thick sound of silence and deep thought as the other three contemplated our story. Quatre was now cuddled up to Trowa's side, almost in his lap, as the tall boy circled his arms around the blond's slim waist. Wufei and Meiran were almost melded completely together, the spirit girl hugging into him in despair. As for me, well, Heero and I were turned sideways a bit, and I was sitting on the soft ground between Heero's legs, leaning up against the front of his body. He had his arms wrapped loosely around my waist, and I held onto them desperately, leaning back and resting the back of my head against his shoulder, our warmth mingling. 

Having to retell the way the girl's face had looked, drenched in blood and fleshy brains, well, it had knocked me for a loop. It strange how much I cared about the death of someone I didn't even know. A few months ago I didn't care about anything, not even my own life. So much had changed in that time. I was whole for the first time since my parents had been killed. No longer alone, I had learned to feel things again, and this small revelation hit me as I sat in the gloom of an artificial tree in the aftermath of the death of a child I had never really met. It was surreal.

I had just realized that I no longer had depression. Well, let me rephrase that. I will always have depression, but now I had learned a new way to live with it. Things had changed.

Pain still didn't frighten me, though, neither did the thought of dying. Instead, the wrenching sorrow was replaced with the burning need to help those that had pulled me from the maw of living death. I cared about other people because they cared about me. No longer afraid, I had faced despair and come back to tell about it. My concern for myself was still close to nil, but at least I had concern for others. They, in turn, cared about me. If I died, then they would hurt. I didn't want that. So as my personal safety stayed nothing to me, it simultaneously became of the utmost importance because of those that cared for me. It’s a paradox of the mind. I don't expect you to understand. I don't.

"So this machine probably filters out the stronger outbursts of power, right?" I finally said, not moving from my snuggled up position with Heero. "If we shut it off, will there be a back charge of energy, or what? What if it's the only thing keeping the place in check? All that pain that festers, all that dark energy…if it were to flood the place, It might be lethal."

Wufei nodded, his hair brushing his shoulders slightly with the movement. "Yes, but it is obvious that the machine can be adjusted. When we are in those sessions, we release a lot of energy. It isn't sucked up by that machine. Perhaps there is a way to keep the negative energy away while allowing more freedom with our abilities."

"Potentially, if we could harness that black energy in some way, it could be useful," Trowa said quietly. That said, four sets of eyes suddenly turned to look at me.

"Uh-uh. No. First of all, that is one hell of a lot of power, and unless I was able to use all that new ability that they keep us block from, it would kill me and probably all of you, too. We'd have to find a way around those blocks first, because I sure as hell am not going to cause one of you to have a brain aneurysm to batter down my blocks. I'd rather just let the energy kill me first," I stated, spitting it out quickly. It was the closest any of us had come to speaking about our strong bond, our protective feelings, and it was embarrassing to hear it out loud.

"Alright," Wufei just said, shrugging casually. I knew he was trying to save my pride by just glossing over my words, but I could tell he was a bit shaken too. "I wish we knew why they had come for those two girls, though. Perhaps if she's still around, Meiran and I can speak with her."

"That would be good," Quatre agreed immediately. "Of course, if you can't, then we still won't know. We really should be concentrating on finding a way out of here."

"Is there anyone on the outside that you guys could contact?" I asked, knowing as the words left my lips that it was a bad idea and waste of time to ask such a question. 

Most of us here have minor psychological problems that could be taken care of in an outpatient facility. We're here because no one wants us, and we are painfully aware of the fact. For instance, I have grandparents that could have taken me in, but they didn't even hug me at my parents' funeral. I was that crazy kid who needed help, and they basically disowned me, forcing the government to take me in as a ward. They didn't want me, and I doubted that the situation was any different for the other guys. We had rarely spoken of such things beyond our first getting-to-know-you talks.

"My family would think I was making up some sort of story, another so-called hallucination," Wufei said quietly, turning his head to look at Meiran's sad translucent face. "Then they would tell the authorities here what I said. And we all know how bad that would turn out."

"Same here," Quatre whispered, leaning more into Trowa.

"I'm not sure if my sister would believe me, either," Trowa said. "She'd probably get upset that her hard-earned cash wasn't paying off. She'd just get more worried than ever."

Heero just scribbled down a note and handed it to me to read.

\--No one. Never met my family.--

That option out of the way, we started talking about who we knew around the asylum that could help. It was really just talk, though, the same conversation we'd had several times before, circling and recycling itself into new words, but always the same hopeless ideas. Nothing new, nothing hopeful, nothing helpful at all. Thoroughly discouraged, we finally had to leave our haven to go get something to eat.

~ ~ ~ ~

Walking into the cafeteria was an odd experience. Just a whiff of the noxious scent that came from the bog in the center of the room, the mire that was produced by the machinery just below the floor, gave me a strange feeling. Knowing that we were standing above the room that Quatre and I had been in just hours before was just odd. All that time, it should have been obvious that there was something going on with that muck, but it hadn't been.

I mean, come on, the thick mixture of sludge was the outward manifestation of filtered ethereal energy, a combination of all kinds doused liberally with pure pain. No wonder it was so putrid. And the muck demons, the way their little mud fights could only take place in a certain perimeter…the ooze must have been designed to dissipate after a certain amount of time and distance. The only way the mire could exist was right above the funnel, continually renewing itself after it disappeared. Again, I wondered who invented such a machine. 

We picked up our food, heading to some distant and deserted hallway. Now that Mueller was…gone…we didn't have to worry about being accosted. The scientists no longer took us away at dinner times, they usually tried to be a bit more subtle than that and waited until we were in our rooms to take us away. 

Eating, we just let our conversation wander into the ordinary topics it normally did when we were acting normal instead of plotting a way to get out of our controlled habitat. We discussed schoolwork, people we knew, and those various oddities that we always talked about. It was a welcome respite from our heavy conversation of earlier, but there was still an underlying feeling of menace that followed our every word. Even when we finished talking and went back to our room, even when we were later lying down to sleep, the menace followed. It never left, it just hovered, waiting to pounce on us when we least suspected.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next day we went about our business as usual. In Calculus class Mr. Khushrenada didn't act any differently than he normally would have, to my slight disappointment. I was expecting something, a wink, a meaningful look, anything. He helps us then ignores us. It made sense that he was being careful, but really! Annoying, it was.

Throughout the day my thoughts were filled with the alternating cadence of worry, fear, and desperate but futile planning. Finally classes ended, and while Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei were in a control session, Heero and I were off in search of Howard, and by default, Sylvia. Ms. Une had given our class a new assignment, another group project. We were going to work on it while our friends were otherwise occupied, giving us all time together later to plot and plan and just plain hang out.

Puttering along, we knew that Howard would probably hanging out with Sylvia somewhere, and thus wouldn't be in his room. Therefore we were just wandering around. I wasn't talking, it didn't seem necessary as we walked along and enjoyed some time alone, just existing together, the two of us side by side. Eventually we did find Howard and Sylvia, sitting in one of the communal areas. Okay, so they were making out. But they were still sitting.

Heero nudged me and grinned slightly, then nodded his head at the two. Sylvia was sitting soundly on Howard's lap. His sunglasses were steamed up. They must have just had a fight and were in the process of making up. They were always doing that. Ah, young love.

Clearing my throat I just looked around innocently while whistling and tapping my foot. Heero leaned one arm across my shoulders, running his free hand through his messy bangs and pretending to concentrate on getting them in some semblance of order. Immediately the couple broke apart, fumbling and standing up quickly, staying about five feet from each other. Sylvia's face turned bright red, and Howard actually took of his steamed up sunglasses to wipe them off. He had hazel eyes. 

"So, uh, hey guys. What's going on?" Howard said smoothly, sliding his glasses back on and trying to look nonchalant, failing miserably, too, I might add.

"We're here to work on that art project we discussed," I replied, raising my eyebrows. Then I grinned wickedly. "Or did you get too…distracted to remember?" 

"Oh yeah, forgot about that for a minute there," he replied, sweating a little as he scratched the back of his head and glanced over at the girl beside him.

Sylvia finally composed herself, clearing her throat. "Well, let's get on with it. What exactly is the plan?"

Heero and I both looked at her oddly for that comment, it seemed to echo some sort of deeper intention. Sylvia just looked coolly back at us. The moment passed, and we sat around in the communal area, talking about the project. At one point Howard got up to go to the bathroom, leaving the three of us alone.

"We're going, you know, one by one," Sylvia suddenly said.

"What?" I asked for both Heero and I.

"One by one, they are terminating," she replied with difficulty.

"You mean, you are…you're in it too?" I whispered.

"My parents, like yours…" she said softly, her face suddenly lanced with pain, a spike of black rolling off of her aura.

"Why?" I asked, feeling numb.

She spoke slowly, obviously struggling to get the words out. "There's an information leak. Downsizing. They've found their perfect subjects."

Perfect subjects…us. My blood ran cold, turning to ice and freezing my heart.

"Tell me more," I asked quietly. Suddenly I felt a rush of subtle power along the connection the five of us shared, and I tapped into that special ability, Quatre's pain blocking. Concentrating, I managed to mold it slightly, filtering out Sylvia's ingrained reaction of pain out into her aura, where it just flaked off harmlessly. A look of amazement passed over her features for a second.

Maybe it was because the other guys were in session that I was able to do that, I reasoned at the time. This wasn't the case, but I didn't really care. I directed it at Sylvia, manipulating her aura and pain to also dampen the agony from resisting her blocks. Faintly, I could feel the pain from the use well up inside me, which I pushed out of my aura. Using Quatre's powers caused another one of us to hurt, and this time it was me, fortunately for the other guys. Weird how using his abilities myself sparked his blocks and not mine. Trying not to get distracted, I pushed those thoughts out of my mind. Bearing down again, I kept the power going despite the pain.

Blinking in surprise, Sylvia spoke quickly. "Your parents had an experiment, my father told me. It was the start of the research, this project, a genesis because of what they created with one of their early subjects. Then Dad was…killed. I was so young, I didn't understand what he was talking about. That is all I really know. I have no special abilities, but I know too much. I am a control experiment. The others, the variants, like you, are slowly being erased, either dissected or terminated, or having their minds wiped clean and used as perfect blank subjects, easy for imprinting and fodder for experimenting."

Finishing quickly, she nodded that she was done. Instantly I let loose of the manipulation of Quatre's borrowed power and my aura control over her pain. I felt drained and weak, my mind still thrumming from the traces of agony I had not been able to completely shed off. Mulling over Sylvia's words, I didn't even realize at the time that I had found a tiny loophole in our mental blocks. It was small, but it would lead to me finding the way around them completely.

More important in my mind at the time was Sylvia's reference to my parents. Surely she had been wrong. I knew she wasn't lying, so I desperately held onto the belief that she was somehow mistaken. They couldn't have started this whole mess, could they have? Well, rationally, I knew they very well could have, thus their termination. What subject was it? Who? I felt a sinking feeling. Surely it hadn't been Heero? Oh, God, the very idea made me light headed and sick. No. I refused to consider it. 

And here Sylvia was, an innocent, like me, except she had no special abilities. How terrible for her. At least I got some cool powers out of the deal, she just got mental blocks and a one way trip to an insane asylum. Damn. And here I thought I had it tough.

Howard returned soon after that, but after a few minutes Heero just nodded politely at the couple and pulled me away. I was lost in thought (unfamiliar territory!) and had been staring off into space instead of talking and chattering. So Heero came to my rescue. We walked along, me thinking Deep Thoughts and Heero just hauling me along by my wrist. We never really touched or did anything couple-y in public, it just wasn't our way. Nobody's business but ours, ya know?

So Heero dragged me along, finally getting to a hallway that no one else was occupying, stopping, he looked carefully at me, silently asking me what was wrong with just tiny quirk of one eyebrow. I just shook my head, not saying anything, merely stepping forward, surprising him by hugging him here in public. I needed a little bit of comfort. My parents…guilt washed over me. No, Heero couldn't have been their genesis for this project. No.

I heard a wolf whistle and froze, jumping back quickly. Both of us turned in unison to see who had decided we were whistle worthy. Dorothy.

The nurse was waving at us, smiling widely. She genuinely looked happy to see us, obviously not caring that she had caught us in what might have been considered a slightly compromising position. Striding up, she clapped one hand on my shoulder and the other on Heero's.

"I haven't seen you two since that infestation in your room!" She exclaimed. "When are you moving back in, anyway?"

"We're not, they moved us to a room in another wing," I responded, managing to take control of the programmed response to a tiny degree. At least I wasn't flat out lying.

She just nodded. "Oh, well, I'll miss you guys. Ward hasn't been the same without you. How have other things been? I remember something odd was going on with you, is that cleared up yet?"

I felt a ripple of shock go through me. Back when they were just taking us back, she had helped us out with Quatre. I had forgotten. "Not really, but we're working on it," I replied truthfully, smiling. 

"Hey, come with me for a second," Dorothy said, grabbing our arms and pulling us down the hallway before we could protest. "I want you to say hi to Relena. She's missed you, too. You know, Heero, she likes you especially. I think you remind her of her little brother."

So we let ourselves be led down the hallway. It's not like Dorothy is the type to take no for an answer, anyway. Fortunately we only had to go around the corner to catch up with Nurse Peacecraft. She was coming out a patient's room, clipboard in hand. When we rounded the corner of the corridor, she looked up and smiled. You know, the woman isn't half-bad if you can get her to stop feeling sorry for you.

"Hey, Lena, look who I found almost making out around the corner here!" Dorothy all but chirped. 

I just rolled my eyes. The woman had **no** tact.

"Duo, Heero, how have you been?" She smiled, her gaze lingering on my silent partner for a split second too long. 

Heero just nodded, and I mumbled that we were fine.

"That's good, we've wondered what you've been up to since you moved rooms," Nurse Peacecraft said, fiddling with her clipboard. "I can see that you've come out of your shell a bit, Heero. I'm very glad. And Duo, you seem much happier."

"Well, things are both much better and much worse," I replied, shrugging and tossing my braid over my shoulder. "You know how that goes."

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Well, I'll take the next room, you three just chat or whatever," Dorothy said, snatching the clipboard playfully from Nurse Peacecraft's hands. She turned and disappeared into the next room.

"Hey, Nurse?" I asked quietly. "Remember that time we were talking about your brother?"

"Yes," she replied, a shadow crossing her face.

"Have you seen his ashes? He was cremated, right?" I asked, trying to utter the words around my suddenly dry mouth. I felt terrible asking her about what was so obviously a painful subject.

"I actually have his remains, my parents sort of left them to me when they passed away," Nurse Peacecraft replied. "Why?"

"Just wondering," I replied, trying to think of some reason for my question. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to see them. You know how they never really told me, I never got to say goodbye."

She looked at me for a long moment. "That's so sweet, thank you for your concern about him. Just come by our nurses' station tomorrow, I'll bring them up."

I nodded. Then Dorothy came back out the room, announced that it was almost time for dinner and she was starving. As she dragged Nurse Peacecraft off with her, she called over her shoulder that we should bring the other guys and visit them sometime. Then they were gone.

Heero just looked at me, slightly confused. He scribbled a note for me.

\--Why did you ask about her brother? Isn't Zechs her brother?--

"Yes, he is," I replied, folding the slip of paper up. "I'm going to try and guilt him into admitting it. Something about the guy just isn't right, and I want to see if it's something we can exploit to get out of here."

Heero nodded, understanding. Somehow we both knew that Zechs was a piece of the puzzle.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next day, Friday, we had free period, which we spent it in our rooms, trying desperately to finish little assignments that had somehow managed to escape our attention. At one point I decided to go for a little walk, just to get away from my literature assignment. I'm against censorship and destruction of classic literature and that sort of stuff, but some books are so boring that they **should** be burned. Argh, of course, I'm joking. You know what I mean, I'm sure. Some books are just…unreadable in their artsy-ness. So before I went out of my mind for real, I took a stroll down the hallway, enjoying the thick carpet under my bare feet.

Right as I reached the end of the hallway by the door to the lab, I turned around, closing my eyes and burying my toes down into the deep pile of the carpet. Sighing in momentary bliss, I was caught completely by surprise when a strong hand grabbed my sleeve and yanked me into Mr. Khushrenada's little unmonitored session room.

As soon as the door slammed behind me, I whirled on my attacker, intent on either yelling at them or smacking them. Instead I just blinked. Mariemeia stood before me, her small fists digging into her hips as she grinned at me. 

"Got ya, didn't I?" she asked, smirking.

"Um, no," I replied, wondering why she had pulled me in here. 

The redheaded girl strode with inherited family grace to sit in the padded chair, leaving the folding one to me. Curious to know what the girl was up to, I sat down, crossing my arms over my chest and looking calmly at her. Well, I tried to look calm, at any rate. It was a valiant effort.

"Yes, I did get you," she replied. "Do you know that we're the only ones left of the variants, you five and I? Interesting, isn't it? The prized pupils and a boss's kid. How typical."

"The other subjects?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"They are dead. Father let me see the bodies, floating in tanks in the cryolab. They took out their brains, you know. Going to do nasty things with them. Makes me glad that I have connections," Mariemeia replied, curling a lock of hair back behind one delicate ear.

"That's terrible," I answered, a little disbelieving how flippantly she passed off the lives of the others.

She just shrugged. "Why should I care? You're part of the strong group, if they had come up to par they would be alive. I myself am another success, because of my mother's ambition. She's dead, too, you understand. Poor Father, dragged into all this because of me." She giggled, not sounding concerned at all.

"A lot of people have been forced into this, haven't they?" I just asked, leaning back in my little chair.

"Oh, yes. Many," she answered. 

"Why did you yank me in here? Just to chat about death and such pleasantries?" I finally snapped out, sick of her uncaring attitude.

"You need to listen to those that you trust," she replied, suddenly serious. Leaning forward, she put both hands on my shoulders. "There is always a way around a wall, you just have to find it. Remember, just because someone tells you the brutal truth doesn't mean that they aren't telling a complete lie in the same breath. It's a brilliant technique, a distraction thrown up only by the most cunning." 

Suddenly her gaze shifted from me to over my shoulder. I felt the change in air pressure of the door being opened.

"Zechs, hello," Mariemeia said, releasing my shoulders.

"Hi, looking for your father?" the tall blond asked.

"Not here, I'll let him know you're trying to find him, though," she replied, then brushed past him out the door.

Zechs looked down at me curiously. "Duo, what are you doing in here?"

"It's not important," I replied. Then I had a great idea. "Will you come with me to see the ashes of Milliardo Peacecraft? Nurse Peacecraft has brought them for me to see, you know to pay my last respects."

Unadulterated shock shot off of him in a wave that almost knocked me down. "Nurse Peacecraft? Relena? Here? What?"

"Yes, you know, Nurse Relena Peacecraft. Nice lady, misses her dead brother," I said, my eyes staring straight up into his. "What do you care about some dead guy? You're Zechs Marquise, right? Never heard of Milliardo Peacecraft, right?"

Gaping at me, he stared at me, infinite sadness filling his eyes. His gaze dropped to the floor as his head bowed, long platinum strands obscuring his pained expression. "Right."

Without another word I walked past him and out into the hallway. I almost ran into Otto in my haste.

Recoiling back, I looked up at the tall orderly. He blinked down at me, then looked over my head at Zechs. Finally I was able to place that odd spark of loyalty that always ran off of the man. It was connecting him with Zechs.

Shaken by my confrontation, I just turned and ran down the hall and back into the refuge of our room. Shutting the door behind me firmly, I leaned against it, panting more out of stress than from physical exertion. Taking in the odd looks I was receiving, I just waved my hand in a dismissive gesture.

"I'll tell you later."

And I did.

~ ~ ~ ~

That night I lay in a comfortable tangle of limbs and sheets, lying awake far after the others fell into deep sleeps. So much new information had bombarded me, and even though we had discussed it all together, I knew that of everyone I had the best chance of figuring this all out. I'm not being conceited, not at all, it's just that if my parents were involved, and this had been going on for so long, then I probably had some sort of chance of figuring it out, an edge. Unlike Heero, who also would have had a good chance, I didn't have nearly as many blocks on my mind stopping me. Besides, I had this gut feeling that there was something that only I would be able to happen upon, a quirk in my abilities or something similar. Maybe it was that basic human desire to be important, to be special, but I had a hunch.

Unable to sleep, I mulled over the last few days. Sylvia's words about my parents kept surfacing in my mind, for instance. Something about that was bugging me, and not just her reference to the "genesis" of the project. I had a feeling that this was something of the utmost importance. Somehow I needed to find out more about that, and about my parents. The more information I had, the better I would be able to discern a way around everything and give us a ghost of a chance.

My mind drifted from one blonde girl to another, my consciousness coming to focus on my visit with Nurse Peacecraft this afternoon. As I had promised, I had come by to see Milliardo's "remains." As I stared at the unassuming little urn, I couldn't help but feel slightly haunted. It was odd, I felt true sorrow for my old friend. Not grief for his loss of life, but intense anguish for his loss of freedom, his free will, his mind. After a few minutes of staring at the urn, I had just nodded to the young nurse and left, letting her think that I was quiet because of my grief. Actually I was deep in thought, picturing the young face of my old roommate over the face of the man that helped the doctors torture us. The man was an enigma.

Zechs' stuttered words and haunted facial expression then filled my mind, looking so shocked and so hurt, so torn. Was it possible that he didn't know his sister was working here? Did it bother him that much to have her so close, yet so far away? The flicker of resigned suffering that had passed over his face and rippled through his aura was genuine, I knew that. Of course, there always seemed to be a deep sorrow, an indecisive air that followed Zechs around like the smell of cheap cologne. It was as though he knew more than he was letting on, but still somehow working with the bad guys. The guy confused me.

And Otto…that was another confusing matter, his whole role in all of this. Otto was loyal to Zechs, that much was obvious. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen Otto around until **after** Zechs had saved me from Mueller that first time when we had discovered the disguised metal door to the labs. Had Zechs sent a guardian for us? It seemed so at odds, but just so him…another wrinkle to the tall blond's personality. But the scientists didn't know about Mueller and his threat to us, J had said as much. Therefore Zechs must have been keeping it from them. I had believed J when he said they didn't know, because that actually made sense, they would have gotten the guy fired rather than have me set off. And besides, J was so brutally honest…

Mariemeia's words came to me then. Brutal honesty distracting from the lies that it lay alongside them, the truth and the lie right next to each other. J was so honest, so blunt…was it possible he was also lying through his teeth? Would it be possible for him to have been lying about the absolute nature of our mental blocks? We had all managed to flitter around the blocks before, maybe it could be done again with out taking the whole colony with us. Wouldn't that be stupid, anyway? They wouldn't want to die along with the crazies, nor kill everyone on the colony. Think of the scandal, the loss of research and information they'd suffer, too. I felt something nag at the back of my mind about that. I was missing something.

The strange nagging sensation continued to burrow in the back of my mind, ghosting at the edge of my slowing thoughts as I finally started to drift off. The only certainty I actually felt after all my introspection was that there was hope, a way around the blocks. As I felt my heart slow and heard my breath fall into a steady rhythm, my last thought before sleep was that there was a way. And then I was falling into unconsciousness.

~ ~ ~ ~

The falling sensation I felt only intensified as I fell into a state of full sleep. Drifting and falling, I felt a strange awareness, an alien and new impression rising in my head. It wasn't like the visions Heero had shown me before, it was a new dream, a vision of my own creation. It sprang forth from the depths of my subconscious, my memories, and my buried intuition. 

I stopped falling after a while, and the black around me shifted slightly to take on a dark brown hue. I felt as though I was sitting comfortably on thin air, and as a reddish light suddenly flared up, I could see that I was sitting on top of a clear barrier.

Leaning forward, I crawled up to rest on my knees. As the light got brighter, the comfortable temperature of the atmosphere started to rise sharply. Looking down through the barrier, I saw my four friends lying on their backs, arms crossed over their chests. Serenity and pain mixed on their faces to create a paradox of emotion. Their eyes were closed, and it appeared as though they were trapped in a dream, perhaps a nightmare.

I pressed my hands down onto the cool clear barrier, their ceiling and my floor, and I just looked for a moment. Their auras were flaring up behind them, underneath them. Wings of mixing colors appeared to be folded behind them, but it appeared as though there were shackles holding them down. A silver thread ran from each of their sternums, joining together at a point above them in a knot. With a small stab of shock I realized that I too had a silver cord running out of my solar plexus and joining with theirs. A connection. Our connection.

As the air started to bake around me, I nibbled on my lower lip. I had to get them out of there, they'd be cooked alive in that glass room. The light around me was looking more and more like dancing flames, and the brown nothingness was being quickly consumed. Closing my eyes for a moment, I wondered if there was someway into the box I was perched upon.

A current ran through me, and then a blue slender lock appeared in the clear barrier beside my hand. It looked to be made of some sort of tubing, with a funnel shaped keyhole in the center. If there was a keyhole, there was a key. Oddly enough, it reminded me of the muck-machine.

Looking around frantically in the fiery light, I finally looked back down through the glass. Reflected in the surface was my face, and the orange and red light danced around my reflection. I honestly wasn't sure why I was dreaming of fire, maybe it was metaphorical or something. Maybe it was a remnant of the last vision Heero and I had shared. Maybe it was a premonition. I found it odd that I was suddenly taking a time out in my dream to analyze myself. Kooky.

Bringing my attention back to the present I finally decided to just whack the living hell out of the lock. Making a tight fist, I drew back and punched the tubing and the funnel of the lock. When it broke, a dark energy flooded out and around me, but the glass below me did not open. Angry, I used the released energy around me and honed it to a knife's edge, driving down in frustrated passion at the barrier itself.

Immediately it tore into a million pieces, and too late did I realize the barrier could potentially cut my prone friends into tiny little bloody pieces. In the blink of an eye I was underneath the falling glass, and I spread my aura out. 

Catching the tiny sharp shards in my expanded aura, my feathering little spirit wings were almost cut to shreds. Gritting my teeth against the pain, I managed to redirect the remains of the barrier away, flinging them into the fire. That done, I sank down to my knees and tried to recover. A last little twist of effort and I was able to free the shackles that held their spirit wings down. Now they were free.

But no, I still wasn't done. The flames were almost upon us, we were about to die if I didn't do something quickly. I had to wake them up to finish freeing them. Grabbing the knot of silver string that held us together, I concentrated on the connection, severing my string from theirs. My blocks relied on the connection to cause real pain to them, my only true concern at the moment. Without that hindrance I could strike out. And I did.

The flames died away quickly, but I felt agony course through my soul. Concentrating, I harnessed its dark power and managed to dull its edge, pushing it out of the edges of my aura. It was incredibly painful. I survived. But I didn't. 

Too weak to reconnect my string, I felt the life seep out of my aura, my body. Faintly as my eyes closed again in my dream, I heard murmuring voices surround me. I was so alone in that moment, I didn't realize that I had been relying so long on the connection to keep my hope alive.

To break the barriers on our minds, I had essentially killed myself. But it had been done. I had succeeded in my goal.

~ ~ ~ ~

My eyes flew open in the dark room, and I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. I had it! I could break the bonds. I knew the way. If I could sever my connection with the others, they wouldn't feel the pain of me breaking through the mental blocks. It would kill me, but I could also snap their bonds away while I was at it. My dream had told me that much.

Along with elation came fear. I didn't really want to die anymore, after all. In the vision I had wrecked my aura, and thus, my soul. Would my soul be torn apart if I tried to break through the blocks? Not a pleasant thought. Soul fragments would undoubtedly be chewed and devoured by all manners of small beasts, tiny scavengers of the spirit world. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be someone's dinner. The very idea kind of freaks me out. Of course, before too long it might be the only option. We'll see.

But at the time I was so torn. So that's what would happen. I was willing to trust my subconscious, so I knew that there was a way around the blocks without tearing apart the entire colony. I'd have to do it myself, though. I didn't want to risk the others.

I was the key, it seemed. That was my importance. I could sacrifice myself, I thought. Perhaps that was what Zechs had meant when he said I had great potential. I was wrong about that, mostly, but I was on the right track. At least, I think I was. 

Then I realized that in the dream I had used abilities that I wasn't sure any of us had. Throughout the control sessions, I had noticed that my role as an observer and guide for the others seemed to be my biggest, most useful power. It only occurred to me now that I had also been slowly but continually improving, not just gaining more control as the other guys had been. I was still evolving outside of the lab. If the scientists did not know that, then of course I would have the potential to kick some serious ass. This would only stay true, though, if we could avoid other growth sessions. I'd have to be able to grow stronger without them realizing it they couldn't block the abilities or the unchecked growth. That meant that we'd have to make a break for freedom very soon.

If I had grown just enough to free the others, then I felt as though my life would have been well spent. My solo abilities were strong, I didn't need a guide to really harness my new powers. This was fortunate, because I didn't want to drag anyone down in the pain that would surely kill me.

I was the key to our escape. I could free them, and if it killed me, I didn't care. One thing floated through my mind, though. I'd have to destroy that machine. I needed the ethereal energy it gathered to break the barriers. If I used the energy in such a way, then it wouldn't tear apart the colony or hurt anyone. It was a boost I needed. The dream had showed me. All the remained were how and when.

I drifted back into sleep, this time dreaming no more. Dream demons had ceased to bother me.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning was Saturday, thank God. I was able to pull the other guys out and away to the hollow tree right after breakfast. Spilling out my idea to them, I waited for the onslaught of criticism that was to surely pick apart my vague plan. After all, I only had an obscure sort of grasp on the notion myself. Instead of having it discarded, though, we changed it around, molding it to as close to perfect as we could get it. 

"So let me get this straight, you want to smash the machine, harness the power it filters, and then break down our mental blocks?" Quatre summarized.

"But first you're going to sever your link to the rest of us," Wufei added. He didn't sound happy with the idea. I don't blame him, it didn't sound very safe for me. I had left out the part about not expecting to survive the plan, by the way.

Heero handed me a note to read out loud.

\--Don't like this. You're hiding something.--

"Yes, there is something that you are not telling us," Trowa agreed.

"Well, uh, it might tear apart my soul," I finally stammered out, knowing full well I couldn't lie to my family or my love. I hate lying.

"Oh, is that all?" Wufei asked sarcastically, then turned serious. "Then let's just scrap the whole thing. It's not worth your death."

"We do need to act, soon, though," Trowa said. "Time is indeed running out."

"Now look, Duo's plan is good. It just needs to be modified a bit, thought out. I'm sure that there is a way for him to survive this," Quatre broke in, biting his lip.

"I don't mind dying," I stated, completely serious.

"Yeah, well, what if **we** mind you dying? Do you think we want your death? How can you think such a thing?" Wufei asked me, his dark eyes glittering in the dull gloom of the hollow wood.

I just stared down at my folded legs, fiddling with the slightly ragged hem of my pants. They were a little bit too long for me and were worn from dragging on the ground. "I don't know what I think."

"Maybe you can destroy the machine while still connected," Quatre said after a pause. "If you sneak down there alone, smash it, then filter the energy into yourself, I'm sure we can divide the pain between us until you can reach us. We can wait out here for you, and when you are physically beside us, you can do the rest. That way if you're too weak afterwards, we can heal you or at least carry you with us while we escape. Do you think that you would survive if we did it that way?"

"I don't know," I replied doubtfully. Could they hold long enough for me to get out there? That's what really concerned me. Exploding brains = BAD

"Look, I can take care of our pain slightly, reroute it a tiny bit. I can do that even when the blocks are in place, at least, a bit. Wufei can take care of actual physical damage done on whoever gets the bad part of the deal from me using my ability," Quatre continued, turning to look at Wufei. "That is, if you don't mind."

"But won't that cause pain for someone else if I use my ability?" Wufei asked.

"Oh, yeah," the blond boy replied, looking a bit sheepish.

"Look, I can handle the ethereal power from the machine, manipulate it a bit. I can reach through the connection and borrow a bit off your rerouting trick on the pain to get it to exit me through my aura," I said thoughtfully. "It will hurt me, but I think that the jag of pain will actually give me a bit more control over the darker bits of energy."

"Then the only question remains, when will we carry this plan out?" Trowa asked after a silence.

Heero passed me a note.

\--Tomorrow. The scientists will start other experiments soon, we must act before that happens.--

And so it was decided, in less than twenty four hours we were going to make our bid for freedom.

The conversation changed from that point on while we worked on the particulars, the little details of the plan. We decided that we'd have to leave Sylvia and Mariemeia behind, even if they were subjects too. Sylvia they probably wouldn't get rid of quickly since she was the control, and Mariemeia's connections through her father would probably save her.

And then there was the matter with my parents. I had to find out about how this started. We decided that we'd have to research that later, perhaps by Heero delving us through time once he got good enough to do so. I wasn't sure that I'd like what we found, but it felt monumentally important. It was to wait until we had escaped.

Speaking of escape, we planned to levitate over the fences. If the others gained full control, it would be easy. I truly did not expect to survive that long, but I put on a brave face and actively participated on the finer details of the later stages of the break out. Perhaps something would happen to save me. I didn't believe it for a second, but I could pretend.

After we got out, we planned to go to the media. With full control of our powers, or, I should say, when the others had control, it would be easy to convince people of our story. All Wufei would have to do is utter a few words about a reporter's death parent, or have Heero grab something out of time. Quatre could block someone's pain, or Wufei could heal someone. Trowa could…do something. I don't know. The possibilities were endless, and it would be necessary to blow the lid off of the terrible project and its secret. We had to end it, it felt like our duties. And so our plan was formed. 

Of course, things rarely go well as they are planned.

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning we rose from bed extremely apprehensive and jagged with anticipation. Going about our normal business as we prepared to leave for breakfast was sheer torture. We were going to try and break out right after dinner that night before the bed checks. At that point there were less guards on duty, and hopefully it would be easier for us to get away. We didn't want to hurt anyone. Our timeline was discussed and planned yesterday in our hollow haven.

I myself felt numb as the day progressed, knowing that I was going to die today. Rather than spend time with the other kids, we subtly started transporting little bits and pieces of things away to the hollow tree. Heero brought a couple of notepads and pencils, I scrounged up some extra flashlight batteries, just in case, and the others concentrated on sneaking out extra underwear and stuff like that. It was hard to do get this done because of the constant surveillance we were under, not only to look nonchalant, but to stash our things. Nerve wracking as hell, let me tell you.

And so dinner rolled around, and of course we ate. Sitting in a deserted hallway, it was incredibly hard to keep up our conversation without falling into deep, meaningful silences. We had to appear normal, well, as normal as we could. Oh the trials of our lives. I lament. Really. If I had known we'd end up here, trapped, not hours later, then I would have cherished the forced cheer, the comfort of the air conditioning and the cool linoleum underneath my bottom as I munched on what was probably my last meal.

Right as we were eating our lovely cherry flavored (well, red, at least) gelatin desserts, I felt a presence at the end of the hallway. Looking up, I was surprised to see Mr. Khushrenada walking towards us. It was rare that I really saw him outside of the classroom or the lab areas, outside of the sessions we had. It made me blink a few times.

"Hello, gentlemen," He said, stopped about five feet away from our little circle of trays and plates. It was obvious he had a reason for coming here.

I quickly stood up, as did the other guys. Something heavy seemed to be hanging in the air.

"Hi," I responded, swallowing hard.

"How are you on distance, Duo?" Mr. Khushrenada asked, cutting right to the point.

"What?" I was confused.

"On control, does distance matter?" He restated, looking pointedly at me. "This is important to your plans for this evening."

A cold splash of shock hit my face, trickling down my spine. "I'm good," I replied, my mouth suddenly feeling parched. How did he know?

"Good, then I will be of service to you," Trieze smiled. "You can stay as a group, I will take care of the matters you needed to attend to here."

He was offering to take care of the machine!

"But won't you get hurt?" Quatre asked, stepping up beside me.

"I have a means of protection," the tall man replied, smiling faintly. At the end of the corridor stood Mariemeia, who was rolling her eyes as she leaned against the wall.

"Thank you," Wufei said quietly.

"Go quickly and be prepared for anything," Trieze just responded, nodding politely.

So we hurried away, putting our trays back in the cafeteria and scooting outside. The entire time I was tensed and ready for the onslaught of dark energy to flare up, my senses kicking into overdrive in preparation. Walking quickly, trying hard not to run, we finally reached the stand of trees that held the hollow one we frequented so much. Crawling inside to reach our things, a sudden thump on the outside of the bark caused us to freeze within the brown wooden confines.

Someone was outside.

In a panic, I poked my head out. Out of nowhere there was a team of Thugs and meds from the lab. Among the men stood a depressed looking Zechs Marquise, flanked by an equally upset Otto. J was among those gathered behind the largest grouping of Thugs. I felt my heart sink within my chest. Had Treize betrayed us? How could they have known otherwise? A tranquilizer dart hit the wood an inch from my head. Yelping, I ducked back inside.

"They've found out! They're outside!" I all put shrieked in panic.

Working together we managed to block the entrance with one of our thickest blankets. Ever so often someone would stick their head inside, and Heero would slice at them with my old razor blades. I brought them out here to take with us out of a sense of sick nostalgia. The Thugs couldn't stick their end of their tranquilizer rifles in, either, because we'd already grabbed one and yanked it out of their hands. We were in a stand off.

"Give up!" J's voice suddenly came from outside the entrance.

"Fuck you!" Wufei shouted back.

That seemed to end negotiations. Imagine that.

And that's when I started to write this, trying to record everything that has happened. Perhaps we can hide it somewhere in here so that someone someday will find it and know the truth. I still don't know how they found out our plan, I suppose it's not important. Maybe this tree has been bugged the whole time, after all, Milliardo did show it too me all those years ago.

I feel so hopeless.

It's been about five hours, and we're growing rapidly more and more tired. I wonder just how long they will wait on us. Will they let us starve to death? 

I don't know. 

I'm scared. 

We're huddled together, I have barely enough room write this down. My hand is aching, full of tiny burning cramps. The spare batteries I brought for the flashlight are dying, the beam is getting dimmer and dimmer.

Did Trieze betray us, or has he been captured, too? Was Mariemeia's words about continued trust just a push for us to do what the man suggested? I don't know.

Ever so often someone outside will call out to us. They're getting more and more threatening. Quatre and Trowa are all but wrapped around each other, staring alternatively at the entrance, then at me. Meiran is almost sitting inside of Wufei, who is huddled up between Heero and Trowa. I'm on the end, writing this. Heero has his arms around my waist and is watching me write. It breaks my heart that I've never heard his voice outside of a vision. I'm starting to believe that I'm going to die inside the brown smooth confines of this hollow tree. Our haven has become our prison. This feels familiar for some reason, the soft brown that surrounds us.

The flashlight beam just died. I'm barely able to see the paper now. I've filled up two and a half notebooks already. Damn. No wonder my hand hurts.

Oh…no. They're threatening us again. They've had it, they say.

What's that smell?

Suddenly I feel a bit warm…

OH GOD THE TREE IS ON FIRE! 

THEY'RE TR

~ ~ ~ ~

 


	13. Chapter 13

Ack! Right when I am in the middle of a sentence Heero yanks my arm and pulls me out of the now burning tree. I frantically try to grab my notebooks (not Heero's anymore, I guess, since I've been writing all over them) as I'm forcibly dragged out. I am getting this flashback of Heero's written note…

\--I'm not sure about the future. I can only see so far, and that vision is what appears to be deadly. There is fire. We are all there. Then it ends. I cannot see further.-- 

Oh, wonderful! Are we about to die? As the other guys scrambled out of the small opening, they join Heero and I in the no-sane-man's land between the blazing tree and the big guys with tranquilizer guns. As we watch, huddled together in the artificial darkness of the colony's night, I imagine that the small inferno must be visible all over the entire colony. At least, it should. Our last sanctuary, our final hope, feels like it is being consumed by the flickering fire that is eating away at our poor innocent tree. The least people can do is see it burn away.

God, I never thought a place would mean this much to me. I as in as much shock watching our refuge be destroyed as I think I've felt throughout this whole ordeal. And that is really saying something.

It just plain hurts.

The last parts of the dry wood are now consumed, and a few of the big guys come forward to douse the burning rubble with some chemical spray, leaving a small but fierce fire burning in a pile of charred ashes. I wonder when they got here. Just how long were we holed up in that tree, anyway, that they brought reinforcements? My poor aching hand cramps against my stack of notebooks.

As we pay our last respects to the hot ashes of the tree and our only remaining real hope, I hear a chuckle behind us. The whole time the tree had been on fire we kept our backs to the men, staunchly refusing to acknowledge them until the tree was completely gone. Finally we turn as one, and we stare at our wardens with hateful and crying eyes. Yeah, I'm crying. Not ashamed of it, either. If you had just went through such an emotional roller coaster, if you had thought that freedom was only an hour away, if you had just had your hopes incinerated before your eyes, then you might know how we feel. We have a lot to cry about at the moment.

"Ah, good, we finally have you out," J is saying, his voice full of smug glee. 

Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely hate that guy? 

In response to J's unnecessary little taunt, we just move closer to each other, standing in a tighter huddle and staring even more defiantly at the ugly little man. The fierce anger and determination that is spiking off of us is daunting, and despite all the pain I am proud to have these four at my back.

Now Zechs is stepping forward, shooting a glance at J. Otto looks downright worried, looking from us to the tranquilizer guns and back again, finally shifting his gaze away focusing on Zechs. The tall blond man is speaking quietly to J. The doctor just nods, and now he's gesturing to the guys with the guns.

A barrage of tiny colored tranquilizer darts fly out of the barrels of the guns, soft whooshes piercing through the crackling noise that is still coming from the dying fire. They pierce our skin in multiple places, stinging as they pump their dosage of drugs into our veins. I can feel the burning in my muscles as I struggle to remain standing, and I'm trying weakly to pull out any darts I can reach from the skin of my friends, but they are dropping to the ground now, too far gone for me to help.

I am now the only one still conscious, and as I sink to my knees I realize that I'm still clutching my scribbled history of our torturous experiments to my chest? I wonder how have I managed to keep a hold of these. It's the only thing from the tree we were able to salvage, I guess because I had been so damn stubborn about grabbing them. Yes, that must be it.

I hit the ground, falling on my side so that none of the darts jamb up into the soft tissues of my flesh. Now my vision is dimming, and through my watery eyes I can see Meiran sobbing over us, her hands trying hopelessly to shake Wufei.

I'm not completely gone yet, though. I'm just coherent enough to watch as J laboriously limps his way over to stand in front of me. He's speaking now, from far away, and a pair of hands is yanking at the notebooks still clutched to my heart. Finally they are tugged from my limp arms, and J is flipping through them, reading and scanning my hastily scribbled words.

Now the world is soundless, and my vision has almost completely receded into black nothing. Right as I'm fading out, though, I see J drop my journal, my life poured out onto paper…he drops it on the ground a few feet away from my staring eyes. He laughs, and then a man is throwing a match on my papers. My life in flames. 

They are immediately taken by the small fire. My life's words, my chronicle, are nothing but ashes. I would scream, stand up, and stomp out the flames, but I'm too weak. Too weak…all I can do as I fade away…the image of my burning notebooks imprints into my mind…searing image…all I can do is cry.

~ ~ ~ ~

I wake up groggy, the world slowly draining back into awareness as I blink open my eyes. I reach up to rub at them, to rub away the daze, but I cannot move my arms. Confused, I force my eyes to look down at my restrained arms. Somehow I am not surprised.

Allowing a small groan to escape from my lips, I turn my head. Immediately the world is swimming around me, and I feel nausea creep up and announce its presence in the back of my throat. An aftereffect of the tranquilizers, I think. Dizzy, but determined, I force myself to deal with the unpleasantness and continue to look around. 

Once again we are in a large gray room, and once again we are strapped to chairs. It was just like that time they had stuck the needles in the tops of our heads and made our minds grow as no human's were ever meant to. The only difference now was that one of the walls had a clear viewing port, through which I could see random bustling lab-people rushing back and forth.

The other guys look as though they have been awake for a few minutes, and four sets of defeated eyes watch as I struggle briefly with my restraints. Grinning weakly back at everyone, I wish I could say something to lighten the mood just a little. My throat is too dry for me to speak, however. Another aftereffect of the tranquilizers, I guess. My mouth might as well be stuffed with sour tasting cotton balls. Yuck.

Above me I can see the curling and twisting energy being drained and gathered and taken away to the machine. That reminds me…Trieze. Has he betrayed us, or has he been captured? I busy myself with these thoughts rather than risk dwelling on what happened at the tree….what happened to my words. I can't believe that they are both gone. I feel as though a part of me is dead now, my past all burned up into a neat little crisp of ashes and embers. God, it sucks. But hey, I'm not thinking about that, no, no I'm not. Thinking about other things, yes indeed. I'm not dwelling on the great loss of my testament or our only remaining haven, and I'm not even thinking about our loss of hope. Nope. Not feeling like bursting out into tears either. No, not in the slightest bit do I feel like squalling like a baby. Sure.

I close my eyes, refusing to think at all.

After a long moment of roaring silence, a squeal of feedback invades the room. God, can't they get control of that frickin' speaker? They're scientists for crying out loud! You'd think they would get on that at some point! How hard could it be? Damn.

"I must admit, that was a brilliant plan of escape, my boys," J's voice crackles through the air. "But alas, since we had your precious tree bugged, we knew all about it."

Finally I agree with myself that opening my eyes again will be okay, so I do so. Through the glass portal I can see J's insidiously grinning face. To my utter jaw-dropping shock, I notice that he is beside by a tense looking Mr. Khushrenada. The tall man is staring down at the ground, and he looks as though he wishes he could just disappear. On the other side of J stands Zechs, who is also staring twin lasers at the ground. Ever so often, however, he looks over at Trieze, his expression unreadable, his face kind of twitchy. Behind the group stands Otto, whose gaze is, of course, fixed on Zechs. The guy has some sort of infatuation.

Then Trieze, no Mr. Khushrenada, looks up, and his gaze settles immediately on me, fusing his steady eyes with my angry stare. Swallowing hard, I manage to work up enough saliva in the back of my throat to allow me to speak. Or rather, I intend to throw insults.

"How **could** you?" I whisper, struggling against the raspy sound in my throat. I sound like a snake-man. Oh, and okay, so it wasn't an insult. I'm so angry right now that I can barely think straight, never mind come up with some truly jagged barbs. 

"Bah, it was all part of my plans," J mutters dismissively. "Now we're going to have to punish you." 

"How?" Trowa asks, his voice not sounding as raspy as mine. No fair!

"More growth, coupled with intense training to hold down your abilities unless we call for them," J answers. "No more of this letting you mingle with the outsiders, no more classes. You will stay back here under constant watch and constant training. I was far too lenient before."

Oh right. He calls himself lenient? Good lord. I wonder what he's been smoking?

A moment later the door is opening, and in steps the tall bald man from the first growth session. He's rolling a metallic stand inside, an equally metallic gray box perched on top of it. Like the one from our last growth session, the box has five long cords sprouting from a hole on the top, and at each end of the cords is a long metal needle, just with no electrode appendages this time. I shiver at the sight of the long gleaming spikes, remembering how the cold steel felt as it entered the top of my head and sank down through the folds of my brain.

One by one the bald man eases the spikes into our craniums, again saving me for last. Nothing like anticipation! A wince flickers over my face as the cool metal guides itself into my brain, and I am feeling a sort of numb pressure against the inside walls of my skull as my brains move aside and make room for the cold intruding needle.

Gross.

As soon as the bald man closes the door the box hums to life. Vibrations travel up the length of the cords and though the spikes, jolting our brains. My back arches off of the chair and I'm straining against my bonds, not in pain, but as though I am numbly electrocuted. Courses of energy pulse through me, and it is radically different from when the first growth was induced. 

This time I feel portions of my brain crackle with energy, being sparked to life within the confines of my skull. My vision is literally exploding with colorful optical reactions to the new activity in my mind, and my limbs are twitching and convulsing violently of their own accord. My vision is now multi-layered and coming to me from five points of view simultaneously, stained with the perceptions of five people connected and linked together.

And now things are flashing before me, ghosts, spirits, demons, times, all assaulting me quickly and fading away again before I can focus on any single one of them. Now they return, staying this time, crowding my sight with their presence and overlapping everywhere. I can see these things, all of them. For some reason I feel as though they are now mine to see, to watch. A burst of pride, a burst of affection. It does not feel like a borrowed ability now, I am in possession of these skills, but they are enhanced by the link between us.

Also with the sight is the coming of the sound. Thousands of voices whisper all around me, some confused, others happy, and still more terrified. I can hear the songs of chanting demons and creatures and see their accompanying dances. Glorious.

Oh, and the connection is back, full force and better than before, demanding my attention at the front of my mind. I do not think of myself as an individual as much as a "we" at this moment. This will have to be managed later, but the openness is beautiful in a way that can only be experienced, not described. Perhaps the scientists are right. I cannot believe I just thought that, but if eventually we are all connected, all humans, in such a way, then how can there be war? How could there be prejudice? The seed idea is a good one, the methods for growing it is the evil.

The box just slowed in its humming, winding slowly down with an audible ethereal sigh. The filters above us are cranked up to maximum, and even though I gather myself to strike out I know it will be in vain. Nevertheless I reach within my brain and pull out a power, then try to hit someone, something. Of course the outward sign of my attempt, the whitish blue outburst of psychic energy, well, it's floating up towards the ceiling. Great.

Now the walls are thrumming with power, peels of calming manipulative energy rippling off of them like waves in a pool of water. As I feel the wonderful peace and freedom of the new growth and the full connection recede with the rising vibrations of the wall, I find myself glaring hatefully at Trieze. Why did he betray us? Why didn't he shut off that damn thing? It was blocking us away again, knocking us down in order to allow the scientists to put more control on our minds later, and walling us away as an exhibit, a sideshow.

Trieze just looks back at me, cool conviction in his eyes. Then a tiny sparkle seems to ripple off of his aura, and he shifts his glaze from me to Zechs.

Following the man's eyes, I too focus on Zechs. The tall blond has just nodded back at the other man and now has closed his eyes. I see a shot of energy jump off of him and away, and a circle of protective psychic energy bubbles around Trieze, Otto, and Zechs himself.

The walls stop vibrating. The machine has been turned off. The box is still humming slightly. The machine is off. It's off.

With the ceasing of the machine's control, the energy in the room settles back down to its natural state, thriving and swirling as it may please. For a moment it is completely still, I'm waiting for the backlash of energy, but it never comes. I realize why almost immediately. I had already seen the reverse of the machine happen, it had been so subtle I had missed it. Because of the filtration system in place already and because the energy was converted to muck, there really wasn't that much left or actually accumulating in the machine. I feel stupid for a moment.

But here is the real kicker…something I just realize with a suddenly free feeling that lifts me up and makes me want to cry out…

The blocks have all but vanished with the ceasing of the machine. 

That's right, the blocks had been reinforced the entire time by the filtering machine. That's why we had been able to discuss so much out in the tree, it was under less influence and less control than the rest of the asylum. As it all falls into place in my mind I sneak a glance at Zechs, and he just grins slightly and strengthens his barrier around the other two men and himself. 

Understanding floods me. I turn my attention down to the straps holding me down and in a bare instant they simply vanish, gone into some unknown oblivion. Likewise, I feel a duality, or well, a five-ality, I guess, as the same happens with the other guys. Of same mind and state, we converse in a flurry of words and thoughts that I could not separate into individual ideas, not even my own. Quick exchange in the blink of the mind.

__

The blocks are mostly gone! This is great!

****

Jubilation.

__

Yeah, but there are some still there…not too many, though…

This connection is odd.

Odd but fun.

We can use our abilities now.

We should practice.

On who?

On what?

****

Seeking.

__

Let's make sure this doesn't happen again.

****

Conviction.

__

To us?

To anyone.

****

Determination.

__

 

Yes, this should have been our choice.

We would have chose it.

Anger.

__

But freedom is having the right to say no.

****

Agreement.

__

Then let's make sure others are free in the future.

Right.

****

Decision.

Now we strike out, uncontrolled and unfocused, but still very effective. Our minds are roving, seeking those that forced us to do this, traveling all over the lab area. Once we corral those minds into psychic group, we hammer down, not really sure of what we are doing as we beat upon those that almost killed our minds. We don't want to murder anyone, but we want to cause a lot of pain. Sweet and beautiful pain. A multitude of these minds cry out and fade away into whispering ghosts, and the psychic plane ripples slightly with the fall of a hundred bodies, a hundred minds.

Opening our eyes we look immediately to the glass portal, our movements synchronized in our unity. J and all the lab techs have fallen, seeming to be unconscious. We are unsure of what we have done, but at the moment we do not care. We are not guilty. 

The only others still coherent and untouched are Otto, Trieze, and Zechs. We feel another presence out in the distance, and we confirm that it is Mariemeia. We smile.

The box explodes, finally dead. The entire time we had been exacting our revenge it had been tapering off in its vibrations, supposedly still cooling down and shutting off. We killed it, though, and with its death comes the end of the ultra-connectivity that had been making me refer to myself as "we." That's a relief, even if it is a bit sad. Connection is good, but privacy is necessary.

The blocks are still mostly gone, except for a few lingering and sticking annoyingly to the forefront of our minds. It seems that the scientists had installed some that were not totally dependant on the machines that surrounded us, preparing and slowly building them towards a total control that would last beyond the reaches of its sapping power. A good idea, but it had been their fatal mistake.

Finally Zechs lowers his shields, and within moments the trio of men are standing nervously in the same room as we are. I look with pleasure as Meiran also enters the room, floating through the wall and taking her usual post beside her living husband. She's glowing with happiness. I can hear her whisper faintly.

For a moment we all stand, dividing the room into two groups. Them and us. What will happen?

"You have any sort of questions?" Zechs asks finally, breaking the silence. It's odd, I never knew before that this expression was so literal. The thick blank presence of silence was actually pierced by his words, dividing and melting away at the touch of sound. Cool.

"Yes," I rasp out, still dry of mouth from the tranquilizers.

A glass of water appears in front of me, pulled straight from time itself. It hovers before my face and as I take it from the air, I glance over to see Heero smirking slightly. Grinning back I feel a twinge of sorrow when I realize that although his blocks have faded greatly, his initial basic mental barriers were much more substantial than ours from years of hard conditioning. He has been a subject for so long that only his newest abilities had been really blocked by the machine; the previous ones that had been in place are still there. 

After draining the glass it simply disappears back into the time stream. Someone somewhere is going to do a double take when they see their water has just blinked out of existence without them touching it. I would laugh if I weren't so occupied with the present.

"Did you betray us, or did you just manage to save yourself, and us, in the end? You need to explain which," I direct my query at Trieze, acting as the spokesman for us all. I can feel their questions and thoughts niggling and swirling through the connection, we know it will be easier for one to speak for the rest. I will gladly fill this position.

"Neither, this was all planned," Trieze responded smugly.

Nodding, I let this response be decided and settled. We accepted that. We would get more details later on the finer points. He spoke the truth, we could tell by his aura and heart.

"Since when are you two working together?" I ask, again speaking for our group. I gesture towards Zechs as I continue to look at Trieze.

This time Zechs answers. "After I was suitably molded and twisted by the doctors so long ago, I was allowed to travel with them, basically as an exhibition of the success of the early stages of the projects. At one point I met Trieze's late ex-wife, Leia, and her daughter, Mariemeia. Soon after Marie was submitted into the program by her mother with the intent to infiltrate and learn from the project. Leia was planning on exposing it to the press."

"I was unaware of my daughter's part in the project, but after Leia was killed I was notified of the project and my daughter's involvement. My ex-wife and I were both business affiliates with Romefeller Pharmaceuticals, the umbrella company for a wide range of businesses and products. It was through Romefeller that this project was funded, under the guidance of the government. The project's final goal was to create perfect living weapons that could do almost anything they desired," Trieze adds, his brow nit together in anger.

"As I was saying, though," Zechs continued. "Through Leia's help I managed to break past the bonds in my mind. She was a clinical psychologist that specialized in the abnormal field of study, and she used hypnosis as a method of treatment for the particularly psychotic. Eventually I was free, but it took almost a year and a half to complete the remolding that allowed me to keep up my façade as a mindless automaton to J's every whim."

"Similarly Mariemeia was also under her supervision. Leia worked as an undercover agent of sorts, pretending to help with the project while secretly undermining it. After a while, though, she was killed, a genuine accident as far as we can discern. Then things changed, but not enough that they were able to control me," Zechs seems to finish his speech.

"Yes, that's very interesting, but when did you and Trieze start working together?" I repeat our original question.

Trieze steps forward. "When Leia died, she left a message for me in her will. Perhaps she was safe guarding herself and her daughter, I do not know why she left that message. I, too, am qualified for psychiatric counseling, but did not work in that particular area. I changed my area of study immediately, going to the higher-ups in Romefeller to request their help in my move. I stated that I wanted to be near my daughter. They allowed me to come here. From my arrival here at the beginning of the school year I was able to speak with Zechs and catch up with my Marie. After your successful experimental results and your obvious rebellious nature, we decided that not only did you deserve help, but could one day be great allies."

"That implies that you want something else from us now," I state.

"Well, yes," Trieze replies, for once a bit short on words. He appears nervous.

"Speak it," I demand for us.

"You are not the only project of this nature in existence, we want to have your help in ending the corporate rein of the company that would do such things, change it," Otto finally speaks for the first time, honesty and genuine sincerity floating off of his aura. The guy is just so nice. I wonder how he became a part of this.

"Work for you?" I ask. I feel a hint of wary derision and scorn lift from our connection. The emotion colors my words, adding a slice of menace to my tone.

Zechs smiles. "Work with us, yes. We would appreciate the help. If you decline, that is understandable." --but we need you. The unspoken words ring loud and clear.

We consider, tossing the idea around and thinking about our other options. What else could we do? The corporation probably would come looking for us. Would we really be free? We need some help in getting rid of the last of our blocks, especially Heero's. It would give us something to do, at any rate.

The thing that keeps coming up is the "other projects." What was the corporation funding? What was the government allowing so that they could use it later? Do we take our chance for total freedom and ignore the others that suffer? After all that we had been through, we did not think we could turn our backs and keep our consciences clear. But still, would it matter if we did turn away?

We could help them. 

Should we help them? 

Of course. 

Would we be able to live with ourselves if we did not? 

No. Ultimately, no.

And so we decide. "We'll join you, but if we want out, we are allowed to leave," I say, not offering the final part as a bargain, but as a demand. 

"Of course," Trieze replies.

It is done. We are to live our lives and help those that need us, fighting against the corporate machine and against the necessary evils of science. That decided, all else will flow like water in a rushing river, exiting out into the ocean of life as we fight to stay afloat. It is easier when you're not the only one trying to keep your head above water. 

Like I said in the beginning, I want to live in a world freely, with no prejudices because I can see what others cannot. Anything is possible, you just have to open your eyes and see that it can be. When a person looks at you, who knows what they see?

As we stand together with our new allies, I consider myself, my new station in life.

I'll always be in an asylum, a haven. I have my friends, those I stand with now. See, we are all born with certain things we just have to deal with: who we're born to, what we're born with, and that we are born in the first place. Just because a person is different doesn't mean they aren't human. 

That's just the way things are. We just have to deal with it.

We smile. So be it.

~ ~ ~ ~

****

Epilogue

~ ~ ~ ~

Wow, life is interesting.

A few short weeks ago I was huddled in a tree in a standoff between boils down to Good verses Evil…if such things even exist. So much has changed, which shouldn't surprise me. Change happens, as the saying goes.

First with the practical stuff. We've moved back into our old room, once again sleeping in the giant pulled together bunks, the sheets shrouding us and keeping the world out. I'm fairly certain we won't be sleeping like this for too much longer, but for right now it's still nice. We're still posing as regular patients/students, still going to classes, still eating food from the cafeteria. We just go down to that disguised lab now on our own. It's not that different really. It's worlds apart.

It turns out that we made the bad guys into vegetables when we zapped them. No, not tomatoes and squash, don't be stupid. Some of our victims are expected to recover with little to no memory retention, others have had the plug pulled on their life support systems, and a few died immediately from the psychic blow. We wrecked them completely.

Can't say that I care that much. I wonder if that makes me a bastard? Nah.

Anyway, now we're hanging out here at the Asylum under the guise that we're still in the St. Dymphna's Project. Which we are, I guess. The higher ups don't seem to mind that all these big name scientists and lab Drones are now fish food (insert your own inanimate object metaphor, it's fun). Or maybe they know all about it and what happened and just don't care as long as they get something out of the deal. Right now we're getting paid for our services, and we aren't being forced into anything. It's not like they have a choice, we could just kill them with a thought. Even though we wouldn't, it's still a damn good bargaining chip. 

So we're living and working and existing here in Bryce. Along with all the undermining the system from the inside and that good stuff, we're also helping the greater population of the Asylum. With our senses turned completely up, we are able to pick out those that can readily be helped from those that genuinely do not have anything wrong with them from those that are psycho-crazy-think-my-toes-are-alien-transmitters-people. Those that are ailed, we can help, those that are not, we can also help just a little, but in different ways. It's a win-win situation. 

You might be wondering why we bothered staying here or why we all just didn't fly the coop and try to bring down the corporation from the outside. Well, let's see. Wouldn't that be odd that all these scientists are suddenly dead save for three guys and about seven of the test subjects, five of whom are the most successful patients ever and one of which is related to the other missing person? We'd be hunted, and that kind of ruins things for you. Besides, what could we do? We have no money, no capital to start out with, we'd be brought in quickly. No, of course we wouldn't just randomly kill whomever they sent after us. That wouldn't exactly be fair and besides, there is always collateral damage. By accepting Trieze and Zechs' offer to work with them from the inside, we got to leech off the system while bringing it down. They were paying us, after all.

Hell, maybe I'm just a sucker for poetic justice, but damn! That's a nice bit of irony with a generous side helping of rebellion. Mmmm…tasty.

As for the dead subjects, well, that's something actually something serious. We found their remains floating in preserves all ready for dissection, further study, or even something more nefarious that I can't even imagine. Hey, I'm not a mad scientist, don't ask me. Well, we took them and with a flick of the mind we cremated them, gathering the ashes together and taking them outside. We buried them where the burned out tree had been, right in the roots of a sapling genetic tree that had been planted to replace our old hollow haven. Maybe it was thoughtful, maybe it was just gross, but I look at the growth of the new tree with the ashes as fertilizer as a way those that died to live on. Maybe it's just corny, but there it is.

I guess you're wondering how we're all dealing, how we're adjusting to this all and other such goodness. Well, we're in varying degrees of okay. Wufei, for one, is doing wonderfully, since Meiran can be with him all the time now, their level of interaction multiplied by the growth. It really does break my heart to see them together, I guess the term "till death do we part" just wasn't enough for those two. Wu is able to help out all sorts of spirits now, fully able to communicate and explain and relay messages. It always gets him embarrassed when he has to go up to someone and deliver a message from a ghost, but the shocked look and pure happiness that is the usual response from his words always makes up for it. 

And as for dealing with living people, well, as before in the control sessions, Wufei is doing great at healing things. Sometimes I have to help him by sapping some spare energy from the air to give him a bit of added strength, but usually he could handle things on his own. This included everything from headaches to chemical imbalances to stubbed toes. It's absolutely amazing.

As for Trowa, well, the guy is as taciturn as ever, but at least it's a happy sort of silence. Every time I turn around the guy is watching and listening to the little creatures around him. It seems that he picked up on the vision as well as the hearing of the tiny demons and beasties at some point during that second session. He likes his little demon friends. 

Hell, he even helped the little bog beasties relocate. We took their machine completely apart, by the way (just in case), essentially destroying their habitat. You should have seen the poor little critters, staring down at the empty plane that used to be there beautiful putrid swamp. They were actually crying smelly little tears. So I gathered up some energy for them and Trowa directed us and the energy to go outside and to a far corner of the yards. Bog beasty relocation. We saved an endangered species, shouldn't we get a medal? Oh well, at least the cafeteria doesn't stink anymore.

Quatre, for one, was a lot happier with his full empathic abilities back. Before he was having a bit of trouble controlling that stray bit of ability that might seep around the mental blocks if a particularly pained individual passed. It would almost knock him over, ya know? Well, he can put up dampers all the time now, which helps make his life a lot easier. 

He'll just walk along sometimes or just sit there with Trowa, their minds wandering away together. Trowa would hear the thoughts and Quatre would feel the emotion as they floated, it was like a great little getaway they liked to share. Of course, they wouldn't interfere on private thoughts, just the basic rambling thoughts and most magnetic emotions. If someone really needed some help, say, one suicidal person (not me! Other people now, okay?) was thinking off offing his/her/its-self, then they could step in. Otherwise they tried to respect private boundaries and such, staying where they weren't minded and keeping away from what might be the most personal moments. Responsibility with power, a hard line to walk. Glad I didn't really have to worry about that too much.

As for me, well, I'm not really that important. I'm actually still growing a little bit everyday, and I'm starting to develop the hearing to go along with my preternatural sight. Pretty handy. I'm very good at manipulating ethereal energy, too, I can use it as a subtle tool or wield it like an axe. There's a lot there to deal with, especially in a place like this. Still I wonder why Zechs had made such a big deal about me being important. It bugs me because I'm not living up to what I figured his expectations were. Oh well. Maybe later.

My telekinetic abilities are coming along pretty well, too. Heero's able to help me a bit with those, but not nearly as much as he'd like. Like I think I mentioned before, he had a lot more mental blocks to break down than the rest of us did. Slowly but surely he and I were working on those, together, but it went in plateaus of progress, which was frustrating. Very frustrating. Finally we had a breakthrough a few days ago, one that will probably echo through the rest of my life, coloring my every waking moment with its aftereffects.

We were sitting in our old room, our current room, shielded away from the world by the messy sheets posing as curtains tucked in the upper bunks. We were about neck deep in our private session, meaning that we had been working on breaking through Heero's mental blocks for about an hour. By this time he was soaked in sweat from the effort, and I was under extreme psychic stress, on the trembling edge of exhaustion. Every time we worked like this I'd filter off his pain through his aura, using the borrowed redirection of pain from Quatre's arsenal, even though the ability was developing nicely into something I could do completely on my own.

Even though it was getting easier as we went along, we were still fighting an uphill battle. It was hard going, and we only could work in small bursts every few days, the sessions getting shorter and further between as the difficulty increases and the fundamental blocks fight back intensely. It's just so tiring and so taxing, a torturous legacy left over from a life under the tutelage of J. I'm glad he's dead.

So we're sitting there, correction, I'm sitting hunched over and sort of hugging onto and supporting Heero, who's also hunched over. We're side by side, our legs crossed in front of us. We were getting closer and closer to breaking through a particularly big block, and we both knew that something important was looming on the other side of it. 

See, its weird how Heero's abilities worked. He could pull things out of the time stream almost out of second nature and was rapidly progressing to be able to control that ability. Since it had been strengthened exponentially by the growth process, his mastery of the ability was coming quickly, the blocks on it laid with the assistance of the filtering/block machine. It was weird, because as he could pull things from time, he could not see them.

The other part, his vision through different times, was at that time only going to the past if anywhere at all. He could not consciously pull anything up for viewing, and since there was no life-threatening situation to cause his subconscious to start giving him visions, it wasn't really working at all. At least, that's what we figured after thinking about it for an afternoon. It was either decide on that explanation or get even bigger headaches later. Not that Wufei couldn't have fixed the headaches, but you get the idea. We figured that was why Heero's visions had only went up to the certain point with the fire. It was the most significant event right before the machine shut down and we were essentially liberated. Thus why he had been only able to see that far. The visions weren't coming then, either, so we figured that it also factored into the equation.

But anyway, we were moving through Heero's mindscape together, opened up completely and venturing cautiously through. Before me in our mind's eye was a giant wall, and as I watched and supported him, Heero started to hack at it with every bit of energy he had. Shards of white-hot lightning struck him from the looming block, causing him to falter despite my assistance. Finally though, a single tiny hole broke through the center of the barrier, a tiny stab of cool blue light coming through and landing right on Heero's throat. In the mindscape he jolted, then fell to his virtual knees. 

Feeling the stabbing pains that I hadn't been able to completely direct away, I immediately pulled Heero and myself out of his mindscape. It's hard to describe it, but the mindscape was a visual representation of his mind and thoughts. A psychic flick of my wrist and we were back in the real world, me now supporting a mostly slumped over Heero in my lap. Gently I shook his shoulders, being sure to support his neck on my legs.

After a long moment he opened his eyes, their strong blue darkened slightly from exertion. Smiling I just smoothed his thick bangs away from his sweaty forehead and asked him if he was okay.

For a second he just lay there, then he nodded his head a little bit, his muscles shaky as he moved slightly.

"Okay then," I replied, relief flooding through my veins in an icy comfortable torrent. Oh so carefully I eased him to lay down on the mattress instead of on my legs, sliding out from under him and extracting my limbs from around him. "Let me get you a wet cloth to cool you down a bit."

Edging over to the edge of the bed I eased my legs down slowly. They were all pins and needles from being in the same position for so long. As I stretched my back and started to stand, I was so occupied by keeping my balance on my numbed legs that I almost missed it.

"Thank you."

Barely whispered, very broken they came, but the words were uttered. 

I sat back down. Fast. My poor legs had given up the fight. All my attention was to the impossible words I had just heard. Not because of their meaning, no, because they had been uttered at all. Heero had just spoken. He could talk! I never thought he'd be able to talk again!

Shock and joy ganged up on my soul and knocked me for a loop. I spun around and looked at Heero, who looked as shocked as I felt. He had one hand over his mouth and was propped up on one elbow, eyes wide and full of a thousand good emotions. I screamed happily and fairly tackled him.

"You talked!" 

Wow, I was so coherent, revel at my superior choice of wording and mighty conversation skills!

Heero just nodded and half returned my crushing hug, his attention divided by his exhaustion, his shock, and me. He opened his mouth again, but words didn't come out, only quiet little murmurs that didn't mean much. Confused, he pulled himself away from me and furiously scribbled on his little notepad. I watched him write, joy plummeting down to despair thick and sour in the back of my throat. Was it just a fluke?

\--I forgot how to talk. I think the 'Thank You' was reflex.--

"I don't care if you forgot how, we can help you remember!" I just yelped back, tackling him again. He laughed a strange little laugh, obviously not cultivated or used in a long time. A sound that hadn't escaped his throat in so long was bound to sound a bit odd. He hugged back this time. 

When the other guys finally came back to the room to see how we were doing, they were treated to the sight of the two of us crying happily and clutching each other like a couple of excited little toddlers. They just looked stunned for a moment, and when Heero laughed dryly at their confusion, they immediately understood. A few moments later there was five excited toddlers clutching each other. It was great. I'll remember that moment for the rest of my life.

But now onto more somber subjects. What about my parents and who was their genesis subject? It was something I addressed with Trieze privately, thinking that if anyone could find out he could. So far there hasn't been any leads, and it looks like there never will be. It's just something I'll have to find out on my own. Sure I could ask the other guys for help, but something about this just seems too personal. I'd have to tell them my suspicions about whom I thought the genesis would be. Then what would their reactions be? I know that they wouldn't shun me or treat me differently, but it was something I wanted to do on my own, something I have to do personally if the answer isn't readily available. I need to be the one to bury my past, so to speak. And if Heero turns out to have been their breakthrough subject, as I fear he was, then I'll devote my life to making amends to him, making sure he's happy. Hell, I'd probably do anyway, but it's the thought that counts, you understand?

But still, it bothers me. It makes me sick to think about a tiny little crying Heero being worked on by my two sweet loving parents, the people that I still held up as shining examples of goodness and morality, even after all I've learned. It's an image I can't shake, but I'm reluctant to find out the truth even as actively I seek it. It's complex, to say the very least.

Hm. But anyway, I'm finally winding down. As I think all this over, replaying things in my mind, I can't help but feel the pull to write it all down again. I guess I got some good practice with the journal writing thing in my few hours trapped in that tree. My hand twitches at the memory. 

There's so much unanswered, and so much happened. I can't help but think that there should be some record of this that will outlast the fading memories and lives of those that were involved. In fact, I think I'll catch up with all that I missed, then maybe keep track of this journey as we continue to travel onward.

Yes, that sounds like fun. Maybe it's just my ego, but I don't want to be forgotten. I want people to remember me when I'm gone, and I want my story told. Of course, that will all have to wait until we bring down the corporation, and I can't see that in the near future. But it's something to plan for, at any rate.

It would be easy if there weren't all the innocents to worry about, all whose lives depend on the jobs that Romefeller provides. It's too big to stop, I guess we're really trying to fix or something it rather than bring it down to destruction. Of course, things like "Kill the Man!" and "Down with the Corporate Reign of Terror!" look better on protest signs.

Well, I guess I'll just have to be patient. The future isn't here yet, and I don't have a clue what's going to happen. I guess I'll just have to wait. 

I hate waiting, but least I have good company to pass the time with. 

I am no longer alone.

~ ~ ~ ~


End file.
